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Column Archive
September 24, 2008:

MY OPENING SENTENCE

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, this is an opening sentence. There, that’s done. I was just sitting here like so much fish and I could not think of an opening sentence, but I think I finally came up with a doozy, don’t you? I feel that the opening sentence that I came up with is profoundly profound and filled with profundity. Yes, Virginia, my opening sentence is a profoundly profound profundity. You think it’s easy writing an opening sentence 365 days a year for almost seven years? Sometimes I just feel like writing a closing sentence first, but if I did that it would result in chaos and calamity of the highest and even lowest order. What the HELL am I talking about? Profoundly profound profundity? That’s just too many P’s, if you ask me. In any case, I found my opening sentence thrillingly thrilling and that’s all there is to it. Speaking of it, yesterday was a day that just kept going. I got up early, did the long jog, then had to do a ton of stuff on the computer. By the time I finished that, it was time for a thirty-minute conference call with my Bacharach benefit boys. That went very well, and then I headed over to La La’s for lunch and a work session fixing things for the layout of the LACCTAA newsletter. It was the first bum meal I’ve had there – nothing tasted good except the salad, and I just felt gross after eating my lunch. We got a lot of work done on the newsletter, and hopefully I’ll see something today or early tomorrow, and we can then put the finishing touches on it and print the thing. I did some errands that needed doing and thanks to your excellent vibes and xylophones there was not one annoying annoyance, so please send more today for another day of no annoying annoyances – that would be much appreciated. After the errands, I came back home and did more stuff on the computer and was thankfully reminded that I had to attend a play reading, which I’d completely forgotten about. I hied myself to Encino, California and the home of writer Sam Bobrick, who wrote the play. I got there about ten minutes ahead of the start time, although the start time came and went and things didn’t really start until about seven-thirty instead of seven. I was invited to the reading by Mr. Barry Pearl (who was just nominated for an Ovation Award for his performance in All Shook Up), and his ever-lovin’ Cindy was there – both of them would be taking part in the reading. I didn’t really know anyone, but I struck up a conversation with a pretty young actress who was also going to be in the reading – she was very nice and we talked about “today’s” actors and their propensity for whispering in movies, as if that were somehow “real.” She agreed with me that it’s completely absurd and that no one in real life sits next to or across from someone and whispers inaudibly. Real my ASS. Then my old acquaintance Phil Proctor showed up – he, too, would be acting in the reading. We had a nice chat – Phil’s really a great guy. He was an original member of The Firesign Theater, and even before that I’d seen him in a musical called The Amorous Flea at the Las Palmas Theater in Hollywood. About twenty years ago, we did a commercial together. I then chatted with Mr. Gary Sandy, who was reading the leading role in the play. He couldn’t figure out why he recognized me until I reminded him that I’d produced the cast album of Best Little Whorehouse In Texas, in which he starred with Miss Ann-Margret. The only other actor I knew (from his work in Planet of the Apes) was Lou Wagner. Amongst my fellow audience members, I knew producer Arnie Kogan (he used to produce Donny and Marie, which I did several episodes of) and comedian/writer Steve Blustein. Everyone was in a good mood, and there were all sorts of cheese slices and crackers and veggies and dip and nuts, oh my. I ate nothing but carrots. Then the reading began.

The play was a sequel to some other play Mr. Bobrick wrote that was done at a mystery festival in Kentucky a year or so ago. I didn’t know anything about the first play, but this one seemed to work just fine as a standalone piece. The actors were all excellent, there were lots of laughs, and it was very entertaining. It could be a little tighter and a couple of jokes didn’t really land, but Mr. Bobrick’s a real comedy writer, and I always love hearing good comedy rhythm, which he’s got in spades.

After the reading, there was more food – Chinese chicken salad, those pinwheel sandwiches, cookies, cake, and all the appetizers from before. I ate more carrots, two crackers, and some miniature tomatoes. I hung out for a while, schmoozed, and then headed home. I got some Quakes (barbecue and ranch flavor), and ate a few when I finally sat on my couch like so much fish.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I feel this whole section has been just a little too profoundly profound and filled with profundity, which, of course, began with my opening sentence. My Opening Sentence – that’s the title of my next novel.

Today, I must do the long jog and then head down to LACC to go over the set-up for Miss Karen Morrow’s musical theatre master class this Saturday. We’re expecting about forty people, maybe a bit more, and that should be a very nice crowd. I’m very interested to see Miss Morrow in action. Here’s a question – I was thinking of playing one of the tracks we did together, specifically The Job Application from Ballroom. Is that weird? Or do you think it would be fun for everyone? And would you do it before introducing her, or after the two-hour master class and before we start the Q&A? Let me know your thoughts.

The three-hour work session that was scheduled for today has been pushed to Friday, as our singer still has the remnants of the flu. Tomorrow is a writing day and an errand day, and I’ve kept it pretty open so I can finalize the LACCTAA newsletter and do any last minute finessing.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do the long jog, go to LACC to go over the set-up, do errands and whatnot, eat something fun and calorie-friendly, and do an e-mail interview about the recording of the Petula Clark CD I produced. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me or any dear reader any old question you like and we get to give any old answer we like. So, let’s have loads of lovely questions and loads of lovely answers and loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I write the sequel to My Opening Sentence, entitled My Closing Sentence.

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