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March 29, 2009:

THE ACT

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, this Cabaret Workshop I’m doing tomorrow night has brought back all sorts of interesting memories. I no longer remember what precipitated my doing my first and only nightclub act, but I believe it was back in 1985 or 1986. I remember going to quite a few cabaret shows in the 70s – mostly at the Studio One Backlot, where I saw Charles Pierce, Chita Rivera, Donna McKechnie and others. And then I didn’t go for quite some time, but somehow I must have seen several acts in a row at the Gardenia, and I became friendly with its owner, Tom Rolla, who knew my work. I can’t remember if it was something as simple as him saying “Come and do an act” or if someone else suggested it, but all I know is I was suddenly booked to do an act. Say what? Now, I’d already done that weird An Evening With Bruce Kimmel (Who?) show in the 70s, so that was sort of an act, and I decided I’d do all my own material – which, I must tell you, is harder than doing a variety on known and unknown songs. I chose fourteen or fifteen songs that I liked, including a peppy opening number from my aborted film musical Sailors, called One Man Band. I was too afraid to do it wholly on my own so I had a “guest” and if you asked me who that first guest was I am sorry to say I would not be able to tell you who – maybe it was my friend Marsha Kramer, maybe it was Joan Ryan, I just don’t remember. Whoever it was, I planned for them to come up and sing a couple of songs, including one that had gotten some cabaret exposure, a song from Together Again called A Slight Neurotic. I would play that song, and a couple of mine, otherwise my musical director, Rich Ruttenberg, would play. We rehearsed for about two weeks. I was beyond scared, I was shaking in my tennis shoes. The show was put together with spit and Band-Aids – I just didn’t know what I was doing, really, but it wasn’t horrible or anything – just rough. I knew there was some funny patter and bits, but I had no idea how it was going to play.

I didn’t want to go anywhere near a weekend at that point, so I took a Thursday, I think. We sold out the room and Tom was very happy as most of the people had dinner. At nine, the lights dimmed and Rich did my intro and out I came. It was an audience of mainly friends and they, of course, hooted and hollered as friends do. I did my opening number and it went well, other than the fact that I was shaking wildly and felt I looked like a deer in headlights. The second number was easier because I’d designed it to be really personable and funny (the song from The Good One, called Someone Special – my set-up being how hard it was to find people to date and how popular the personals had become). That really landed well. The rest of the show was erratic, with some really good stuff and some really not-so-hot stuff. But, I’d gotten through it.

I did it two more times over the next few months, changing some of it up and putting new songs in. The nervousness and shaking during the first number never got better. I went through several guest gals. And then the gal I was dating at the time, Penny Peyser, decided she wanted to do an act, and I put one together for her and directed it – it went very well. Watching it, I decided I was going to redo my act almost totally and that I wasn’t going to rely on a guest and I was just going to belly up to the bar, so to speak. I basically started from scratch, keeping only a few of the numbers that always worked, like Someone Special, which was always my second number. The first major change I made was the opening number. I was just too nervous and I knew I always would be – I mean, you’re introduced and suddenly you’re out there all by yourself, and it’s just really difficult, at least it was for me. So, I decided to play on the weakness (my nervousness) and thereby turned the weakness into a strength. It was a lesson that really served me well from then on. Knowing that I would be nervous and shaking, I wrote a song called Opening Numbers, which was all about being nervous and shaking and how wouldn’t it be nice if I could just do the second number first. I came down the aisle, turned around, looking petrified, and sang:

I’m so glad you made it
I’m so glad you came
Because I am afraid it
Really wouldn’t be the same
If I were singing to an empty club
Although I’d be less nervous – there’s the rub
Okay, I admit to some nervousness and tension
But it’s only because of something I would like to mention

Opening numbers are the worst
No matter how much you’ve rehearsed
‘Cause you come out and their staring
And you don’t know if they’re caring
And you feel like you’ve been cursed
And I know I’d feel much better
If they’d let me do the second number first

It continued like that – and then the bridge went:

Tell me why would anybody go through this
Tell me, honestly, would you really like to do this
But seriously, I’m gonna have some fun
Just as soon as this number’s done

Well, it killed. I wrote several brand new songs for the show – one was a really jazzy thing called Femme Fatale, a noir song. One was called Lady At The Piano. I put in a song from Pals called It Doesn’t Get Easier. And, I did something I hadn’t done in the past incarnations of the show – I put in a Bruce’s Greatest Hits section. Of course, I had no greatest hits, so it was comprised of Dancing Dildos, part of the Barry Manilow spoof, and I Want To Eat Your Face. The first time I did the show everything worked. It was like night and day. And that became my act – I did it four times a year for the next five years and always had a blast. I plugged in new songs every now and then, but basically I did what I did. Why did it work so much better? Because I’d given it structure and a point of view, and the patter was focused and every song had a purpose and moved us forward. It took the audience on a little ride and they learned a little about what made me tick. It never took itself seriously, never got maudlin, and was always surprising in terms of how the numbers fit together.

I haven’t done anything like that since 1991, which was my last appearance at the Gardenia. I think I’d be too petrified to ever attempt it again, although Opening Numbers is always there to save my bacon. About four years ago, I was talking to someone about having Guy Haines do an act – we’d figured everything out and I think THAT would be really fun to do, and maybe one of these fine days we will.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get as much sleep as I can so I look nice for my book signing later today.

Yesterday was a pretty okay day. I got up way too early, did the long jog, and then went to Du-Par’s for some breakfast and to proof. This book is taking forever to proof because things have been so bloody hectic since I finished it – but I’ll finish it this week, and then give it to Ye Olde Proofers to go through it. Then I’ll finalize it and we’ll get it to the publishers by end of May for a July release. After that, I came home and had a meeting with a friend, then I picked up my mail and then delivered some more Seesaw material to the designer. After that, I finished typing up all my notes for tomorrow night’s workshop, and then I polished the Seesaw notes, which I then sent to the designer. After that, I got a sandwich for dinner, and then sat on my couch like so much fish.

Last night, I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled Pittsburgh, starring Jeff Goldblum and my neighbor, Ed Begley, Jr. I didn’t really know what it was, but it soon became apparent that it was one of those mockumentaries, only with everyone playing themselves. I must say I found it completely unfunny and almost painful to watch. I’m sure they thought they were making a howlingly funny Guffman sort of thing, but without understanding at all what made Guffman tick (even Christopher Guest seems to have forgotten what made Guffman tick). This has to do with Goldblum having fallen in love with a very young girl and doing a production of The Music Man for the Pittsburgh CLO to get her a green card (she’s Canadian). It’s clear the actors think they’re being very funny, but it just doesn’t translate. I listened to a little of the commentary, and clearly the filmmakers find it all very amusing, too. Since I think the film received only a perfunctory release and didn’t even do well on the festival circuit, I’m guessing audiences didn’t find it very funny either.

Today, I’m doing a book signing at the Annual Paperback Show in Mission Hills. I do hope some of our LA lurkers will come out and say hey. It’s a really fun show. I’ll be signing from two to three. Otherwise, the day is mine all mine, and I shall go through the bullet points of my workshop so I get used to what I’m going to discuss, which is why I wrote about my act in today’s notes.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do the long jog, relax, do a book signing, practice for the workshop, eat something fun a reasonable, and then watch a motion picture or three. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s free-for-all day, the day in which you dear readers get to make with the topics and we all get to post about them. So, let’s have loads of lovely topics and loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I prepare for my signing and then telling everything I know about how to prepare The Act.

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