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August 16, 2010:

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A MOTHERLESS CHILD

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, sometimes I feel like a motherless child. I don’t really know what that means but I like the sound of it. Most of the time I enjoy my own company, for like the gals in Chicago, I am my own best friend. I am my own wife. I am my own kishka. But there are times when being single is, well, let’s just say there are times when it’s nice to have someone to yak with, eat with, and be close to. Since my dee-vorce back in 1982 I’ve had several long relationships (those who’ve read the new book know this), and in the last decade I’ve really only had one, and it was quite a silly one on reflection, but the thing I enjoyed about it was that a) the person “got” me, b) the person knew when I needed to work and didn’t hover (I cannot have hovering – hovering is the kiss of death, me-wise), and c) was fun to be with and eat with. The person had some serious other problems and it was those other problems that ended things, and since then I have been single 0. As I said, 98% of the time I’m jiggy with it – I’m down with it, but the other 2% is troublesome to me. As I said the other day, most people in LA, whether they’re single or attached, simply are not night people – they are done by eight and so if one wants to hang out, eat late, or just play, none of those people are ever available. Hence, sometimes I feel like a motherless child – which is, in cast you haven’t noticed, something of a metaphor. Of course, those who’ve read the Kritzer books know I always felt like a motherless child because my mother and I were never close and had an uneasy time of it. What the HELL am I going on about? So what if sometimes I feel like a motherless child? What has that to do with the price of artichokes? All right – what is with the word artichoke. Who came up with THAT name? I mean, someone looked at that thing with leaves that you could pull off and eat whilst dipping them in butter or mayonnaise or whatever sauce, they looked at that peculiar thing and thought, “I know – I’ll call that an artichoke.” Well, thanks to my insatiable curiosity, I now know what happened. Long ago, a man named Arti, a Swedish licorice maker, discovered a vegetable in his Swedish garden and he hadn’t a clew as to what it was, other than it was quite ugly looking. In fact, he got quite irked at how ugly it looked and one day, in a fit of complete pique, Arti began to choke the living daylights out of the weird-looking vegetable. His wife, Inga came in and said to him, “Arti, for heaven’s sake, stop choking the vegetable.” Arti, who was quite inarticulate, could only look at the vegetable he was choking and say, “Arti – choke!” rather like the Frankenstein monster. The next day, Inga took the vegetable to the town square (which was round, but that’s another story), and everyone was so fascinated by it and wanted one, and when they asked her what the name of the weird looking vegetable was, the only thing she could think of straightaway was “artichoke.” And that is how the artichoke got its name. I gotta tell you, when you have haineshisway.com who needs Wikipedia?

Well, then, that story perked me right up and now I no longer feel like a motherless child. Yesterday I felt like a motherless child, but it was still a very nice day. I got up at nine, did some work on the computer, did a mile and a half jog, shaved, and then met a film music collector for lunch, and he brought along a surprise guest, my friend Marshall Harvey. We had a marvelously marvelous time, tales were told, events were discussed, and we were there for almost two hours. After that, I came home, prepped today’s Kritzerland announcement, did some more work on the computer, and then I moseyed on over to The Victory Theater in Burbank to see a play reading.

Yesterday, I saw a play reading at The Victory Theater, said play written by my friend Lissa Levin. Lissa is a very good writer, and the play was quite amusing, with fun characters, and in one ninety minute act. Lissa’s ever-lovin’ Dan Guntzelman directed the reading, which was a backer’s audition. I didn’t quite understand the money the theater’s artistic directors are trying to raise, but I’m sure they know what they’re doing. The play could use some minor work, but overall it moved right along, got all its laughs, and the cast did a terrific job. After that, I headed home, stopped at Gelson’s and got some various and sundried fruitstuffs, then came home. I watched the new episode of Mad Men, which was pretty good. I won’t say anything for fear of spoilers, but one of the characters I quite liked and who was treated quite badly by the character who is so full of himself that he treats everyone like crap (hard to care about such a character), has seemingly exited the show.

After that, I jogged for another mile and a half, ate some fruit, and that was my day and that was my night. Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because now that I’m no longer feeling like a motherless child, I have an irrepressible urge to choke an artichoke.

Today I shall announce a new Kritzerland CD. Then the helper will be here and we’ll address the Saint Joan packages and get that out of the way. I shall also hopefully print out orders, I shall jog, I shall eat, I shall hopefully pick up packages and an errant and truant important envelope, and then I have a short work session with Sam Bobrick and Ron Clark, which I’m looking forward to.

Tomorrow we may do some rehearsing for the Gardenia show – at least we will do so at some point during this week. I have other meetings, lots of errands and whatnot, and many things to attend to.

Let’s all put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, let’s all break out the cheese slices and the ham chunks, let’s all dance the Hora or the Frug, for today is the birthday of our very own beloved dear reader vixmom. So, let’s give a big haineshisway.com birthday cheer to our very own beloved dear reader vixmom. On the count of three: One, two, three – A BIG HAINESHISWAY.COM BIRTHDAY CHEER TO OUR VERY OWN BELOVED DEAR READER VIXMOM!!!

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, announce a CD, do a jog, address packages, eat something amusing, hopefully pick up packages and an important envelope and have a work session. Today’s topic of discussion: What is the last book you read and what did you think of it? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, and I’ll continue to try and not feel like a motherless child.

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