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February 28, 2011:

BURNING THE MIDNIGHT OIL

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, rather than burn the midnight oil I think I’ll just write these here notes and get them posted early, since I must be up at six in the morning to announce the new Kritzerland title. So, I shall burn the ten-thirty oil and be done burning by eleven. Burning oil is fun, as burning things go and I have oil her for every hour of the day. Sometimes I burn the noon oil, sometimes I burn the four o’clock oil and yes, sometimes I burn the midnight oil. What the HELL am I talking about? Don’t I have an Oscar telecast to talk about? I do and I shall, not necessarily in that order. Every year I think the Oscar telecast cannot get worse, and yet it does and last night’s was one of the least interesting in just about every way. I am so bored of this show’s new ethic to pander to the younger viewers. The Oscars used to be fun because there was at least an air of dignity about it. Now it’s no different than the MTV Awards or the People’s Choice Awards. The pre-show stuff was worse than usual, with hosts who must all attend the Moron School of hosting. The idea of having Anne Hathaway and James Franco host the show couldn’t have even looked good on paper. Both are good actors, but hosts? No. No. And no. Everything they did was awkward and labored and unfunny and I truly believe that many of the laughs we heard during their bits were canned – because they all sounded exactly the same – same length, same five people, same feel – canned. I still think it’s possible to do a classy Oscarcast but not with the producers they continually hire, who just have the wrong approach, like the pandering. The awards seemed evenly spread, although The King’s Speech won many of its categories. For me, the worst moment of the show was supporting actress Melissa Leo’s speech, including the use of a word that she well knew would be bleeped – very classy, Miss Leo, and shame on you. You just won an award – get up, say thanks, get off. Watch the acceptance speech of The King’s Speech’s writer – that is class – simple, effective, and short. There were many other clunker moments – that song from 127 Days was cringe-inducing and I wanted to hurl my shoe through the TV. James Franco in a dress – another laugh gone flat. And this new horrible thing where last year’s best actor and actress face this year’s group and speak to each – it is so nauseating and stupid and should be done away with NOW. Warren Beatty looked mummified and/or embalmed. It was nice to have Kirk Douglas on the show, but he looks as weird as Joan Rivers – and I’m not talking about the results of his stroke, I’m talking about the horrible facial work he had done, which has rendered him not very Kirk Douglas-like. As always for the past decade at least, I hadn’t even heard of many of the films nominated for various things. The show was a little shorter than past broadcasts but seemed even longer.

All that said, we had a wonderful partay here at haineshisway.com. We laughed and laughed and just when we thought we could laugh no more, we laughed again. It was the lowest number of posts for an Oscarcast in five or six years, but we still had over 750 which isn’t chopped liver or even chopped parsley.

Prior to the show, I’d had a relaxing day. I went to Gelson’s, I ate some air hot dogs (low-cal, low-fat) and I watched as much of a motion picture on Blu and Ray as I could stomach – about an hour of a dreadful Rob Reiner movie called Flipped. Unfunny, badly written, and charmless and I finally shut the thing off. I also prepped our new release. After the broadcast, I was hungry so I went to Jerry’s and had some matzo brei, which it the spot pretty well.

Oh, and then there were the ants, oh, yes, then there were the ants. I gather the rain is the culprit, but I’ve never had ants in this house before. In took me a few minutes to figure out they were coming up through the shower drain. It wasn’t a lot or anything, but I took my ant and roach killer and sprayed a huge amount down the drain, then scrubbed down the shower and all was well other than the fact that I breathed a little too much of the spray and it made me feel quite weird for a few hours.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must be up at six in the morning and I need my beauty sleep.

Has anyone here noticed that this is the last day of February? Say what? I know that February is a short month, but this month flew by, like a gazelle burning the midnight oil at two in the afternoon. That darn gazelle. So, tomorrow we march into March, and I hope and pray that it will be a month filled with health, wealth, happiness, creativity, and all things bright and beautiful.

Today, I have many errands and whatnot to do, and I may have to have what I hope will not be an unpleasant telephonic call. Hopefully, I’ll print out a LOT of orders, and I’ll eat lightly and if it’s nice out maybe finally do a jog. Hopefully there will be a couple of packages or more to pick up.

Tomorrow we have our stumble-through for the Gardenia show, and Wednesday is sound check and show. I’m hoping we have a nice crowd, but it’s a teeny bit lighter than usual for this stage of the game. But that’s LA – people do everything at the last minute.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do errands and whatnot, hopefully pick up packages, have what will hopefully be an okay telephonic conversation with no drama, and then relax and watch a motion picture. Today’s topic of discussion: What is the worst and/or funniest faux pas you’ve ever made? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, as I hit the road to dreamland having finished burning the eleven o’clock oil.

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