Well, dear readers, there are some films that defy credulity. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, there are some films that defy credulity, and if you’ve ever spent any time defying credulity you know just what I’m speaking of. I know I’ve spent time defying both credulity and gravity, to no avail. Last night, I watched half of such a film and it certainly defied MY credulity. Thus far, halfway in, it is right up there with Showgirls as one of the most horrifyingly awful movies ever. How they let the person who wrote and directed this film, who had no real prior writing or directing credits to speak of is anyone’s guess. The dialogue, the terrible direction (yes, jerky movement, all the little clichés), just horrid. By now you are wondering just what this motion picture is entitled and I will tell you for why should I keep such things from dear readers such as yourselves? The title of this motion picture is Burlesque. This “film” stars Christina Aguilera and Cher (well, Cher is first-billed). It’s strictly from Screenwriting 101 – small-town girl with a dream comes to LA to sing and dance. Cher plays the owner of a club called Burlesque, where Alan Cummings works. That’s appropriate since what is going on on the stage is strictly out of Cabaret and Chicago. The “choreographers,” who apparently don’t have an original choreographic though between them, simply rip off Mr. Fosse wholesale – and even the filming style of Cabaret. But wait – not really – no, that film is too old. This director and choreographic team rip off Rob Marshall ripping off Bob Fosse. That’s what we’ve devolved to. The first number in the club is mind-boggling in that regard. Mind-boggling would also fit the way Cher looks. Why do people do this to themselves? This woman is in her mid-sixties now and she’s still trying to look like she’s in her thirties. Well, it doesn’t quite work like that because faces don’t age sideways. Talk about defying gravity. Frankly, I could barely look at her. I haven’t gotten to Christina’s numbers yet, but she certainly isn’t going to win any acting awards. But it’s not them – it’s the director and the choreographers who simply think that copying other people is okay. It’s not okay. It’s bad. Really, really bad.
Prior to having my credulity defied, I had a pleasantly pleasant day. I got exactly eight hours of sleep, and then I got up, did some stuff on the computer, and then did the four-mile jog. I ate some lunch, proofed the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang packaging, gave corrections to the designer, proofed the new version and now we’re just waiting for Mr. Richard Sherman’s little written note for the booklet. The helper took him a CD so he could hear some stuff he hasn’t heard for forty-something years, and the helper also returned tapes to the MGM vaults. I had a brief meeting with the musical director of the November Gardenia show, did some more work on the computer, and then had a long and good telephonic call with the composer of a musical from, I think, earlier this year. The cast album was made (paid for by the authors) and then the label that was supposed to put it out, didn’t. This seems odd as they were being handed a free CD, which is how that particular label puts out everything – well, how all the smaller labels who issue cast albums put out everything. It’s become so shameless that the labels are making the producers or authors even pay for the booklet design, printing, mastering and pressing. It’s unbelievable.
So, this wonderful man had called me a couple of weeks ago to see if I was interested. He sent me a CD to hear and I liked the score and performances – I didn’t care for the mix or the sound, and when I found out what this poor man was charged by the producer who did it, it just defied my credulity. I told him I would be happy to put it out and explained that they’d just have to give it to me but that Kritzerland would pay the printing and pressing costs and then we’d just split the money from sale one. He liked that very much and said, “We have a deal” (he’d received another offer recently, but it was as described above – they pay everything including the stuff I offered to pay for). He asked if I’d pick up the cost of the photographer and the booklet design – then he told me the cost of the booklet design and I told him absolutely not, but that the photographer wasn’t a problem to take care of. For what these designers were charging for the booklet design I can only tell you I could pay for eight of our booklet designs – it was outrageous. So, we’ll be doing our own booklet. We’ll have lunch next week and iron out all the details, and do some sort of really simple agreement – I am not doing a long, involved contract, nor does he want to. So, if all goes according to Hoyle, Kritzerland will actually have a recent Broadway cast recording to issue, and that, for many reasons, is a very good thing. After all that, I sat on my couch like so much fish.
Last night, I finished watching Return of the Jedi – it’s really bad, I’m afraid. There’s a pretty good twenty-five minute movie buried in there, but all the stuff with Jabba the Hutt and all those Ewok things just kill it. I was surprised to see that Mr. Kasdan was the writer again – as this has none of what he brought to The Empire Strikes Back. Amusingly, one reviewer on some board called Jedi the best-looking of the original trilogy transfers. Note to reviewer on some board: Get a new pair of eyes. It is clearly the least of the original trilogy transfers – the first two films look superb, but Jedi has virtually almost no sharpness in mid to long shots – close-ups are okay. It just has none of the sparkle or vibrancy of the first two films’ transfers. I don’t know why that would be, but there you have it.
I then watched a motion picture on Blu and Ray entitled Potiche, a French film from France, a comedy satire by Francois Ozon, a terrific director and visual stylist. The film stars Catherine Deneuve, Gerard Depardieu (who must weigh three hundred pounds now – he’s as big as Orson Welles at his biggest), and other terrific actors. The film takes place in 1978 (or 1977, can’t remember). The costumes and hairstyles are perfection, as are the settings. Mr. Ozon really knows color and décor, and his films always look splendid. It all plays like a delightful Lubitsch or Mitchell Leisen film and I just enjoyed it thoroughly. Add to that another great score by Philippe Rombi, and a superb transfer, and this is highly recommended by the likes of me.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get my beauty sleep because tomorrow there is a lot to do.
Today, I shall get up and do the four-mile jog right away. I’m also determined to have a slaw dog at Soul Dog – either today or tomorrow, but I’m definitely doing it. I have errands and whatnot to do, hopefully some packages to pick up, a master to listen to and approve, a singer picking up music, and the helper coming to do some organizing stuff in the garage.
Tomorrow and Friday I have to finish putting together the script for the LACC show – that’s going to take a lot of those days. Don’t know what’s happening yet on the weekend, and I have some memory of having to see something this week or weekend.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do the four-mile jog, I must do errands and whatnot, I must eat something, perhaps a slaw dog, I must hopefully pick up some packages, I must listen to our new master, and I must find a moment or three for some relaxation. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me or any dear reader any old question you like and we get to give any old answer we like. So, let’s have loads of lovely questions and loads of lovely answers and loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, where I will hopefully have my credulity not defied.