Well, dear readers, I have finally seen The Book of Mormon. Is it the greatest musical ever? Of course not. Is it the funniest musical I’ve ever seen? No. Is it entertaining and, at times, clever. Absolutely. Is it well-staged? Absolutely. Is it too long? A little. Did I have a good time. Of course. Did I LOVE it? No. Why? Well, part of it has to do with musical theater in general today – it’s become a relentless machine and there’s no, I don’t know, spontaneity. Every move, every gesture is programmed and it’s okay but the best shows I’ve seen have that element of real theater where you never quite get the same performance twice. Even the audience is like a machine – they’ve been told it’s the most hilarious thing ever and they come into the theater with that in their heads. That said, all the laughs came from the balcony and the back of the orchestra. I don’t think I heard one laugh come from the front (I was in the tenth row center) – oh, people were smiling, but literally all the laughs came from elsewhere. There were a lot of screaming kids in the balcony who were obviously South Park people, so you know what you get there. But I have a theory about the front of house lack of laughs and it’s that they have now pumped up the damn sound so loud and the front of house gets it worst, that it actually precludes reaction because we’re being pummeled to death. It’s like a rock concert now and that’s just not how I like my musical theater. I noticed that shows no longer have one guy running the sound, now it’s two – that’s how stupid this whole thing has become. Also, the Pantages doesn’t do the show any favors and I’m sure it works better in its smaller Broadway house. But back to the machine. After the fourth number every number starts to feel exactly the same and it’s because of the lighting and the boosted sound and the fact that every single number in the show, at least the loud ones, which are most of them, ends exactly and I mean EXACTLY the same way. A big boosted last note that either lasts for one measure or one beat followed by a one-note button and a light bump. EVERY time. What the HELL ever happened to the rideout? If they were doing Hello, Dolly! today, do you know how they’d do the ending of the title song? They’d sing, “Dolly will never go away again!” The word “again” would last be held for one count and that would be followed by a one count high button from the orchestra. And it would SUCK. You know how it really goes – “again” and then that fabulous rideout that builds the number to a glorious finish. Same with the opening number of Cabaret. After the final “cabaret” there’s a fantastic rideout, which enables the dancers to move and for the MC to be lifted up on the chair. It’s how it always was and then, in the last decade, and I’d love to know the show that did it first, it all changed and now every single musical number in any musical ends the same way, as I described above. It’s really off-putting to me and while it may get an instant applause, it frequently has the opposite effect. I mean, I’d understand if they did it the new way on a few numbers and did rideouts on others, but it’s really dreary and worse predictable after a while.
In any case, I laughed some, the raunchy bits are quite raunchy and they get their laughs, and the cast was very good, although it’s not about the actors – it’s about the machine. There was one bona fide great number, but for some wacko reason there’s no song list in the program, but I think it was called Switch It Off – it was VERY cleverly staged and the biggest audience pleaser of the night. What really surprised me was the band – only nine players, but they pump them up so loud that it distorts the sound – especially at the beginning of the show. And as every show gets louder, they keep pushing that envelope and I really wish to HELL they’d back off and be normal about sound. Everything sounds like processed cheese. I also think, and I may be completely wrong, that there’s some pre-recorded vocals in the big group numbers – at least that’s what it sounded like from where I was sitting. It’s really not that large a cast. I’m glad I finally saw it, and I did have a good time, but this show wouldn’t even make my top twenty, probably not even my top thirty. Funnily, one of the two leads did the donate to Equity Fights Aids speech after the show and I have to tell you it got much bigger solid laughs than the show itself. Go know.
I’ll keep working my way backwards. I got to the Wood of Holly around four-twenty. I found a very nice two-hour parking meter. Of course, they’ve changed all the meters so they run till eight. I HATE these people. And not only that, it’s now TWO dollars an hour, which means it’s four dollars for the two hours and so it ended up costing me six dollars to park at a fershluganah meter. If they keep doing this crap, Hollywood will be a ghost town just like Westwood and Beverly Hills because people have HAD it. I then walked to Musso and Frank, which was a nice walk, but extremely depressing. I mean, this all started going downhill in the late 1960s, but it’s just disgusting now – clubs, piercing parlors, tattoo parlors, hookah bars (say what?), more clubs, every movie theater gone and one sleazy storefront after another.
And there Musso and Frank sits like water in the desert, like an oasis. I was actually the only person in the entire restaurant when I arrived at 4:45. I got a nice booth, ordered a Diet Coke, and checked out the menu. They now have specials, something they never did before. As I’ve mentioned, they also don’t have their wrapped butter pats anymore – they have sweet butter and sorry that’s just not Musso and Frank and I don’t even eat the delicious bread anymore because of it. I should bring my own. But the shocker was they have removed two of my favorite items from the menu. These items have been on the menu since I became a regular in the mid-1970s and it is more than irritating to find them gone. I know this will especially upset Pogue, but the pounded steak with country gravy is gone. And so is the cracked crab, one of my favorite things to have. Thankfully, the seafood Louis was there, so I ordered that. I didn’t get the huge bowl o’ dressing I usually get – I got a very small serving along with some red sauce. It’s really not that big a salad but boy was I full after eating it. Since I’d jogged for two miles and walked to the restaurant and new I’d be walking more, I had some rice pudding and whipped cream for dessert.
After that, I did a brisk walk back to my car and got my coat, as it was getting a little chilly. Then I had an hour to kill so I decided to walk to Amoeba. Walking south on Vine was even more depressing. Oh, how I loved walking the two blocks from Sunset to Hollywood when I was a teen. Wallich’s Music City, the Huntington Hartford, the little hamburger stand next to it, the Brown Derby, Sy Devore’s, the Broadway, the drugstore on Hollywood and Vine – it was so great and so charming. Now it’s hideous. Anything interesting has been replaced by faceless new stuff. And the horror that the Huntington Hartford has become – that Hartford was one of the most wonderful theaters ever, and now, as the horribly named Ricardo Montalban Theatre it is a complete eyesore. Whoever allowed that to happen should be run out of LA on a rail.
So, as I walked on the north side of Sunset towards Amoeba I saw there was a premiere of some new movie I’m sure I don’t want to see called Flight. Hollywood premieres used to be interesting. Now it’s one hundred slimy photographers snapping hundreds of photos of whoever is there standing against signage and it’s just awful. And let me tell you the number of photographers far outnumbered the “fans” who were there. I’d say the “fans” who were there numbered twenty-five at most. Pathetic. Anyway, the signal at the end of the block to the west was red and cars on my side of the street were backed up an entire block. On the other side of the street there were no cars because they were no the other side of the red light. So, I crossed the street. Now, I must tell you, I know the jaywalking laws, but I’ve been stopped by more than one cop trying to bully me into thinking I’d done something wrong. The law is simple: You CAN jaywalk as long as you’re not between TWO controlled intersections and are not impeding traffic. And that was the situation. But one of the 300-pound gorilla security guards (Hollywood premieres somehow got along without the gorillas for sixty or seventy years) came rushing up to me saying, “What do you think you’re doing?” I told him I’d crossed the street and was on my way to Amoeba. He said, “See the policeman at the end of the block.” I just went on my merry way, but the policeman at the end of the block was waiting for me, along with his obnoxious bull of a female partner. He started in on me and I said, “Stop – I know what the law is and I was not between two controlled intersections and I was not impeding traffic.” He got very snippy and said I WAS impeding traffic, at which point I looked at the cars across the street still sitting there like so much fish, not moving. His bull female partner got really uppity and yelled at me and said, “You’d better just shut up.” I said, “Really?” And then the male cop said, “This can go one of two ways – easy or hard.” I said, “Do me a favor – give me a ticket or arrest me because I did nothing wrong.” He then said, “Where are you going?” I said Amoeba. He said to just move along. Which I did. It occurred to me that these are off-duty police getting a little extra dough, just like on a film shoot. But I don’t like bullies and I don’t like being told I’d done something wrong when I hadn’t. I should have gotten their names.
I only stayed at Amoeba a short time. The store has become quite a bore, I must say. Then I walked back to the theater, went in, and found my seat. Sitting five seats over on the aisle was the ever-lovely Susan Watson, so I said hello to her.
Prior to all that, I’d gotten up at eight, the helper came, got invoices and then did her addressing and printing out thing on a LOT of invoices. The CDs arrived around one and she got everything but the International orders out and those will go out in the morning. I did the usual morning stuff, then did errands and whatnot, wrote way too many checks and mailed them, did some banking, picked up an amazon package that contained a book I didn’t order from an amazon seller I’ve never purchased from before. It’s really weird – first the package from France that wasn’t for me, and now this. I must be very popular in their system. Supposedly the seller will mail me a pre-paid shipping thing and I’ll ship it back. So far that hasn’t arrived. I then did some work on the computer and then it was time to mosey on over to the Wood of Holly.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, but let’s not make it a one-note Unseemly Button, let’s have a proper four to eight-bar rideout.
Today, the piano tuner is coming back because there are still some issues with the piano – if his next trick doesn’t work we’re going to have to replace I don’t remember what. I do have a ten-year warranty on the piano, so I have to find that and see exactly what it covers. Other than that, I will jog, I will eat something light but amusing, I may pay a visit to an agent pal of mine, I will hopefully pick up some packages, and I will cast. I did hear from my editor who’s almost finished with the first of the two episodes, which he told me is VERY funny. I can’t wait to see what he’s done with it. I also have a work session with the musical director of the Kritzerland show.
Tomorrow and Friday there’s a lot of stuff to do, and Friday night I’ve received an invitation to join some get-together for the Home Theatre Forum, which I’ll probably go to. The weekend? Who knows?
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do a jog, cast, eat, hopefully pick up some packages, have a work session, do some work on the piano and relax. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me or any dear reader any old question you like and we get to give any old answer we like. So, let’s have loads of lovely questions and loads of lovely answers and loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, where I shall go to sleep with a proper rideout.