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May 18, 2013:

UNEVENLY DISTRIBUTED GRAIN

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, I must write these here notes in a hurry for it is after midnight and I’ve let it all hang out, and as if that weren’t enough, she of the Evil Eye will be here all too soon. So, as they say in Sweet Charity, “So let me get right to the point…”

What is it about home theater enthusiasts? At what point did we (not me, baby) as a film going audience devolve to the point where all we do (not me, baby) is sit at home in front of our big-screen TVs or screens and sit with our noses pressed up against the screen (not me, baby) looking for flaws in transfers, as if the people doing that actually knew anything about film stocks or opticals or what they’re really looking at. Because let me tell you how it used to be before all this bushwa and armchair experts – once upon a time, we went to the movies. I began going to the movies when I was four. In my formative years I sometimes went three times a week. In my teen years I grew to love all kinds of films. In my young adult years I sometimes went five times a week and missed nothing. And never in all those years of seeing films in movie theaters did I ever sit in the audience thinking, “Gee, look at that unevenly distributed grain,” or “Those faces look a little waxy to me,” or “Certain transitions in this film look very soft to my eye,” or “This print sucks and the color has too much teal and orange.” No, you know what I and millions of others did? WE WATCHED THE MOVIE. How radical. None of the above would have ever occurred to us because we were movieGOERS, not movieMAKERS. We weren’t armchair experts, we were film fans and we either liked the film or we didn’t, we either responded to the film and its look or we didn’t but we never as I recall, walked up to the screen to look at unevenly distributed grain, or to see how fine the grain was, or to see if something was wrong somewhere. Here’s the deal: Film is FILM. It comes with certain downsides – opticals are generations away from original footage and hence don’t LOOK like original footage. You cannot sit in your home theater and criticize and optical because it is soft. It IS soft, get over it. Film stocks over the years yield different types of grain in terms of fine and not so fine, get over it.

But today, we have a nation of “experts” who know all the lingo because, wait for it, they’ve read it on the Internet. Do you think ONE of these people knew the expression O-neg before Robert Harris used it? No. I never even heard it and I’ve made films and been around film for a very long time (O-neg is a cutesy way of saying original negative, as in camera negative). Every time Mr. Harris uses a new term, everyone begins using it as if they’ve known it forever. The latest bushwa is the constant accusation that a lot of classic film transfers have had their color timing “modernized” to look teal and orange. I don’t know who first used “teal and orange” but it is now used by everyone. Someone said the color on The Great Escape Blu-ray is teal and orange. One can only wonder how ineptly these people are watching films or how they have their devices set up, because the color in The Great Escape Blu-ray is perfect and has no teal or orange in it. Not that they would have the foggiest idea what the color of The Great Escape originally looked like, but that doesn’t stop them, oh, no, that does not stop them. One guy actually said that the transfer had a completely blue cast to it – again, total horse pucky. But it’s so easy to sit on your computer and act like you know what the HELL you’re talking about when you don’t. The Blu-ray discussion boards are littered with these people. One person recently declared in a post that the transfer of The Great Escape was way too soft, save for the motorcycle sequence. I pressed him to be specific about which scenes he found soft and I did so for a very specific reason. His reply? He’d “spot-checked” the transfer and hadn’t actually watched it in its entirety, but that hadn’t stopped him from posting the transfer was way too soft. You see the problem. And the problem is compounded if he was spot-checking it by going from chapter to chapter because every single chapter stop on the disc is – an optical and soft. The Great Escape has a TON of opticals, some of which go on for as long as six or seven minutes. They are soft because they are opticals. But there are many scenes that look just like the motorcycle scene because – they are NOT opticals. Whatever one may think about the transfer, and opinions vary a LOT, you actually have to watch it in order to make an informed comment.

I rant about this a lot because these people do such a disservice to the people who work on these transfers. I remember a huge outcry when Breakfast at Tiffany’s came out – some shots were so soft, they said, and it looked “smoothed out” and the faces looked waxy. No. Perfect transfer in every way. Heavy diffusion on all of Miss Hepburn’s close-ups and heavy 1960 make-up. The End. Once enough of us made enough of a stink about how wrong the wags were, and once the handful of really knowledgeable people began posting about how great it was, all the complainers realized they were wrong, never apologized, and disappeared. To put a cap on it, the only unevenly distributed grain is in these people’s heads.

Yesterday was, well, I don’t know what it was. Friday, I suppose. I got up, and spent a lot of time on the telephonic device with the tech people and Doug Haverty trying to make myself understood. We were all talking at cross-purposes but I think we finally all got on the same page. That put me way behind, so I did a somewhat brisk three-mile jog then had to hurry to a lunch meeting with a potential musical director for our shows, and Adryan Russ. The fellow was nice, but both Adryan and I knew right away he was not for Kritzerland – one either gets the vibe or one doesn’t. I had pasta papa, which was excellent. Then I picked up a couple of packages, after which I came home.

Then it was more tech stuff, and I saw the template version of our spruced-up home page and approved it. I also saw the secondary pages (there are six) and approved those, and then all of that went to the tech people and on Monday they will get that all into the new software we’re using and hopefully I’ll be able to experiment and play and get comfortable, after which we will begin to migrate that part of the site. The discussion board update continues to give them problems, but they’re hopeful of making headway at the beginning of the week. Then I sat on my couch like so much exhausted fish.

Last night, I watched a motion picture on Blu and Ray entitled 3:10 to Yuma, starring Mr. Glenn Ford and Mr. Van Heflin, directed by the very underrated Delmer Daves, the same director that did Mr. Ford’s Jubal. 3:10 to Yuma is a much better film than Jubal – in fact, it’s great. Perfectly paced, interesting story, great direction and black-and-white photography and two brilliant performances by Ford and Heflin. The latter has always been one of my favorite actors, and Ford has never been better than in this film. The score by George Duning is fantastic as is the transfer, which is gorgeous. Highly recommended by the likes of me.

After that, I met Doug Haverty and helper Heather at the Coral CafĂ© – I had some low-calorie salmon – simply done, with some vegetables, so only about 300 calories. Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get a good night’s beauty sleep.

Today, I shall be up early, do a jog, then I’m meeting Barry Pearl at the little theater where he’s co-directing a show – he asked me about some incidental music he’s thinking about for the play, so I’m bringing him a CD. He may ask me to watch some of the rehearsal to see what I think about music. After that, I really don’t know what is going on and frankly I don’t care. I will absolutely finish one set of liner notes, and start the contextual commentary.

Tomorrow, I’ll finish the second set of liner notes and the contextual commentary. Next week is very busy with many meetings, meals, things to see, places to go, and writing to do, and releases to get ready.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do a jog, meet Barry Pearl, eat, write, and relax. Today’s topic of discussion: What are your favorite appetizers? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, where I shall be specifically looking for unevenly distributed grain.

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