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September 3, 2013:

WHERE DO NUTS COME FROM?

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, after eating Sharon McNight’s nuts I began to ponder the question of exactly where nuts come from.  You see, Sharon McNight blanches her own almonds and they are the best almonds ever and she brought me a little bag of them yesterday, about three ounces of her special Sharon McNight nuts.  But where do these nuts come from?  Is there an almond bush?  A peanut tree?  A walnut plant?  Or do walnuts come from walls?  Do peanuts come from peas?  I find the whole nut business very confusing.  All I know is that when you go in the supermarket there are a lot of nuts, and there are also actual nuts you can buy off the shelves in addition to the nuts who are shopping.  You can, for example, but peanuts in the shell.  But how do they get in the damn shell?  Is that how peanuts grow?  Or do peanuts grow?  I’m just a nut job when it comes to knowing about where nuts come from.  And if the peanuts come in the shell, then who exactly takes them out of the shell and puts them in bags and tins and such?  Peanut huskers?  And if peanuts come in shells, why don’t almonds come in shells?  Walnuts come in shells, pistachio nuts come in shells, but almonds?  Nooooo, no damn shells for those uppity almonds.  Not to mention cashews, which I just did.  No shells for cashews.  And where do cashews come from, shoes?  Not to mention macadamia nuts – I can’t even begin to fathom where macadamia nuts come from.  I mean, did someone invent these nuts?  Was there a man named Herman Peanut who somehow invented the peanut?  Or Gwendolyn Cashew or Hannah Macadamia or Peter Pistachio?  This whole nut business is driving me nuts and frankly it’s not a long drive.  You know, if anyone has a clew as to what the HELL I’m talking about then that person must be a nut.

Yesterday was a nutty day.  I got up at four after only a couple hours of sleep, then I finally fell back asleep around six and slept until the telephonic device rang at 10:45.  I needed much more sleep, but at least I got about six hours.  I had that call, then I received another call, this one from a producer I worked with twenty-something years ago.  He’s just shot a sizzle pilot – this is the new way they do things – no deal, just trying to sell a new hidden camera show.  He asked if I would supervise the editing of it.  This made me nervous and I began to hyperventilate at even the thought of doing that kind of thing again.  I spent over three years on a hidden camera show and was one of the prime reasons that show was a huge success – supervising all the major bits, writing the voiceovers and even speaking them for a time.  I just intrinsically knew how to make the stuff funny.  And I know that’s why he wants me to do this, but I just don’t think I have it in me, let alone that I would have the time.  The money to do the sizzle thing probably wouldn’t keep me in Diet Coke for a month and I just think I’m going to have to pass.  I’d have to start immediately and it would probably take a week to do.  And Sandy Bainum comes in on the weekend and we work all next week.  But in passing, I guess I’ll leave the door ajar if the thing should sell and if he’d want me to be part of it.  I’m not sure I ultimately would, but I don’t think it hurts to keep that possibility open.

After that, I was just as lazy as I could be, and my only activity for the day was eating Sharon McNight’s nuts.  At around four, I did a three-mile jog, planked, and did thirty sit-ups, so I’m sure that worked off some of Sharon McNight’s nuts.  Then I cleaned up and moseyed on over to Tony Slide and Bob Gitt’s Labor Day party.

Last night I attended a Labor Day party.  I think it’s been a year since I attended one of Tony and Bob’s parties, and they’re always fun.  I really thought I’d only stay about thirty minutes because I was just so tired from our two-show day, but the company was sparkling, the food was excellent and I was having too much fun to leave so I stayed about two hours.  I didn’t eat very much – a tiny piece of salmon, some yummilicious slaw, some corn salad and that was about it.  I sat with cousins Dee Dee and Alan, who are going through the same hell I went through a couple of years ago when they tore down the house next to me and put up one of those monstrosities.  The builders just don’t care about anyone and they are as monstrous as the monstrosities they build.  I had fun gabbing with my pal, composer John Scott, and Tony and I had fun chatting about this and that.  He’s off to London in October but is coming to our Kritzerland show the night before he leaves.  He told me about two books that he’s written that are coming out next year – he is very prolific and has written a huge number of wonderful books.  I asked Bob Gitt if there was any further work being done on Frank Capra’s Lost Horizon – Bob did the restoration, but he said no, not presently.  I also saw Marsha Hunt, the ubiquitous Norman Lloyd, and even Patty McCormick, she of The Bad Seed.  All in all, I had a great time.

After that, it was too late to watch a motion picture, so I just relaxed, pondered the nut question, played on the Internet, listened to some music, and that was that.  I’ve been getting so many wonderful compliments on our Sunday Kritzerland anniversary show and it makes me very happy.  Here’s an actual photograph of young Jenna Lea Rosen in the midst of stopping the show with Dear Mr. Gershwin.

Jenna

I’m told I will be getting links to video, but they’re not available yet – I’m hoping we at least have Three Friends to show you and Jenna’s number, too, and maybe the Staitman girls doing Two’s Company.  We shall see.

Today, I have to import a lot of Maltby and Shire songs into iTunes and I have to finish choosing.  I’ll talk to Sally Mayes and see what three songs she wants to do and then we’ve also set Meredith Patterson, so I’ll figure out her three songs.  We still have to cast our two men – it’s a tricky show.  We have an e-mail out to a potential guest star.  I also have to write a new set of liner notes and do an edit road map for an upcoming project.

The rest of the week is meetings and meals, I’m doing an interview thing at LACC on Thursday, and I’m seeing a few things on the weekend, I think.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do a jog, import songs, finish choosing songs, start assigning songs, write, hopefully pick up some packages, eat, and then maybe even watch a motion picture.  Today’s topic of discussion: What are your favorite nuts?  What was the first nut you remember eating?  What nuts do you loathe?  Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, where I shall continue to ponder where do nuts come from.

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