Well, dear readers, in the past you know I have occasionally railed on about movie product descriptions on the packaging for Blu-rays and DVDs. You know the kind, where they hype everything up so much and promise so many things only the movie is not any of those things. What that does is so unfair to the movie itself – yes, it may get some unsuspecting person to purchase because it “sounds” like their cup of tea, but that person will then watch it with the reasonable expectation that it will deliver what the product description on the box promised. And when they don’t get that, they invariably blame the movie, not the description. Then they go online and give a one-star review saying it’s not what was promised. Brilliant.
I bring this up because last night I was looking for something I could watch on the Flix of Net – I’d already watched a completely horrid little film called Paradox, a low-budget time travel piece of dog snot that I will not dignify by saying one more word about – yes, that’s how bad it was. So, I was seeing what was new and came upon a movie entitled WildLike, about some teen girl forced to go into the Alaskan wild and survive. I saw it starred Bruce Greenwood, who I like, so I just gave it a whirl, thinking I’d shut it off if it was just another one of “those” films. But to my surprise, it was a terrific movie with wonderful acting (especially from Mr. Greenwood and the teen gal, Ella Purnell), it did not conform to Screenwriting 101 – it took its sweet time to tell a good tale, with excellent understated direction and beautiful cinematography. So, I went to Amazon to see if there was a Blu-ray and indeed there was. Normally I don’t even look at the product description, but my eye happened to catch a one-star review by someone who said it was not the movie described. So, I read the product description. Here it is: “In this thrilling coming-of-age adventure, a troubled teen must face the dangers of the Alaskan wild, as well as her own past, in order to find her way home. Sent to stay with her uncle in Alaska while her mother is in treatment, 14-year-old Mackenzie (Ella Purnell) is forced to flee as her uncle’s attention turns threatening. Unable to reach her mother and afraid that the authorities will return her to her uncle, she embarks on a journey across miles of wilderness to find a way back home to Seattle. As she plunges deeper into the Alaskan interior, a chance connection with gruff backpacker Bartlett (Bruce Greenwood) proves to be her only lifeline. Mackenzie shadows Bartlett across the rugged frontier, thwarting his efforts to cut her loose until he has no choice but to help her survive, and against the backdrop of a spectacular landscape, they discover the redemptive power of friendship.
Now there will be spoilers ahead so skip this paragraph if you plan on seeing the movie. So, let’s parse this description, shall we? Beginning with the first sentence, the film is neither thrilling nor a coming of age story. Strike one. Moving on – the teen is not especially troubled and other than a bear staring at her, there is nothing she has to face in the Alaskan wild that is dangerous. Furthermore, she doesn’t face her past to come home – we don’t really know anything about her past other than her father has died. Strike two. Then we get that she’s sent to stay with her uncle in Alaska while her mother is in treatment. I suppose rehab is treatment but rehab is the point. Then, she’s forced to flee when her uncle’s attention turns threatening. Now we’re in thriller territory again. Only that’s not what the problem is – the problem is the uncle begins molesting her (this section of the film is very interesting, too, in the way that’s handled). She does flee and she’s unable to reach her mother because her mother has bolted from rehab, she is certainly not afraid the authorities will return her to her uncle and she does not at this juncture embark on a journey across miles of wilderness to find a way back home to Seattle. Next we get, as she plunges deeper into the Alaskan interior, a chance connection with gruff backpacker – okay, let’s just stop right there. She meets the gruff backpacker (who’s not gruff) because in trying to find a place to rest she breaks into a motel room, which happens to be occupied by the backpacker. That is where they meet – in fact, she hides under the bed when he comes back unexpectedly, he sees her there, she runs. They meet again the following day and she follows him – his wife has passed away and he’s come back to where they honeymooned – to hike as they did back then. The frontier is anything but rugged, well you get the idea. Strike three and you’re out.
It takes a complex and understated film and tries to make it sound like an exciting thriller, packed with danger and the Alaskan wild, and redemption. I mean, really. If you have to do that to sell the film then you shouldn’t be releasing the film because you are clearly trying to hoodwink people into buying it and you just as clearly don’t understand the film you’ve put out. I gotta tell you. It makes the blood boil.
In other news, I got nine hours of sleep, then had a mostly relaxing day during which I relaxed. I had a cup of chicken noodle soup and a patty melt, picked up a couple of packages, then came home. I did some work on the computer, had a couple of telephonic calls, but mostly tried to rest my voice, taking my usual doses of preventatives, Sambucol and Airborne. I really need to not get sick here and I hope the singer who brought the germs into my house on Tuesday is over the contagious part. The evening events you know about.
Today, I must be up no later than eight-thirty, shower, and be on my way to the Magic Castle to see a table reading of a musical. I think they may serve us lunch after – but I do have to leave no later than one o’clock so I get home in time to get ready for our two o’clock Kritzerland rehearsal. Once that’s over, I have to immediately be on my way to LACC to do the pick-up recording session.
Tomorrow I shall do nothing but relax and rest my voice. Saturday is our stumble-through, and Sunday is our sound check and show.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, attend a table reading, have a rehearsal, and do a pick-up recording session. Today’s topic of discussion: Have you been burned by the nefarious product descriptions? If so, do you think there’s a class action lawsuit in the making because, I don’t know, there’s supposed to be truth in advertising? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, where I shall dream lovely dreams even though the dream product description will say that my dreams will be a thriller, a wild ride, a thrill ride.