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May 26, 2019:

IF WISHES WERE HORSES

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, if wishes were horses would that mean that horses were wishes?  What if wishes were gazelles or gnus or sheep?  What does wishes were horses mean, anyway?  Well, let’s find out, shall we?  Well, the complete phrase is “If wishes were horses then beggars would ride.” Well, that makes everything perfectly clear.  Apparently it’s  something about if wishes could happen then destitute people would have everything they wanted.  This was originally written just a few years before my birth, back in 1628 in a book of Scottish proverbs.  I don’t know about you, but I never miss a book of Scottish proverbs.  I like the Jewish proverb better: If wishes were horses, then beggars would eat herring.  That’s one of my favorites.  And speaking of Jewish, yesterday I went to a Bat Mitzvah, only my second time inside a temple since my very own Bar Mitzvah back in a little year I like to call 1960. Since that event bookends the second book in the Kritzer trilogy, Kritzerland, you can read all about it there.  I was in a temple back around 1997 or thereabouts, when my friend Esther’s son was a Bar Mitzvah, and ironically that was in the very temple where I was a Bar Mitzvah and even more ironically, my Rabbi, Rabbi Pressman, was still there – he must have been 100 years old.  I stopped going into temples for a reason some might think silly – but we all do things for silly reasons sometimes – when they turned my favorite childhood movie theater, the Stadium, into a temple, that was it.

In any case, I had every good intention of getting sleep – was in bed by twelve-thirty, but apparently my body is now so tuned to going to bed at three or four that I simply could not fall asleep.  I can’t imagine I got more than five hours of sleep and I had one of the most bizarre dreams ever.  In any case, I was up at eight, showered (I’d shaved the night before and the night before wasn’t too happy about it, frankly, as it’s trying to grow a beard), and I was on the road by 8:50, because I was worried about traffic. I got to the freeway entrance by 8:55. The drive was estimated at 39 minutes, but there was not a lick of traffic the entire way to Thousand Oaks and I got there by 9:20, found a nice parking place, parked, had a telephonic conversation until 9:40 and then ventured inside the temple.

They had little yarmulkes for everyone and I put one on.  I found a nice seat, said hi to some folks I knew, and then the ceremony began.  There was a lot of music and singing – and eight-piece band and a choir and everything.  It was very festive.  There were many aspects to the morning – back in the day, my Bar Mitzvah lasted less than an hour – this lasted two-and-a-half hours.  Hayley Shukiar, who is a Kritzerland favorite, was the Bat Mitzvah girl.  She did a great job, and there were many touching moments and one very funny one when she and her parents were all teary-eyed and all reached for Kleenex at the same time. I hadn’t seen Hayley or her folks in probably a year, so that was nice.

After the ceremony, there was a little Kiddish lunch for everyone right there in the attached banquet room.  I sat with Kim Huber, hubby Roger Befeler, and their son Adam. I didn’t eat anything.  The food was lox and bagels, I saw someone had egg salad.  I know Barry Pearl and his ever-lovin’ Cindy was there, as were the Millers – Hadley, Dan, and Kendra.  They showed a fun video, and then I had to beat a hasty retreat right after that.

I headed straight to the Staitmans to visit Sami, who’s home from New York.  She’s a little under the weather so we visited and laughed and had fun catching up. She’ll be back with us at Kritzerland in show 100, so that will be fun.  I spent about forty-five minutes there, then went to the mail place, picked up one package, then stopped at Gelson’s and got stuff from the hot food bar (enchiladas – and literally one bite of pasta and one bite of teriyaki chicken) – all in, the total calories for that stuff was well under 1000, more like seven hundred.  I also got some seafood salad for my evening snack.  No bread, no dessert.

I came home, ate all the hot food, then answered e-mails, wrote down a funny bit that I thought of for the Kritzerland opening commentary, listened to music, and tried to relax.  Then I sat on my couch like so much fish, and dozed off immediately.  Once I awoke, I watched a Liza Minnelli concert from around 1982, in New Orleans.  It’s a much-abbreviated version, looks and sounds terrible (it may be some kind of bootleg for all I know), but boy is she great.  And it has Arthur in the Afternoon with its original choreography and original dancer, the great Roger Minami, who I saw do the number here in LA when The Act was trying out.  The show was horrible, but that number stopped the show cold, as it does in this concert.  She sings all her hits, is in terrific voice, and I enjoyed it and would have enjoyed it more if it actually looked and sounded good.  If you go to the Tube of You and search Liza and Arthur in the Afternoon, you can see it.

After that, I listened to a composer of whom I knew nothing, Gian Francesco Malipiero – his later symphonies, all of which are pretty brief. I can’t say I heard a tune, but there some interesting colors and effects in each of them and they certainly evoke a mood or three.  Then it was back to Hindemith (almost finished with the third box now), then some old CDRs of mine, mostly easy listening stuff and covers of shows.

Today, I can at least sleep until eleven, then I have to do a few things, then I’ll go to Doug Haverty’s and from there he’ll drive us to see a new musical, a VERY expensive new musical, like over $500,000 expensive, yet in a seventy-five-seat theater.  After the show, we’ll go have a bite to eat somewhere nearby.  Then I can relax for the rest of the evening.

Tomorrow, we have our first Kritzerland rehearsal, which I’m looking forward to, and then I have a dinner meeting right after that – not sure where yet.  Then it’s more meetings and meals, our second Kritzerland rehearsal, our stumble-through, and then sound check and show.  And then it’s right back into the Group Rep rehearsals.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, sleep until eleven, see a new musical, sup, and then relax.  Today’s topic of discussion: It’s free-for-all day, the day in which you dear readers get to make with the topics and we all get to post about them.  So, let’s have loads of lovely topics and loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, where I shall ponder the age old question “If wishes were horses” and the age old answer, “Then beggars would ride.”

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