Haines Logo Text
Column Archive
July 6, 2020:

BK FOR PRESIDENT

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, I have decided to run for President of the United States.  I figure on Kanye West can run I can run.  I am very excited about this new adventure.  I plan to run as an old Jew and our campaign slogan is, WHAT IS IT, FISH?  Since I have no platform, I’ll wear platform shoes, which should take care of that.  I’ve filled out all the necessary paperwork, which is more than Kanye West can say, and the campaign has already begun to take off.  I already have three guaranteed votes.  And thus far, the fundraising is huge – $14.56.  I’m feeling my oats, I tell you, and my oats are feeling me – it’s an oats love fest.  I feel I can be very good for this country and I feel I will be very popular with the populace.  I stand for honesty, integrity, and borscht.  I will give out free pickles at my rallies, which will be no mean feat given that my rallies will take place on Zoom.  I have been endorsed by several wonderful people already, although I cannot divulge their names as they fear retribution.  I will abolish the IRS, Facebook, Twitter, and the use of churros as weapons of mass destruction.  I am your candidate, dear readers, so let’s make this happen, let’s make this go viral so that I can have virality without Viagra.  That is, of course, another of our campaign slogans: VIRALITY WITHOUT VIAGRA.  There is much work to do but I am the only hope for this country so make me the people’s choice – BK FOR PRESIDENT.

Was I just hallucinating?  I don’t think so.  Nor was I on hallucinogens.  Speaking of hallucinating, yesterday was a day of not much consequence.  I did get eight-and-a-half hours of sleep, so that was good.  Once up, I answered e-mails and set our final guest for the August Kritzerland – it’s a rather spectacular cast, if I do say so myself and I do – Tony winners, Tony nominees, but no one named Tony.  Original cast members – I mean, we’ve thrown caution to the wind, dear readers, and we’ve also thrown wind to the caution, just to keep things fair and equal.

Then I went to Gelson’s – no wait to get in, so that was good.  I got what I needed quickly, enough for three or four meals this week, then went to the checkout counter – they were all crowded, which is unusual at Gelson’s, so it took around ten minutes to get out of there.  Then I came home, put stuff away, and then made the meal o’ the day:  Cube steak (excellent) and a baked potato with just a bit of sour cream, whipped butter (whipped to a frenzy), and chives.  I ate all the steak and a little more than half the potato – it was a calorie friendly meal and I ate nothing else for the entire day and evening, which is my plan for the next month.  After the meal, I was quite full, so I sat on my couch like so much fish.

After a thirty-minute snooze, I watched another two Sherlock Holmes movies, both of which, silly as they were, I enjoyed more than the last few.  The first was The House of Fear, which kind of played like an Agatha Christie, and then The Woman in Green, an odd title since there is no woman in green to be found.  I enjoyed this one mostly because it had a nice role for one of my favorite actresses, Miss Hillary Brooke.  I’ve always loved Hillary Brooke, having first discovered her in the My Little Margie TV series as Vern Albright’s (Margie’s dad) love interest, and at the same time she was appearing regularly on The Abbott and Costello Show.  She also played in a key movie of my childhood, Invaders from Mars and she was also in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1956 version of The Man Who Knew Too Much.  She retired from the screen in 1960 when she married an MGM film executive.  She died in her eighties in 1999.  I had no idea she’d lived that long and I would love to have met her.

After the movies, I had some e-mails to write, I had a telephonic conversation, and I listened to music and relaxed.

Today, I’ll get up when I get up, then I have a bunch of things that need doing – Kritzerland show stuff, locking everything for the August show, I’ll eat another home-cooked meal, I’ll hopefully pick up packages, and then at some point, I’ll watch, listen, and relax.

The rest of the week is more of the same, then on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at six PST and nine EST we’ll do our three Facebook Live tests and we do hope you’ll tune in – I’ll be singing a song in each test and yakking a bit.  They don’t last that long.  Of course, we’ll be preparing the big shew all week, and then on Sunday at five PST and eight EST we do our third online show.  We’re all very excited about it.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, get up when I get up, do stuff that needs doing, like Kritzerland show stuff and stuff for the August show, I’ll eat, I’ll hopefully pick up some packages, then at some point I’ll watch, listen and relax.  Today’s topic of discussion: Please come up with some excellently excellent campaign slogans for my presidential campaign and post them all the livelong day and night.  Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, happy to be running for president if only to show that wacky Kanye West how it’s done.

Search BK's Notes Archive:
 
© 2001 - 2020 by Bruce Kimmel. All Rights Reserved