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August 6, 2020:

MUSINGS ON THE BALL PEEN HAMMER

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, this week is flying by, like a gazelle playing Grieg’s piano concerto whilst whistling Don’t Sleep in the Subway.  This is not as easy as it seems, but the gazelle is pulling it off and if the Ed Sullivan Show was still on the air, I’m fairly confident that the gazelle would get on and be a sensation. I, on the other hand, am not playing or even listening to the Grieg piano concerto.  No, I am sitting here like so much fish, having a lot of phlegm for unknown reasons – Phlegm for Unknown Reasons – that’s the title of my next novel – and clearing my throat and drinking water (not at the same time).  I am, of course, listening to music, reacquainting myself with the timeless story of The Randy Vicar and the Ball Peen Hammer.  Oh, how I wish I had a ball peen hammer right about now.  I could look at it, admire it, and perhaps smash something to smithereens.  Sometimes you just have to smash something to smithereens and a ball peen hammer is the perfect thing with which to do the smashing – for example, had I had a ball peen hammer on my person on Tuesday when that assbreath Israeli piece of turd sneezed near me and then stood behind me without his mask on, I would have smashed the inconsiderate little twit to smithereens and people would have cheered, I tell you.  Alas, I did not have a ball peen hammer on my person.  The fact is, I do not even own a ball peen hammer, nor have I ever owned a ball peen hammer, not even when I was a child of two.  I have owned a hammer, but right now I am even hammerless because the hammer disappeared at some point after I moved into this house.  Now, I ask you this: Where else on all the Internet could you have read an entire paragraph using the term ball peen hammer repeatedly and in such creative ways?  Nowhere, that’s where.  I might even have a slice of muenster cheese to celebrate and don’t think for a second that I won’t.

Yesterday was a nothing little day, really.  I got nine hours of sleep, not arising until 12:30.  Once up, I did stuff on the computer, answered e-mails, got the last of the new mixes, This Christmas, which was better than the original, I thought, had a nice e-mail exchange with Sandy Bainum about these new mixes, which she’s excited to hear, and then I ordered my pasta dish from Stanley’s and that arrived about thirty minutes later and I ate it all up and it was excellent, as always.

After that, I did some Kritzerland show stuff, posted about it on the Facebook and also mentioned our one and only Facebook and YouTube Live test, had an interesting telephonic conversation, and then finally sat on my couch like so much fish.

Last night, I finally finished watching The Tiger of Eschnapur.  I really don’t know many movies that can pull off the mean feat of being ninety-six minutes and feeling like six hours.  That takes WORK.  But, listen, it’s beautiful to look at, impressive in size, great sets, directed well, but it just plods on and on and then ends in a kind of cliffhanger, since it’s only the first part of the Indian Epic.  I do enjoy Miss Debra Paget, who was quite pretty and can really dance up an erotic storm, let me tell you.

I then began part two, The Indian Tomb and it’s more plodding, but contains yet another memorable erotic and rather scantily clad dance by Miss Paget.  What a fascinating career she had.  She began at fourteen but playing romantic scenes with Richard Conte – couldn’t get away with THAT today.  Same thing at fifteen and sixteen – many romantic kissing scenes.  She was a Fox contract player and appeared in many Fox films of the 1950s until they let her contract lapse.  She starred with Elvis Presley in Love Me Tender.  Prior to that, Paramount “borrowed” her for the role of Lila in The Ten Commandments. After Fox let her go, it was all downhill – she did the two Lang films, some TV, and her final two films were both Roger Corman movies, Tales of Terror and The Haunted Palace.  After that, she gave up her career with a 1965 episode of Burke’s Law – she married a wealthy oil person.  She had two previous and VERY short marriages – the first, to actor David Street, lasted barely three months, and the second to director Budd Boetticher lasted exactly twenty-two days.  She’s still alive.

After that, I did a quick Gelson’s run and got some stuff to make faux chicken stroganoff today and then Friday I can make the rest of the chicken with some sautéed onions and serve over white rice.  Then I relaxed and began this evening’s obsession with the ball peen hammer and that was that.  Here is a ball peen hammer for your mental delectation.

Today, I’ll be up when I’m up, I’ll check Amazon for deals on ball peen hammers, because if I had a ball peen hammer I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening all over this land.  I’ll hopefully pick up some packages, I’ll eat, I’ll continue choosing songs and start gathering sheet music, I’ll do some Kritzerland show stuff for the September show, and then I’ll watch, listen, and relax.

Tomorrow is our one and only Facebook and YouTube Live test at 6:00 PDT and 9:00 EDT and you really must come and have fun and hear whatever answers to questions asked that I can pull out of my online hat.  Let’s have a partay – the links, which you probably have saved by now, will be in tomorrow’s notes.  And might I suggest, if you haven’t subscribed to the YouTube channel that you do so – that way you get an alert before we go live, same if you like the Facebook page.  Saturday must be a ME day, and then Sunday I relax until it’s show time and we do show 108 and online show 4 – we’re all very excited about it.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, be up when I’m up, hopefully pick up packages, eat, choose songs and do Kritzerland show stuff, and then watch, listen, and relax.  Today’s topic of discussion: What are daily tools you’ve used the most in your life, the ones that you absolutely always need, like screwdrivers and wrenches and such.  Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, as I dream of various scenarios where I smash the living daylights out of various things with a ball peen hammer.

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