Well, dear readers, I am writing these notes at 5:30 in the morning. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I am writing these notes at 5:30 in the morning. Why, you may ask, am I writing these notes at 5:30 in the morning, and I might tell you because you have a right to know. I am writing these notes before the crack of dawn because I had terrible dreams. Horrible dreams. Yes, dawn is not even cracked (well, actually I knew someone named Dawn who was, in fact, quite cracked) and I am up writing notes because I could not sleep on account of terrible dreams.

So, I logged on to my handy-dandy laptop computer to see what was what, and I was greeted by three e-mails, all having to do with the same thing, and all quite annoying. They had to do with The Story, which I will now absolutely be telling in all its glory, sooner rather than later. My story will contain no fiction whatsoever. Just cold hard facts backed up by cold hard documentation. Aren't those the best kinds of stories? My story is a horror story, so you might want to read it in the evenings, curled up by a fire with a glass of hot chocolate nearby.

My morning question is this: Does the ability to act in a totally reprehensible, underhanded and slimy way create bad karma? If so, when does the bad karma kick in? Not that I believe people would actually behave in such a way - after all, how could they? Wouldn't they be inviting bad karma? No, no one could possibly behave in a totally reprehensible, underhanded and slimy way because, logic would have it, they would have to get their comeuppance and bad karma would kick them in their bad butt cheeks. My second morning question is this: Do people with a lot of money avoid bad karma and getting their comeuppance? Do they think they are above moral and right behavior because they have a lot of cash to behave any way they please? Aren't those interesting questions? These are the kinds of thoughts that I think at 5:30 in the morning. Why I think them I have no clue. As I said, certainly there couldn't be people like that in the world, so why am I even thinking such thoughts?

In fact, I have no clue what the hell I'm going on about, do you, dear readers? Perhaps I'm still in the middle of my terrible dreams, perhaps that's it. Perhaps these notes are part of my nightmares. Yes, these are Nightmare Notes, no doubt about it. These notes aren't real at all, they're part of my dream state, which, by the way, is California. I must awaken from these nightmares to a new dawn. I must get myself out of the boggy swamps of my nightmares to a sunshiny day. Has anyone noticed that these notes have suddenly veered from nightmares to New Age in one fell swoop? May we ponder the mind that came up with the saying "one fell swoop"? Talk about nightmares. Shouldn't it be "one swell foop"? Doesn't that trip off the tongue better? Well, I have gone completely round the bend so perhaps we all ought to just click on the Unseemly Button and read my Big Announcements.

Well, hopefully, dawn will crack soon and I shall awaken from these nocturnal nightmarish notes.

Guess what, dear readers? I will soon be on my way to Mr. Vincent Cirilli's house to record the first of our brand spanking new The Broadway Radio Show shows. Yes, you heard it here, I am meeting Mr. Donald Felthan and Miss Susan Egan and we shall have fun and then you shall hear the result when you tune in for the premiere show on Monday December 3rd. In fact, Mr. Mark Bakalor has finally gotten around to making the unseemly Broadway Radio Show button work, so you can now click on it and see something, although you won't be able to actually hear something until Monday next. Still and all, and also all and still I feel we should all click on The Broadway Radio Show anyway, because if we don't then Mr. Mark Bakalor will pout and send me poofy e-mails all day. He has spent many minutes designing it, so let's all go and appreciate his fine work.

Also, the unseemly Guy Haines Photo Gallery is now open for your perusal, and you can click on that as well, and see the Guy Haines family tree and other shrubbery. Please visit the gallery, otherwise Mr. Mark Bakalor will pout and send me poofy e-mails all day.

I just noticed something, one of life's funny little coincidences. As you know, in the Main Entry Text I spoke of karma. And right below the Extended ("More") Entry Text-Optional box, there is another box called "Entry Options" and in that box the first sentence is "If you wish to enable or disable karma voting...". Well, I think we should enable karma voting. I feel we should all vote and send bad karma to those who deserve it, whoever and wherever they may be. I mean, we are being given the opportunity to have karma voting and it must be official because it's in an official Entry Option box. Is this part of my nightmare?

As the day is dawning, I am yawning. Isn't that poetic? Or should it be As the day is yawning, I am dawning? That's more poetic, in an obtuse way, isn't it? Or should it be Dawning, Yawning, As the day is, I am. Oh, I think that one was the best of all of them. Is this part of my nightmare?

Perhaps if I hadn't had that damn cheese slice before going to bed, I wouldn't have had these terrible, horrible dreams - these nightmares. Perhaps I would have dreamt instead of blue skies, love in bloom, birds singing, and fairies twitting all about. Oh, how I love dreams where fairies twit all about. Those are the best dreams. Maybe if I went back to sleep the fairies would twit all about. Well, dear readers, I can write no more, because I must shuffle off these mortal nightmares and dream them no more. Away, say I! Say I away. Away I say, and I say away, because the day is dawning and I am yawning.

Don't forget to click on The Broadway Radio Show and the Unseemly Guy Haines Photo Gallery, where you're sure to have nightmares all your own.