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02/10/2002:
"THE SUNDAY PAPERS"

Photo of Bruce Kimmel

bk's notes II

Well, dear readers, a bit later on I'll be attending the opening of the brand-spanking new revival of Mr. Stephen Sondheim and Mr. James Lapine's Into the Woods. I will, of course, have a full report for you in tomorrow's notes. One of our dear readers posted yesterday and asked if anyone remembered the Flanders and Swann The Gnu Song (for what he is referring to, please click on the Unseemly Archive Button and read yesterday's notes, which, by the way, were F# and A). Well, that jogged my memory, even though I don't know the Flanders and Swann The Gnu Song. So, I rifled through the music of Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest and danged if I wasn't right - I found their brilliant song, What's Gnu? I thought you'd all like to see it, so here it is:

WHAT'S GNU? Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest

What's gnu?
Pardon, but you're on my shoe.
I wish you'd take a hike
You are bad gnus - bad gnus I don't like

What's gnu?
You're like a bad case of flu
You make me want to heave,
That is the gnews, now I have to leave.

What's gnu?
Why don't you go sniff some glue.
I really hate your guts
Frankly, my dear, you're driving me gnuts
No ifs or butts

We're through
Why would I stay with a gnu?
You lousy so and so
That's how I feel - I thought you should gknow.

I think that's one of their finest efforts, don't you? No one wrote songs like Meltz and Ernest and, in fact, Meltz and Ernest wrote songs like no one.

Well, perhaps we should all click on the Unseemly Button below and see what awaits us there.

A big load of nothing awaits us there, that's what awaits us there. After all, it's Sunday, and Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, and yet, here I am, writing away, slaving over a hot laptop, writing and writing, words and more words, sentence upon sentence, paragraph after paragraph. I should be eating eggs and bacon, and bagels and lox, and pancakes and waffles, and donuts and pastries, and yet I am eating nothing because I am writing on a Sunday when Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. Oh, well, there is nothing to be done because Mr. Mark Bakalor has decreed that I must write every single day or be bitch-slapped. Interestingly, while traffic on this site is always down on the weekends, it's not sufficiently down anymore and we have quite a few dear readers stop by and see what's what and what's gnu. And as long as that is the case then I shall write on a Sunday instead of rest on a Sunday.

However, I will keep today's notes short, because it is Sunday and Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. Last night I watched a motion picture on DVD. This motion picture was entitled The Bad News Bears. I remembered enjoying it very much when I saw it back in the mid-seventies, but I was curious to see if it had held up. I'm happy to report that it does, in fact, it's splendid, a really terrific comedy, with some wonderful unexpectedly subtle and dramatic bits thrown in for good measure. One simply can't imagine what this film would be like if it were made today. It would be filled with fart jokes, inappropriate sex banter, and endless and pandering rock songs. For example, what director working today would have the guts to score his film with music from Georges Bizet's Carmen (brilliantly arranged and conducted by the great Jerry Fielding)? No one, that's who. Oh, they might score one scene, but the rest of the film would be the aforementioned rock songs supplemented by syrupy gooey and predictable film music which would underline every emotion in the film.

In any case, Walter Matthau is great, one of his best performances. He's not afraid to be unlovable, and the scene where he yells at Tatum O'Neal is really powerful. Tatum is terrific, too, and all the boys are great. Vic Morrow is perfect as the other team's coach, and the whole thing has been directed wonderfully by the late Michael Ritchie (who gave us Smile and the film version of The Fantasticks). I've never seen the sequels, but I'm sure they don't hold a candle to this film. And without spoiling the ending, let me just say that if this were made today it would not have the ending it has.

I also watched the Spanish film, Abre los Ojos (Open Your Eyes) - or at least I'm half-way through it. For those who don't know, Cameron Crowe remade this film (which came out in 1997 - Yes, Virginia, we're now remaking films less than five years old) as Vanilla Sky. Those who read these notes know what I felt about that film. Let me just say, that it is almost a virtual shot-for-shot remake, it just doesn't work as well as the original. The lead fellow actually sort of looks like Tom Cruise, and of course Penelope Cruz plays the same role here that she recreated for Mr. Crowe. I'm curious to see the last third of the film, to see if it has the same flaws as Vanilla Sky. I'll let you know.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, I think I shall go and rest, seeing that it's Sunday and Sunday is supposedly a day of rest. Today's topic of discussion: What do you all think of Hollywood's propensity for remaking films and television shows, and also Broadway's propensity for doing so many musical revivals? As a matter of fact, what do you all think of the word "propensity"?

- Bruce Kimmel



Replies: 3 Unseemly Comments


I like the word propensity, as it's a woody sort of word right at the beginning, then tinny at the very end. It keeps you guessing.

As for Hollywood and Broadway remakes: two words. Artistic bankruptcy.

Why the hell do Americans feel the need to remake foreign films, anyway? God forbid we would have to be even slightly culturally relativistic, or see something that's not made specifically to cater to middle-American values. I love a lot of things about America (air-conditioning and ample parking, to name only two), but when it comes to xenophobia, we take a backseat to no one.

As for Broadway, why on earth would people pay those insane prices for tickets to see retreads of Disney movies that weren't terribly fresh when they were originally presented? Better a revival of "Buttrio Square" than most of the stuff they're pawning off on the public these days.

My, I'm coming off as a curmudgeon. There are some things I like, honestly...but just now I'm fatigued. Perhaps another day.

-Lulu

Posted by Lulu @ 02/10/2002 11:48 AM PST


I was the one who asked earlier if anyone knew the Gnu Song by Flanders and Swann. So here are the lyrics. I transcribed off my CD and was not able to undersatnd all the words. They are represented by (??)

The Gnu Song

A Year Ago Last Thursday.
I was strolling in the zoo.
When I met a man who thought that he knew the lot.
He was laying down the law,
About the habits of the boobs(?)
And the number of quills the porcupine has got.

So I asked him wants that creature there?
He answered It's an "helk".
I might have gone on thinking that was true.
If the animal in question hadn't look that chap to shame and remarked.
I heard the "helk"!

I am a g-nu (repeat 3 times)
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo.
I'm a gnu!
How-do-you-do?
You really ought to g-know whose was whose.

I'm a gnu
Spelled G N U

I'm g-not a camel or a kangaroo
So let me introduce
I'm a g-neither man or moose.
So gnu, gnu, gun
I'm a gnu

I had taken furnished lodging down in Rustington-on-the-Sea. Whence I traveled onto Ashton-on-the-line it was actually.

And the second night I stayed there I was waken from a dream.(Which I'll tell you all about some other time.)

Amoung the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew. A Bison? No. Not a Bison. A (??) Unlikely a (??)

It could be a hearty beast?
I seemed to hear a voice.
I'm a gnu
I'm a gnu
A g-nother gnu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you.
I'm a gnu!
How-do-you-do?
You really ought to g-know whose was whose.

I'm a gnu
Spelled G N U
Call me a bison or a (??)
I'll sue
G-nor not the least likely that dreadful awful hearty beast

G-no (repeat six time)
I'm a Gnu!
G-no (repeat three times)
I'm a Gnu

Posted by Lyrics to another Gnu Song (Flanders and Swann) @ 02/10/2002 06:12 PM PST


A better rendition of the lyrics. Accuracy of some still in doubt but better than previous

A year ago, last Thursday
I was strolling in the zoo
when I met a man who though he knew the lot.
He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons and how many spines a porcupine has got.
So I asked him:
’What’s that creature there’
He answered: ‘Oh, it’s a h’Elk’

I might of gone on thinking that was true
If the animal in question hadn’t put that chap to shame
And remarked: ‘I h’aint a h’Elk
I’m a Gnu’ ’I’m a Gnu I’m a Gnu
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
I’m a Gnu

How do you do
You really ought to k-now w-ho’s w-ho’s
I’m a Gnu Spelt G-N-U
I’m g-not a Camel or a Kangaroo
So let me introduce
I’m g-neither man or moose
Oh g-no g-no g-no I’m a Gnu’

I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-Sea
Whence I travelled on to Ashton-under-Lyne it was actually
And the second night I stayed there I was woken from a dream
That I’ll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew;

A Bison? No, it’s not a Bison. An Okapi? Unlikely, Really. A Hartebeest?
When I though I heard a voice:
I’m a Gnu I’m a Gnu
A g-nother gnu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you
I’m a Gnu
How do you do
You really ought to k-now w-ho’s w-ho’s
I’m a Gnu
Spelt G-N-U

Call me Bison or Okapi and I’ll sue
G-nor am I the least like that dreadful Hartebeest,
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no,
G-no g-no g-no I’m a Gnu
G-no g-no g-no I’m a Gnu

It’s very G-nice of you.

Posted by jimmy @ 12/25/2002 08:30 PM PST





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