Well, dear readers, the bird is outside singing the score to tick...tick...boom (this bird is with it) and I am inside singing the score to Minnie's Boys. These scores do not work together. It is Saturday, which of course means that it is Unseemly Trivia Day and I have come up with today's Unseemly Trivia question all by my unseemly self, because heaven forbid Mr. David Levy should actually send a trivia question like I've been asking him to do for the last three weeks. No, we are going to have to bitch-slap Mr. David Levy for being both truant and errant.

I was very happy indeed to see how many posts were made yesterday. It really did resemble an actual message board without being an actual message board. We have outwitted those who thought this sort of thing impossible without having an actual message board, because we don't have an actual message board and yet what we have is just as good, if not better, because it's ours. So, not only can you respond to the day's topic of discussion, you can have an ongoing dialogue with other Hainsies or Kimlets or what-have-yous. Dear reader Lulu wanted us to reach twenty posts so that I would dance the pudding dance. However, I shall dance the pudding dance anyway, because frankly or even johnly I will dance the pudding dance at the drop of a hat. Excuse me for a moment.

There, I have dropped a hat and will now dance the pudding dance, even though it's a bit unseemly to do so this early in the morning. I shall dance the Butterscoth Pudding dance, whilst wearing a tam and a kilt. Please, join in, but be sure to wear a tam and a kilt, not necessarily in that order.

Well, that was exhilarating. Not merely hilarating, mind you, no it was exhilarating. I am exhilarated, as I hope are you. In fact, the only thing to do when one is this exhilarated is to click on the Unseemly Button below.

I have been catching up on my DVDs of the films of Billy Wilder (of which there aren't nearly enough). May I just say that I love Mr. Billy Wilder? Even half-baked Billy Wilder is better than most writer/director's fully baked efforts. Unfortunately, some of his best haven't yet made it to DVD, and I breathlessly await Sunset Blvd., Ace In The Hole, One, Two, Three, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, Five Graves to Cairo, The Spirit of St. Louis (one of his most underrated films), and The Major and The Minor. He and his writing partners have given the screen some of the greatest and most quotable dialogue ever written. One need only think of the "There's a speed limit in this town, Mr. Neff" section of Double Indemnity to know just how brilliant he was. He wrote that script with one of the greatest mystery writers who ever lived, Mr. Raymond Chandler. Their collaboration was a legendarily unhappy one, and yet it produced an absolutely breathtaking script (based, of course, on the James Cain story). The rat-a-tat-tat dialogue and pace of his masterpiece, Some Like It Hot has still rarely been equaled by anyone. If you've never seen One, Two, Three, dated though aspects of it may be, you will never hear more machine gun fire dialogue than in that wonderful film, especially as delivered by Mr. James Cagney. The dialogue of Sunset Blvd. is exquisite and weird and poignent and funny and sardonic and caustic. His adaptation of Agatha Christie's Witness For The Prosecution, out Agathas Agatha. Ace In The Hole contains one of my favorite lines of dialogue ever: When the wife of the man who is trapped underneath the ground begins to come on to reporter Kirk Douglas, he says, "Why don't you try praying for him" - her reply, "I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons". Does that not tell you everything you need to know about her character, especially when the sublime Jan Sterling is delivering the line. Mr. Wilder was a fine director, too, although he is not given enough credit for it.

The DVDs of his films are a mixed blessing. The Apartment isn't as sharp as it should be. Irma la Douce is fantastic-looking. Witness For The Prosecution and Some Like It Hot both look excellent but should have been enhanced for widescreen tvs for the extra resolution. MGM/UA is very shoddy in this regard. The Lost Weekend looks good, but Double Indemnity is a travesty (it was part of the very first wave of DVD releases, and should be redone) - all washed out and gray. The Fortune Cookie is a winner, and Love In The Afternoon looks fine, too. Now, all you errant and truant studios - let's get the rest of these films out.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Isn't it time for our handy-dandy trivia question? I do believe it is.

This 1952 musical film introduced a young musical performer who would go on to win a Tony and become a beloved musical theater star. Name the film and the performer - bonus points if you can name what changed about this performer on the way to stardom.

Remember, don't post answers to the site - e-mail them to me by using the unseemly "ask Bruce" button.

Today's topic of discussion - since we've had an ongoing discussion about great opening numbers for musicals - what are your favorite Act One closers? Mine: Turkey Lurkey Time (from Promises, Promises), Everything's Coming Up Roses (from Gypsy), Sunday In the Park With George and The Most Happy Fella (Yes, Virginia, I know there are three acts, but the Act One closer is fantastic).

I close with this question: Why is it that the Chinese dish Orange Chicken varies so wildly from restaurant to restaurant? It's one of my favorites, yet I rarely find it the way I like it. Mostly I end up with some glop that should be called sweet and sour chicken. I like my Orange Chicken crispy, with thick orange sauce and bits of Orange rind. Last night I had some from Chin Chin, a local restaurant, and it was grotesque - the chicken barely cooked, no orange rind in sight, a thin ugly sweet and sour sauce and onions and peppers. Of course I ate it all but I was not happy about it. When I was working at Westlake Recording studio, there was a place nearby with the best Orange Chicken, but of course I have no idea what it was called or where it is. If anyone has any suggestions (the restaurant should, of course, be located in Los Angeles or the Valley), let me know.