haines his way

03/04/2002:
"VIS A VIS"

Well, dear readers, here we are in the throes of March. Not the throws of March, mind you, no, we are in the throes of March, which is a whole other ball of waxy buildup. I have several balls of waxy buildup - I keep them in a drawer for whenever they may come in handy. For example, they just came in handy vis a vis these here notes. "Vis a vis"? Can we even go there? "Vis a vis". I mean, honestly. Talk about waxy buildup. "Vis a vis" ("siv a siv" spelled backwards). In any case here we are in the throes of March. The throes of February are already fading in my memory. Excuse me for a moment.
There, I just went to the drawer where I keep my balls of waxy buildup. I took one of the balls out and threw it, so now we are indeed both in the throws and throes of March. Is this what they mean by stomping an idea into the ground? Just asking.
We are toying with an idea here at haineshisway.com. We love to toy with ideas here at haineshisway.com, especially Tonka Toys. Here is what we are thinking, vis a vis this idea: How many of you would be interested in buying a CD of the songs of Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest as interpreted by our very own Guy Haines and special guests? Because, frankly or even harryly, that is the idea we are toying with here at haineshisway.com. Why are we toying with this idea? Well, first of all, I had a request from one of our dear readers. Yes, Virginia, one of our dear readers was interested in the songs of Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest. Second of all, isn't it time we celebrate the work of these great yet virtually unknown (except to the "with it" denizens of this here website) Meltz and Ernest? We here at haineshisway.com think it's time, but not if the "with it" denizens of this here website aren't interested in owning it. Let us know what you think vis a vis this idea which, by the way, we are toying with in a Mattel fashion.
Here is another idea we are toying with. We are toying (Hasbro) with the idea of a special giveaway for people who purchase my novel (hardcover version) here at haineshisway.com. Those who do so would receive a special CD included with the novel. This CD would have all the songs that are mentioned or used in the novel, as interpreted by our very own Guy Haines. In other words, music to read Benjamin Kritzer by. Since all the songs are classics that I loved from the mid-fifties, it would be a lot of fun. What do we think of that idea? That is two ideas and I simply must know what you think of them, so post your thoughts vis a vis these ideas in the Unseemly Comment box in the next section.
Here is another idea we are toying with here at haineshisway.com. We are toying with the idea of clicking on the Unseemly Button below before we are all bitch-slapped into oblivion by Mr. Mark Bakalor.
I didn't mean to write so much on the teaser page, but I got carried away. Carried away, carried away, I get carried away.
As I may or may not have already mentioned (I am currently senile and can't remember what I've written and not written in these here notes), I decided to do something very unusual for our handy-dandy Nudie Musical faux retrospective documentary. Normally, these documentaries are scored with music from the actual film. Our problem is, other than the songs, there is no score to the film. Our director, Mr. Nick Redman, was going to use the songs, but I felt it would be confusing to have lyrics under talking. So, being the clever boy I am, I asked my friend Grant Geissman (brilliant guitarist, arranger and Madman) to arrange three of my songs instrumentally and to record them. I thought they should sound funky, like the soundtrack to Sweet and Low, a film by Mr. Woody Allen. So, Grant did the title song, Let 'Em Eat Cake, and The Lights and the Smiles. And they were brilliant - so much fun, so kicky, and perfect to score a faux retrospective documentary with. Now, as you may or may not know, in the Special Edition DVD package they are including a seperate soundtrack CD. That CD had just gone to the manufacturers. But I had a sudden thought, and I called Image Entertainment and had them pull the soundtrack master (which is only 28 minutes long). I called Grant and told him that if he'd arrange the rest of the songs (six others) in similar instrumental fashion, that I'd add his stuff to the existing soundtrack CD. He was delighted, and went to work. Well, yesterday I heard the rest, and they are incredibly fun tracks. I'll be using all of them to score the documentary, and then on the CD you'll get not only the film soundtrack but the documentary soundtrack as well. Isn't that cooliscious? Isn't that swellegant?
Now, you Hainsies and Kimlets, you must post your reaction to the ideas I have been toying with. You must also check out the weekend notes if you were errant and truant or even truant and errant, because if you missed them you missed another classic Meltz and Ernest song, Silly Food. Simply click on the Unseemly Archive button and you will be whisked away to Weekendland. Also, you have until midnight to send me a guess for the Unseemly Trivia Contest question. Above all, don't forget to check out Mr. Donald Feltham's brand spanking new The Broadway Radio Show, which features a lovely interview with our very own Tammy Minoff, about her experiences as a child actress on Broadway, first in The Will Rogers Follies and then The Goodbye Girl, in which she played Miss Bernadette Peters daughter. She has appeared on many of my albums, and Donald will be playing her classic Joshua Noveck.
In addition to posting your thoughts vis a vis the ideas we are toying with, today's topic of discussion is: If you were a producer and had the chance to do any revival of a musical that you wanted to do - what would it be and who would you cast in the leads?

Replies: 17 Unseemly Comments

I have an answer to the trivia question: Harvey Schmidt, who was an acclaimed illustrator prior to the opening of his first show, the acclaimed and hard-to-believe-now-closed "The Fantasticks." He continued to illustrate many things over the years -- logo designs and posters for "Fantasticks," "Celebration," the Ben Bagley albums and, most recently, the album cover for "The Fantasticks in Jazz," produced by the one and only Bruce Kimmel.
Posted by Phil Crosby @ 03/04/2002 08:49 AM PST

Ah, to hear Mr. Haines's five note voice wrap around the sultry strains of Ernest and Meltz! An excellent notion, as it appears that all major recordings of this unjustly-forgotten duo (including the legendary "Merman is Meltz-ing" and Mandy Patinkin's "Meltz-a-loshen" album, in which he performs all four parts of "Stop Kvetching now, Melvin!") are now out of print, and Footlight records will not even acknowledge my repeated requests.
A book with a soundtrack? Sounds intriguing. I am now intrigued. Would I purchase such an item? Quite possibly, if 'twere at a reasonable price.
Posted by Elan @ 03/04/2002 09:02 AM PST

Well, I feel so much better now that Phil has messed up the trivia quiz, thereby letting me off the hook as the ONLY one to similarly do so. I'm glad I submitted the correct answer last night!
As for the various and sundried (like Presidents) ideas for new CDs, you know I'll buy practically anything with Guy's name on it. (I'm still responsbile for nearly 1/3 of all of the monetary contributions to this site.)
Cereally, though, why not call some of your recording star buddies and put together a new CD on the cheap. A sort of benefit CD, as it were. Call in all those old favors and favor us with a super-limited edition collector's item goodie. One that will sell next year on eBay for a fortune. Go Guy!
Posted by Robert Armin @ 03/04/2002 10:03 AM PST

Well, I'll be hornswaggled (but not publicly)! I would surely buy a Meltz and Ernest album! As for the book with cd? Hmmm...possibly.
By the way, thank you BK for introducing me to the music of Oscar Brown Jr. I bought Sin and Soul and I am transfixed!! Ab Fab!
Posted by Mattso @ 03/04/2002 10:17 AM PST

Well, that's a big fat YES to both cd ideas.
As far as my revival: I'd revive On a Clear Day You Can See Forever and star Faith Prince (I know she's a bit old, but who really cares?) as Daisy, Matthew Broderick as the Doc, Robert Sean Leonard (I liked him in the music man) as Warren, and Craig Beirko as The Hunk of Old.
Okay, age-wise is sucks, but it's my fantasy.
Posted by Lolita @ 03/04/2002 11:03 AM PST

Your toying with ideas has me quite excited, indeed! I fully intend to buy your book as soon as it's available, and a companion CD just sounds perfectly swell. And I do agree that a Meltz and Ernest CD is long overdue. I can see that this site is going to be the ruin of my meager student budget!!!
Posted by Jed @ 03/04/2002 11:07 AM PST

I would happily buy a Meltz-Ernest CD, assuming that their music is as good as their lyrics. It would delight me to no end.
Posted by Hapgood @ 03/04/2002 01:01 PM PST

Oh to add to the Guy Haines collection! I would certainly be interested in purchasing Guy singing almost anything. The CD plus book sounds a great idea. Oz author Tim Winton had a similar idea with his recent book "Dirt Music". SUCCESSFUL idea it was too.
Posted by Tom Guest @ 03/04/2002 01:12 PM PST

Oh, my goodness, our very own dear reader, Mr. Phil Crosby has spilled the beans, oh, yes, beans have been spilled and there are no two or even three ways about it. So, only guesses that arrived prior to his post will be counted. I guess I shall have to spell out the rules for answering the trivia question in each and every contest. Meanwhile, Mr. Phil Crosby shouldn't feel too bad, we love and adore him no matter what he did. He will, of course, have to be bitch-slapped by Mr. Mark Bakalor, but that isn't an altogether unpleasant experience.
Posted by bk @ 03/04/2002 01:16 PM PST

Oh, my. I would simply love to have Mr. Haines sing the hits of Meltzer and Ernest. Do you think he could be convinced to record it?
So if both these ideas come to being, my Christmas gift ideas for the next two years will be complete!
Posted by Laura @ 03/04/2002 02:09 PM PST

I wonder what would happen if Guy sent some of the Meltz and Ernest songs to people like Sondheim, Ebb, Herman, Schmidt and their other musical theatre colleagues and asked them to do "arrangements" of the material. Might make an interesting album. And heaven knows, they owe Guy the favor.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 03/04/2002 05:09 PM PST

What a fabulous idea: two spankin'-new CD's sung by the one-and-only Guy Haines! I would surely love to hear Guy sing those wonderfully brilliant Ernest and Meltz songs, as well as the sure-to-be-revived songs memorialized in Bruce Kimmel's 'Benjamin Kritzer.' What a combination: Bruce and Guy and Benjamin!
Posted by sg @ 03/04/2002 05:50 PM PST

I proudly own the Guy Haines cd, and would kill to have two more.... anytime, anywhere...
Posted by Robbie Rozelle @ 03/04/2002 08:48 PM PST

I'll buy it all!
Posted by kerry @ 03/04/2002 09:14 PM PST

I want all the cds, and I want them YESTERDAY!!!!
Guy Haines RULES!
Posted by td @ 03/04/2002 09:27 PM PST

It is well known that I am sick enough to buy anything with Bruce Kimmel's name on it, so count me as a future purchaser.
As for revivals, how about staging KEAN with Brian Stokes Mitchell and Marin Mazzie? It actually has the best setting of the Willow Song from OTHELLO that I have ever heard. This must certainly be the only musical based on a work by Paul Sartre and his lovely wife Jean.
Perhaps Tom Stoppard could rewrite the book a bit. ("He's not apologizing, Your Highness, he's having Marlowe do it for him.")
Best line in the show: "You don't *pay* creditors--you *owe* them!"
Posted by William F. Orr @ 03/05/2002 05:26 AM PST

In answer to Armin's post of a couple of days ago, viz.:
"My wife, Kristine Nevins, was in the Bye Bye Birdie with Tommy Tune and Marc Kudisch (as Conrad). Duane may have been in the subsequent non-Equity tour."
Since Marc Kudisch was born in 1966, and I saw the BIRDIE national company to which I referred in 1960, that would be a neat trick indeed. :-)
I keep forgetting that not all musical theatre fans are as ancient as Bruce and I.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 03/05/2002 05:45 AM PST

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