Well, dear readers, my teeth are dazzlingly white. Yes, Virginia, my teeth are dazzlingly white because Dr. Chew gave me (well, he didn't give it to me, it cost money) a teeth whitening kit, which I have been using religiously. Have you ever used a teeth whitening kit religiously? For example, everytime I use it I say three Hail Marys and the Jewish prayer for wine. Now, it's not that my teeth were an unseemly yellow. My teeth were a perfectly fine color. But when one has the chance to have dazzlingly white teeth shouldn't one take it? One should and one did. I have been using the teeth whitening kit for approximately eight days now and people are now stopping me on the street telling me that I have dazzlingly white teeth and very kempt toenails as well. When they see my fingernails, well, that is simply the icing on the cake. This is the new me. I am going to begin a strict program of exercise and jogging now, so that I can be buff and toned, with abs and buns of steel. Oh, you can laugh, but one simply must have buns of steel. You must never ever snub buns of steel, but that's only because "snub" is "buns" spelled backwards. Additionally, I will lose ten to fifteen pounds so that I can feel lighter than light. Teddy gave me a beautiful new 'do yesterday, too. I'm afraid Teddy and I did do a lot of dishing, and a lot of the dishing was regarding the upcoming nuptials of Miss Liza Minnelli and Mr. David Gest. Teddy has "done" Liza many times and he was a bit miffed that he was not invited to the wedding. I told him not to be upset, that it was an intimate affair for twelve hundred or so. Mr. Gest, as is his wont, is bringing in lots of old Hollywood glamour. That is what Mr. Gest does. He has done it for years. That is because Mr. Gest loves old Hollywood, especially musicals. Mr. Gest just loves those old MGM and Fox musicals. He loves them. Really really loves them. It's going to be a very colorful wedding. There was a lovely picture in Vanity Fair of Miss Minnelli and Mr. Gest looking radiant. Miss Minnelli, in this photo, looks exactly like her mother, and Mr. Gest seems to look like he loves the fact that Miss Minnelli looks exactly like her mother. Having met Mr. Gest many times throughout the eighties I can only say that Photoshop is a wonderful tool. My, my, my (that is three mys), Teddy and I were being bitchy, weren't we? Has anyone noticed how long this paragraph has become? It's quite unseemly. I think this paragraph needs some trimming down. I think this paragraph is bloated and should go on a strict routine of exercise and diet so that it can be buff and toned with abs and buns of steel.

Finally. Frankly, I thought that paragraph would never end. Well, we better just click the Unseemly Button below before we all get bitch-slapped by you-know-who.

We finished our handy-dandy documentary last night, and it looks great. We put in lots of graphics and put in Mr. Grant Geissman's musical arrangements of my songs, and the whole thing plays very well. It's very off-the-wall and funky, yet manages to tell the story of how Nudie Musical came to be. Then, at the very end of the evening, I got a brilliant idea - I suggested that we do a commentary track for the documentary. I believe that no one has ever done such a thing. Kind of a "making of" the making of the documentary making of Nudie Musical. Like a house of mirrors. So, Nick Redman, Michael Rosendale and I went in and did a commentary track. That means there are now three commentary tracks on the DVD - two for the film and one for the documentary. We had a good deal of irreverant fun doing this documentary commentary, which is very tongue-in-cheek. It pokes fun at many things, like litigation, internet DVD newsgroups and the people who post on them, DVD documentaries in general and we even poke fun at our very own documentary. And I will reveal here for the first time, there will be a couple of what they call "Easter eggs" on the DVD. Easter eggs are similar to the "hidden tracks" I occasionally do on CDs.

I have been catching up on the many CDs I've purchased lately. One of the most pleasurable is a brand spanking new CD by the legendary Toots Thielmans. Toots, for those who don't know, is a genius harmonica player (and occasional guitar player and whistler, too) - in fact, he is one of the true jazz greats, a true poet and I've loved him ever since I heard his song Bluesette when I was a mere sprig of a twig of a youth. Mr. Thielmans is now close to eighty years young and he's still going strong, performing all over the world and doing new albums. This is basically a duet album - Toots and pianist Kenny Werner. Toots has done this sort of thing before with the brilliant Bill Evans, who was also a true musical poet - Evans was and is my favorite pianist. Werner isn't Bill Evans, but he's awfully good and it's a lovely album for the most part. Mr. Werner has also added some subtle synth strings to a few tracks, which work well. The song selection is terrific, too. Speaking of Bill Evans, if you trust me at all, let me recommend two of the best albums ever made: Conversations With Myself and Bill Evans with Symphony Orchestra. The latter, which finds Mr. Evans doing jazz versions of classical music arranged and conducted by the great Claus Ogermann (another musical poet) is one of my all-time favorite albums. I've listened to it thousands of times and it never loses it's freshness - it's simply a stunningly beautiful album, a perfect listening experience. Conversations With Myself is also a great album. It's Mr. Evans triple tracked and it's mesmerizing. In other words, Mr. Evans would lay down one track and then overdub himself twice. That's it, no other instruments. This album contains my single favorite track ever, the love theme from Spartacus by Alex North. If there is a more beautiful track anywhere, I don't know it.

Has anyone noticed how dazzlingly white my teeth are? Don't forget, tomorrow is our weekly Unseemly Trivia Contest, so be sure to drop by and play. And Donald has a brand spanking new radio show going up on Sunday night, and he'll be by later to tell us about it and who is special guest is.

Well, dear readers, I have a very busy day today. Mr. David Wechter will be here momentarily and we will write, write, write (that is three writes which, of course, don't make a wrong) our brand spanking new musical comedy, and then we have a meeting with our musical director for the Tourette's Syndrome benefit. Since I haven't seen David in two weeks, I'm sure he will comment on my dazzlingly white teeth. Today's topic of discussion: What is your favorite Sondheim song? I know it's hard to choose, but choose you must - and tell us why. I'll start: Every Day A Little Death and The Road You Didn't Take. Those two songs just "get" to me - they are just gems of storytelling and musically and lyrically they are intensely moving. Post away by using the Unseemly Comment Box below. Yesterday we had lots of posts, it was quite exciting around here. Every time I see that many posts, I immediately get up, flash my dazzlingly white smile and eat a cheese slice and dance the Hora, or at the very least, the Varsity Drag.