Well, dear readers, blow me over with a diesel train, it is Easter. Easter snuck upon me unawares. I woke up this fine Sunday morning and it was Easter, just like that. First it was Passover that came upon me unawares and then it was Easter. It would have been awful to pass over Easter, so I am glad it came upon me unawares. As soon as I was awares it was Easter, I began scurrying about like an Easter Bunny, madly boiling eggs so I could hide them about my very own home. That done, I put on an Easter outfit (bunny pants and a pink t-shirt) and then went around and found all the eggs I'd just hidden. That was especially fun. In any case, it is Easter (it came upon me unawares, you know - but now I am awares and all's right with the world) and we must celebrate here at haineshisway.com. We must all hide and find hard-boiled eggs. We must eat marshmallow bunnies as if there were no tomorrow. We must have our traditional Easter meal of cheese slices and ham chunks. We must dance the Hora, but more importantly we must dance the Bunny Hop. Finally, if anyone needs to be resurrected, today would be a good day to do it.

Last night I saw Sunset Blvd. Not the street or the musical, mind you, no, I saw Sunset Blvd. the movie. A friend of mine screened it in his very own screening room in tribute to Mr. Billy Wilder. I, of course, have seen Sunset Blvd. the film many times, although not as many times as I've seen Sunset Blvd. the street. But it was very interesting to watch it again, especially in light of all these new movies I've seen recently. Because what really shines through in this film is the writing. The direction is great, the acting as good as it gets, the score and photography top-notch. But the screenplay is audacious and brilliant and it is inconceivable that a film like this could be written today. I wonder if Mr. Wilder and his collaborators sat there and said, "Now in Act One this happens, in Act Two that happens, in Act Three this happens - this character's arc is this, this character completes his journey this way..." I would highly doubt it - in those days writers didn't attend Screenwriting 101, didn't have these catchphrases for scriptwriting, and wrote films in the way they wanted to write them. Were there formula pictures within certain structures? Sure. But not like today - today it's all by rote, today it all adheres to a really small set of rules which somebody decreed were the Rules of Screenwriting. It's why most movies today feel the same - they all follow these structure and character rules, no matter how original they're trying to be. Believe me, I've sat in on meetings where they discuss these things and make writers change things to conform to these rules.

Since I'm not finished about Sunset Blvd., why don't we all click on our Unseemly Easter Button below so I can finish.

First of all, the audaciousness of having the film narrated by a dead man is amazing. The dialogue is, of course, even more amazing. Every line means something. It's very funny, and it's also very creepy and it's also very tragic. Each character is unique unto themself, whether it's Norma, Joe Gillis, Max or even Artie. The film has real scenes, which play out in the time they need to play out, without a lot of editing. You get a chance to know people, yet the film's pace is incredible. Today, scenes are all short, a page or two, and despite all the frenetic cutting and brevity, the films seem twice as long because the stories are boring and predictable (for the most part - there are the odd exceptions). And the actors. Norma says, "We had faces then" referring back to silent film days. Well, they still had faces back in 1950, too. William Holden is, along with Mr. Joel McCrea, one of the most underrated actors of all time. His performance in Sunset Blvd. is astonishing really - Norma has the showy part, but Holden holds the film together, with his wry reading of the narration, spoken in his truly sublime voice. And one simply cannot say enough about Gloria Swanson's Norma. It still amazes me that she was only fifty when the film was done, younger than I am now. Plus Erich von Stroheim's Max von Mayerling is one of the great screen creations, a perfect melding of actor and role. Anyway, it's just a perfect film and I was happy to see it again. I then went home and watched the first twenty minutes of a new DVD of Joe Versus the Volcano and almost threw up. More about that after I'm through watching it.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper? I've been watching other DVDs, and I'll have reports on those in the next few days.

Today, my friend David Wechter is coming over (with entire family and mother in tow) and we're all going to Hollywood to see ET at the Cinerama Dome (newly reconstituted film and theater). I will let you know how it was. I saw ET at the Cinerama Dome on the night it had its big Hollywood premiere and I, like everyone else in the audience, loved it. It is fashionable for youngsters today (and even some oldsters) to look askance at Mr. Spielberg's work, but those people can just buzz off as far as I am concerned. Of course Mr. Spielberg has made some clunkers - so has Mr. Hitchcock, Mr. Ford, Mr. Wilder and every other major director. But he has also made many wonderful films, such as Duel, Jaws, Close Encounters, ET, Raiders, A.I., and others. Whether one likes each and every film he's made is irrelevant - he's a masterful director and storyteller, period. You will find no Spielberg bashing here, dear readers.

It seems I have made a tiny little factual error in the trivia contest question - it seems that when I said "who was the Tony award-winning star of the television series" it should have read "who was the Tony nominated star of the television series". We've had more people playing this week which makes me very happy indeed. There's still plenty of time to get your guesses in, so do so before midnight tomorrow.

Well, I must jump in the shower and get ready. I don't know why I do that, jump in the shower. It's rather silly-looking really, jumping in the shower is. There's no point to it, and yet there I stand in said shower, naked as a jay-bird, jumping up and down. Why is it "naked as a jay-bird"? Why isn't it "naked as a robin" or "naked as a finch" or even "naked as a kay or ell-bird"? These are the questions that sometimes come upon me unawares, dear readers.

Today's topic of discussion: What are your favorite straight plays? I'll start: Long Day's Journey Into Night (brilliant, and my all-time fave), Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, The Glass Menagerie, Barefoot in the Park (sorry, it's one of my favorites and a wonderful play), A View From the Bridge, Waiting for Godot and Waltz of the Toreadors. At least those are plays I love today. Tomorrow might be a whole different list. Your turn.