haines his way

04/09/2002:
"INSERTING A SPACE"

Well, dear readers, I finally reset the clock in the bedroom and it is now the time that is supposed to be. Isn't that exciting? Isn't that just too too? Wasn't it fun getting to know each other yesterday? Wasn't it just too too? I had a grand time reading all your posts and I feel that I know you all so well that we should have a party - a Hainsie/Kimlet party where we can eat cheese slices and ham chunks and dance the Hora, or perhaps even the Blackbottom, all the livelong night. We can even invite some strangers who can look at us askance and scratch their collective heads in wonderment and confusion.
I'll bet you all thought I'd forgotten and/or abandoned the story of Meltz and Ernest: The Unvarnished Truth. Well, I haven't forgotten and/or abandoned the story of Meltz and Ernest: The Unvarnished Truth and today we will be continuing that very story.
Don't you think Mr. Mark Bakalor will be proud as a punchbowl when he sees these neat and tidy little paragraphs? They are well kempt, these paragraphs are. They are trim and lithe and buff and toned with abs and buns of steel.
However, I've begun to realize that short paragraphs do not necessarily result in long notes. When I write short paragraphs it is difficult for me, for I lose my train of thought, thoughts are abruptly ended, I cannot find my rhythm and the flow is impeded. I don't know about you, dear readers, but I cannot have my flow impeded. My flow must be unimpeded at all times otherwise my flow might atrophy and we can't have that now, can we? Can we give the word "atrophy" an award - that way "atrophy" can have a trophy. Isn't it amazing that by merely inserting a space in "atrophy" you get something wholly new? Perhaps if I inserted a space somewhere on my very own person I'd get something wholly new. I love the idea of inserting a space somewhere and coming up with something wholly new, don't you, dear readers? It's vividly exciting, don't you think? For example, I'm going to insert a space right here and come up with something wholly new.
You see? Well, I think we've beaten that into the ground. I must tell you we have had no Highest or even High Winner in our Unseemly Trivia Contest. I really didn't think it was all that hard this week, but apparently it was. Freedunit submitted several guesses and at the eleventh hour (actually I'm not sure it came in on time) finally did mention the name of the show, but none of the other pertinent info. So, let's all click on the Unseemly Button below to find out what the answer was/is.

Our trivia question was:
Somewhere between 1956 and now there was a musical done which had a rather incredible cast and crew associated with it. The musical had a genuine star, a co-star who had appeared in one of the most beloved sci-fi films ever made, several future choreographers in its chorus, and several future Academy Award-winners among its cast and crew. Name the musical and name the future Academy Award winners.
And the answer is: Golden Boy. The genuine star was, of course, Sammy Davis, Jr. The co-star who had appeared in one of the most beloved sci-fi films ever made was Kenneth Tobey, star of The Thing. The future Academy Award-winners were Ralph Burns, Tony Walton and Arthur Penn. The several future choregraphers were Jaime Rogers, Lester Wilson and Baayork Lee. And, of course, the show was recently done as an Encores! presentation. I have always loved the score to this show, by Mr. Strouse and Mr. Adams. Especially This Is The Life, While The City Sleeps, Night Song, Don't Forget 127th Street, I Wanna Be With You - in fact, I love all the songs. So, no sparkling prize this week, but we'll be back with another question on Saturday.
THE MELTZ AND ERNEST STORY: THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH
Hinky Meltz was living on the lower east side of New York and Ernest Ernest was living on the upper west side of New York. They'd both taken odd jobs to support themselves, but Hinky's passion for composing and Ernest's passion for words were always first and foremost in their respective minds. And so, in the early 1950s, Hinky was working as a waffle cone salesman and Ernest was working as a gopher in a law office. Hinky wrote one of his most enduring pieces during this time - a wonderful semi-classical piece called The Waffle Cone Rhapsody. And Ernest Ernest wrote one of his cleverest lyrics during this time - because most of what he did at the law office was get the weighty law books off the shelves and put them on the desks of the various lawyers, he wrote a clever song entitled Laying Down the Law.
One fine day, both men had come to mid-town Manhattan and they both happened to take their lunch at the Horn and Hardart. Hinky had an egg salad sandwich, while Ernest Ernest had a tuna on rye. As fate would have it, Hinky was sitting at his table writing on a sheet of music paper some melody that had just come into his head. The egg salad sandwich had inspired him to write a lively mazurka, and a melody was just pouring out of him. At another table, Ernest Ernest was working on his latest lyric, Eating a Tuna Sandwich on Rye. At one point he looked up and saw Hinky writing on the music paper while tapping his feet and humming a lively tune. He walked over to Hinky, sat himself down and said, "What are you doing there?" Hinky replied, "I am eating an egg salad sandwich and composing a lively mazurka. What business is it of yours may I ask?" Ernest explained to Hinky that he wrote lyrics and he showed him the one he was working on. Hinky took one look at it and suddenly was singing Ernest's lyric to a tune that had just come into his head. And that was how Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest became a team. They both quit their day jobs and devoted themselves to full-time songwriting. That first song they wrote Eating a Tuna Sandwich on Rye was recorded by an obscure bandleader named Ozzie Yellow and His Mellow Fellow Men. While it wasn't a big seller (research shows that it sold twelve copies, all purchased by the Mellow Fellow Men and by Meltz and Ernest themselves), Meltz and Ernest were clearly on their way and nothing could stop them. They formed their own publishing company, Meltnest Music, and their first published song was the toe-tapping Mowing the Lawn. Here is that historic first published song.
MOWING THE LAWN Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest
Every morning I wake up
I stretch and I yawn
I start each day the same old way
By mowing the lawn
Keeping the grass neat
That is my passion
Mowing the lawn is
Always in fashion
My wife says, "Harry, you're a very good mower -
You trim the grass with style and class
And I'm so proud to be your lass"
Mowing the lawn
It keeps me healthy
Mowing the lawn
Won't get me wealthy
But I don't care you see
Mowing the lawn's the life for me.
That song was recorded by none other than Bing Feldman and became an anthem for lawn mowers everywhere. Every day, in cities all over America, people could be heard singing Mowing the Lawn while mowing their lawns. In fact in Dayton, Ohio, one man, Herman Berman, sang that song every day for a year while mowing his lawn and his neighbor, William G. Noon became so agitated that he finally went insane and killed Herman Berman with a pair of pruning shears. That inspired Meltz and Ernest to write Pruning the Neighbor ("Pruning the neighbor, gets you hard labor"), which had a brief bit of popularity when William G. Noon was brought to trial and was sentenced to thirty years in prison for the pruning death of Herman Berman.
Well, we'll continue the story of Meltz and Ernest soon. In the next installment, we'll hear about their first attempt to write a Broadway musical.
Well, it is time to get these here notes up and time for me to take the day, to do the things I do, to get moving, to... Well, you won't believe it, but the gardners have arrived and what do you think they are singing? That's right, they are out there singing Mowing The Lawn. Amazing. Today's topic of discussion: What are your favorite not currently running television programs? I'll start: I loved The Twilight Zone, Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Maverick. I Love Lucy, The Name of the Game (a GREAT show), Superman, The Lone Ranger, The Thin Man (with Phyllis Kirk and Peter Lawford), My Little Margie, Laugh-In, The ABC Movie of the Week (in the early and mid-70s), The Larry Sanders Show, All In The Family (first few seasons only), The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Jack Benny Program and a million others I'm forgetting. Your turn.

Replies: 32 Unseemly Comments

(For the record, there was no fabricating the fabric of my post yesterday.)
My favorite television shows are (thank God for Nick at Night):
Laverne and Shirley
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
I Love Lucy
The Dick van Dyke Show (Especially Sally)
All in the Family
and the more recent Sports Night.
Posted by Lolita @ 04/09/2002 09:35 AM PST

Okay, this is a bit embarrassing, but I LOVE "Leave it To Beaver"...the parents are just sooo nice - I mean, I'M a parent, and I'm NEVER that nice! And the kid actors on that show were a hellava lot more convincing than kids actors these days, IMO...
Posted by Anita @ 04/09/2002 10:04 AM PST

I second "Leave It to Beaver." I still love that show and it brings back fond memories of watching it when I was a kid. If it wasn't what childhood actually was, it was what it should have been.
Posted by Phil Crosby @ 04/09/2002 10:46 AM PST

Long-time reader, first-time poster. Anyway, my favorites are:
- All in the Family (up until Michael Ross and Bernie "Dr. Kitchell" West stopped writing for the show)
- The Phil Silvers Show, aka Sgt. Bilko (up until Nat Hiken, the brilliant creator of this show, left)
- Monty Python's Flying Circus
- NewsRadio
- WKRP In Cincinnati (most underrated sitcom ever. Hugh Wilson is as good a sitcom writer as there has ever been. Plus one episode had George Gaynes speaking French)
- Animaniacs ("Free les Miseranimals! Down with oppression, definitely down!")
...I'll stop there...
Posted by Jaime Weinman @ 04/09/2002 10:46 AM PST

My favorites include:
The Twilight Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
Dobie Gillis (any show that can have Yvonne Craig in five different roles...)
The Jack Benny Show
Square Pegs (the real Sarah Jessica Parker)
The Torkelsons (for Olivia Burnette)
WKRP (it still holds up well)
Posted by Robert Armin @ 04/09/2002 11:15 AM PST

My favorites were:
Baretta
Welcome Back Kotter
Cop Rock (It was sooo funny!)
Twin Peaks
The Baretta theme song is a great song as sung by Sammy Davis Jr.
Posted by Mattso @ 04/09/2002 11:46 AM PST

"The Prisoner" Just don't worry about what it all means.
"Paper Moon"--I always seem to like shows that no one else watches. This TV version lasted one season 1974-75 and starred Jodie Foster and Christopher Connelly (who had played Ryan O'Neil's brother on "Peyton Place").
It was filmed in rural Kansas with many non-actor locals cast in speaking parts, and I think it captured the spirit of the book better than the movie did. My favorite was when Moze entered Addie in a Shirley Temple Lookalike Contest.
"M*A*S*H*" Favorite episode: Charles and the pianist who lost his hand. Immensely moving.
"Remington Steele"
"Murder She Wrote". Just seeing all the theatrical greats that Angela got on every week was worth the watch.
I'll just leave out the whole Star Trek compendium to avoid endless comparisons of captains.
"The Carol Burnett Show"
"Maverick". Hilarious, and with no laugh track. Samantha Crawford was an oft-imitated archetype. Does anyone remember Roger Moore in the later seasons?
"Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman". And even "Hot L Baltimore". Norman Lear has given us a lot of gems.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 04/09/2002 11:50 AM PST

Such nostalgia! Too many good shows to mention. I'm partial for commedy and my two all-time favorites that have stood the test of time are Faulty Towers and The Dick Van Dyke Show. I never tire of them!
Posted by Susan @ 04/09/2002 12:23 PM PST

If the brilliant William F. Orr can bring up "The Prisioner," (all of which is available on DVD), then I can go to the opposite extreme and bring up "Doctor Who" (for which some episodes have been lost forever, it appears!).
Posted by S. Woody White @ 04/09/2002 12:30 PM PST

Susan managed to come up with two shows that she WASN'T on. That was hard!
Posted by Robert Armin @ 04/09/2002 12:44 PM PST

Oh Yes! DR. Who and The Prisoner were wonderful. You people are really stirring up some nostalgia. I am getting misty eyed over here. Would you play Misty for me?
As far as the captains discussion, I must say that no one ever told speeches quite like Shatner. For better or for worse it is Krk all the way for me.
Posted by Mattso @ 04/09/2002 12:46 PM PST

Whoops! That's "Kirk" not Krk. I have just bitchslapped myself and I think I like it.
Posted by Mattso @ 04/09/2002 12:48 PM PST

Well, Mattso, I wasn't going to get into this, but since you forced my hand, I must step in.
Krk was indeed a classic, and we owe a debt to Shtnr for defining the parameters. But for my money, Pcrd represented the required dignity and authority--not to mention a good more nuanced and subtle acting technique on the part of Ptrck Stwrt--that one would expect of a star ship captain.
The much maligned Captain Jnwy is my second choice, again for for Kte Mlgrw's ability to communicate a wide range of emotions without the inevitable histrionics of Wm. Pricelinedotcom.
In fact, among my favorite Star Trek moments are the scenes between Jnwy and 7of9--both of them superb actresses--a fact almost overshadowed by the costumes and hype centered on Jri Ryn's mammary endowments.
Krk for the kid in me, yeah! But even Sctt Bkla as Captain Archr is a more controlled actor.
What is this--roddenberryhisway.com all of a sudden? There's something about Bruce's writing style that gets me babbling, I guess.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 04/09/2002 01:08 PM PST

Favourite not-currently-running TV shows?
- NewsRadio
- Victoria Wood As Seen On TV
- Waiting For God
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 04/09/2002 01:42 PM PST

The Prisoner (I have the complete series on DVD)
Mission Impossible
I Love Lucy
Mary Tyler Moore (especially Chuckles bites the dust episode)
Barney Miller
The Twilight Zone
Bewitched
Wild Wild West
Any Quinn Martin Production.
Especially for how it was set up and especially the main titles.
and the following episodes of the Partridge Family Season Two Episode Two, Season Three Episode Six, Season four Episode Seven. (A Big hello to any who can guess why)
Ed Sullivan (When they had Broadway on it. A true Broadway fan tuned in not to see the Beatles but excerpts from Oliver!)
And did you know that one of the producer/writers of Three's Company played the dentist who wanted to be a songwriter in Bells Are Ringing?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/09/2002 02:21 PM PST

Of course I should have included The Ed Sullivan Show! As to The Partridge Family, you've chosen fine episodes, Michael Shayne, but you're missing one. Here's a question - when these things come out on DVD, full seasons or even full runs of shows, how many of you actually watch every single episode?
Posted by bk @ 04/09/2002 02:46 PM PST

How refreshing to see so mentions of Dr Who. I loved the Tom Baker episodes in particular. Did "This Life" cross the Atlantic? Also liked the UK version of "Queer As Folk" (Have not seen the US version)."Last Of The Summer Wine" and "First Of The Summer Wine".(Once again - did they cross the Atlantic?). "Cheers" and "MASH" were great and "Dick Van Dyke Show" was a must. "Our Miss Brooks" and "The Nelsons" are remembered fondly too.
Does (Or should it be DO?) "Tales Of The City" qualify? I hated most westerns (especially "Bonanza" and "Rifleman") but did like "Wagon Train","Maverick" and for some reason, "Tombstone Territory".
Think I should go and rewatch "Pleasantville " after reading all these nostalgic trips - and it has a Randy Newman score!
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 04/09/2002 02:57 PM PST

I like the Lawrence Welk Show, Cheers, and M*A*S*H.
PS- Last night at fencing class, I beat two big guys, including one who looks just like my brother. I gave one of them the "ommedes thrust," one that I've found to be quite effective when fencing with guys.
Posted by Sandra @ 04/09/2002 02:58 PM PST

Thought people would like to see this
from the http://www.talkinbroadway.com/sound/upcoming.html
June 25
[The First Nudie Musical] The First Nudie Musical (Special Edition)
(Image Entertainment - new on DVD)
Commentaries with Bruce Kimmel, Cindy Williams, Diane Canova, among others. Bonuses: soundtrack CD (available only with the first pressing of the DVD), 2 Audio Commentaries, by actors Cindy Williams, Stephen Nathan and Bruce Kimmel, and by writer/co-director Bruce Kimmel and Nick Redman; "From Dollars to Donuts: An Undressing of 'The First Nudie Musical'" 55 Minute Documentary, with Audio Commentary by Bruce Kimmel, Nick Redman and Michael Rosendale; A Deleted Scene and Musical Number with Commentary; Trailer; Photo Gallery.
This is a picture of the DVD cover as well.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/09/2002 03:14 PM PST

My favorite not running TV shows:
Adventures in Paradise
Bronco
Sea Hunt
Fury
Oh! Susannah!
The Wild, Wild West
Wild Bill Hickock
Laramie
In no particular order.
I totally missed yesterday's "topic" -- but made up for it in the archives, if anyone is interested.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/09/2002 04:02 PM PST

I have the following Series on DVD
The Simpson's first season and truthfully probably won't watch all the episodes from season 1. I will watch The Prisoner as I think it is one of the greatest series ever. I also have the first set of Space 1999 and watch it once and that was all. It did not hold up. Mainly they are a bore.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/09/2002 04:04 PM PST

Michael:
As we used to say back then, "2001 a Space Oddessey--but for you, Space 1999."
Posted by William F. Orr @ 04/09/2002 05:34 PM PST

Must agree with a couple of the oft-mentioned, Cheers and M*A*S*H. Another that I simply couldn't get enough of when it was first on, and still watch whenever I get a chance in syndication, is Quantum Leap. I've never been a sci-fi type at all, but that show will probably always top my list!
Posted by Jed @ 04/09/2002 05:35 PM PST

Hi! I'm new here. Well, actually I've been lurking for a long time, but this is my first post. When I saw that no one had mentioned "Remember WENN" as one of their favorite shows, I just had to fix that. IMHO, it is the best TV show ever--and it has a ton of Broadway connections!
Posted by Adrienne Hollister @ 04/09/2002 06:21 PM PST

"Mary Tyler Moore," "Dick Van Dyke," "Burke's Law" (I loved all the guest stars) "High Society" from just a few seasons ago-- Jean Smart was brilliant). All the usual (Twilight Zone, I Love Lucy, etc.) and "Gidget." (I love Sally Field). I also loved "The Judy Garland" show, ""Garry Moore" "Hollywood Palace" and so many others. I'll be adding to the list over the next few days, I'm sure.
Posted by Kerry @ 04/09/2002 06:41 PM PST

I guess a question is in order. For favorites, are we differentiating between "good" shows and really guilty pleasures?
Posted by kerry @ 04/09/2002 07:00 PM PST

OK - so are we now at an all time high for most comments on a single day? If so -- let's break out the ham chunks and cheese and let's dance the hora around our computers...
Ok -- favorite TV shows (in no particular order)
The Muppet Show, Dick Van Dyke Show, Life Goes On, the first incarnation of a show called "Grapevine", MASH, Twilight Zone, Land of the Lost, Family Ties (although, now many of the jokes just are plain silly), and how of course Ernie Kovaks.. How could no one have mentioned this genius until now??!
As for TV Mini Series -- Roots
Posted by Craig @ 04/09/2002 07:01 PM PST

I'm not much of a tv watcher, but I like The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Muppett Show, St. Elsewhere, and Quantum Leap.
Posted by Laura @ 04/09/2002 11:33 PM PST

What does it say about us that our busiest day is talking about old TV shows instead of musicals! Oh the shame of it. And I posted three times today! Now, back to IMPORTANT things.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 04/10/2002 06:49 AM PST

"The Avengers." Definitely.
Posted by kerry @ 04/10/2002 08:05 AM PST

Oh, and "Bachelor Father." I'm not sure if I wanted to be Bentley Gregg or just have my own "Uncle Bentley."
I loved the George and Gracie show, too (which is still very funny and holds up very well).
Posted by kerry @ 04/10/2002 08:37 AM PST

And then there was "Dynasty"!!!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/10/2002 09:28 AM PST

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