haines his way

04/10/2002:
"CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC"

Well, dear readers, we broke a new record yesterday. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, we broke a new record yesterday. First of all, how did we even find a new record to break? I mean, they haven't made records since the mid-eighties and yet we broke a new record yesterday. Well, these things happen here at haineshisway.com. In any case, we had a new record of thirty-one posts yesterday. I know this may seem like chicken feed to some but it seems like thirty-one posts to me. Chicken feed seems wholly different - have you ever seen chicken feed? It doesn't look like thirty-one posts at all. Well, we can't stop there, we must have more posts, we must be the most popular site on the internet, we must be loved and adored by one and all and also all and one, for then we can celebrate and have a party and eat cheese slices and ham chunks and dance the Hora and the Hokey Pokey and sing the songs of Meltz and Ernest and whoa Nellie if this hasn't turned into one of those damnable run-on sentences I hate when that happens because these run-on sentences have a life of their own they cannot be controlled they are like juvenile deliquents they will just do whatever the hell they want and the words just come tumbling one after another like broken records and chicken feed and won't somebody toss me some punctuation so I can put and end to. Thank you, whoever tossed me that period.
Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley. In my dream I was visiting with the Broadway actress and singer Crista Moore. She was showing me photos of some show she'd been in where she'd played Santa Claus. She looked very good in the outfit and had a nice white beard. Then she told me that she'd dated three doctors since I last saw her in December. Then I woke up. The weird thing is that I didn't see Crista Moore in December, I haven't spoken to Crista Moore since last summer and she hasn't crossed my mind in months, so why in tarnation was I dreaming this dream? Oh, well, dreams have their own peculiar logic and at least it wasn't a nightmare. Advice to Crista: Stop with the doctors already.
Well, dear readers, yesterday there was a DVD release that slipped quietly into the stores with practically no fanfare at all, yet I feel it is one of the most important DVD releases of the year. I watched it last night and am here to tell you about it now. Well, after we all click that Unseemly Button, that is.
The DVD in question is Mr. Allan Carr's production of the musical extravaganza known as Can't Stop the Music. The film stars Mr. Steve Guttenberg, Valerie Perrine, a weird assortment of co-stars and guest stars and, of course, The Village People. It was written by Mr. Bronte Woodard and Mr. Allan Carr himself, and directed by that fine comedienne, Nancy Walker. To say that this film is bad would be doing it a great disservice. It goes way beyond mere bad, it goes into a whole other critical universe. It is so gaily surreal, so from another planet, so weird and wacky, you simply can't approach it as you would other films. In fact, the only way to approach a film like this is to understand first and foremost that the film is a fairy tale. Once you understand that, everything else has some kind of logic.
The choice of Miss Nancy Walker as director is an interesting one. After all, she'd never directed a film before and to place a twenty-million dollar musical comedy in her hands was a strange thing to do, but no one ever accused the late Allan Carr of not doing strange things. The script by Mr. Woodard and Mr. Carr is amazing in its badness, its storyline so perfunctory, its jokes so predictable and feeble, and yet one sits there absolutely glued to the screen (no mean feat). You sit there glued to the screen for a very long time, because this film runs 123 minutes - apparently Mr. Allan Carr did not want to lose one scene, musical number or joke. Miss Nancy Walker's direction shows absolutely no aptitude for knowing where to place a camera or how to stage a scene, but she does have everyone talk loudly and that's a plus.
Can't Stop the Music was released in 1980 as the disco craze was in its last death throes. The film tells the "story" of how The Village People came to be. I might be wrong, but I feel this is a highly fictionalized version of their story. Steve Guttenberg plays a wanna-be composer who writes classic disco music. At the beginning of the film he's working in a record store, and yes, Virginia, he does actually break some records when he quits his job two minutes into the film. He lives with Miss Perrine for reasons I don't remember. She decides one fine day that she will take his music to a record company and make him rich and famous. She wants him to make a demo tape for her, but his voice is so terrible that she says she'll get some singers to do it for him. There is an Indian who's already hanging around her apartment, so she recruits him. Then, as she does her daily doings, she recruits various other people she runs into, a construction worker/model, a policeman, a person of leather, a cowboy and a military man or something. Well, it all is quite dizzy and daffy, and they all become rich and famous.
It's hard to know where to start when talking about the performances. Steve Guttenberg has the manic energy of someone who's taken a little too much speed, he plays everything loudly, as if he were in a Broadway theater. Valerie Perrine is fine, never a great actress, but she has good humor given what's going on around her, and the fact that she has to say lines like, "I'm going to eat two Snowballs and a Ding Dong (to which Guttenberg replies, "Anyone who can swallow two Snowballs and a Ding Dong can get the job done" or something like that). Tammy Grimes is in this thing, playing Sydney Channing - I love Tammy Grimes but here she looks like a man in drag and speaks in a voice lower than all the Village People combined. Then there is Bruce Jenner, who looks like the proverbial deer caught in headlights. The Village People do their thing and the music is infectious. The most amusing thing in this Allan Carr fever dream, is that while the Village People are doing their numbers and even in scenes where they're not doing numbers, women are going crazy over them and they seem to even go crazy over the women. And yet, in every shot of the film there are young men running around in short shorts and tight t-s giving sidelong glances to each other. The are boys in bathing suits, boys in underpants, boys, boys, boys. All the other characters in the film speak as if they were cast-offs from All About Eve (but of course without the wit). The musical numbers have horrid Arlene Phillips choreography (was this woman the worst choreographer in the history of the musical?) and they are shot quite ineptly, but the whole thing is so of a piece that, as I said, you remain glued to the screen just to see where it's going. Of course, it's going nowhere and it certainly takes its time getting there, but the whole thing is like a dream, an alternate world. In fact, it is my opinion that if you removed Nancy Walker's name and replaced it with David Lynch, people would think this a masterpiece.
Anyway, it's an absolute must have. The transfer (enhanced for widescreen televisions) is very nice, albeit a tiny bit out of focus, which only helps the overall effect. After it was over, I put on my cut-off jeans, a tight t and I danced around my house, singing YMCA at the top of my lungs.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, tomorrow we'll have more in the continuing biography of Meltz and Ernest, because I've used today's notes all up writing about Can't Stop the Music.
Of course, today is Wednesday and you all know what that means. It is Ask BK day, so that is today's topic of discussion. Ask me anything your little heart's desire, anything at all. And I will answer all those questions in tomorrow's notes. You can ask about albums I've made, singers I've worked with, composer/lyricists I've worked with - you can ask me how I look in cut-off jeans whilst singing YMCA, you can ask me what were Donny and Marie really like, oh there are so many questions and I know you will come up with some fine ones. Ask away. Perhaps one day we will break our record of thirty-one posts and if we do it will not be chicken feed, let me tell you that.

Replies: 37 Unseemly Comments

Actually, I thought there were 32 posts? Oh, well....
So, Ask BK!
All right, here's my question, BK:
Why did Stephen Sondheim pass on doing a musical version of "Sunset Boulevard" and why, given the Lloyd Webber version, wouldn't he want to show the world how wonderful it really COULD be?
If not "Sunset Boulevard," then why not "Some Like It Hot"?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/10/2002 11:05 AM PST

Here is my unseemly question:
What is Faith Prince really like?
If you could hang out with one actress of old (i.e. someone you could not hang out with today because they are dead or senile), who would it be? And which actor?
If you could pick one film to have been in, which would it be and what role, etc?
And finally-
How good DO you look in those cut-off jeans?
Posted by Lolita @ 04/10/2002 11:16 AM PST

I thought I was the only one who loved that bizarre Village people movie!! After seeing it, my wife turned to me and summed up Steve Guttenburg's entire acting career in one hilarious face. It involved pursing her lips with her hands extended as if to say "What?!"
Anyway, on to my question:
Who was the guy who played Dick Davis in Nudie, and where is he these days?" He was really funny.
Posted by Mattso @ 04/10/2002 12:08 PM PST

Questions, Questions... here goes:
1. You're having a dinner party and can invite any 6 guests (living, dead, fictional, cartoon, whatever) -- Who do you invite, why, what would you serve, and what would be one topic of conversation you would just HAVE to initiate
2. Books are not like movies, so there really aren't "Director Cuts" or "Special Editions" - but, given that you have just gone through the process with Benjamin Kritzer, was anything cut from the final text that if you were to release a "special edition" -- you would put back in?
3. Could you share with us one of your favorite recipes.
Thanks Answer Man! So many posts yesterday, it's a Kimmelation, a perverbial Kimmelfest - a spectacular Hainsapalooza!
Posted by Craig @ 04/10/2002 01:09 PM PST

I have a few questions.
You had mentioned in last week's answers that you would like to stage a production of "Sugar" with Brent Barrett and that hunk of manflesh (HOM), Jason Graae. Who would you cast as Sugar? Would you use Jane Krakowski (since you used her for the cut song from "Sugar")?
I agree with you on "Can't Stop the Music." And yes, I own it on video. June Havoc should also get some sort of award for it also.
I am still cursing you for mentioning "Simon Smith and His Dancing Bear" since it has been going through my head non-stop since last week.
Next question: Who was to sing "Her Laughter In My Life" originally on the CD (which prompted Guy Haines' meteoric rise when he pulled a Shirley MacLaine)?
Posted by Kerry @ 04/10/2002 01:26 PM PST

This is a question for anyone.
Since we have now reunited Bruce and Susan Gordon, and since some wonderful soul (and forgive me for not remembering which one) told me sometime back the latest on Leslie Parrish, I thought I'd throw out a few others.
Does anyone know what Susan Luckey is up to these days? She played Louise in "Carousel" and Xenita (sp?) in "Music Man." I know musicals in Hollywood are iffy, but she had done other stuff, too.
How about Anthony "Scooter" Teague (from the original cast of "110 in the Shade")?
How about Kirby Furlong (young Patrick in the Lucy version of "Mame")?
And since we're on young Patricks, what happened to Jan Handzlick (young Patrick in the film version of "Auntie Mame")?
Who am I, Richard Lamparski all of a sudden?
Posted by Kerry @ 04/10/2002 01:49 PM PST

Unfortunately, Anthony Teague died in 1989. The others, as far as I know, are still among us somewhere.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 04/10/2002 03:10 PM PST

Ever since my first viewing of it, I have luvd the fabulous awfulness and awful fabulousness of Can't Stop the Music. I wish only that I had discovered it earlier. Luv Steve Guttenberg and all the beefcake in it. I could not agree more about the choreography. Certainly Arlene Phillips comes from the Lester Wilson school of dance, but anything better or else would not be quite so perfectly terrible. Any Nancy Walker-helmed movie musical that wreaks Havoc is a favorite of mine! Freely associating, in 1995, Showgirls would become the Can't Stop the Music of its time. Luv Showgirls! So sorry I missed it in the theatre. Definitely need the DVD.
To Kerry: I regret to inform you that my understanding is that Edwin Ardell Teague, known professionally as Scooter Teague, Anthony Teague, and Tony Teague, died of A.I.D.S. in 1989. The 6'2" Teague, who was wonderful as Bud Frump in the motion picture How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (1967), was my first Zach in A Chorus Line, the first first national tour I saw, and never did I see, or hear, a better one. With apologies to Robert LuPone, who I never saw perform the part, Teague to me was the quintessential Zach, driven, authoritative, intimidating and wholly excellent in the part he played in two full separate tours.
To Ron Pulliam: I whole-heartedly embrace the fantasy that Stephen Sondheim would have written a brilliant score for Sunset Blvd. If only Sondheim, Harold Prince and Arthur Laurents had been the ones to collaborate on a fully reconceived and musicalized adaptation! As for future projects for Mister Sondheim, I really wish he would get to work on a star vehicle for Patti LuPone. LuPone deserves a Sondheim show of her own.
Posted by freedunit @ 04/10/2002 03:57 PM PST

Now wait just a highfalutin' minute here. If you all answer the questions whatever shall I do tomorrow when I'm answering the questions? You're supposed to ASK questions - I'M supposed to answer them. I am, after all The Answer Man and I am also The Candy Man and The Man In The Moon. BTW, tonight I'm going over to Mr. Donald Feltham's to tape a radio show with the legendary Mr. Billy Barnes. Won't that be fun? Won't that just be too too? Now, where are the other twenty-four posts?
Posted by bk @ 04/10/2002 04:20 PM PST

Dear BK,
What are your feelings on custard-filled doughnuts?
And Megan has a question. She would like some recommendations for old movies for when all the girls go to the video store. (I'll be sure to tell her about Can't Stop the Music.)
Is this June Havoc Gypsy's little sister?
Posted by Sandra @ 04/10/2002 04:21 PM PST

Three Part Question-
What book would you like to see made into a Musical and who would you hire to write the Music and Lyrics??
What Play would you like to see made into a Musical and who would you hire to write the Music and Lyrics??
What Movie would you like to see made into a Musical and who would you hire to write the Music and Lyrics??
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 04/10/2002 04:28 PM PST

If you buy the DVD of The Music Man there is a documentary and it tells you want Susan Luckey has been up to.
I also saw Anthony Teague in A Chorus Line when it was changing over from the first national to the bus in truck in Montreal. I ended up seeing it 7 times. Evan Pappas (a kimmel stock memember) played Paul.
From Mame the young actor who played Peter (Patrick's son )Patrick Labyorteaux is now a regular on JAG.
Jan Handzlik ultimately dropped out of acting completely to become a successful lawyer. Long a partner in the nationally recognized law firm of Kirkland and Ellis, he is a specialist in white collar crime, and, in October 2000, was chosen to chair the American Bar Association's National White-Collar Crime Committee. Listed several times in Who's Who in America, he lives in Los Angeles. He should be around 57 years old now.
Rene J Hall played Dick Davis and according to IMDB the TFNM is the only movie he made. Although the IMDB has a lot to be desired. Just ask BK.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/10/2002 04:35 PM PST

In 1982 I had the good fortune to be in a film with Angela Lansbury. The Scene was cut for continuity reasons. But how I got that scene is another story best left for my memoirs published after my death. (However my other scene is in there and my line of dialogue had been looped out for standards and practices so I was told. But if you can read lips you can figure out what I said.)
In between takes we had a chance to talk and asked her about Sunset Blvd. She told me that Hal Prince and Stephen Sondheim has put it on hold for now, but was hoping that in future they'd do it. Flash forward a few months I had the good fortune of meeting Mr. Sondheim at his townhouse in NYC. During our chat I mentioned I had worked with Ms. Lansbury and what she told me. Mr. Sondheim said. "I have no intention of making a musical out of Sunset Boulevard. Hal Prince owns the rights and Angela put out a press release hoping we would do it for her."
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/10/2002 04:45 PM PST

I just KNEW I was asking the right people. Thank you Robert, freedunit and Michael. I was sorry to hear about Anthony Teague, though. I don't have "Music Man" on DVD, but I now know where to get the answer.
Question for Michael: What was the name of the movie you were in with Angela Lansbury? And if you'd like to e-mail the story of how you got the part.......
Posted by Kerry @ 04/10/2002 05:45 PM PST

Yes, Michael, I'd love to know which movie, too.
And, like Kerry, I appreciate all the answers that have been given. The questions have been fascinating. I just know Bruce would have loved tackling them, but perhaps we'll have to throw him some new ones.
For instance:
Where could I find a very-good to near-mint original Broadway poster for "A Little Night Music"?
Have you ever heard Harve Presnell sing Daddy Warbucks in a production of "Annie" and are any recordings of it out there?
A fan of "Follies" has -- at least once -- sold a tape of a complete performance of the original production -- in stereo -- on eBay. Have you heard it, are the eBay auctions of it legit, and is is it worth whatever price it goes for?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/10/2002 06:21 PM PST

I know he was asking BK, but I want to provide my own answer to one of Mr. Brockman's questions.
I would love to see a Broadway musical produced of "Return to Oz" (the one Disney made in the 80s" and I want David Shire to write the score.
In fact, his original score to the film is so totally right for adaptation as part of the score that it would (IMO) be one of the most lusciously bittersweet scores Broadway ever heard. The interwoven themes for Dorothy and Ozma are gorgeous and would lend themselves to a brilliant duet!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/10/2002 06:24 PM PST

Which is better-Rodgers and Hart or Rodgers and Hammerstein?
Name five of your least favorite musicals. It would be preferred if they were somewhat mainstream.
Posted by Hapgood @ 04/10/2002 06:49 PM PST

Dear BK,
Do you still roll down staircases?
Posted by Laura @ 04/10/2002 07:39 PM PST

It was the TV mini series Little Gloria Happy At Last. The scene where I can be seen is the court room where Gloria senior's maid recounts how she caught her kissing another woman. Reaction from the people in the courtroom. I'm seated behind John Hillerman and I say something in the area "Oh my god she's a lesbian!"
Now the scene that was cut was where Angela and little Gloria (Jennifer Dundas) are entering the court house. I was supposed to break through the crowd and run up the stairs along side Angela.
Now the scene where I have my line appears shortly afteward this scene. It turns out that I was wearing a different suit. They didn't match!
Now what I will say it's variation on how Sondheim told Larry Kert how he can get out of acting in Company. But not exactly. It was chaste.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/10/2002 07:47 PM PST

For Ron Pulliam:
The ebay are not perfect recordings. But if you want the entire score go for it. But having the Papermill you have basically the entire score. The otehr music will be chiefly underscore.
Presnell was Daddy Warbucks in Annie Warbucks. But you probably can get audience tape if you want him in Annie 1. Which is not hard to find.
As for the original poster of Little Night Music try Triton Gallery in NYC. They just might have a web site.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/10/2002 07:53 PM PST

Bruce,
You have been a stage actor, a television actor, a movie actor, a playwright, a composer, a lyricist, a director, a film director, a film writer, a record producer of legendary status, a recording artist, an internet columnist, and a novelist. I am sure I am forgetting several.
What's next? Don't you ever feel like doing something new? I mean, isn't it boring, the same old grind year after year?
Youth wants to know.
And so do I.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 04/10/2002 08:25 PM PST

...and I thought I was the only one waiting to get my grubby hands onto a dvd copy of CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC!!!! Yes, the print leaves a lot to be desired, but what an awesome remastering of the soundtrack!!! I didn't don cut-off shorts, though, after watching: I got on the phone and called a few friends to see if they wanted to move tonight's rehearsal to the nearest YMCA!
Ask BK questions:
1. What books are currently on your bedstand/nightstand?
2. Have you read Sam Staggs' CLOSE-UP ON SUNSET BLVD?
3. Do you prefer Americanized Roman Polanski, or European Polanski? (Americanized being everything from FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS to CHINATOWN, inclusive; European being all the others).
4. If you were producing a gorgeously perfect stage musical of TESS OF THE D'URBERVILLES, WHO would you want as composer, director, Tess and Angel Claire?
Posted by td @ 04/10/2002 08:34 PM PST

Re: 'Can't Stop the Music' -
Arlene Phillips was not the worst musical theatre choreographer who ever lived. She had nothing to do with the West End's grisly flop 'Matador', whose choreography included six flamenco dancers attempting to represent The Bull.
(and no, I'm not kidding)
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 04/10/2002 08:51 PM PST

Um, Bruce....what ARE Donny and Marie really like?
Just thought I'd keep it simple...:)
Posted by Anita @ 04/10/2002 09:10 PM PST

Michael, THANK YOU! I'll take both pieces of advice!
Now...Bruce...or anyone. I have a recording of a "musicalized" version of "Rivals." It's score is by a person named C. Robert Jones.
It's a recording of a college production. It's ancient (late 70s-early 80s), but so many of you have been around so many times, I'm wondering if any of you have ever encountered "C. Robert" and this play.
If the answer is no, please ask for no more details for I have none to offer. If the answer is yes, I'm agog and all ears.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/10/2002 09:38 PM PST

Just doing my part to try and set an even higher record for # of posts.
The documentary on the Music Man DVD is great.. What is everyone's opinion on having dvd features for movies that have musical or play counterparts. For example, on the movies Fame, The Producers, Lion King, Hairspray, etc having features about the Broadway musicals that were born from them. The DVD for Carrie had a segment about the ill-fated musical. Personally, I would love to see this as a bonus feature on more DVD's....
Posted by Craig @ 04/10/2002 10:07 PM PST

Ron,
Triton does have a website (with some great posters). Check them out at www.tritongallery.com
Posted by Kerry @ 04/10/2002 10:33 PM PST

Dear BK,
Is this enough questions? If you want, we can ask more.
Posted by Sandra @ 04/10/2002 10:35 PM PST

"Can't Stop the Music" was the #3 single for 1980 in Australia. It did not even chart in the States. Am I Joel Whitburn all of a sudden! The album even topped the charts on its release.I Found the first concert scene in the movie interesting. The audience are dressed in Village People gear yet they were supposed to be unknown! I Remember going to their concert in Melbourne where the concert hall reeked of amyl nitrate. I thought I'd stepped on a thousand smelly ants. Guess I had better ask a question or two. Village People's David Hodo was a Broadway chorus person I believe. Do you have any knowledge of his Broadway appearances? Which is/was your favourite (can't cope with US spelling)village person? Mine was Randy (The Cowboy). Fantasy Island stuff I guess.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 04/10/2002 11:11 PM PST

Bruce: What are your favorite restaurants in Los Angeles? The ones you don't mind us knowing about, in case you're never able to get a table there again because we've grabbed them all. (But we'd be willing to share and let you pull up a chair, honest we will!) (And most of us wouldn't even consider separate checks!)
Posted by S. Woody White @ 04/10/2002 11:52 PM PST

A question for Michael Shayne:
What, exactly, did Sondheim say to Larry Kurt? My ignorance of this important historical fact is gnawing at me.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 04/11/2002 02:57 AM PST

Oh, oh, oh. I have another question for Bruce.
You mentioned that "Hieronymus Merken" was a homage to Fellini's 8-1/2, as was "All That Jazz".
Can you name another major director's "8-1/2"? I can think of one, a director's second film after his first was a big hit and he was going through the throes of "I Can't Make This Movie".
Hint: Fellini does a cameo playing himself.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 04/11/2002 04:44 AM PST

Ok... now we have a new record - 33 posts in one day.
Additional question for the answer man: Have you ever eaten at "The Original Pantry" on Figueroa?
Posted by Craig @ 04/11/2002 05:44 AM PST

More Village People Trivia: the original "Indian," Felipe Rose is reported to have bought a house in my sleepy little city of Richmond VA. He became enamored of the place when the group did a concert here last year. (And, no I haven't seen him at the Y.)
Question for BK: What is the WORST professional theatrical production you have seen?
Posted by Phil Crosby @ 04/11/2002 09:04 AM PST

To make things even more challenging for BK (who probably has already reviewed our input and won't even see this question), what would be your top 10 discs to have with you if you were to be stranded on a desert island (with either electrical generators or batteries to power your CD player)?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/11/2002 09:40 AM PST

Do patronize Triton Gallery, Inc., which has a wonderful inventory and a wonderful staff to assist you. Triton Gallery International Theatre Posters, telephone 212-765-2472 or 800-626-6674, E-mail info@tritongallery.com.
To Stephen Farrow: I did not see Matador, but if it is the West End musical that starred Stefanie Powers and was directed by David H. Bell that I think it was, I believe you. Arlene Phillips is among the worst to assault Broadway and Hollywood, but Bell, who made it erroneously to the Great White Way with the 23-performance A Change in Heir, may be the worst. I did not see his only Broadway show, but I suffered through many a Bell kick-ball-change at Marriott's Lincolnshire Theatre. I walked out of several Bell shows at MLT. Especially offensive was one for which he took an authorship credit.
By the way, Stefanie Powers is terrific, looks terrific, came off very well in the misguided revival of Applause and the miss-guided Off-Broadway Vagina Monologues, and deserves a Broadway-musical engagement.
Posted by freedunit @ 04/11/2002 09:43 AM PST

I agree with you totally about Stefanie Powers - I have just seen her playing the role of Mrs Anna in The King And I - the lady has an excellent singing voice, looks a million dollars and has the most amazing stage presence - she was fabulous.
Posted by Tracy @ 06/11/2002 11:54 AM PST

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