Well, dear readers, we are in the home stretch with our Tourette's Syndrome benefit. Rehearsals and meetings every day from now on and then in the theater on Sunday in preperation for the big show that night. I also am stretching in my home right this very minute. However, why is it always the "home stretch"? I stretch wherever my fancy dictates. I stretch in the street, I stretch in restaurants, I stretch in my handy-dandy automobile, but you never hear those expressions, do you? You never hear, "I'm in the street stretch", you never hear, "I'm in the McDonald's stretch", no, it's always, "I'm in the home stretch". Has your fancy ever dictated to you? Can you take dictation? It seems to be a lost art. And where is art? Why is art lost? Is art an amnesiac who can't find his way home to stretch? Where is art stretching? Perhaps we should canvas our collective neighborhoods and see if anyone has seen art. Maybe the canvas has seen art. Maybe the canvas is stretching. Does anyone have a clue as to what the hell I'm talking about? This is what free association gets you, which is why I always pay for my association.

Do you know what today is, dear readers? Yes, Virginia, we know it's Monday, but do you know what else today is? Today is the birthday of one of our dear readers, that's what today is - today is our very own Sandra's birthday. Oh, how we shall celebrate here at haineshisway.com. We shall get out our pointy party hats, we will have balloons and confetti (not necessarily in that order), we shall have ham chunks and cheese slices (not necessarily in that order), we will drink our beloved Diet Coke, and we shall dance the Hora and also the Highland Fancy because our fancy dictates that we do the Highland Fancy - in fact, I'm going to do the Highland Fancy on Highland, what do you think of that? So, let's all wish Sandra a very happy fancy shmancy birthday, by singing her Hinky Meltz's and Ernest Ernest's birthday song, I Ate a Piece of Your Birthday Cake (and I'm on The Way to the Hospital).

Dear birthday girl
I'm sending you this note
I can't sing you happy birthday
Because I ate a piece of your birthday cake
and a candle lodged in my throat.
I'm on my way to the hospital now
To have a tracheotomy.
But before I go
I'm writing so you know
That a very happy birthday it will be
And I wish you happy birthday
From me.
I've got to go now
I wish you happy birthday
From me.
The ambulence is waiting
I wish you happy birday
From me.

And in honor of Sandra's birthday, why don't we all stretch in our homes and click on the Unseemly Button below.

Dear reader Ron Pulliam mentioned in one of his posts how there used to be "cut-out" bins for records, in days of old. That brought back a funny cast album story to me. When I was but a wee sprig of a twig of a tad of a youth, my local A&P Market had bargain LPs, all $.99. And right around the time I was getting my very first cast album LPs from the Columbia Record Club, I also was at A&P one day, and I found the soundtrack to Gigi on MGM Records. In Stereophonic sound yet. Well, I'd seen and liked the movie Gigi so I bought it. I got it home, unwrapped it and pulled out the record. But the Gigi jacket didn't contain the Gigi record, there was a different record inside, an MGM Stereophonic original cast album of a show called Whoop-Up!, which I'd never heard of. I'd never heard of it because the show had been a huge flop. Well, I thought that was simply the height of coolness, the wrong record in the right jacket. Anyway, I played Whoop-Up! immediately and I loved it. I loved the song Never Before and I loved Miss Susan Johnson's big big voice singing Glenda's Place, When The Tall Man Talks and Flattery (I had a crush on a girl named Glenda at that time, so I really liked Glenda's Place). And that's how I discovered Whoop-Up! and the flop musical in one fell swoop. Or is it one swell foop? Can one have two fell swoops? And do you have them in a cup or a cone?

Do you know that some disgruntled personage came to our handy-dandy site yesterday looking for Hanes Underpants? Little did that disgruntled personage know that if he had merely gone to our Unseemly Products page he could have bought his or her very own pair of haineshisway boxer shorts. Oh, well, we wish the disgruntled personage all happiness perusing the actual Hanes Underpants website. We like Hanes because they make lovely cotton underpants and you will understand why we feel that's important when you read my book, Benjamin Kritzer.

Do you know a man just knocked at my door and said to me, "I'm here to check your gas"? I thought that was a very strange request, then I realized he was from the gas company and wanted to check my gas meter. That was a close call for the gas man, let me tell you that.

Here's a little mini-trivia question for you. What famous rock and roll recording artist made a film that was based on the same source material as Whoop-Up! and what was the film? Mini-trivia answers can, of course, be posted right here to the site.

Have I mentioned that we're in the home stretch for our Tourette's Syndrome benefit? This is going to be a very intense week, but all the performers have done benefits before and they all know the drill. Some of the musicians don't know the drill, but they will be learning the drill in short order.

Yesterday, before rehearsal, I attended a paperback book fair - a yearly event where dealers in rare paperbacks sell their wares. I always enjoy looking around, and I know several dealers. Mr. Ray Bradbury was there, signing books. I'm good for about an hour in these fairs, and then my eyes start to glaze over and I get bored and have to leave. I'm always amazed by the people who go from dealer to dealer and look through every book (thousands) carefully. I guess that's what seperates the fantatical fan from the mere fan. Anyway, I do love looking at the lurid covers of 50s paperbacks - I even own the original art from some of them.

Well, I must be off, I must take the day, I must finish stretching in my home and I must go do the things I do. Today's topic of discussion: Have you ever walked into a record store, perused, and come upon an album cover for a record you didn't know and simply had to have that album, just based on the cover? If so, what was the album, and did you end up loving the record (or CD)? I'll start: I bought all these albums based on thinking the cover art interesting - in other words I knew nothing about the artists or albums - in every instance, I loved the album, too - Anyone Can Whistle, Bill Evans's Conversations With Myself, Rupert Holmes's Widescreen, Dave Brubeck's Time Further Out, Norrie Paramour's Autumn, Wes Montgomery's A Day In The Life, Stan Getz's Focus, Stop the World - I Want To Get Off, and probably many others. Your turn.