Replies: 31 Unseemly Comments
The Sound of Music and Lawrence of Arabia were pretty spectacular on the big screen. And I guess seeing How the West Was Won at the Cinerama Dome when I was a kid. Anything by Ray Harryhausen was a kick and certainly the first time I saw Close Encounters and Star Wars (although I encounterd both in smaller, monaural sound theatres initially). Frankly, I am more blown away by great sound than spectacular images, but I guess that's another question. (Ooh, Guy Haines singing "Pick Yourself Up" just came up on my shuffle play. Neato!)
Posted by Robert Armin @ 04/26/2002 09:59 AM PST
"Fantasia" truly transported me as a child and as an adult. The movie, "Fanny," with all its beautiful shots of the sea and Marseilles, made quite an impression on me as a lad and caused me to yearn for foreign lands.
From the standpoint of images that stay in your mind, one of the more recent examples would be "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert."
"Schindler's List" blew me away too, but in a completely different way-- but no less unforgettable.
I need to go to work now.
Posted by Kerry @ 04/26/2002 10:20 AM PST
Re: Gaslight. Back in the days before caller ID ruined prank calling for everyone, I would sometimes randomly pick a number, call it, and, when the unsuspecting person answered, ask, in my very best Charles Boyer accent: "Paula, what have you done with the lovely brooch?" I received some VERY unseemly answers. Speaking of unseemly, and my unending quest for six degrees of synchronicity, did you know that "Angel Street" producer Shepard Traube once lost an unseemly lawsuit he filed against Frances Farmer? He claimed to have been her agent, and to have been responsible for her meteoric rise to fame. Unfortunately, he had no signed contract with her and was not a "registered" agent, so the Judge ruled in Farmer's favor. You may thank me later for this invaluable piece of information.
Posted by JMK @ 04/26/2002 10:22 AM PST
JMK,
I laughed loud and long over your Charles Boyer phone prank. Sad to say, as a youngster I never came up with anything nearly as inventive as that. It's nice to know someone else was making better use of his time.
Posted by Lulu @ 04/26/2002 10:56 AM PST
Hey Lulu,
Any idea as to where to get Crispin Glover's second album? I couldn't find it on Amazon.
Movies that blew me away:
Miller's Crossing;
Star Wars;
Dead Ringers (Jeremy Irons was incredible as both twins);
Agneepath (the bollywood version of Scarface).
Posted by Mattso @ 04/26/2002 11:06 AM PST
Well, Lulu, that one tweren't nuthin'. One of my favorites came the day I got the 800 toll-free telephone directory, and I phoned a number of mortuaries asking them if they were interested in trying my new carbonated embalming fluid. I told them it gave corpses an "extra perky" look for viewing. Amazingly, several of them wanted to place orders. I was giggling about that one for days.
Posted by JMK @ 04/26/2002 11:37 AM PST
Mattso,
I'm sorry. So sorry. That I-I-I-I-I-I-I waa-a-as such a fool...
Oops, channeling Brenda Lee again. And she's not even dead yet!
Crispin recorded The Big Love Album, but it has yet to be released. I didn't realize that when I posted about the album. I am heartily ashamed of myself for having made you waste your time skulking around Amazon. Still, I think we've all learned something from this. And in the final analysis, isn't that what's most important?
Posted by Lulu @ 04/26/2002 11:47 AM PST
JMK,
You should start putting your God-given talents to use with telemarketers. I, too, mourn the Age of Caller ID and the death of the Prank Phonecall.
Or, for that matter, the Frank Ponecall.
Ponecall? Is that the rural answer to the urban Bootycall?
Posted by Lulu @ 04/26/2002 11:49 AM PST
HOW TO GET RID OF THOSE PESKY UNDERLINES AND LEARN TO LOVE WORD . . .
1. While your document is up on the screen, left-click the TOOLS pulldown menu at the top of the screen then click on OPTIONS in the sub-menu.
2. Left-click on the tab entitled SPELLING & GRAMMAR.
3. In the box by the words, "Check spelling as you type," left-click the checkmark (the checkmark disappears).
4. In the box by the words "Check grammar as you type," left-click the checkmark (the checkmark disappears).
5. Left-click "OK" at the bottom and ... Presto! Chango! No underlines!
P.S. What I do is turn the feature off while I'm working on a document, then when I'm finished, I turn it on and go through it by RIGHT-CLICKING the word or phrases underlined. By right-clicking, you bring up a short menu that gives you other possible spellings or points out grammatical alternatives which you can accept or reject by left-clicking on the word. Sometimes there are NO alternatives. In spelling, that could be because it is not in the program's dictionary. You can ADD a word to the dictionary and then when you type the word into the document, it won't be underlined because the dictionary recognizes the word as a correct spelling.
Take for example, when you right-click on the underlined word "fershluganah." When the short menu comes up, you'll see there are no alternative spellings. Simply left-click on the word "Add." The underline disappears in the document because the word is now considered correct in the dictionary.
P.P.S. Get EARTHLINK!
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 04/26/2002 11:49 AM PST
Lulu, (giggle) you funny. Ponecall indeed. That's okay, I would've skulked around Amazon anyway.
JMK, wish I had thought of that mortuary call. Have you ever heard the comedy of Coyle and Sharpe? I bet you would really like it. I discovered them one day whilst skulking around Amazon.
Posted by Mattso @ 04/26/2002 12:42 PM PST
Stop, you're only encouraging me. To Mattso--no, I haven't heard of Coyle & Sharp (sounds like a dangerous spring to me), but I shall check them out. Here are three more from my prank file: two involved calling businesses with what I thought were funny names worthy of wordplay. I called "Beaver Engraving" and told them that I wanted to have my beaver engraved, and would they charge extra if I brought my gerbil and hamster. Can you believe they hung up on me? I also called "Peacock Cleaners" to ask them if they would anesthetize my peacock before cleaning it, as "she" was quite nervous about the prospect of losing some of her tailfeathers. Long, awkward silence before the ever-alert clerk responded with "Is this some kind of joke?" Moving on, I once called Otis Elevator to tell them I had an immense ranch style house and could they install an elevator that moved sideways to get me from end to end. The very nice sales rep, without missing a beat, said that they couldn't do that, but they could provide a moving walkway for me. I told him that wouldn't work at all--I needed the elevator because I had agoraphobia. And to think some say I wasted my youth. (And doesn't it strike anyone else as odd that mortuaries have 800 numbers?--that's why I picked on them to begin with. I mean, what are you going to do, phone toll free from heaven and/or hell or something?)
Posted by JMK @ 04/26/2002 01:16 PM PST
P.S. to Lulu--did you ever hear that hysterical CD put out by the guy who recorded his conversations with telemarketers who had called him? I think they did a segment on him on NPR a while ago. My favorite was the carpet cleaning company who called, and the guy said, "Oh, God, you are saving my life--there's blood everwhere. Can you get blood out of curtains and off the ceiling?" The carpet cleaners called the sheriff! I can't remember the guy's name, maybe someone else knows; I know his CD was for sale.
Posted by JMK @ 04/26/2002 01:26 PM PST
BK -- looks like your daily topic has been changed by your dear readers.
Yesterday an insurance salesman called my home and wanted to give me a quote. I told him that I would give him a quote instead, and I did. "Hath not a Jew eyes" and "Out damned spot, out," and "Saw ye the weird sisters." (We have the Shakespeare on Broadway CD in the car, as you can guess.) Amazingly, he hung up on me.
Posted by Laura @ 04/26/2002 03:05 PM PST
Laura,
You didn't hear me, but I just applauded you. That is a great response to that irritating question! People aften ask questions or make statements that they do not want a response to.
My favorite response to "You look familiar" is to respond "I am". I also use the Steve Martin response to the question "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" and say "Probably, I've been somewhere before". These always get the same blank expression and end a conversation, if that is your desired end result.
Anyone have any other good funny or snide responses to irritating questions or statements?
Posted by Mattso @ 04/26/2002 03:24 PM PST
If an ISP could marry a software function...
…AOL should elope with Microsoft Office Assistant and vanish.
Bruce: The aforementioned are two things I hate more than the default settings of Microsoft Word. I do not hate Word. In fact, there is quite a lot about it I like, for word-processing software. However, I believe I detest the default "Check spelling as you type" and "Check grammar as you type" settings at least as much, if not much more, than you do. Therefore, I empathize. I am sorry you had to deal with it; no one should have to put up with it. It might even be worse than being out of town with a musical in trouble, Larry Gelbart.
Donna--Cabaret West has given you good advice for undoing the Microsoft Word default settings that are so messed up. That they are messed up is default of da marketers. Virtually all defaults are those that Microsoft flaks and pushers think are nifty to show to prospective users and sellers, not ones that an actual writer or Word user would use. Thoughtful, huh?
If I may, I would like to suggest a modification to the method described by Donna--Cabaret West. Of course, to each her own, but I believe most users would be likely to find it time-consuming and unnecessary to turn on the "Check spelling as you type" and "Check grammar as you type" tools again. It is enough to run a spell-check from the Tools menu (Tools: Spelling & Grammar…) (alt+T, S) (F7). The functions that Donna--Cabaret West described in her postscript as being available by right click will be available in the dialogue window that will appear when spell-check is run. However, modification of her method is required to avoid being driven crazy once more:
New: 5. In the box to the left of the words "Check grammar with spelling," left-click the check mark, if there is one, so that the check mark disappears.
New: 6. Left-click "OK" at the bottom and you have tamed Microsoft Word. Pat yourself on the back and do the Word Warrior Waltz.
[By the way, this fershluganah post of mine was composed in Microsoft Word and then copied to the cute, handy-dandy form that I am guessing would be the work of Mr. Mark Bakalor. Just now I taught my edition of Word to spell fershluganah, which I have made it do for its first two times! Now I will dance a rouge-less fershluganah dance.]
Donna--Cabaret West: I hope you do not mind the hyperlink plugs. I think they are fun and add zip, zest, and style—or at least blue with underscoring—to a post. From your URL and posts, I deduce that you are active in cabaret and in Los Angeles. Good deduction, huh? If I recall correctly, there was a talented and promising young singer of the name Rick Miramontez who performed at Cinegrill. Do you know what became of him or whether or not he has released any CD’s? I think he is a great performer.
Posted by freedunit @ 04/26/2002 03:32 PM PST
As for giving Schrift to Meltz and Ernest, do give them more. How about Shirley?
Now is the Winters of our discontent, since people are quoting Shakespeare.
Posted by freedunit @ 04/26/2002 03:54 PM PST
Well, a married couple who were tired of nosy people asking "Why don't you have children yet?" wrote in to Ann Landers, that once at a party the husband answered--very loudly--"I'm impotent." That put a real damper on things.
But for Bruce: Could you give us the total list of performers for Sunday? My Joe, being Italian, has a huge Penny Jar, and I will toss in a penny for every act in the show on Sunday morning and wish them all broken legs and varied and sun-dried body parts.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 04/26/2002 04:43 PM PST
Here is the list of performers (in order of appearance) for Sunday's Tourette's Syndrome benefit.
Hosts: Mitzi McCall and Charlie Brill
Martin Denny (via tape)
Christa Jackson (with the legendary Hal Blaine joining the band, on drums)
Sally Kellerman
Sue Raney
Paul Keith and Paul Kreppel
Sarah Weinstein and Scott Camden
Nancy Dussault
Bill Dana
Karen Morrow
Joan Ryan, David Naughton, David Ruprecht, Tammy Minoff and Gary Stockdale
Herb Alpert
House band led by Mike Asher
Baja band led by Bernie Fleischer
Announcer: Chuck Southcott
And some very special musicians joining the Baja for two numbers.
It will be a merry evening, and I shall be instantly recognizable in my colored tights and pantaloons. Now, surely some more of you must have been blown away by a particular movie-going experience - you know, like the first time you saw Todd AO - Around the World in Eighty Days or Oklahoma! were amazingly mind-boggling.
Posted by bk @ 04/26/2002 05:30 PM PST
JMK-
I still don't know if you got my message.Where did you get the Claus Ogerman CD set??
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 04/26/2002 06:27 PM PST
No, Arnold--did you email me? The Claus set is available (or at least, was available) at Dustygroove.com. They restock regularly, so if they're out of it, just check back every few days. Dusty is a GREAT source for Brazilian titles, if you have any interest in that genre.
Posted by JMK @ 04/26/2002 07:19 PM PST
What fun! I'm really enjoying the posts from the past days.
Only BK would be distraught because at my house, we're dancing the hula, inhaling pineapple chunks and eating roast piglet!
And there's poi -- poi that we smear on our faces like so many mudpacks -- thick layers of poi, too, so that we need to recompoise ourselves when it falls off in chunks.
And what lessons have we learned?
That pineapple juice burns our sinus passages, and the pulp clogs them.
Speaking of clogging...are there any true cloggers out there???
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/26/2002 08:20 PM PST
BK: Do you know any of Sally Kellerman's daughters? I found my second voice teacher through one of them when we were both at N.Y.U. together.
Posted by freedunit @ 04/26/2002 10:26 PM PST
Topic response:
1. DR. ZHIVAGO - This was the first film that made me aware of sound. I can still hear the "slush" as a man's boot steps off the curb into the snow.
2. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY - I came out of this movie with all my senses heightened.
3 & 4. FANTASIA - I saw this film in a nearly empty theatre when I was very depressed. It lifted my spirits for days afterward. FANTASIA 2000 - Ditto. I thought this was a wonderful film. I don't think too many people saw it. I especially loved the Rhapsody in Blue Hirschfeld piece. Everything was just beautiful. A definite WOW!.
5. WEST SIDE STORY - I saw it 5 times. My father saw it 11 times. The driving music at the beginning combined with those graphics that take you into the city---Wow!
6. REAR WINDOW - A perfect movie. The story is so clever. You care for everyone of the occupants in those apartments. Raymond Burr, Thelma Ritter, Grace Kelly, and James Stewart --- perfection one and all.
7. GIANT - Another perfect movie.
8. THE RED SHOES - I loved the high pitch of this film.
9. THOSE MGM CINEMASCOPE MUSICALS OF THE 50'S. The Bandwagon, Silk Stockings, Singin' in the Rain. Daddy Longs Legs. Funny Face. Sitting in the theatre with that wide screen, the music and the dancing. "Heaven! I'm in Heaven!"
10. THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT III (I think the best one of the series) - The split screen that shows how the sets were moved while Eleanor Powell filmed the "Lady Be Good" number. Judy Garland in that number that was cut from Easter Parade. Joan Crawford in blackface!!! Ohmigod!
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 04/26/2002 11:53 PM PST
MESSAGE TO FREEDUNIT: Whatever helps BK is A-OK with me! Thanks for the extra tips. RE: CABARET WEST AND THE HYPERLINKS: Thanks for the plugs! Anything that will bring attention to Cabaret West! I'm the Calendar Editor and Archivist. Been so since 1996. It's a quest with me. I don't want the music from the Great American Songbook (old and new) to die nor do I want the performance standards that go with them to disappear. The Founder, Cameron Silver, has gone on to other things. Les Traub, the President of Cabaret West, and I work for free. We now have over 500 members. Like to join?
P.S. Don't know where Rick Miramontez is now. He's not a CabWest member and I've never seen him perform but I do remember seeing his name on the Cinegrill roster.
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 04/26/2002 11:57 PM PST
I was usually "blown away" by the movies of Kubrick and Lean. Zhivago, Ryan's Daughter and Lawrence were stunning as was 2001 and Barry Lyndon (visually). I don't go to the movies much these days - too far! No wonder I was impressed by Lord Of The Rings. Can not say the same for Titanic though. I am glad I was in my early teens when the Cinerama experience was BIG. I have good memories of the first few. I saw The Shipping News last night (at the movies) and I think Spacey is one of the best actors around - and what a supporting cast. The critics here thought the movie was too slow. I thought it represented the pace of the book and its central character beautifully.
Here in Australia we are enjoying the wonderful "Six Feet Under". Best new series for ages. I hope it is successful enough for a few series.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 04/27/2002 12:56 AM PST
Movies -- blown me out of the theater -- images, sound, etc.:
"The Robe" -- in widest CinemaScope I've ever seen in its 1963 re-release. The Carolina Theater in Greenville SC had a screen installed for CinemaScope 55, if I recall correctly. That extraordinary experience, coupled with stereophonic sound, made a HUGE impression on me.
Sound of Music -- on that same screen -- the opening images -- peaks of ice-packed alps and mist -- giving way to verdant patches -- giving way to more arable land -- and the recorded wind, along with the orchestral touches -- a sensual delight unmatched by most films.
Streisand -- "Funny Girl" -- last scene -- all in black and only her head and hands -- singing "My Man" -- totally bravura cinematic experience.
"If Ever I Would Leave You Montage" from "Camelot" -- a living tapestry.
"Spartacus" -- and the film music of Alex North -- a match made in Valhalla!
"Star Wars" -- who KNEW -- at that time -- who could have known that filmgoing experiences could be THAT extraordinary??
And any film being shown in widescreen, stereophonic sound and with a score by Franz Waxman was, and continues to be, sheer MAGIC!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/27/2002 12:58 AM PST
How unseemly it all seems for yesterday's column to still be up at 12:46 p.m. At least, that's all I am seeing.
I thought this benefit might get the best of our BK -- that or some trouble with AOL. I was unable to access this site for several hours this morning and BK may have had the same troubles before being able to post anything.
All the mad dashing and dancing he's doing these days should do what all the toning exercises couldn't -- he's probably becoming gaunt as I write these words. We shall have to ask him to please face us at all times lest we no longer be able to see him when he turns sideways.
Have been playing the wonderful recent Rhino release of the soundtrack to Cole Porter's "Silk Stockings" -- the 1957 Fred Astaire-Cyd Charisse film. This is a brilliant recording folks -- much better than the job done on "Summer Stock" (which sounded as though they just lifted sections off the film tracks rather than mucking with the masters). This version of "Silk Stockings" is a revelation -- it sparkles, it exhilarates and it's non-fattening.
Am now listening to a CD-R of Alex North's magnificent "The Agony and the Ecstasy" recorded from a reel-to-reel for absolute sonic wonderfulness. Some of my soundtrack friends and I have gotten into this r-r quest as the sound is so much better than what we're getting from some of the specialty labels out there.
That said, I'm all for albums produced by folks with golden ears. It's folks with "agendas" -- who don't care what the original intent of a composer or a performance was -- that I am avoiding like the soul-sucking plague that they are.
Lightening up now....
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 04/27/2002 11:53 AM PST
I had the same problem, Ron.
I tried to pull up today's bk's notes II before leaving the house about 10:00 E.D.T., but could not get a response from the server. No haineshisway.com pages would display.
Posted by freedunit @ 04/27/2002 01:15 PM PST
I have the same problem, and I am hopping mad!
Posted by Hapgood @ 04/27/2002 01:26 PM PST
It is Sunday here and no Haines for breakfast!
I'll shall now ponder my daily dose of Gary Larson.
I'd rather blame AOL. (I did not stay with them for long.)
All the best Bruce for the benefit concert. Does Lani Hall still make recordings? I guess Herb Alpert would know!
Posted by Tom Guest (from OZ) @ 04/27/2002 01:46 PM PST
The Abyss (1989) — the shape-shifting alien.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) — I was six years old, it was Thanksgiving, and it was a musical with Dick Van Dyke and a flying car.
Citizen Kane (1941) — cinematography and mise en scene.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) — Douglas Trumbull’s special effects, Jerry Belson’s writing, Cary Guffey as Barry Guiler (“You can come and play now.”) and Spielberg’s direction.
Contact (1997) — Nearly swept away by all but Matthew McConaughey.
Damn Yankees (1958) — Gwen Verdon & Bob Fosse in “Who’s Got the Pain?” one of the best musical numbers ever photographed.
Dangerous When Wet (1953) — Esther Williams and art director Cedric Gibbons at M-G-M.
Everest (1998) (Imax) — Location, location, location—photography, photography, photography.
Fantastic Voyage (1966) — the special effects of the production and Raquel Welch.
Invitation to the Dance (1956) — The dance! Gene Kelly’s vanity project produced by Arthur Freed at M-G-M.
Kiss Me, Kate (1951) — Ann Miller tapping, and Bob Fosse and Carol Haney dancing—even at six I knew it was magic.
Lawrence of Arabia (1962) — The epic, the desert, the direction.
Lassie (1994) — only the opening title sequence of Howard herding sheep—the rest of the movie is crap.
Mary Poppins (1964) I was six when I saw it in a rerelease. My grandmother, chocolate, and Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke performing "Chim Chim Cher-ee."
Million Dollar Mermaid (1952) — Esther Williams and art director Cedric Gibbons at M-G-M.
Neptune’s Daughter (1949) — Esther Williams and art director Cedric Gibbons at M-G-M.
Peter Pan (1960) (TV) — I saw an annual rebroadcast of the color taped production. Mary Martin is the one true Peter Pan, and Peter flew!
Royal Wedding (1951) — Fred Astaire dancing and defying gravity—produced by Arthur Freed at M-G-M.
The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad (1958) — I was still five and it had a cyclops, dragon, flying creatures, Poseidon and a hunky Sinbad.
Singin’ in the Rain (1952) — Gene Kelly, Gene Kelly & Cyd Charisse, Gene Kelly & Donald O’Connor, Gene Kelly & Donald O’Connor & Debbie Reynolds, Donald O’Connor & a wall, Gene Kelly & the rain—produced by Arthur Freed at M-G-M.
Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope (1977) — how awesome were the coming attractions? And unimaginably the movie was even better—a spectacular production and sheer cinematic joy.
Superman (1978) — I would fly with Clark Kent or Superman any time.
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) — Pure imagination…
The Wizard of Oz (1939) — I was five and what happened was just this: a tornado, Glinda, the Wicked Witch of the West disappearing in a burst of smoke, the yellow-brick road, the scarecrow, the cowardly lion, the Emerald City, the Wicked Witch of the West melting.
Ziegfeld Follies (1946) — A cast and staircase like no other motion picture—produced by Arthur Freed at M-G-M.
Posted by freedunit @ 04/27/2002 03:03 PM PST
