Well, dear readers, don't blame me - blame it on the bossa nova, blame it on Rio, blame it on my youth, put the blame on Mame, or better yet put the blame on Mr. Mark Bakalor and his fershluganah servers. I was told we were going to have handy-dany backup servers so that unseemly things like this couldn't happen, but apparently that isn't so, at least not yet. I think we may all, at long last, get in line to bitch-slap the bitch-slapper himself, don't you think? Anyway, my notes were done and ready to go up this morning. Here they are:

Well, dear readers, here we are on the day before the Big Event. Today is our final rehearsal with the Baja Marimba Band, and then it’s showtime. It’s astonishing to think that I became involved with this benefit close to a year ago. It’s been a lot of hard work for everyone, but the person who has put in the most time, energy, blood, sweat and tears, is Cissy Wechter. She has virtually not stopped for the last three months. In any case, I shall have a full report for you on Monday morning (I will be writing tomorrow’s notes tonight as I have an eight o’clock call at the theater).

Last night I went with my friend Grant Geissman to Laurel Hall, the school his thirteen-year-old daughter attends. They are putting on Bye Bye Birdie and last night was opening night. It was a full house and we had lovely first row seats. Now, I had already seen one production of Bye Bye Birdie in a Middle School and, cute as it was, it was pretty awful and not a lot of fun to sit through. So, I was expecting the worse here, because Laurel Hall isn’t even a magnet school (the other school where I saw Birdie, was). Well, to my complete surprise, it was delightful. The kids were all good, and the Rosie was much more than that – she was really terrific, and I predict we’ll be hearing from her someday. She sang and danced well and had a good handle on the role, too. I truly love Bye Bye Birdie, and as I sat and watched I just kept thinking how much I’d like to direct a revival of it. It’s just so much fun, and the score is simply great. I ran into Jerry Houser, the original Oscy from the film Summer of ’42, who I hadn’t seen in years (his kids go to Laurel Hall). He’s coming to the benefit tomorrow, too (he’s a good friend of David Wechters). Anyway, it was a fun evening for all.

Well, you all know what today is, don’t you? Today is our Unseemly Trivia Contest, that’s what today is. And I have come up with a two-part Unseemly Triva Contest question for you to chew on. But first we must all put on our colored tights and pantaloons and prance around our homes whilst singing an ancient folk song in a native tongue. Then we must all click on the Unseemly Button below whilst doing the Bread Pudding Dance. For those who don’t know how to do the Bread Pudding Dance – jump to the right, shimmy to the left. Hop back, click your heels to the right, click your heels to the left, step, kick, kick, leap, kick touch – again. That connects with turn, turn, time step, shuffle off to Pacoima. Okay, everybody up – colored tights and pantaloons on. Ready? Here we go: Jump to the right, shimmy to the left. Hop back, click your heels to the right, click your heels to the left, step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch – again! That connects with turn, turn, time step, shuffle off to Pacoima! Wasn’t that fun? I am winded, I’ll tell you that. And now, for the final flourish: Click the Unseemly Button below.

I had the chance to listen to the brand spanking new CD of the brand spanking new musical entitled Sweet Smell of Success. I’m always loathe to talk about show CDs if I haven’t seen the show, but eventually show CDs have to stand on their own – in other words, as a kid I only had the CDs and rarely saw the shows. In any case, it’s obvious this show wants to sound very noir, therefore Mr. Hamlisch has written a score filled with flatted ninths, minor chords with sharped sevenths, ninth chords with flatted fifths, thirteenth chords, and lots of “blue” notes. It all sounds very derivitive of other things – from Elmer Bernstein to Leonard Bernstein to David Shire (Farewell, My Lovely) to Mr. Hamlisch himself (listen to the ending of Don’t Look Now and try not to laugh – it’s virtually the exact same ending as “One”, where they sing “She’s the one”, only here it’s “Don’t look now”). They have used the device of a Greek chorus, which I don’t particularly care for. I like a nice Hawaiian chorus, or sometimes even an Armenian chorus. Why does the fershluganah chorus always have to be Greek? I liked the song I Cannot Hear The City, and the song that everyone has been raving about on the internet, At the Fountain, pretty much left me cold, plus it really sounds like something else and I can’t put my finger on it, which is driving me crazy. Lithgow seems fine, I always enjoy Brian d’Arcy James and the two ladies don’t really register on the CD. Mr. Craig Carnelia’s lyrics seem to get the job done and the CD is produced nicely. I’m hoping to see the show on my next sojourn to New York and hopefully it will still be around by then (even though the show did not get the reviews it needed, producers these days don’t seem to care and keep shows open long after producers of old would have shuttered them and cut their losses). It’s interesting that all these shows that came out of what was originally Livent have felt the same to me in their styles – Ragtime, Seussical, and now Sweet Smell of Success. A kind of in your face presentationality. It was part of my problem with Ragtime, ultimately, much as I admired it. And all three of these shows had wildly successful workshops with incredible buzz. The only show that worked for, however, was Ragtime. The other two opened to very troubled out-of-town tryouts and came into New York with buzz opposite from the workshops. Then, after both shows were pretty much roundly panned, there came the usual internet folks who had to get on the opposite bandwagon and proclaim them great. In any case, if you’re a fan of Mr. Hamlisch or even of the film, it’s an interesting listen.

What am I, Ken Mandelbaum all of a sudden? And look at the size of that paragraph, that is just unseemly in the extreme.

Well, I’ve kept you waiting long enough, dear readers. It’s now time for our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest question. Today we have not only the question itself, but a tie-breaker question. If multiple people get both, then we will have to use our Unseemly Electronic Hat to determine the winner. Here it is:

One musical.
Two movie stars.
One up-and-coming choreographer/director in the cast who, shortly after doing this musical, would work with someone several times who would create a hugely successful musical on Broadway.
One co-star who would die during the performance of another musical on Broadway.

Name the musical, the two movie stars who were in it, the up-and-coming choreographer/director cast member, who the up-and-coming choreographer/director cast member worked with several times, and the co-star who died during a performance of another musical on Broadway. Whew. The tie-breaker question:

Who is the only musical director in the history of the Broadway musical, to have his name used in a show (at least consciously)? Lehman Engel, a character in A Class Act, doesn't count.

Don’t forget, send your answers to me by using the unseemly Ask Bruce button, or simply to bruce@haineshisway.com. Do not post your answers to the site.

You should see my kitchen, dear readers. I have been so busy, that there is unopened mail everywhere, papers strewn about, DVDs, CDs, it’s utter chaos. I need order and this utter chaos is heinous (heinous, do you hear me?). As a matter of fact, the word “chaos” is pretty heinous (heinous, do you hear me?). Look at it just sitting there like so much fish, defying us to understand why on earth it is spelled like that. It should be either spelled “kayahssss” or pronounced “chayohsss” or maybe “chahohsss”. It’s one of those words that look like someone just took a few letters, threw them in the air and let them land, then looked at them spelled out and said, “Wow, those letters I just threw in the air and which landed and spelled “chaos” really look a word that should mean “chaos”. But I think I’ll be clever and pronounce it totally different than it looks, just to be arbitrary.” Oh, well, my kitchen is totally chaos and I will be sorting it all out starting on Monday.

Well, dear readers, I must be off to rehearsal on this fine Saturday. I hope you all have a lovely day. Today’s topic of discussion: Have you ever listened to a show CD and absolutely loved it, only to see the show and go, “What in tarnation is going on here?”. Or, conversely, did you ever listen to a show CD and hate it only to see the show and go, “Wow, this isn’t half bad”. I’ll start: I detested the CD of Bat Boy, but actually enjoyed the show a lot. I really love the CD of The Happy Time and hated the show. Your turn.