haines his way

05/08/2002:
"SMOKING THE BACON"

Well, dear readers, it wasn’t my fault. Blame it on the Boss Nova, blame it on Rio, put the blame on Mame, but don’t blame me. When I spoke to Cindy Williams a month ago, she told me that I was definitely in one of the clips in the Laverne & Shirley Together Again show, in a segment on their dates. Somehow, between that conversation and the show last night, they cut the segment (although it was “teased” with that clip of Jay Leno, which they then never showed – they showed a different Jay Leno clip). Instead, they treated us to that new sketch, one of the single most unfunny and embarrassing things I’ve ever seen in my life. But I thought the clips were funny and I do love the gals. Whoever put that show together should go to producing school.
Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley.
In my dream, I was either staying or living in a room in a building in Culver City. When you turned the water off in the shower it would start running in the tub, both of which were located in the kitchen. When you would then turn the water off in the tub it would start running in the shower. It was like a Buster Keaton kind of dream. Then, since there was no food in the refrigerator (which was in the living room), I went out to get something. As I began to walk I noticed that the streets were only lit by yellow bulbs. I walked a half a block and then thought, “I shouldn’t be out walking alone in this neighborhood” and I turned around to go back. As I walked back, I passed by a swimming pool which was located, for some reason, on a street corner. There were some drunken louts standing by the pool and, as I walked, one of them came up to me and started to try to push me in the swimming pool. I pushed him back and said, “Stay away from me you drunken lout”. His drunken lout friends started to move toward me, so I grabbed the first drunken lout quite strongly by his privates. That took care of that and then I woke up.
Wasn’t that an excellent dream? Can you imagine those drunken louts thinking they could push me around? Can you imagine a swimming pool on a street corner in Culver City? I feel that dream was frought, simply frought with meaning, but I have no idea what that meaning was or is, or even is or was.
Well, dear readers, we all know what today is. Today is Ask BK Day, and I do hope you all have your excellent questions ready for me. Remember, post them here, but don’t anyone answer any of them even if you know the answer and are chomping at the bit to answer – just restrain yourselves and leave the bit unchomped. You will have your turn to answer, dear readers, because I’ve decided that we are going to have an Ask Dear Reader Day very soon, and I will ask you the questions. Isn’t that a splendid and sparkling idea? Isn’t that just too too?
Also, we have a major event happening tomorrow. In addition to my answering your questions, we will be having a party to celebrate said major event. So be sure to stop by, every single one of you. And that includes all you dear readers who lurk. Yes, Virginia, you read that right, there are lurkers who read these here notes every single day. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, we have people who stop, lurk, and listen every single day. I do hope our dear lurkers are enjoying what they read, too, and that they are getting fountains of knowledge and insight at this in site. Because haineshisway.com is becoming an in site, and that is because we are cool, man, we are the coolest – we are the frozen U-No Bar of the internet, man. There may be hotter sites than this, but none that are as cool. We are cooliscious, man, and anyone who doesn’t come to this here site and read these here notes is not cool, man, they are totally without cool. What the hell am I talking about? Oh, yes, the major event and the party we’ll be having to celebrate it.
Last night I went out to dinner and I had a club sandwich. Not a heart sandwich, or a spade sandwich, or even a diamond sandwich mind you, no, I had a club sandwich. And amongst the ingredients included in this club sandwich was apple-smoked bacon. I didn’t even know that apples smoked bacon, did you? That is just too cool, man. Just picture those apples, sitting in their rooms in Culver City, smoking their bacon without a care in the world. In any case, the apple-smoked bacon was absolutely delicious. I wonder if oranges smoke bacon? I wonder if peaches smoke bacon? I wonder if Timothy Leary-Deary smoked bacon? Yes, I wonder whilst I wander and I wander whilst I wonder and this entire paragraph has taken on a distinctly Marx Bros. air about it.
Well, I believe it’s time for us all to click on the Unseemly Button below, and that includes you lurkers. Come on, we know you’re there – so let’s all click away on the count of three: One, two, three…

Did you know that the count of three is a distant cousin to the earl of four and the lord of six? Just asking.
Have I mentioned that I had apple-smoked bacon last night and that said apple-smoked bacon was laying in the middle of a club sandwich like so much fish?
I began watching Mr. Walt Disney’s version of Pollyanna, starring our very own Hayley Mills. It’s very sweet and very charming and Hayley is just wonderful in it. Funnily, I’d never seen it before – I haven’t finished watching it yet and so will refrain from further comment until I do. I also picked up the brand spanking new DVD of Mr. Walt Disney’s Swiss Family Robinson, which I’ve also never seen. I did see the sequel, though, Yiddish Family Rosenbaum, and enjoyed it quite a lot.
Today, Mr. David Wechter will be coming over and we will again be working in earnest on our brand spanking new musical comedy. We had to put it aside because our Tourette’s Syndrome benefit was incredibly time-consuming, but now we will be working in earnest whilst smoking bacon, and we will be churning out pages like there’s no tomorrow. Of course, there better be a tomorrow because otherwise all your excellent questions will go unanswered, and we can’t have that, now, can we?
Another interesting thing about tomorrow is that I will be seeing the DVD menus for The First Nudie Musical. Isn’t that exciting? They will be fully animated, these menus will, and they will have sound bites, too. I will have a full report once I’ve seen them with my very own eyes.
I’m going to keep these here notes short today, because I know you’re all chomping at the bit to ask your excellent questions. You lurkers do feel free to ask questions, too – make yourselves known, that’s what I say. Come out of the woodwork, you lurkers. What are you doing in the woodwork anyway? Get out of that woodwork now. In fact, I’ll let the great Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest say it for me – because no one said it better than them.
GET OUT OF THE WOODWORK Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest
Hey there, you, don’t you lurk!
Get out in the open, don’t be a jerk.
Get out in the sun and you will shine.
Don’t hide out, show yourself!
Step out and say howdy, get off your shelf
Make your presence known and you’ll feel fine!
Get out of the woodwork
And you’ll do some good work
Get out of the shadows and live!
Yes, coming out could work
It’s fun and it should work
Get out of the darkness and give
A little
You’ll find that not joining in isn’t working
You’ll find you’ll like it if you’re not lurking
So
Get out of the corner
Like Little Jack Horner
And come join life’s party and play!
Get out of the woodwork
Stay out of that woodwork
And you’ll do some good work
Today!
I just love that song. Such optimism, such hope. Well, dear readers, it’s time for you to ask your excellent questions, which I can’t wait to see and to answer. In the meantime, I’ll be in my kitchen taking a shower and smoking some bacon.

Replies: 60 Unseemly Comments

bk-
One of the most bothersome things in buying CD's is the little booklet that comes with them.Even with 20/20 vision it is impossible to read most of the text. I suppose this is a challenge to Producers like you.How would you solve this problem in the future?? There must be a way???
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 05/08/2002 10:33 AM PST

Question to follow in next paragraph, but since you mentioned Timothy Leary, I thought you would LOVE to know that I once opened for his co-hort Robert Anton Wilson (of Playboy and The Illuminati Trilogy fame). I went out to dinner with Bob beforehand, but he was "out to lunch" already, which meant our conversation was rather unintelligible.
Now, the question--I am personally curious as to whether your father found out you had pilfered $200 from his pocket, and, if so, what in heaven's name did he do? I can only imagine what MY father would have done in similar circumstances (in which case, I would definitely not be here today typing this question).
Lastly, I have alarming news for all of your dear readers. A federal attorney I know sent me info on this site yesterday:
http://www.policeguide.com/cgi-bin/criminal-search
This site was evidently illegally hacked by a former FBI agent, and has the complete FBI database on it. I was stunned to find they had a file on me, including, unbelievably, an illegal surveillance photo of me in a parking lot. I urge all dear readers to go there and check the FBI files for data on themselves. Word of warning: do NOT enter your social security number--don't give them any more info than they have already. Simply give them your name and state of birth, and then the program will ask for further narrowing questions, and, if there's data on you, it will provide it. A most shocking expose of our government in action.
Posted by JMK @ 05/08/2002 10:33 AM PST

Speaking of "Pollyanna," I suppose I was "crushed" on Hayley, too, until she cut her hair for "Parent Trap" -- I didn't dig all that "Yeah, yeah, yeah stuff"! Not then, anyway.
However, I did want to BE Kevin Corcoran -- how cool was it to be "Toby Tyler" and the little kid in "Swiss Family Robinson"? It was WAY cool.
Yes, you can have peach-smoked bacon. You can have apricot-smoked, cherry-smoked, pear-smoked...and if you're adventuresome (as opposed to toothsome), you might even do some nut-smoking! Walnut-smoked or pecan-smoked or brazil-nut-smoked.
The trick is to experiment with dead wood off the fruit or nut trees and just "smoke" away.
A natural born smoker, I am.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/08/2002 10:36 AM PST

JMK -- a huge BRONX CHEER has just splurted all over your monitor!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/08/2002 10:40 AM PST

Monkey see, monkey do. :)
Posted by JMK @ 05/08/2002 10:42 AM PST

Questions, Questions.. who's got the questions... oh right, I do!
Ok BK, put on your thinking cap!
1. We've discussed favorite movies, showsm books, etc in various genres. At least two subjects have not been addressed and they are the satire/parody musical geniuses and also comic strips. So I ask you, what are your thoughts on people like Gerard Alessandrini, Tom Lehrer, Capitol Steps, Alan Sherman, Wierd Al, Spike Jones - and do you have favorite bits and songs by any of these?
And second... what are the comic strips/comic books that you loved as a child. Do you still read the comics? What section of the paper do you read first?
Wow.. that's a long 1st question!
2. Do you watch any of the reality tv shows (whether it be "blind date" to "Survivor"). If you had to pick one of the shows to go on, which would it be and why?
3. Have you seen Spiderman yet? I did, I'll refrain from my review for just now.
4. The Tony nominations are out. Can you give us your thoughts on the nominees? Who did they omit that should be there?
5. I heard a rumor that Meltz and Ernest once submitted an opening number celebrating different musicals to the Antoinette Perry committee one year (which was never used). Is this true, and if so, is there any record of it?
I think that shall do it for me.. I am getting the house ready for tomorrow's festivities. I cannot wait for the "said" unsaid event!
Posted by Craig @ 05/08/2002 10:55 AM PST

ohhh ok.. 1 more..
What do you think about a revival of Woman of the Year (updating some of the jokes/songs to reflect the current decade) with someone like Candice Bergen and Scott Bakula.. Do you think it's revivable and who would you cast?
Posted by Craig @ 05/08/2002 11:03 AM PST

Well, first of all, I am so happy for Bruce that he has a shower in his kitchen. We all should be so lucky. Imagine, soaping while you cook and cooking while you soap. Just don't mix up the champagne with the shampoo. (A coprophiliac's favorite hair treatment? Or does he prefer the real thing?) btw, didn't Ernest and Meltz write a song called "Soaping While You Cook and Cooking While You Soap"?
But, moving right along, I would like to say that, being unfamiliar with Lavoine and Shoiley, as an unbiased observer, I absolutely agree that that new sketch was decidedly inferior to what went before. Sort of like what Phil had to say about the Donna McKechnie album--it had a Fynsworth sans BK quality to it.
In any case, I had no idea that those two girls did such physical comedy, I mean the Murphy bed stuff and the prat falls and the all-tied-up acts. I seems that they are the heirs apparent to the mantel of Lucy. I thoroughly enjoyed the show. The only fly in the ointment was the lack of Bruce, for which somebody should be thoroughly bitch-slapped.
But my disappointment is curtailed a bit by the forthcoming DVD of The First Nudie Musical. In fact, I am as happy as a coprophiliac--and I must hang my head in shame for misspelling that word repeatedly the other day--a fine pedant I am!
I am as happy as a coprophiliac in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, because I just went to amazon.com and pre-ordered both the DVD and the VHS of 1st NM--my only DVD player is on my computer, so I wanted both. And while there, I found that there was a used copy of the VHS of Naked Space available through a third party--although we all know that the real title of the film is The Creature Wasn't Nice. How thrilled I am in antici-----------------pation of hearing "I Want to Eat Your Face" for the very first time.
Let us hope, in sequel-obsessed Hollywood, we are soon to be treated to The Second Nudie Musical.
My Ask BK questions will follow forthwith. Or maybe fifthwith or sixthwith.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/08/2002 11:25 AM PST

Ron, one of the interesting things that you will find out in the Special Edition DVD of The Parent Trap, is that Hayley, in fact, did NOT cut her beautiful long hair. The short hair is a wig throughout the movie - and the long hair in the camp sequences at the beginning is her real hair.
Posted by bk @ 05/08/2002 11:27 AM PST

Hey BK, Got a few questions for you today:
1. Where have all the flowers gone?
2. Do you think it is possible for Steve Guttenburg to have a comeback? Do you think he still dances the way he danced in "Can't Stop the Music"?
3. Where were you born?
4. What instruments do you play? Do any of them involve pudding?
Posted by Mattso @ 05/08/2002 11:28 AM PST

A DVD Question???
What do you think of the packaging of DVD's??
Talk about overkill.Three of the four sides are taped. They might as well send an FBI agent to your house to make sure that the DVD is truly and surely yours.With your stupendous collection have you ever calculated how much of your valuable time has been truly spent in unpackaging the package?? (I figure that if you own 2,000 DVD's and spent a minumum of 30 seconds opening each one of said DVD's that your valuable time wasted would be over 16 Hours)
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 05/08/2002 11:34 AM PST

BTW William F. Orr,
I finally saw Incubus. Quite entertaining. Did you listen to the Shatner commentary track on the DVD? Hilarious!! Apparently the director insisted that only Esperanto would be spoken on the set, so no one understood his direction.
Posted by Mattso @ 05/08/2002 11:35 AM PST

One more question:
Why is "Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme" an appropriate response to the question "Are you going to Scarborough fair?" Wouldn't a simple "Yes" be more informative?
Posted by Mattso @ 05/08/2002 11:43 AM PST

Wow, this discussion is filling up fast. Now I'm ninthwith, and if I don't hurry I'll be tenthwith.
First, I must protest loudly that one of my questions from last week was never answered. What, pray tell, is your Kevin Bacon Number? Apple-smoked bacon doesn't count.
Second, and more seriously, you have told us about all sorts of performers and directors that you admired from your early just-a-twig-of-a days. Now it must have happened that you eventually got the opportunity to work with some of the idols of your younger days. Can you share with us some stories of finding that you really could relate personally to someone you idolized? And, on the other side, is there anyone for whom your admiration soured when you found out they were really Not A Nice Person? In the latter case, names withheld to protect the innocent Bruce Kimmel, of course.
And finally, I am listening to a song from an original cast album whose title is also a command in Internet Explorer. What is it?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/08/2002 11:48 AM PST

What is your favorite Vernon Duke song and would you be at the York Theatre in New York City this Sunday evening at 7:30 to see the reading of Madly In Love starring Sally Mayes and Jay O. Sanders if you didn't live on the "other" coast? Especially if you knew that Susan Gordon would be in attendance? Just curious.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/08/2002 11:55 AM PST

Questions for bk
1. What is your favorite Cole Porter double entendre?
2. What ever happened to Wanda Richert?
3A. Are you going to see the Reprise! Follies, which is to feature Amanda McBroom as Solange? 3B. Have you any idea if there is a chance of its being recorded?
4. Have you ever seen, heard or read Patricia Resnick’s musical about waitresses, Ladies in Waiting?
5A. Would The King and I and The Last Emperor qualify as Easterns? 5B. When will we be asked to discuss Southerns?
6. What relation, if any, is John Smithee to Alan?
7. Who is Mark Rutland, and why does he not have a middle name?
The Laverne & Shirley Reunion Show
As a child, I was amused by Laverne & Shirley. I recall liking the show. I enjoyed the vintage clips last night, but was surprised by the very poor quality of the reunion special. Even compared to the low standards of other similar such specials, last night’s was bad—poorly written, poorly organized, poorly directed, and poorly produced. I agree with the characterization of that sketch. It was ghastly, much worse than even the worst episode of the sitcom.
Kid Ro
This morning on The Rosie O’Donnell Show, the woman from Busch Gardens asked for assistance with, “Rosie, will you keep this beaver occupied?!”
Rosie neither affirmed nor denied the request.
Back to Coprophilia
In the land of love where did the coprophiliac get off?
The Hershey highway, of course.
Was young Abe a coprophiliac?
They named Lincoln logs after him. You figure it out.
Why couldn’t the coprophiliac climax?
He was too pooped to pop.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/08/2002 12:05 PM PST

Fifteenthwith and I'll raise ya five.
Mattso,
No, I am DVD-impaired, as stated before, and so I only have the VHS which I use to entertain my Esperanto classes when I don't feel like teaching. Thanks for the info.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/08/2002 12:17 PM PST

OK, BK --
Who do you think are the most under-rated musical theatre composers and lyricists (or lyrists as AJ Lerner would have us say)? Those who never seen to get their due, as it were.
Posted by Phil Crosby @ 05/08/2002 12:40 PM PST

Question for Brain Tremor:
I wish I could get to Citicorp center tonight, but I am stuck at the office. I think Jay O. Sanders is a talented actor; I like his work. Can he sing? If so, why has he kept the talent hidden? Is he still married to Maryann Plunkett? I had no idea they were a couple until just now.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/08/2002 01:02 PM PST

Bruce's Six Degrees number is 2. He was in Night Visitor with Elliott Gould who was in The Big Picture with Kevin Bacon. Mine is 3, by the way.
Posted by Mr. Mark Bakalor @ 05/08/2002 01:05 PM PST

I wanna know who you think will be kicked off of Survivor this Thursday (May 9th)? Assuming you even know what Survivor is :)
Posted by Jennifer (aka, the girl you never email anymore) @ 05/08/2002 01:08 PM PST

Does DUZ do everything?
or more appropriately-
Did DUZ do everything???
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 05/08/2002 01:16 PM PST

Is it my imagination or did Mr. Mark Bakalor just answer one of BK's questions? Doesn't Mr. Mark Bakalor know that this is against the rules? Shouldn't Mr. Mark Bakalor recieve a collective bitch slap? All right, Collective: One, two, three. I hope that that collective bitch slap will teach Mr. Mark Bakalor a lesson.
Anyway, here are my questions for BK (not for Mr. Mark Bakalor):
What is the wallpaper/background on your computer?
Will you be seeing any of the Sondheim shows at the Kennedy Center during their Sondheim festival?
Who are some of your favorite movie actors/actresses of today?
And finally:
How do you feel about your name meaning "brushwood thicket"? Do you feel any connection to brushwood thickets? Do you feel that in some ways you ARE a brushwood thicket?
:)
Posted by Lolita @ 05/08/2002 01:20 PM PST

What is your favorite book of all time?
Who is /are your favorite author/authors?
What do you expect will be the number of books sold of Benjamin Kritzer?
What will the first printing be?
If the book becomes a film who would you like to see cast as Benjamin Kritzer and what Director would you choose to put it on the big screen?
If an audio version of your book is produced would you do the reading?
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 05/08/2002 01:58 PM PST

What was your SAT score?
Who ARE these unseemly lurkers?
What other record producers do you admire?
Posted by Hapgood @ 05/08/2002 02:00 PM PST

My Kevin Bacon number is also 2. I was in Dream House with Marilu Henner who was in Mr. Roberts (1984) with Kevin Bacon.
Freedunit -- Madly In Love is Sunday, not tonight. Does that alter the situation? Either way, thanks for the support.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/08/2002 02:07 PM PST

If Jack Benny was your favorite comedian what did you think of his performances in THE HORN BLOWS AT MIDNIGHT and TO BE OR NOT TO BE?
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 05/08/2002 02:12 PM PST

Robert-
Does this count for my Kevin Bacon connection:
Kevin was in Animal House with Tom Hulce who was in Amadeus with Elizabeth Berridge, who at one time was my babysitter...
Posted by Craig @ 05/08/2002 02:30 PM PST

Robert-
Or this way: I was taught one semester by John Lithgow who was filling in for his father, Arthur up at my college. John was of course in Footloose with Kevin.
Posted by Craig @ 05/08/2002 02:33 PM PST

Hey Robert Armin,
It appears that you were also in "Family Reunion" with Bette Davis, my all-time favorite movie-star. Did you get to talk to her? Was she cool?
Posted by Mattso @ 05/08/2002 02:41 PM PST

Hey, Lolita My Love, lay off Mr. Mark Bakalor. I'm happy h just decided to make an appearance, and he takes enoug abuse around here anyway.
I say, so what if our words are always falling off the righ hand side of the page. So what if every post becomes a cryptogram because of fatally flawed html code.
Let us not forget that Mr. Mark Bakalor is responsible fo some of the best theatre-related sites on the whole entir internet--not to mention mattresses.
I say, welcome, Mr. Mark Bakalor, and please continue t post in the future.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/08/2002 02:43 PM PST

I was sent a review (good) of the London production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. In your meetings with the Sherman Brothers did they have in views on the adapting of the movie to the stage? Are the new songs written by them? Any news yet on the BK produced album or is it still in limbo. I am a fan of Michael Ball. (I know many people are not). Not quite the person for "Passion" (the musical that is) but he has charm. He is still my favourite Marius. Do you like Mr Ball's voice? Mr Ball is the star of CCBB.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 05/08/2002 02:43 PM PST

Craig—
I think your Elizabeth-Berridge-to-Tom-Hulce-to-Bacon connection means your six-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon number is three (3).
My six-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon number is two (2); a friend of mine was a camera operator on JFK, which featured Bacon; or, alternatively, while working on a production of Uncommon Women and Others for a brief while I carpooled with Dianne Wiest, who played the Reverend’s wife in Footloose, which starred Bacon.
Lolita, please may I bitch-slap you? I bitch-slapped myself over the last Unseemly Trivia Contest.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/08/2002 03:00 PM PST

I must bitch slap many of you now. To have a Six Degree number you must have actually appeared in a production with the person as opposed to just having known, met or been driven by them. So there!
Posted by Mark Bakalor @ 05/08/2002 03:02 PM PST

Just a few questions:
Do you think "Little Lulu" would make a good musical?
Do you remember Mary Jane and Sniffles in comic books. I think Sniffles was her pet mouse. At any rate, Mary Jane could say the magic words and shrink to Sniffles' size:
"Magic words of poof, poof piffles
Make me just as small as Sniffles!"
And voila! I don't recall what it took to return her to full size. Maybe it happened after a set amount of time.
Do you have a list of Broadway musicals/show-tune-related albums that are must-haves for every theater fan and wannabe? Would you share it? If you have before, would you share it with me via e-mail?
Have you ever had Pra Ram Pork )or chicken) at a Thai restaurant? How about Pad Thai Noodles?
What are your favorite Thai dishes?
What's your favorite "serious" junk food????????
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/08/2002 03:03 PM PST

If someone was an extra in Sylvester Stallone film -- and appeared behind Stallone's right shoulder in the only freeze frame in the film -- would that person have a degree of connection if one could be assessed for Stallone?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/08/2002 03:05 PM PST

Mark -
Obviously, you don't know what it was like babysitting my brother and I.. it WAS a production!
And althought it was never a "public" performance, John Lithgow and I read a few scenes together in class. So don't be handing out too many of those bitch slaps :)
Posted by Craig @ 05/08/2002 03:07 PM PST

Mattso - Considering that I had the guts to knock on Katharine Hepburn's dressing room door and chat with her after a performance of Coco, I was astonishingly tongue-tied when I met Bette Davis. She was quite cordial but preoccupied, so I said little more than hello. Considering that it was my very first film, I was thrilled just being in her presence. Watch for me driving the police car ten minutes into Part One.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/08/2002 03:10 PM PST

BTW, Madly in Love is based on a little known Betty Davis comedy called It's Love I'm After from 1937. Sally Mayes is playing the Davis role on Sunday.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/08/2002 03:13 PM PST

Yes indeed. Congratulations on your single degree of seperation with Mr. Sylvester Stallone and a score of just two with Kevin Bacon.
Just the same, BK and I have three degrees of seperation. The same amount of degrees I have with Bill Clinton, Walt Disney and Hinky Meltz.
Posted by Mr. Mark Bakalor @ 05/08/2002 03:13 PM PST

Sorry for the misspelling of Bette! It was a TYPO!!!
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/08/2002 03:18 PM PST

Mark—
O.K. I did not understand. If you bitch-slap me, I’ll bitch-slap Lolita, and we can all then bitch-slap Canada for naming Canadian Bacon.
Correction: I have no six-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon number.
[I almost erred and stated it was zero, but that would have earned me more bitch-slapping because I am not Kevin Bacon.]
Posted by freedunit @ 05/08/2002 03:48 PM PST

What exactly does a record producer do when they produce an album? (Choose the singers, the material, etc)
When a cast album is nominated for a Grammy award what do they judge for the Grammy? Is it the singing? The score (and what if it isn't a new score?) The production (ie the sound, mixes etc)A combination of the above. If it is none of the above what is the criteria.
Since you are friendly with Rupert Holmes I always wondered who was voted the murderer the most times during the Broadway run of Drood. On your re-release of the cast album there was both your's and Holmes' favorite. (Also who was Datchery and the lovers most often)
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 05/08/2002 04:39 PM PST

Well, well, the bitch slaps are just flying today. The bitch slapping has become out of control here at haineshisway.com. Oh, the bitch slapping.
freednuit- I'm afraid that I only let certain people slap me, so you'll have to bitch slap Lolita, Someone Else's Love, thank you very much.
Also, if Mr. Mark Bakalor takes any serious offence to my suggestion of collective bitch slapping, I sincerely apologize.
Posted by Lolita @ 05/08/2002 05:09 PM PST

I'm liking these questions. I'll have to start answering them tonight in order to get the notes up in a timely fashion tomorrow. I feel the timely fashion should be short shorts and stiletto heels.
Mr. Mark Bakalor will take offense at nothing. He has been errant and truant for far too long and it's about time he showed his musical comedy face around here, that's all I have to say. Oh, sure, he runs some of the best theatre sites around, but errant and truant people must get their comeuppance or, at the very least, their comedownance. Thus I have spoken and shall speak no more until I thusly choose.
Posted by bk @ 05/08/2002 05:35 PM PST

I'm beginning to feel left out with so many of you bitch slapping the jehosaphat out of each other.
I'm ornery and sassy and I think I might need to be bitch slapped, too!
Of course, I might just bitch slap you back....
....or you front....
Anyone?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/08/2002 06:07 PM PST

With all this bitch-slapping, BK needs to hire a foley artist stat! Maybe that's the announcement for tomorrow--there will be one of those little speaker-thingy's (technical term) to click on whenever the phrase bitch-slap is used, and a sound effect will accompany said phrase!
Posted by JMK @ 05/08/2002 06:47 PM PST

The Great Oz has spoken...
Posted by Lolita @ 05/08/2002 07:29 PM PST

y dear Mr. Mark Bakalor. You fail to take note of the fact hat many of us contributors of Unseemly Comments to this ere Forum are, in fact amateurs, and therefore not entirely ound by the rules and regulations of professional play.
urthermore, it is quite clear from the American Express ommercial that Kevin Bacon himself plays by our own, less tringent rules. I am sure there is, out there, somewhere on he Internet a cite which claims o hold the official connon to this game, and that your strict regulations are enshrined herein. However, in the general application of folk games, he rules tend to be in flux to a greater or lesser degree. here is, in fact, no Hoyle of this domain...
ut, my God, what's that? Now my words are disappearing rom the left. That has never happened before, at least no
o anyone but me. I know! You must have cast a javascrip
ex upon me. That's it, you and your hypertex
mark-up ways! Is this how you trea
our opponent in a debate? Ah, the ignominity of it all!
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/08/2002 09:22 PM PST

You may truncate m
ords, but you sh
ver have my sou
To God
there
is
no
0
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/08/2002 09:24 PM PST

I am going to have to send out some Bitch-slaps now just so we can have 50 handy and also dandy posts. Wow! That's a lot of posts. That is also a lot of Bitch-slaps.
It appears from BKs statements below that Mr Bakalor has a musical theatre face. Now I must add another question:
Just what does a musical theatre face look like?
Posted by Mattso @ 05/08/2002 09:30 PM PST

Mattso, I am betting its one that faces the music and dances.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/08/2002 10:20 PM PST

We all know how incredibly well-connected you seem to be to persons celebritous (who cares if it's not in the dictionary, I like this new word, by golly!), but how so? Specifically, how did you come to know our very own celebritous Mr. Mark Bakalor? And how about your close personal friend, Mr. Stephen Sondheim?
Posted by Jed @ 05/08/2002 10:36 PM PST

By the way, my Kevin Bacon number is 4. I've been in a few theatrical productions with a local jackass (name withheld because he doesn't really deserve to show up should any uncooth interlopers search for his name) who was in the chorus of a Broadway show starring Gregory Hines, who was in "Off Limits" with Keith David, who was in "Novocaine" with Kevin Bacon.
Posted by Jed @ 05/08/2002 10:43 PM PST

Hey All,
I just descovered the Kevin Bacon Oracle. We will never have to guess that again. Check this out:
Mattso @ 05/09/2002 08:01 AM PST

Sorry, I had a link problem. If it doesn't work just click on my name.
try this:
http://oracleofbacon.org
Posted by Mattso @ 05/09/2002 08:03 AM PST

Pat, may I have my apostrophe back. It's it's. Why do keyboard keys stick? Why do fingers miss keys? Oh, why, why, why?
Posted by freedunit @ 05/09/2002 08:13 AM PST

Since I'm bored, being at that stage in the senior year of high school when there is really nothing much to do, I'll throw another question at you. (Since, you know, you have so few.)
What do you think of Cat Stevens?
Posted by Lolita @ 05/09/2002 08:38 AM PST

Just read some of your posts. What the h___ are you guys talking about?!?!
Posted by Donna @ 05/09/2002 10:16 AM PST

P.S. for BK: Dream sites -
http://www.dreamstop.com
http://www.avcweb.com/dreams/index.htm
http://www.dreamsnightmares.com
http://www.sleeps.com/dreams.html
http://www.dreamdoctor.com
Posted by Donna @ 05/09/2002 10:24 AM PST

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