Well, dear readers, today is the day when I’ll be doing The Broadway Radio Show with our very own Mr. Donald Feltham. Mr. Donald Feltham’s instructions seemed simple enough – pick twelve of my favorite showtunes, in performances from original cast albums or from cover versions. Well, it was not as simple as it seemed, let me tell you that. It was, in fact, quite a daunting task. I agonized and fretted and fretted and agonized over these choices. Finally, I just had to choose my choices and let the chips fall where they may. So, I went to the cupboard, opened some chips (Doritos) and tossed said chips in the air and let them fall where they may, which in this particular instance, was the kitchen floor. Where else were the chips going to fall? Of course the chips were going to fall on the kitchen floor, where did I think they were going to fall, Rancho Cucamonga? So, I hope you’ll all tune in on Sunday to hear the showtunes I chose and the reasons I chose them. It actually turned out to be a very eclectic and strange batch of showtunes, and I think you’ll find it fascinating, at least I certainly found it fascinating. Perhaps whilst listening to the show, you can open some chips and let them fall where they may.

Yesterday, I finally got to see the handy-dandy menus for the DVD of my film, The First Nudie Musical. They are very clever and lots of fun – they’re fully animated, they have music and sound-bites and I was very impressed. Above all, they are easy to navigate. Some of these DVD menus are nigh unto impossible to navigate. I don’t like that word “nigh” do you? You just know that some lazy word person somewhere said, “well, if I just take the “t” off of “night” I’ll create a new word, “nigh”.” Look at that word, just sitting there like so much fish, with no point and no purpose other than to annoy me. In fact, that whole phrase, “nigh unto impossible” just irks me. I am irked just looking at it. An irked person is typing right now. And while we’re at it, why don’t we just drop the “t” off of “right” and have a new word, “righ”. Yes, our menus are righ unto the probable to navigate, so there. What the hell am I talking about? In any case, the menus are spiffy and totally with it and cool, man. In fact, I would go so far as to say they are cooliscious – I’ll say it and let the chips fall where they may.

Well, you all know what today is, don’t you? Today is our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest question day, that’s what today is. Now, no sitting on your unseemly butt cheeks – you must play to win and win to play. You must not lurk, like our other lurkers. You must step forward, head held high and you must guess, dear readers, even if you feel finding the answer to the question is nigh unto impossible. So, let us gird our collective loins and just click on that Unseemly Button below. “Gird our collective loins”? Did I just write that sentence? Frankly, I would much prefer to loin our collective girds, wouldn’t you? The last time I girded my loins I had a hernia. “Loins”. That is just such a Jerry Lewis word, isn’t it? Let’s all say “loins” in our best Jerry Lewis voice, on the count of three: One, two, three: Loins. Whoa, that was a cacophony of Jerrys. Of course, to a coprophiliac that would be cacophony. Where was I? Oh, yes, we must gird our loins and click on the Unseemly Button below.

I don’t know about you, dear readers, but my loins feel ever so much better since I girded them.

I am in the midst of watching quite an entertaining DVD entitled Expresso Bongo, starring Mr. Laurence Harvey and Mr. Cliff Richard. It’s a musical, really, or at least it has a lot of songs. It’s based on a short story and play by Wolf Mankewicz, and the play had music and lyrics by David Heneker, Julian More and Monty Norman (he of the controversial James Bond Theme). The film has those songs plus a lot of others. Mr. Harvey, who I’ve always been a fan of, gives a superb performance, and I’ll have a fuller report once I’ve finished watching it. I was fortunate enough to see Mr. Harvey on the stage right here in Los Angeles, California, at the Huntington Hartford Theater. He was in a play that was trying out here and then heading for Broadway. In the play, Mr. Harvey played someone who married newly widowed women and then murdered them to get their money. He meets a newly widowed woman at a funeral and marries her, only to find out that this woman marries newly widowed men to murder them for their money. The first act curtain line was, “Good God, a competitor!” Isn’t it funny that I still remember that line from a play that I saw once over thirty-five years ago. I thought it was a great show – the entire second act is the two of them trying to kill each other and it was absolutely hilarious. It didn’t hurt that playing opposite Mr. Harvey was Miss Elaine Stritch. The play was by Peter Barnes, who would go on to write The Ruling Class. The director was a well-known Brit, but I can’t remember which well-known Brit it was – by the time the show limped into Los Angeles, the well-known Brit had been canned and the direction was credited to one Fred Hebert, who didn’t even warrant a Who’s Who in the program. I believe there were many personality problems, and Miss Stritch was in her heavy-drinking period. When I recorded Drat! The Cat! and got to work with Miss Stritch, I told her I’d seen the play and that I thought she was brilliant in it (she really was), and she told me some great stories, and she also seemed rueful that it hadn’t come into New York, because it really was a very good and very funny dark comedy. I have the script somewhere, too – I must dig it out and read it. Oh, and one other fascinating thing about that production – the incidental music was by Miles Davis and Gil Evans. It’s on CD, in one of those huge Miles Davis box sets and it’s great.

Well, let us tarry no more, let us get to our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest question without further ado. But first, let’s all say “loins” again, on the count of three (and in our best Jerry Lewis voices): One, two, three: Loins. Man, we’re good at that. In any case, here is this week’s question:

One 60s musical had an incredible group of artists working on it. It had two authors and a composer who would go on to have huge careers in both musical theater and films. It had two great serious actors in leading roles; one great comic actor; two adorable juveniles, both of whom had been involved in incredibly successful shows; and one director who had a hand in creating many hit musicals. The cast also featured someone in a very small ensemble role who would go on to be a major television and theater star (winner of both the Emmy and the Tony).

Name the musical.
Name the two authors and the composer.
Name the director.
Name the two serious actors, the two juveniles, the comic actor and the director.
Finally, name the ensemble player who would go on to be a major television and theater star.

If we have no guesses by Sunday, I will give you all an unseemly clue. Remember, don’t post your answers, send them to me at bruce@haineshisway.com.

Well, that was the question - unfortunately, one of our very own dear readers posted the answer rather than e-mailing it, so that question is now null and void and also void and null. So, I've had to quickly whip up another question, which is not nearly as good but that will have to do:

What musical spawned a major television star, a multiple Academy Award nominee. and a beast. And what traumatic and life-changing event happened to certain members of the creative team?

Name the musical, the major television star, the multiple Academy Award nominee, and the beast. And name the certain members of the creative team and what the life-changing traumatic event was that befell them.

Well, dear readers, I must be off to tape the handy-dandy radio show. In the meantime, I feel you should all open you bags of chips and let them fall where they may and I also feel you should gird your loins whilst doing it. Today’s topic of discussion: Since I was talking about Time of the Barracudas – what is your favorite flop play or musical that you’ve seen, and why, since you loved it, do you think it wasn’t successful? I’ll start: I’ve already told you why Barracudas didn’t make it in – too much behind the scenes turmoil – but if that show had been done in the seventies or early eighties with stars like Harvey and Stritch, I think it absolutely would have been a smash hit. Other than that, the closest thing would be Mack and Mabel, which I really enjoyed. It had real book problems which they, to this day, haven’t solved, but the production was a total delight, and Peters and Preston were wonderful in it. It has some terrific Gower Champion numbers and an almost wholly successful Jerry Herman score. Your turn.