Well, dear readers, for the second time in three weeks I have seen a production of Bye Bye Birdie. So, in a way I’ve been saying Hi Hi Birdie instead of Bye Bye Birdie, but that is neither here nor there or even there nor here. This production was staged at the Smother’s Theater on the campus of Pepperdine University. My friend David Wechter’s son, Daniel (who was in our Tourette’s Syndrome benefit along with brother Zach and cousin Max) was in the chorus. Now, here’s the thing with this production – it’s got a chorus of fifty kids or more, ranging in ages from three to teens. Those kids and everyone else but the two leads, all pay $150 to participate in the show. This is a brilliant idea. First of all, the show has to sell out (in the good way) because all those parents of all those fifty youngsters come to the show every night and every night they bring relatives and friends. Brilliant. On top of that, you can purchase photos of the youngsters in the show. On top of that, you can send them a “telegram” for a nominal charge (you write it up outside the theater and then it’s delivered backstage). On top of that, you can purchase flowers to give to your kid or kids (for a nominal charge). On top of that, you can purchase handy-dandy refreshments for a nominal charge. Isn’t that brilliant?

It’s nice for the kids who get to be in a show, it’s nice for the parents who get to see their kids in a show – it’s a bit less fun for the audience, however. Actually, when the kids run on and are part of the numbers (they are inserted into quite a few), it was quite entertaining. It was the adults that were the problem. The director of this whole thing also chose to play Mr. Albert Peterson. He’s a reasonable performer but he is not Mr. Albert Peterson. The gal who played Rosie has had quite a bit of experience singing backup for the likes of Mary Wilson. She wasn’t a very good actress, though, and the sound system totally killed any chance for her vocals to shine (her voice didn’t project well on its own), but in the worst thing in the whole evening, they actually gave her a song that wasn’t from Bye Bye Birdie, just a kind of R&B number, and it was just awful (not to mention that they could have been shut down by MTI, who licenses the show). They cut Baby, Talk to Me and The Shriner’s Ballet. The band was two keyboards and a drummer – unfortunately, the two keyboards were in the wings on stage right, and the drummer was in the wings on stage left. Resulting chaos ensued, drummer/keyboard-wise. It was all very amateur, but I suppose that is part of its charm. However, I must say that the middle school production I saw three weeks ago, with a complete cast of junior high school kids was, though not as well paced, much better, especially the thirteen year old girl who played Rosie, who was excellent. But that wasn’t the point, and the kids were cute as buttons (no mean feat), and none moreso than Daniel Wechter. And would you like to know who else’s kid was in the show? Well, I’ll tell you who else’s kid was in the show, because you have a right to know. Mr. John Tesh and Miss Connie Selleca’s kid was in the show, that’s whose kid was in the show, and the proud parents were right there in the audience cheering their cute kid on. The woman who played Albert’s mother got the biggest reaction in the show because about half the audience were friends of hers. She wasn’t bad, and they gave her what I believe was the new song Strouse and Adams wrote for that character, a totally unnecessary number in my opinion. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Still and all, we had a good time, and then we went out to Ben and Jerry’s, where I had two count them two scoops of coconut, almond and fudge chip ice cream.

Let’s take a pause while you all drool in envy that I was having two scoops of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream, and whilst pausing let us click on the Unseemly Button below.

So, do we all like the new posting order, first post of the day down to most recent posts? I’m not sure I do, after living with it for a few hours. I know why the request was made, so that people could see them in order and thus know what the hell everyone is talking about, but I’m not certain that jibes with the vibes of this site. I go out of my way every day to not know what the hell I’m talking about – and I kind of liked that the posts were like that. But now we have order and I don’t know that we are the better for it. Let’s have a poll – please tell me which you prefer and the majority shall rule in this particular case only.

I had a lovely day yesterday. First I went to Mr. Donald Feltham’s handy-dandy house and taped the radio show, which was really fun. We played the twelve showtunes I’d picked, and talked about the reasons for choosing those particular twelve, which I must say are not your usual Aunt Fanny’s choices. I do hope you will all tune in later today and throughout the week to listen – many things are revealed on the radio, because someone told me it’s all happening on the radio. Yes, Virginia, there are shocking revelations to be heard on the radio, as well as some very good theater music. So, join me on the radio and what fun we shall all have. After taping the radio show, I drove back to my neck of the woods to find that my final approved galley had arrived, and let me tell you it looks splendidly splendid, this galley does. “My neck of the woods”? What in tarnation does that mean? Even if I lived in the woods, which I don’t, where does a neck come into it? Why isn’t it “my arm of the woods” or “my kneecap of the woods”? Why is it “my neck of the woods” for heaven’s sake. And why is it “for heaven’s sake” rather than “for hell’s sake”? And why is it the woods rather than the mountains or the prairies or the glen or even the robert? What the hell am I talking about? Maybe if Mr. Mark Bakalor put this pargraph in order it would be better.

As most of you know by now, we had to redo the trivia question yesterday, so if perchance you haven’t seen it, then perchance go to the Unseemly Archive Button and click away, so you can perchance see the brand spanking new question – which I thought would be too too easy since I had to come up with it very quickly – but thus far we have had no correct guesses. I will give a clue that will preclude you from guessing the same show that our incorrect guessers have guessed: The traumatic and life-changing experience for certain members of the creative team, did not include death.

I hope that John Tesh and Connie Selleca aren’t reading these here notes, because I may have been just a bit too harsh on the production of Bye Bye Birdie. I would hate to be bitch-slapped by Mr. John Tesh, because he is very tall and very tall bitch-slappers are the worst when it comes to bitch-slapping.

Oh, another thing I did yesterday was wash my very own car. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I washed my very own car. I put on my extremely short cut-off jeans and my tightest t-shirt, took a bucket of soapy water out to said car, and proceeded to give said car a sponge bath. In the process I got very wet and soapy, and you could see through my tight t-shirt just like on those sexy Playboy videos. And do you know what? Not one neighbor or passerby stopped to ogle. Can you believe it? Not one single ogler and let me tell you I look fabulous in a wet t-shirt and deserve to be ogled. Damn their eyes. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Oh, well, perhaps they simply weren’t in their neck of the woods. That must be the reason for the non-ogling, because I am here to tell you I was worth ogling. In fact, after I was done I went into the house, stepped in front of my handy-dandy full-length closet mirror and I ogled myself. That showed them, those non-ogling passersby.

Pre show, we ate dinner in Malibu at Café Marmalade. May I just say here and now and also now and here that I am not a fan of this restaurant, be it in Malibu or Sherman Oaks. It’s one of those restaurants where there is always one ingredient in every dish that you would never want in your mouth. I hate that. When I go to a restaurant I want dishes where all ingredients are acceptable to the mouth. I took the easy way out and had a half Caeser and a BLTA, which stands for Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato and Avacado, not Bruce Loves Tasty Almonds. But even the BLTA wasn’t up to snuff. Too much A and too much T and the A and the T kept falling out of the sandwich onto my plate in an unseemly glop. The B and the L were all right, I suppose, and the French Fries were actually quite tasty in a French-fried way.

Well, dear readers, it is a beautiful Sunday here in Los Angeles, California and I must take the day, I must do the things I do. For example, I am going to attend a Moderne show. Isn’t that exciting? It’s some kind of antique show, but all Moderne – moderne furniture, moderne lamps, moderne radio. I must drive all the way to Santa Monica to attend this show, which is quite a drive to quite another neck of the woods. In the meantime, you all be sure to send in your answers to our handy-dandy trivia contest, listen to our handy-dandy radio show featuring me, and post whether you like our new orderly style of posting. Also, I’m going to put a ban on people posting their own trivia contests to the site. I am not going to put an arrid or a mennen's speed stick on people posting their own trivia contests to the site, mind you, no, I'm going to put a ban on it. I think one a week is enough, plus I would much rather you send your ideas for trivia contests to me, so that we can have guest contests, for which you will receive credit and a sparkling prize, if your contest question is chosen. That way you can achieve fame and fortune right here at haineshisway.com. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s free-for-all day – any topic goes, so post away, post often, air your views on any subject whatsoever, as long as you keep it light, keep it gay, and keep it cool, because we are cool, man, we are the coolest, we are simply cooliscious.