Posted by Philip Crosby @ 05/17/2002 10:33 AM PST

Well, first off, I think the interview idea is quite wonderful. We are all aware, Bruce, that you know some of the most fascinating people around--not to mention all us Hainesies and vodka Kimlets and lurkers and delurkers--so I'm sure the interviews would be a great read. Perhaps you will turn into the Oprah of the internet. But you'll have to gain a few pounds.

They definitely should make a movie of Have Gun, Will Travel, but I don't know who could possibly equal Richard Boone in the rôle of Paladin. Most likely someone like Mel Gibson would be cast and be totally wrong for it.

Of course, I was the first to say that the movie The Addams Family was a stupid idea, but I was totally wrong, because both of the films went way beyond the source material and turned dumb into fun and, surprisingly, social commentary.

So who knows? My Mother the Car in the right hands?

Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/17/2002 10:45 AM PST

The interviews sound like a wonderful idea. I vote yes.

I definitely agree with your opinion of "Will and Grace" and "Friends," to me, is unfunny also. A show that I actually laugh out loud at is "Everybody Loves Raymond." Whatever makes your boat float!

P.S. Can't think of any TV shows that would make a hit film at the moment. A tall order.

Posted by Donna- Cabaret West @ 05/17/2002 10:54 AM PST

Re: BK's foray into Thursday night sitcoms.

First, "Friends" is normally one of the genuinely funny ensemble cast comedies ever produced for TV. Only at the end of each season when they go for a cliff-hanger do the proceedings become a bit contrived and desperate for something onto which to suspend audience interest over the summer. Joey makes me laugh out loud all the time. Matt LeBlanc (Joey) has one of the most expressive faces I've seen and he's a hoot. Matthew Petty (Chandler) has a way with zingers, assuming the writers give him some. Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe) isn't as funny as she used to be. I think they've lost the writer who used to base Phoebe on herself (or himself?). David Schwimmer (Ross) is my least favorite character -- he was changed into a sort of nebbishy nerd somewhere during the second season and I lost respect for him because he had been the most sane, solid one of the bunch. They need that solidity even now. I've also heard that Schwimmer isn't very fan-friendly, which doesn't endear him to me, although I know fans can be outrageously insensitive and rude.

Now..."Will and Grace" -- I think it's probably one of the most offensive shows ever aired on TV. Jack (Sean P. Hayes) needs bitch-slapping within an inch of his life. Together with Karen, they have become the most crude, insensitive, boorish characters television has ever permitted to air in primetime. Will and Grace are both bland, comparatively speaking. I find neither particularly funny nor attractive. The entire situation involving all four characters is unbelievable -- even more so than the stretch it took to believe the "Seinfeld" cast could ever have been friends as the characters they played. Can anyone honestly agree with TV Guide and say that "Seinfeld" is the all-time Number One TV comedy? With "I Love Lucy" coming in second????

No, "Will and Grace", courtesy of the writers for Jack and Karen, is a mean-spirited, unfunny embarassment. Jack and Karen were truly funny in the first season, but it digressed quickly. There is talent on the show, but gimme a break!

As for TV series' that might make good movies:

"The Wild, Wild West" might make a good movie if they could cast it correctly, write a decent script and find a decent director.

There was a wonderful, short-lived sci-fi/fantasy series called "The Visitor" on Fox that was abruptly cancelled after about 13 episodes...it needs a resolution and a movie version would be the best way of dealing with it. This was produced by the team that gave us "Independence Day" and "Godzilla".

I think someone should take the premise of "The Golden Girls" and write a musical for it. The baby boomer generation is at an age now when it should be wielding extraordinary influence on the entertainment front as we head en masse into our retirement years. We're going to be an alarmingly large horde of viewers/consumers and our numbers will be greater than most other demographics.

Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/17/2002 11:07 AM PST

Correction: Matthew Perry (vice Petty). I don't always see my mistakes, even when I proof.

Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/17/2002 11:11 AM PST

Bruce, I'm so sorry I've been bothering you with my constant phone calls this morning, but I just keep thinking of more to say. And I'm not at all sun-dried; that's just what happens to one's complexion when you life in south Florida.

Anyhoo, TV show-to-movie:

Square Pegs (retro-80's nostalgia, ahoy.)

Little House on the Prairie (base it on the books, please, not the TV show.)

You Can't Do That On Television
(why? Gee, I don't know.)

Anybody here ever seen the movie Buck Benny Rides Again? Very funny, entertaining Jack Benny movie with all of the folks from the radio show. I love love love it. Watch for Fred Allen's cameo.

So BK, how did the pitch go?

Posted by Lulu @ 05/17/2002 11:26 AM PST

I vote yes for the interviews.

I rarely watch tv (except the reruns on the local un-affiliated station, the news and Leno) so I've not seen any of the stuff on. However, last night Sandra watched Friends, and Will and Grace came on after. She ended up turning off W&G saying it was pretty disgusting.

Posted by Laura @ 05/17/2002 12:12 PM PST

Go for the interviews.
The Prisoner would make a great movie.

Posted by steveg @ 05/17/2002 12:29 PM PST

Yes, steveg. The Prisoner would be terrific if it had the same feel as the show. With who? Ben Browder comes to mind.

I was so disappointed that Mission Impossible totally disappeared from the films of Mission Impossible. It was no longer about a team, it was about a Star. It looked like TC was trying to make up for not getting to play Bond.

Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/17/2002 12:44 PM PST

I also vote for The Prisoner. One of the best TV shows ever. I have the complete series on DVD and a graphic novel that is a sequal to the series.

Posted by Michael Shayne @ 05/17/2002 12:53 PM PST

I would like to see "Happy Days" made into a film.

But seriously ...

I'd really like to see this trend ended. Why must we be perpetually bombarded with remakes, sequels, and whatever the word is for television shows that are turned into films? I do not want to see anymore television shows turned into films. Bruce, I swear to you, if they make a movie about "The Partridge Family", I will immediately go to eBay and sell ALL of my Partridge Family albums! :-)

I'm not gay, yet I'm very offended by the way that "Will & Grace" portrays gay men. I watched the show a few times and decided I'd had enough of its very unfunny content. As God is my witness, I shall never watch it again!

To Mr. Pulliam, subjectively ranking television shows is something that is way too vague for me to comprehend. However, it does not surprise me all that much that "Seinfeld" ranked ahead of "I Love Lucy". Here are two reasons why it does not surprise me:

1) "I Love Lucy" had the advantage of coming along early in TV sitcom history, thus, much of what the writers and cast accomplished with respect to that show, seemed ever-so-original and brilliant, since its kind had not yet been seen on television too often. However, a great deal of what they accomplished wasn't so original, was it? Much of what we see on "I Love Lucy" is shtick that was culled from the long history of vaudeville, stage, and radio. Meanwhile, "Seinfeld" came along 40 years later and had to seem original in the face of the tens of thousands of hours of sitcom history that preceded it. "Seinfeld"'s writers and cast had a much more daunting task in front of them, with respect to seeming "fresh" and original, than the "I Love Lucy" writers and cast had.

2) Seinfeld episodes usually incorporated multiple-storylines (one funnier than the next). To sell Seinfeld short is to deny the wealth of humorous storylines that were woven together throughout its illustrious run. If you choose to deny that, then, yes, you can easily deny that "Seinfeld" was a brilliant show. However, I don't deny that wealth of humorous storylines. I also did not find it to be a stretch to believe that the four could have been friends, since I do have a diverse group of friends who often remind me of the Seinfeld 4. Incidentally, it's more of a stretch to believe that the Friends 6 could ever be friends in the real world. If that cast of TV characters tried to coexist in the real world, they would likely implode within days.

Anyhow, in conclusion, I love Lucy and I love Seinfeld. I do not know how to decide which is better. Perhaps I'll flip a coin? Perhaps I'll consult an oracle? Perhaps I'll do a Pudding Dance? I think it's silly to have to choose one over the other. I think TV Guide is silly, thus, I do not read it and did not know of the folly of their rankings. However, yes, Mr. Pulliam, someone can honestly agree with TV Guide and say that "Seinfeld" is the all-time Number One TV comedy. On this particular "Friday after the Thursday before the Saturday" I'm inclined to say that "Seinfeld" wins. Pondering the same unimportant question on any particular Monday, I might be inclined to say that Lucy wins. I love them both and found it offensive that you opted to denigrate my beloved "Seinfeld". Actually, I didn't find it too offensive at all, I just found it misguided (in a TV Guide sorta way). I find "Will & Grace" very offensive. I look forward to the day that I can read of its cancellation. I also look forward to many more years of watching "I Love Lucy" and "Seinfeld" reruns.

And, by the way,

"Cheers!"

Posted by Roy @ 05/17/2002 01:54 PM PST

Bruce,

I know the Jack Benny episode you refer to, and the violin duet is great, but the best Jack Benny TV episode, hands down, is the one where Jack goes to the supermarket.
A highlight: A woman is manning a table offering free samples of a layer cake. The sign behind her says "FREE". She momentarily abandons her post.
Jack turns the corner of the aisle with his cart, sees the table, with the whole cake with one-quarter wedge cut out of it,
little free samples with forks on dishes, and he sees the sign.
He tries one of the samples, likes it, and one by one, puts the other samples in his cart.
Then he takes the whole rest of the cake and the stand on which it is sitting, and puts it in his cart. Then he takes the tablecloth covering the table, folds it up, and puts it in his cart. Left with only a table, which he realizes he can't fit into his cart, he strolls off.

Posted by mark rothman @ 05/17/2002 01:54 PM PST

I luv Will & Grace, but I LUV Jack & Karen. I am very fond of Will & Grace, too, because of my fond memories of its first two to two-and-a-half seasons, when co-creators and executive producers David Kohan & Max Mutchnick ran the show and wrote every episode. Unfortunately, with the change of hands to new producers, writers and show-runners, Will & Grace has not been as funny as it once was. One used to be assured of at least one rare, big laugh in every episode, and those laughs now are fewere and farther between. Still, it remains better than most of what passes for sitcom these—and prior—days and I do watch it Willingly.

But for the character of Phoebe, I find Friends mostly uninteresting and quite boring. Seinfeld is not in the same league as I Love Lucy, the classic and seminal half-hour comedy. I love I Love Lucy and almost always watch whatever episode I find while channel-changing. However, I never watched Seinfeld in its network first run, but have seen certain episodes in syndication. It has its moments, sometimes, but I find it and its characters all too self-important and unpleasant. Maybe it is because I am in New York, but I do not want to spend any more time with people like the Seinfeld cast. I cannot stand Helen Hunt, so I was never a regular viewer of Mad About You. Cheers never interested me, either. However, Fraser can amuse me. I seem to enjoy Jeffrey Richman’s writing a lot

I did like the early and middle episodes of Murphy Brown—especially Murphy and the secretaries, and Murphy and Eldin—and Roseanne, with Alicia (Lecy) Goranson and before the Conners became rich. I used to watch both shows regularly, until they lost their sparks. Finally, I was never a Cosby fan, and I am no fan of Ray Romano. Not everyone loves Ray. In fact, some of us are rendered ill by him.

As for adapting television series for feature films, I strongly caution against it. It is not a good practice, and I fear its effects on the space-time continuum. Better to experiment with ozone. However, I think Mission: Impossible could make a tremendously entertaining, exciting and successful motion picture. Pity no one has ever thought of it. I would think Columbo might have had the potential when Peter Falk were younger. And Lost in Space might still if it can overcome its first deadly boring and misguided adaptation as Star Trek did.

Posted by freedunit @ 05/17/2002 02:01 PM PST

If not for Robert Blakes unfortunate circumstances I would say Baretta. Aside from being my favorite show, it also has my favorite theme song, "Keep your eyes on the sparrow" sung by Sammy Davis Jr.

I agree wholeheartedly and wholespleenedly with Partridge Family! I will go right away and listen to "Come on get happy".

Posted by Mattso @ 05/17/2002 03:13 PM PST

bk, perhaps we might be interviewed individually for our thoughts on haineshisway.com interviews. Pre-interview data: I would respond favorably and read faithfully.

By the way, in a local night-life rag, “Underwear Night” at “Sex” at the Works was headlined “Hanes Her Way,” which has a loose connection to this web site and recent pronoun discussion.

Posted by freedunit @ 05/17/2002 03:58 PM PST

interviews are a fine idea

Posted by Mark L. @ 05/17/2002 04:30 PM PST

Mr. Roy: I am terribly sorry I offended you with my "perhaps" too blunt assessment of "Seinfeld."

In reruns, it is truly apparent to me that the show was about nothing.

But brilliantly so when it was fresh....I just don't think it has legs.

Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/17/2002 06:35 PM PST

Interviews on this site-- YES.

Movies made from old TV shows-- NO!

Posted by Kerry @ 05/17/2002 07:44 PM PST

I no longer stop by the Alley where I enjoyed the interviews. I would welcome them.

I'm not really in favour of giving TV shows a life as Movies - the format was made for a short time span and usually does not transfer. "Wagon Train" and "Adventures in Paradise" would be OK by me (at least they were one hour shows).

Never managed to find Seinfeld interesting or funny. But then I don't like the Simpsons either!

Not successful in OZ but I think Frasier is brilliantly written.

As mentioned on a previous post - "Six Feet Under" is my all time favourite US Tv show. Characters that develop and brave in its approach to story lines and of course a great cast. (OK there is an Australian in the cast but I would like it anyway)

Posted by Tom from OZ @ 05/17/2002 08:11 PM PST

Oh, Mr. freedunit:

It's better than that. Follow this link to the big Hanes-Her-Way-for-a-Year Contest

Now see if you can match that, Mr. Bruce Kimmel.

A year's supply of underwear. Wouldn't that be just too too?

Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/17/2002 09:40 PM PST

You can also find The X-Files's Mulder modeling Hanes His Way Underwear in a slide show.

Why do I begin to think that our very own Guy Haynes took the title of his album from an underwear line? But that would be unseemly--but not unseamly.

Anyway, youse guys are making me feel so unkulchud. I've never seen an episode of Seinfeld. I've never seen an episode of Friends. I've never seen an episode of Will & Grace. I've never seen an episode of Murphy Brown.

I think I stopped sit-coms about the time Edith Bunker died. Oh, we did catch the odd episode of Cheers! and Urkel and Wings while we were waiting for Duckman to start, but nothing regular.

I do, however, remember I Married Joan and My Littel Margie and The Life of Riley. Hell, I remember Fibber McGee and Molly.

There's one for us old folks. Radio shows that should be made into movies. I vote for Johnny Dollar--the Insurance Investigator with the Action-Packed Expense Account.

Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/17/2002 11:48 PM PST

If John Cassavetes were still alive, a feature version of Johnny Staccato would be great. "Wagon Train" actually began life as a feature -- 1950's "Wagon-Master" with Ward Bond. How many of you know that a pilot was made for "Double Indemnity" as a one-hour series with Keyes & the other guy as insurance investigators? I've got it here -- Brod Crawford as the older guy & I-forget-who as the younger guy.

Posted by Mark Haggard @ 05/18/2002 12:11 AM PST

William... how could you possibly misspell the very name that is not only the web address, a line of underwear, and many unseemly references throughout. My dear fellow reader - it's HAINES.. oy.. rather than anyone bitchslapping you, I think you should just administer that punishment yourself :)

Posted by Craig @ 05/18/2002 07:18 AM PST

My dear Craig,

There is no I in the underwear. (Although I is in my underwear right now.) There is an I in our favorite singer of all times.

I'm rubber and you're glue. Bitch slap bounces off me and sticks to you.

Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/18/2002 07:29 AM PST

William...

You are correct, there is not I in the underwear.. but there is ALSO no Y Y Y WHY???!!! So...playing by your own rules- Bitch slap boomerangs off me and sticks to BACK to you. It's your move...

Posted by Craig @ 05/18/2002 07:55 AM PST

“I beg your pardon, but aren't you Guy Haines?”

As revealed previously at this site, Guy Haines is named for a Highsmith-Hitchcock character, not an under-garments manufacturer, although his surname is a homophone of one.

I have almost always thought the whole point of underwear is to get out of it…

Posted by freedunit @ 05/18/2002 08:28 AM PST

Freedunit-
Actually.. I thought the site was named after Mr. and Mrs. Haines's son..

Posted by Craig @ 05/18/2002 08:34 AM PST

Hanes His Whey
Or, underworn dairy

Posted by freedunit @ 05/18/2002 08:53 AM PST