haines his way

05/21/2002:
"ARTICHOKES AND BROUHAHAS"

Well, dear readers, the annoying of event of yesterday turned out to be annoying only because it was, as it came to pass, a non-event. I had girded my loins for an event and there was no event. I simply showed up, things began, and then I left because others we were told would show up did not show up hence there was no point in my sticking around. Isn’t that enigmatic?
Last night I ate an artichoke. Now, shouldn’t “artichoke” win some kind of award for being a stupid vegetable name? And talking about mutant vegetables, have you actually looked at an artichoke lately? That is one ugly vegetable. In any case, how do you look at that unseemly thing and come up with the name “artichoke”? Well, I’ll tell you how, because I know you like to have the arcane knowledge that we can provide here at haineshisway.com. You see, one fine day Mr. And Mrs. Arthur Bannister were having a little argument on the stairs of their home. Mrs. Bannister, Brandy, had discovered a strange ugly vegetable, with leaves that you could pull off – she’d immediately boiled the strange ugly vegetable in a pot of water, pulled off a few leaves and tried a tiny portion of said leaves, which she found quite boring. She melted some butter and dunked one of the leaves in it, tried it again, and this time was quite pleased with the result. She immediately told her husband Arthur of her discovery. “Artie, look at this strange ugly vegetable I found. I just boiled it and dipped one of the leaves in melted butter and it was delicious”. Artie looked at Brandy and said, “You, dear, are a wazoo”. Brandy didn’t know what a wazoo was, but she didn’t like the sound of it. Artie went on to tell her that she was an idiot for eating a strange ugly vegetable, butter notwithstanding. This made Brandy very angry indeed and she said, “You insidious ort, I will name this vegetable and I will be famous the world over for having discovered it, while you will sit here and grow old with no fame whatsoever. You will age poorly and die in a pool of your own drool.” Artie thought a “pool of drool” was funny, so he began laughing. That made Brandy even angrier and she began to choke her husband to death. He finally managed to escape her iron grip and ran upstairs away from his now-crazy wife. Brandy went back into the kitchen and ate some more of the strange ugly vegetable. Whilst eating, she thought of how she had choked her husband Artie, and she decided right then and there that she would name the strange ugly vegetable an artichoke in honor of her almost killing her husband. The rest, of course, is history. That is a true story, dear readers. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
We won’t even talk about the word “vegetable”. Other than asking who decided to stick the word “table” on to the word “vege” to make a whole other word?
We had a bit of a brouhaha here at haineshisway.com this morning. Apparently in yesterday’s notes, someone posted a very long post, which caused some problems for others. That caused some rather caustic comments to be made and the fur was flying. Well, we simply must not have flying fur here at haineshisway.com. I pride myself that we are family here at haineshisway.com. I’m quite certain that the long post was not meant in a harmful way, and would never have been made if the poster knew it would be problematic for anyone. My feeling is this – if something like this happens in the future, just drop me a line and I’ll deal with it, rather than publicly airing it on the site. That way we can avoid the brouhaha, which, of course, is right up there with “artichoke” in the stupid word department. In any case, we’re all friends here, and that’s why this is such a fun site and why we will take over the internet and be the most popular site of all. Where else, for example, can you get the true story of the naming of the artichoke? Nowhere else, that’s where else.
Well, now that we’re all calm and collected and also collected and calm, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below to avoid any further brouhahas or artichokes.

By the way (or BTW in internet lingo), I thought the posts of yesterday were very interesting indeed – if you missed them do take a look. Also, I received several preorders for both book and DVD yesterday, which is a wonderful thing. I do want to point out that only the first pressing of the DVD will include the bonus CD soundtrack, so don’t wait too long to order. Also, if I can have it ready in time, for those who preorder the book, there may just be a special surprise in store when you receive it. I’m going to repeat the links to each of our new sections today, because Mr. Mark Bakalor hasn’t gotten them up on our handy-dandy splash page yet. Here they are:
The First Nudie Musical
Benjamin Kritzer
If you haven’t seen Mr. Mark Bakalor’s superb designs go take a look. If you have any questions about how to order, the complete breakdown of things is in yesterday’s notes, as well as yesterday’s mashed potatoes, but the complete breakdown of things is not in yesterday’s artichoke, because the bulk of yesterday’s artichoke is in my stomach which is, by the way, having a complete breakdown.
This morning my handy-dandy gardeners arrived quite early where they proceeded to noisily mow outside my bedroom window. I kept hoping they’d go elsewhere so I could sleep a bit more but they did not. No, they kept mowing and mowing, which is peculiar since there is no grass outside my bedroom window, only a stone walkway. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Perhaps I shall go outside next time they do this and perhaps I shall artichoke the very life out of them, hence causing a brouhaha or, in my case, a brucehaha.
Well, dear readers, we have several High Winners in this week’s Unseemly Trivia Contest, and our handy-dandy electronic hat has chosen a Highest Winner from amongst them, and the Highest Winner shall receive a sparkling prize if they will send us their sparkling address. As you may or may not remember, we started off with one question and ended up with another, because despite repeated warnings, someone posted the answer to the original question to the site. This gentleman was a poster from far away France – what I find interesting is that that was his first post, and he has not returned to post since. In any case, that original question was proving harder than I thought it would, so maybe it was a good thing that we changed questions. The original question was, what musical theater star also wrote a huge hit pop song? The answer to that question was Jim Dale and the song was Georgy Girl. Here is the replacement question:
A musical by a well-known theater composer, had in its cast someone who would become a multiple Academy Award nominee. This musical by a well-known theater composer was, in fact, produced by another well-known theater composer. Name the musical, the well-known composer, the well-known composer who produced the show and the multiple Academy Award nominee.

And the answers:
The musical: Rex
The well-known composer: Richard Rodgers
The well-known composer who produced: Richard Adler
The multiple Academy Award nominee: Glenn Close
One dear reader guessed Pal Joey, which was produced by Jule Styne, but Mr. Gene Kelly was not a multiple nominee, he was only nominated once (he didn’t win – in fact, his only Oscar was a special one). Our High Winners are Freedunit, JMK, Michael Shayne and Steve Gurey. And our electronic hat chose Mr. JMK as our Highest Winner. Thanks to one and all and also all and one for playing and we’ll have a brand spanking new question come Saturday.
Speaking of questions (and weren’t we?) tomorrow is Ask BK Day, so get your excellent questions ready as I am already ready to readily answer them.
If you haven’t checked out this week’s new radio show, do so; it’s a lot of fun. Last night I checked out the brand spanking new Special Edition DVD of Memento. It’s two discs, and the second disc has tons of extras according to the sheet that accompanies the DVD. However, after spending an hour trying to figure out how to access them I gave up and will wait until someone posts about this on the Internet. The menus are all designed as a series of questions, and each time you answer you are taken to new questions, and I suppose if you answer them in a certain way you get to the extras. I must not have answered them in a certain way, however, because I never found one extra. Thankfully, they tell you how to access the movie on disc one.
Well, dear readers, the gardeners are mowing away and I’m getting a headache so I shall take me leave or perhaps leave my take. I shall do the things I do and be done with the things I do once I have done them. Today’s topic of discussion: Without giving anything away, what is your favorite “twist” ending in a film or book? I’ll start: My favorite twist ending is actually from an Alfred Hitchcock Presents television show, one of the hour-long episodes called An Unlocked Window. It was so unexpected and so shocking I don’t even know how they allowed it on television. I wasn’t taken in at all with the twist endings of The Sixth Sense or The Others, but I was with Unbreakable. I rather like the twist in Hitchcock’s Stage Fright, the ending of Agatha Christie’s The Murder of Roger Ackroyd is beyond brilliant, and there is a twist that occurs within Ira Levin’s first novel, A Kiss Before Dying that is beyond beyond brilliant. There’s also a wonderfully creepy twist in a novel called The Walter Syndrome by Richard Neely. There is nothing like a twist when they’re done well, and Rodgers and Hammerstein also felt there was nothing like a dame. And I very much like the ending of The Sting. Your turn (but don’t give anything way – no spoilers here at haineshisway.com, and no brouhahas or artichokes either).

Replies: 44 Unseemly Comments

I, for one, am looking forward to the recommendations, as I've never been truly amazed by the ending of anything.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/21/2002 10:16 AM PST

Dagnab it and dabnag it!
I just remembered one that did surprise and amaze me:
"Jacob's Ladder"!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/21/2002 10:18 AM PST

I will have to pass for the moment on twist endings, because I was totally taken in by The Sixth Sense, so I guess I must be a bit less brilliant than Bruce. But I rather like various versions of Agatha Christie's Witness for the Prosecussion. And of course there is a twist middle in The Crying Game, which I was aware of before I saw it, because, try as the producers might to keep a secret, I only saw it after the Oscars, and the secret was out. But my Joe, who never reads about movies and such, was blissfully unaware and was so pleased with me for keeping the secret until he finally saw it.
Anyway, I don't think I am breaking a confidence if I tell you that I had an e-mail from our French friend, and he said he tried to post and re-post to our reposts, but his computer kept losing his text before he posted it, and he gave up in frustration, as he works at night in a hotel, and that is the only computer he has access to.
I encouraged him to come back and join in the fray, even if he has to cut and paste from a word processor like Bruce does, as it is beyond extra-ordinary to find a French person so well versed in musical theatre and he could certainly add to the discussions. François, are you listening?
I would also like to point out one of the great advantages to our New Chronological Order.
Suppose that you decided to type something in boldface and you forgetfully neglected to enter </b> to turn it off, but you later noticed the error...
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 10:18 AM PST

...when you saw that later posts appeared in boldface.
What to do? Isn't this annoying? Not at all. You or anyone else can simply type another post including the </b>, and voilà! the boldface is gone.
C'est merveilleux! And see--the boldface is gone! (I think.)
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 10:19 AM PST

Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 10:21 AM PST

Faith and begorrah, I will simply be awash in sparkling prizes, what with this and my mini-trivia win a couple of weeks ago. I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible--wait a minute, BK made this possible, and he is not a little person--he is a buffed and toned big person.
I, too, guessed "going in", before the damned things had even started, what the big twists were in "Others" and "Sixth Sense." I frankly was underwhelmed with "Unbreakable," it just didn't do it for me. I think one of my favorite twists is another Levin work--"Deathtrap," because, of course, the first twist is not the last, or even the next to last, twist.
Posted by JMK @ 05/21/2002 10:23 AM PST

Now I've done it!
If this is still in boldface, I will eat my hat and be prepared to be bitch slapped from here to Oshkosh until Mr. Mark Bakalor fixes my error. I works on other newsgroups!
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 10:23 AM PST

Sigh!
Sorry, JMK. I did figure it out, but it is just too too. The software won't recognize a "turn off boldface" until you type a "turn on boldface" in the same post. Silly software.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 10:25 AM PST

But the really good news is that I received my copy of The Creature Wasn't Nice, but they call it Naked Space and the box says "In the tadition of Naked Gun and Airplane", which is just chronologically silly, since it came out only the year after Airplane and it preceded Naked gun by a good seven years; so it should say "Started the tradition later followed by Naked Gun". Bruce is such a trend setter.
Anyway, I haven't viewed it yet, but there are two count 'em two (2) pictures of Bruce on the box, and that alone is worth the price.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 10:32 AM PST

Oh, Oh, Oh, I am a lucky wicked girl, indeed. Since the Neil Simon box office does not sell tickets by phone (do any theatres sell tickets by phone or is this a general rule?), I had to order tickets to Elaine through ticketmaster. I hate ticketmaster, but moving on, I did get some handy-dandy orchestra seats for the Monday Actor's Fund performance... HOORAY! Although they are a bit to the right, I will survive. We're also going to see another show, but we're not sure yet... Anyone have any suggestions? It'll have to be something kid-friendly because my ten year old brother will be in attendance. Right now I'm leaning towards Thoroughly Modern Millie.
Anyway, who cares about all of that? My favorite twist endings are The Sixth Sense (yes, I was surprised, and yes, I am ashamed), Unbreakable (made me feel sick to my stomach, literally), and The Sting.
Posted by Lolita @ 05/21/2002 10:36 AM PST

The mascot at my school is the artichoke. I'm not kidding. And our school colors are pink and white.
Posted by Sandra @ 05/21/2002 10:40 AM PST

Lolita - A ten year old boy is certainly ready for Urinetown and would probably find Millie too too.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/21/2002 10:44 AM PST

As for twist endings, Roger Ackroyd and Deathtrap are probably my favorites, but both have been mentioned above. The Crying Game and M. Butterfly (on stage) were no surprise whatsoever. My wife guessed The Crying Game long before "Jaye" even appeared and I knew the "secret" within 3 seconds after the curtain went up (and that was during previews, before we had any idea what the play was about). The Usual Suspects actually had a pretty good twist. I must admit that I try to close down my mind when I watch a mystery so that I can enjoy the fun. Other than Roger Ackroyd and Murder on the Orient Express, I could probably reread most Agatha Christie novels without a clue who the murderer is -- memory like the proverbial sieve.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/21/2002 10:52 AM PST

In my experience, the only reason one prepares and eats an artichoke is because one can!
I've never craved an artichoke!
It can be a tasty dish, however!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/21/2002 11:21 AM PST

Of course, The Twilight Zone television show was simply awash in twists, in fact, seemed to thrive on them, and I can never remember the titles of the episodes. But some of my favorites involved Agnes Moorehead and the aliens, Burgess Meredith as the last man on earth left alone with his cherished books, Miss Anne (Honey West) Francis returning to the darkened department store and the one about plastic surgery.
Posted by Phil Crosby @ 05/21/2002 11:30 AM PST

The "The Locked Window" is also one of my all time favorite TV "scares." I knew which episode was my favorite, but I didn't know that that was title of my favorite episode until I did a search on the "Locked Window" title and low-and-behold, that was it. I remember that when it was first broadcast (actually broadcast on my 18th birthday in 1965) the "actress" playing the nurse was given only a first initial in the credits. I don't remember who played the part, but according to my search, John Kerr (South Pacific, Tea & Sympathy movies) was the patient. It was remade 20 years later on the new Alfred Hitchcock Presents with Bruce Davidson and Annette O'Toole.
Posted by steveg @ 05/21/2002 11:51 AM PST

My nomination for the WORST twist is that of Pepsi Twist - quite possibly the worst soft drink known to mankind.
Oh yeah, and you're all crazy.
Posted by Mr. Mark Bakalor @ 05/21/2002 11:55 AM PST

The TV show American Bandstand was also awash with Twists, as well as the Mash Potato and the Jerk. I am sure that this is not what is being discussed so I will now bitch-slap myself.
Ahhh, much better. I loved the plot twists in Existenz by David Cronenburg and also in Momento. I did not see the Sixth Sense, nor do I see dead people. Lucky thing, really.
Posted by Mattso @ 05/21/2002 11:55 AM PST

Mr. Mark Bakalor:
It's contaaaaagious...
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 12:17 PM PST

My favorite not-really-a-twist-but-I-didn't-see-it-coming-and-was-surprised-and-delighted ending? Scorsese's "King of Comedy." I smote my forehead (honest!) and yelled "of course!"
And I agree with the bitch-slapping Mr. Bakalor. Pepsi Twist tastes like furniture polish.
Posted by Pam @ 05/21/2002 12:31 PM PST

It's An UNlocked Window, not The Locked Window. The performer who played the head nurse was T.C. Jones. Dana Wynter played the other nurse, John Kerr the patient and Louise Latham (Marnie's mother) yet another "pretty" nurse. I am happy to tell you I taped it when it was on many years ago, and I recently transfered it to DVD.
The Usual Suspects twist is most excellent - I saw it coming not one or two whits. Witness for The Prosecution is also great, and the movie actually adds several twists to short story and play versions. Deathtrap is great, and so are Rupert Holmes's two mystery plays, Accomplice and Solitary Confinement. And we mustn't forget Dial M for Murder, the twists of which I can never ever remember. We should probably add Sleuth to the list as well.
Posted by bk @ 05/21/2002 12:54 PM PST

Twists don't have to be at the end - VERTIGO! The first time I saw that classic, obsessive film I must've spit up my Cheez-its when Kim Novak...well, you know!
I, too, remember both versions of that "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" episode. Pretty damn creepy, I'll say.
Posted by Bob Gutowski @ 05/21/2002 01:22 PM PST

Yup! We're all crazy, but look who's interacting with us!!!
Takes one to call one....!!!
[SMACK-WHAP-THUD]
Owwwwwww...I've been bitch-slapped!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/21/2002 01:48 PM PST

Anyone still hoping to buy tickets for Elaine Stritch's final performance -- a benefit for the Actor's Fund on Monday night -- should check out the following:
http://www.actorsfund.org/tickets/STRITCH.html
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/21/2002 02:03 PM PST

Dear Folks:
Yesterday a posting mentioned the song "Something" and the "dispute" where it came from. I put a posting showing that there was more than one song called "Something"
I got a pissed off email from one Rich Wright that I was rude and caused his browser to fail and that he spoke with two other readers that thought it was shitty of me to have done it.
My posting was not meant to be malicious, but I thought informative. I intially wanted to research where the song "Something" came from and was surprised to see how many songs were actually titled as "Something". I apologize if it bothered people, but I do not think I deserved the kind of email I received from Mr. Wright.
I know understand why Mr. Freedunit does not post his email link.
I think now I will just lurk instead of post. It's a lot safer.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 05/21/2002 02:46 PM PST

I didn't see the twist at the end of 'Unbreakable' coming either - and it probably is my favourite movie-with-a-twist of the moment, simply because I'm in the middle of a very long day and I can't, off the top of my head, think of too many others.
I'd figured out 'the Sixth Sense' about twenty minutes into the film. I enjoyed it (particularly Toni Collette, who just gets better and better), but the ending wasn't a surprise at all.
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 05/21/2002 03:01 PM PST

Hey Michael Shayne,
I like your posts. Don't let some flared tempers stop your posting. Just change your posting name, don't list your email, and post away.
What would Emily Post say? I'm sure she would agree with my post. Especially my post-Post post.
Posted by Mattso @ 05/21/2002 03:23 PM PST

I have a question for FreedUnit, whose listing of funny songs from musicals included many from "Carrie."
What recording of "Carrie" do you have or recommend????
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/21/2002 03:50 PM PST

Now, Michael Shayne, do not lurk - you are one of our most beloved posters. We will bitch-slap you from here to eternity if you lurk. We have enough lurkers out there in the dark - truly. Some people got a little bent out of shape. They are now unbent and back in their regular shape and all is well with the world and haineshisway.com, not necessarily in that order. We are one big happy family, even if someone is occasionally bent out of shape. As soon as I see someone bent out of shape I immediately bend them back to their former shape because unbent shapes are unseemly. Now, I want an excellent question from you tomorrow, Mr. Michael Shayne. The question is, are you any relation to Robert Shayne, Inspector Henderson himself?
Posted by bk @ 05/21/2002 04:33 PM PST

Ron Pulliam: I was going from memory of the wondrous, bizarre experience that was Carrie The Musical. I do not have a CD of any of the several sound-board recordings that circulate (England and Broadway and of various performances). I wish I did. I was tempted to buy a few that were put up for auction at eBay, but I knew none of the sellers and therefore could not be certain of the aural quality. Surely some regular visitor to this site will have the answer and perhaps even be able to lead us to a quality recording. I would luv to have one!
Michael Shayne: I hope you take bk’s post above to heart. As someone who can be easily bent out of shape, which is unseemly, I know I can just as easily be restored to shape, which I hope is more seemly.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/21/2002 04:42 PM PST

I have all of the available Carries, though I don't have a CD burner. They're all of at least acceptable (in the case of the workshops) and approaching excellent (the soundboard recordings) quality. Email me if you're interested. I was inundated with offers after I bid and lost on a Carrie set on eBay. I must have received 20 to 30 emails from various people, all claiming to have the "original casette" made from the soundboard, several claiming to have done extensive digital remastering, etc. I also have the printed score, for those who like to follow along.
Posted by JMK @ 05/21/2002 05:10 PM PST

Movies with a twist ending I never saw coming:
1. (The aforementioned) Witness for the Prosecution
2. Murder on the Orient Express
3. The End of the Affair
P.S. BK: "Got" the arti-choke story before the ending but still guffawed. Thanks for the laugh so late in the day!
Posted by Donna @ 05/21/2002 06:29 PM PST

Okay, okay, Michael Shayne, François, and ever buddy else:
GROUP HUG!
But I refuse to sing "Kumbaya".
Posted by w @ 05/21/2002 06:32 PM PST

We could join hands and sing "We Are The World"!
Posted by Kerry @ 05/21/2002 06:39 PM PST

Surprise endings--
Well I have to agree with "Vertigo," (I was devastated) "Obsession" (ditto),
"Witness for the Prosecution" and "Deathtrap" (twist after twist after twist).
I, too remember the Alfred Hitcock Presents episode-- both versions. Scared the pants off me (let's not go there).
And yes, "Sixth Sense" caught me completely by surprise. "Unbreakable" also got me at the time I was watching it, but it didn't last.
Posted by Kerry @ 05/21/2002 06:45 PM PST

Shayne, Shayne! Come back Michael Shayne!
Posted by Kerry @ 05/21/2002 06:46 PM PST

Michael Shayne, My Love...
Obey the second commandment of Kimletdom: Thou shalt not lurk.
Posted by Lolita @ 05/21/2002 08:07 PM PST

Okay, Kerry wins my vote for Best of Show. rotfl
aka W
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/21/2002 08:38 PM PST

Kerry, may I suggest "We Are Unfurled" instead?
Posted by freedunit @ 05/21/2002 08:49 PM PST

.
Posted by tiny @ 05/21/2002 09:02 PM PST

What did the size-queen say to the preceding poster?
Your post’s too small!
Back to Coprophilia…
What did the coprophiliac say to Michael Shayne and the French guy?
Don’t crap out now!
Posted by freedunit @ 05/21/2002 09:04 PM PST

Come back Michael. We need more non-American posters here. I thought Sixth Sense was somewhat obvious from the start and found The Others a waste of a good idea. I was hoping for so much after Nicole had a BAFTA nomination. "The Sting" certainly took me by surprise.
The "Carrie" soundboard recording is quite OK. I have not heard the Barbara Cook version but believe it is not as clear.
Loved the "Bandstand" comment. There were so many wonderfully bad Twist records. In OZ we even had Brenda Lee's "So Deep" released as "So Deep (Twist)".
Posted by Tom Guest (from OZ) @ 05/22/2002 12:03 AM PST

But, Tom Guest (from OZ), which sound-board recording of Carrie The Musical? There are so many different ones. Every performance was recorded, and I am unclear which, or how many of the at least twenty-one, have been burned on compact disc. Some of the CD sets appear to be meticulously and near-professionally put-together, with color art, inserts and labeling, and others look rank amateur, unlabeled, mislabeled or haphazardly done. I must find a good set; I miss Carrie. Oooh. That did not sound good.
Michael Shayne is non-American? That changes things—not.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/22/2002 07:50 AM PST

I agree with JACOB'S LADDER.Also THE VANISHING(the original foreign version)
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 05/22/2002 08:43 AM PST

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