haines his way

05/22/2002:
"THE STRAIGHT SKINNY"

Well, dear readers, I have finally finally signed off on the galley to my handy-dandy novel and am, as they say in Hollywood, “walking away”. There comes a point where you have to just say, “I think we’ve got everything, but if we haven’t, we’re done anyway”. So, I have signed off and the book is going to their Quality Control center today, and I will have test copies of both softcover and hardcover in the next seven to ten days. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? We should celebrate, but let’s hold off until Friday, and then we can celebrate two count them two events at once, which is better than celebrating one count them one event at twice.
I had originally signed off on the book last week, but when I got the hard copy of the galley I could see there was a spacing problem (I couldn’t tell when I looked online, which is why I asked for the hard copy) and I asked them to fix that last Monday. They actually were able to fix it within two hours of my request, but in so fixing a handful of other things got screwed up. They just got to those yesterday, and in fixing those, three other things got screwed up. They fixed those this morning, everything looks spiffy and beautiful and this part of the journey, which seems like it’s taken as long as it did for me to actually write the book, is done. I will definitely have books in hand to ship the third week of June. Here is a question: Should I do an audio book? This publisher doesn’t do them, but I could do it on my own and have it sold through amazon and the other online booksites. Do you think that is an interesting idea? Do you think anyone would care and/or buy it?
Yesterday I picked up the Cliff Richard DVD box set. Those crafty people at Anchor Bay released The Young Ones and Summer Holiday, which I got early when Tower inadvertently put them out three weeks ago. I didn’t even know there would be a box set, and wouldn’t you know those clever Anchor Bay people put one more DVD, Wonderful Life, in the box set and that DVD is only available in the box set, hence I had to buy the box set even though I already had the other two movies. Oh, well, perhaps I’ll give the other two movies out as sparkling prizes. So, I watched Wonderful Life last night, and once again I was amazed at how entertaining it was. These are real musicals, very much in the old MGM B-movie style of Give a Girl a Break. They have only a handful of actual rock and roll numbers with Cliff and the Shadows – most of the numbers are full-out musical comedy numbers, and they are just delightful. The first two films were choreographed by Herb Ross, but Wonderful Life has choreography by Gillian Lynne, and is once again directed by Sidney J. Furie, who did The Young Ones. There is one production number in the middle of the film which is a literal musical history of the cinema and it’s great – they cover everything from the Keystone Cops and Chaplin, to Garbo, to West Side Story to James Bond (hilarious, actually). The story is, of course, very silly, and Walter Slezak’s character is extremely tiresome, and at 113 minutes it’s a good ten minutes too long, but it’s all just fluffy and grand fun and I think these are my favorite DVDs so far this year. The transfers on these films (all “scope, enhanced for widescreen tvs) are gorgeous. All three films have director commentaries (two with Furie, one with Peter Yates). Cliff Richard was a strange rock and roll star – he could do the Elvis stuff (he was considered the Elvis of England), but he was also a terrific song and dance man. Anyway, I recommend these films to one and all and also all and one.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Do you all know what day it is today? Today is Ask BK Day, that’s what day it is today. So, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below, because if you don’t, then you won’t be able to Ask BK on Ask BK Day and that would be unseemly. If you don’t click on the Unseemly Button you will forever be in this first section and we simply can’t have that, now can we? So, let’s click away.

Have I mentioned that we’ll be having a big double celebration on Friday? We will be, so don’t miss it, be here or be square. No, that’s not right. Be there or be square is right. But I don’t want you to be “there” I want you to be here, so I suppose it’s be here or be squeer. Yes, Virginia, be here or be squeer – do not miss out on our big double celebration because it will be an affair to remember.
I am going to keep these here notes fairly short today, because Thursday’s notes are always so incredibly long (last Thursday’s notes were twelve count them twelve pages long!). Mr. Mark Bakalor tells me he’s going to work on having our handy-dandy Nudie Musical and Benjamin Kritzer links on our handy-dandy splash page up by tomorrow. We shall see what we shall see said the blind man to the mutant vegetable. In the meantime, I think I shall be very coarse indeed and provide the links once again right here right now, so that anyone who would like to place their preorder can. By the way (or BTW, in Internet lingo), many of our dear readers have already placed their orders, and for that I offer my heartfelt thanks and gratitude, not necessarily in that order. Here are the handy-dandy links:
The First Nudie Musical DVD
Benjamin Kritzer
I’m told that two great new Percy Faith CDs are out as of yesterday, but I haven’t been able to find them here in Los Angeles, California. They are his cover versions of Do I Hear A Waltz? and Subways Are For Sleeping (funny pairing, given that I produced the latest cast album of Waltz, and oversaw the release of Subways to CD) on one CD, and The Most Happy Fella and Porgy and Bess on the other. These are wonderful albums and must-haves for any showtune lover.
Oh, several people have asked me how my pitch meeting went last week. It went fine, but I’m never able to judge people’s reactions at those things. We sent the Hollywood Producer hard copies of our ideas and we shall see what happens. He did seem to like one of them pretty well. Today I have another meeting about other things and if anything comes of it you shall be the first to know.

Another must-have CD came out yesterday, Randy Newman’s wonderful soundtrack music to the film, Ragtime. It sounds great, and all I can say is, “It’s about time”. Has anyone noticed how many confounded links are in these here notes today? This is link central today. There are so many links today, that we should fry up a couple of eggs, make some hash browns and we’d have a nice big breakfast. Some of these links are hot and hot links are the best, aren’t they? What the hell am I talking about?
Well, dear readers, I hope all of you have thought of some excellent questions for me. I am ready, willing and able (not necessarily in that order) to answer said questions, and I will answer, as always, in a forthright and truthful manner. You will get the straight skinny and maybe even the bent fat, here at haineshisway.com. And while you’re posing your questions (look to the right – no, move your shoulder to the left – yes, that’s a good pose) do partake of our links. Our links are fat free and contain no calories.
Well, dear readers (didn’t I just say that in the paragraph above?), I must take the day, I must shower and prepare for my handy-dandy meeting. So, ask your excellent questions and I look forward to seeing what they are and more importantly I look forward to giving you the straight skinny and/or the bent fat. Ask away.

Replies: 36 Unseemly Comments

What is the latest on Michelle Nicastro? So many fine Kimmel-produced CDs (and she made a fine Luisa in "The Fantasticks" at Northwestern U, where I played her daddy).
Posted by Philip Crosby @ 05/22/2002 10:21 AM PST

Mr. Bruce Kimmel,
I'm slowly becoming more of a poster and less of a lurker. but I'm relatively new to HHW so that's why I haven't posted sooner. I also just got my computer at the office configured so Real Audio would play Mr. Feltham's wonderful show which I first heard at Fynsworth Alley. This ramble brings me to my question. I listened to all the shows at Fynsworth and then found HHW and more Broadway Radio Shows (hooray) and your very enjoyable daily posts. They are all archived (at least from November 2001 through the present) and I wondered if there was a plan to archive the BRS so those of us who missed many of them could listen and/or catch up?
I look forward to more posting and less lurking.
Posted by Ben @ 05/22/2002 10:23 AM PST

Yes, the Percy Faith two-fers are indeed out--I got mine from Oldies a week or two ago (if you pre-order from them, you'll always get them before street date, plus they're usually a buck or two cheaper, even with shipping).
Now, question time: you have stated in a previous answer that as a producer you "arranged" the material. I am wondering if you could elaborate on that; specifically, do you do the actual charts, or did you mean something more along the lines of suggesting ideas to an orchestrator, etc.
Posted by JMK @ 05/22/2002 10:36 AM PST

Ben,
Thanks for the kind words about the radio show....at this point, we don't have archives because of limited server space and additional server space would cost a lot more money, and, as you can see, this website is not a real generator of money. Bruce and I have discussed possibly having at least two weeks worth of shows available, but, in the meantime, we do occasionally repeat old shows that people have requested. Bruce and I have also discussed having Broadway Radio Show merchandise available -- would anyone be interested in that???
Thanks again for your support and keep listening!
Donald
Posted by Donald @ 05/22/2002 10:39 AM PST

Dear BK,
This should have been clarified long ago, but I've simply never gotten around to asking. What kind of cheese slices? The pre-sliced pre-wrapped KRAFT American cheese? Or is it chunk cheese that we slice ourselves? Cheddar, Swiss, Monterey Jack? And what kind of toast for the shrimp bits? White, wheat, pumpernickel, sourdough? I must know in time to do the shopping for the celebration on Friday!
Posted by Laura @ 05/22/2002 10:43 AM PST

I, for one, want to know what that dreaded event was on Monday that you just hated to think about, wrote about with such gloom, and then told us amounted to nothing much because someone didn't show up who needed to be there.
Can you share????
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/22/2002 11:21 AM PST

Questions, questions:
1. In the lyrics to "Don't Fence Me In", what the dickens is a Cayuse?
Here are the lyrics if you cannot remember:
lyrics
2. Is your brand new secret musical for the stage, or for film?
3. Do you have a favorite Hoagy Carmichael song?
Posted by Mattso @ 05/22/2002 12:24 PM PST

Oh, and I say a hearty YES to an audio book. It would be a fun book to listen to on a road trip. And please record it yourself. You have a wonderful speaking voice.
Posted by Laura @ 05/22/2002 12:29 PM PST

Anyone who wants to wait for BK to answer the "Cayuse" question should NOT click on this link!
http://www.ansi.okstate.edu/breeds/horses/CAYUSE/
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/22/2002 12:55 PM PST

Doesn’t the link itself give it away?
More questions to follow.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/22/2002 01:01 PM PST

We're almost like the Mickey Mouse Club with each day being special.
As I recall, Monday was "Fun with Music Day"
Tuesday- "Guest Star Day"
Wednesday- "Anything Can Happen Day"
Thursday- "Circus Day"
Friday- "Talent Round-Up"
Well, any day around here is "Anything Can Happen Day" (especially Wednesdays).
I suppose each day is "Talent Round-Up" also.
Friday being Ernest and Meltz Day (is it still Ernest and Meltz Day?)
Posted by Kerry @ 05/22/2002 01:03 PM PST

I lost my train of thought after a particularly annoying sales call. Sorry
Posted by Kerry @ 05/22/2002 01:05 PM PST

Hello Folks!
Are we into the Follies?
Thank you all for kind support I was truly touched by the postings yesterday. I did receive an email of apology and all is now forgiven.
BK: As far I know I am not related to Robert Shayne (Inspector Henderson) or Konstatine Shayne (Who was the first assassin the film version of On Your Toes and in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)
Questions of the Week
Part three on what a producer does.
1) Do you record your albums "pop" or "Original Cast" way and which do you prefer? ("Pop" being laying the music tracks down first and then recording the vocals. "Original Cast" recording the singer "live" with the orchestra.)
2) When you recorded songs for the Lost in Boston or Unsung Musical did you feel you had an obligation to use the original orchestration (if available) and be as "authentic" to the original intent of the song and in doing so giving it's "definitive" recording? Or did you using your own arrangement to get a different interpretation of the song and therefore have the song recorded for posterity but not as it may have been in the show? (I think about Dear Sweet Sewing Machine from Lost in Boston. It was sung by a woman (Emily Loesser), but it sounds as if it was intended for a Man---Motel)
2a) Do the composers have any input on how a song is to be recorded?
3) How did the idea for the hidden track come to be? And is there any way to make the track truly hidden like the Easter Eggs on a DVD?
4) Some of your CD are marked with HDCD on the inserts. What exactly is this?
5) When you re-release a cast recording (or distribute in the case of The Best Little Whorehouse Goes Public) do you do anything to 'spruce' it up or do you just release the CD as is?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 05/22/2002 01:13 PM PST

This question is actually for Tom from OZ.
What does OZ stand for? It just occurred to me yesterday that it is not a "Wizard of ...." reference. Enquiring minds like I want to know.
Posted by Mattso @ 05/22/2002 01:59 PM PST

Dear BK,
How does your episode of M*A*S*H start? I've been watching the reruns hoping to see you, but I would know to watch closely for you if I knew how the episode starts.
Posted by Sandra @ 05/22/2002 02:43 PM PST

bk-
When you watch your DVD's
What size screen and what kind of TV do you have?? Do you have surround sound??
Why are DVD's so inexpensive when CD's remain so expensive? Is there any rationale?
Since AND THIS IS MY BELOVED is from a quartet by BORODIN it has always occurred to me of Producing a CD in Symphonic format(four movements-Allegro,Adante,Scherzo,and Allegro) using four songs of any Broadway composer. It is intriguing to me. Could you start with a Sondheim Synphony? And maybe this could be tomorrow's question of the day??
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 05/22/2002 03:14 PM PST

Isn’t “Oz” that Variety-esque short-hand for that fabulous continent Down Under, Australia?
Back to Coprophilia…
Where would the coprophiliac’s favorite journey occur?
In continent.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/22/2002 03:34 PM PST

As FreedUnit so deftly pointed out, one should not even READ the URL concerning "Cayuse".
I am atip my toes in anticipation of the promise of "more later."
Mind you, it isn't pretty.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 05/22/2002 04:00 PM PST

What is your opinions of the various versions of Cabaret? There are 4 that I know of-Original Broadway, Movie, 1986 Revival, and 1998 Sam Mendes Revival. Which is the best vertsion of the script/score? Which has the strongest cast?
What is your opinion of the theater history of Ethan Mordden?
Are there any particular theater historians that you love?
Posted by Hapgood @ 05/22/2002 05:04 PM PST

Carrie is being revived on the stage click on the link below
http://www.dresscircle.co.uksectionitemdetails.asp?ContentID=541
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 05/22/2002 05:41 PM PST

Bruce-
1. What good is sitting alone in your room?
2. Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?
3. Why can't you behave?
4. Where or When?
5. Who can take a sunrise and sprinkle it with dew?
6. Why Can't the English learn how to speak?
7. Did you ever see a dream walking?
8. Where is love?
9. What's the matter with kids these days?
10. Does anyone still wear a hat?
Posted by Craig @ 05/22/2002 06:38 PM PST

Craig -
The problem isn't with the English. It's everybody else!
;-)
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 05/22/2002 07:21 PM PST

Are Americans, Australians, British, Canadians, English, Irish, Scottish et alia separated by a common language?
Posted by freedunit @ 05/22/2002 07:54 PM PST

I'm afraid my questions aren't quite as socially concious as some others you've had today, but here they are:
What are some of your favorite last lines/closing scenes? (This includes novels, plays, movies, songs, whatever... little obsession of mine)
Do you subscribe to any magazines and/or newspapers?
What are your five or so favorite copies in your book collection?
And finally,
What's your favorite nickname for Dolores?
Posted by Lolita @ 05/22/2002 08:53 PM PST

What's a coprophiliac's favorite ethnic type?
European.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/22/2002 09:09 PM PST

Questions for bk:
1. I beg your pardon, but aren't you Guy Haines?
2. Why doesn't Guy Haines know from songs?
3. Others seemed to wish the cleaning woman and sister were identified other than the cleaning woman and sister. Will they always be the cleaning woman and sister or might they receive too-too fictitious noms de notes?
4. Is it true that Monday you took a space ship for a scheduled appraisal in the Hollywood Hills, but the aliens did not show and that is why it cannot be discussed?
5. Have the Tonys now and forever become marketing tools—pawns!—of road presenter-voters?
6. What does Elaine Stritch have to do for you to come see her in At Liberty?
7. Will Fade Out—Fade In ever make it to CD and will it have been worth the trip? What about House of Flowers? What other important titles are missing?
8. Will you ever own I’m Getting My Act Together and Taking It on the Road and Juno on CD?
9. Would the Bitch-Slap make a good party dance?
10. What is appropriate fare for vegetarians at a celebration?
11. Would you consider adding an Unseemly Bitch-Slap Room to the site so that Hainsies and Kimmlets so inclined might have a safe place to bitch-slap themselves silly?
Back to Coprophilia…
What’s the coprophiliac’s favorite part of the castle?
The throne room.
What’s the motto of the coprophiliac support group?
We give a…
Michael Shayne: The Carrie link did not work for me. Might this be the link to a ticketing site claim of a revival of Carrie that has been discussed and refuted elsewhere? Are you in London? Do you frequent Dress Circle? I love Dress Circle and the terrific staff.
[Carrie should be revived on Broadway at the Virginia Theatre.]
Posted by freedunit @ 05/22/2002 09:42 PM PST

More questions:
1. How do you solve a problem like Maria?
2. What do the simplefolk do?
3. How many people does he need?
4. Is it a crime?
5. What could be better?
6. When did I fall in love?
7. a)What's playin at the Roxie?
b)What's in the Daily News and
c)What's happening all over?
8. Was I Wazir?
9. Where's my shoe?
10. Everybody's gotta be somewhere, but where? where? where?
Posted by Craig @ 05/22/2002 10:47 PM PST

BK-
Paint a picture for us what you think heaven would be like for you?
What would hell be?
What are some of your pet peeves?
and did Meltz and Ernest ever write a song about marsupials?
Posted by Craig @ 05/22/2002 10:57 PM PST

Okay.
Try this link and then scroll down the collumn "Have You Heard" and clock on the link for Carrie.
http://www.dresscircle.co.uk
MR. Freedunit I am in Florida, but Dress Circle is a bookmark.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 05/23/2002 03:32 AM PST

Why did the Pasadena Playhouse cut "Bargaining" from its production of Do I Hear a Waltz?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 05/23/2002 05:41 AM PST

The correct link for the new version of Carrie (not a revival) is http://www.dresscircle.co.uk/sectionitemdetails.asp?ContentID=541&SectionID=5
The truth is that Carrie was not that badly written -- it actually had some pretty good music. It was simply a case of the singularly most god-awful direction in the history of the American theatre. My favorite story about Carrie, quite probably not apocryphal, helps to explain the togas and white columns: It seems that when Terry Hands (the director) told Fran Weissler he was planning to direct a musical version of Carrie, he asked Fran how she envisioned such a show. She replied: "I see it like Grease." Hands thought she meant Greece!
Carrie deserves a second chance in a not so overblown production. I believe it will be a huge hit the next time around.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/23/2002 07:02 AM PST

My question for BK: How is the concert version of Drat, the Cat! coming along? I, too, have been wanting to direct a revival for years. Ira Levin gave me a script a decade ago but he wouldn't allow a showcase production -- he was holding out for a major revival. (That was before your studio cast album was conceived.) DTC is on my top ten list of shows to direct someday.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 05/23/2002 07:06 AM PST

Seeing the "blurb" from Gary
Owens on the back of your
novel prompts this question:
whenever a clip from
"Laugh-In" is shown on TV,
there's someone in the
background that is digitally
blurred out. It happens in the
tape I made of their reunion
show of a few years ago, and I
noticed it just a couple of
weeks ago when the gang
reunited for a bit on the
"Today" show. Just wondering
who it is and why the secrecy?
Speaking of reunion shows, I
believe most were in
agreement that the "Laverne
and Shirley" reunion was
underwhelming. My question
is, how can this happen?
These are all bright, talented,
creative people, with an
archive of laugh-out-loud clips,
and a group of personable,
interesting castmembers.
How could no one involved
realize that the "Island of
Doom" sketch was an
embarrassment? Why not
scrap that and just have the
folks chat more -- I think poor
Betty Garrett only got out a
couple of sentences. Just
wondering.
I'm also wondering why my
postings appear in these
lovely narrow columns, while
everyone else seems to
occupy the full real estate?
Posted by Scott R @ 05/23/2002 07:17 AM PST

freedunit, I'm still laughing at the bitchslap wav!
Posted by Ben @ 05/23/2002 07:50 AM PST

to Ben:
Thanks
to Freedunit:
Thief! lol
Posted by Craig @ 05/23/2002 07:54 AM PST

Bitch-slap
All credit for the sound clip is owed to Craig. He is the man.
Posted by freedunit @ 05/23/2002 08:32 AM PST

Ask BK: Got a question? Ask Bruce Kimmel...

© Copyright 2001-2003 Bruce Kimmel.
All Rights Reserved. Site design by hijinks design.