haines his way

06/05/2002:
"A POWER SURGE IN A NUTSHELL"

Well, dear readers, I’m getting a late start on these here notes, so I must hurry them along so that they don’t go up too too late.
Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley.
In my dream I was sitting in my car and a parking ticket officer came up and started writing me a parking ticket. It was after six p.m. and I told him rather indignantly, “Hey, you, get off of my cloud, it is after six o’clock.” He told me that he’d looked at my car and the meter before six o’clock and was therefore giving me a ticket. I told him that I’d put money in at five-forty and that he was full of a coprophiliac’s favorite thing. None of this dissuaded him from writing the ticket. I told him that I would see him in court, that I would fight it all the way. On he went, writing, not caring one or two whits. Then someone came over to the car and told me that Stephen Sondheim had called and that I should call him right back. I did, but he wasn’t there. Then I woke up and that is why I’m getting a late start writing these here notes, because of that damned parking ticket officer in my dream. You can blame it on him, you can blame it on Rio, you can blame it on the Bossa Nova, you can blame it on my youth (well, that’s a stretch), you can put the blame on Mame, but don’t blame me.
Yesterday I took a quick look at the transfers on the Blake Edwards DVDs. Victor/Victoria looks the best, really quite stunning. I do like most of that film very very much, and there are some classic Edwards moments that still make me howl every time I see them. For example, in the cockroach scene in the restaurant, no other director I know would have had the audacity to do what Edwards does just as the cockroach climbs up the leg. Just at the point where you know the reaction is coming, he cuts outside the restaurant (the shot is a wide shot from across the street) and we watch the ensuing pandemonium silently through the windows of the restaurant. Absolutely hilarious and visually wonderful. S.O.B. looks pretty good – it was shot on a much lower budget. The film itself has some really good things in it, but a lot of it just lays there like so much fish. The Great Race looks fantastic and is complete at 160 minutes. I saw this film the day it opened at the Pantages Theater and was very impressed by it’s visual splendor and great cast. I do remember not laughing very much, though, which I thought strange for a comedy. And as I watched the opening of the DVD I remembered why – it’s not very funny. It’s very big, it’s very long, it has its moments, but it’s not the tribute that Mr. Edwards wanted it to be (the film is dedicated to Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy). The direction is fine, but the script is weak and it’s a shame Mr. Edwards didn’t write it himself (or with another writer).
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I’m really enjoying my new handy-dandy computer, but I have barely grazed the surface of it, I fear. For example, I know that I can load music and burn CDs in here, but I have no idea how to even begin that process. I have listened to CDs through the Windows Media Player, and I have even watched a little bit of the Nudie Musical DVD, which looked swell. The interesting thing about this here computer is that it comes with a rather large Owner’s Manual, which is unlike any other owner’s manual I’ve ever seen. Most owner’s manuals have a nice diagram of the product, with arrows showing you where everything is located. Most owner’s manuals tell you how each function works and how to do everything. Not this owner’s manual. This owner’s manual spends most of its pages on Solving Problems. It does tell you how to turn off the computer, though, so that’s good. And it does have a whole section on something called a Power Surge. Basically a power surge is not supposed to be good, but on a personal level I like a nice power surge. For example, if I eat a box of See’s Dark Chocolate Nuts and Chews, I get a power surge. I’m here, I’m there, I’m bouncing off the walls (no mean feat). But, apparently, one doesn’t want their computer to be here and there and bouncing off the walls, so that is the difference between a human and a computer in a nutshell. I’ll bet you didn’t even know you could find the difference between a human and a computer in a nutshell. For example, I didn’t know I could find the difference between a human and a computer in a nutshell, and yet when I opened a nutshell to get out a nut, in addition to the nut I found the difference between a human and a computer. What the hell am I talking about?
My goodness, that was a large paragraph. The only thing to do after a large paragraph such as the one above, is to click on the closest Unseemly Button, which is exactly what I’m going to do in a nutshell. Well, I hope I can do it in a nutshell, although I am bigger than a nutshell and I don’t know whether I’ll fit in the fershluganah nutshell.

Well, in a nutshell, here we are. And we all know what day this is, don’t we? This is Ask BK Day, that’s what day this is, the day when you ask my all of your excellent questions that you’ve been slaving over for days. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? And I shall answer each and every one of your questions to the best of my ability. I shall be forthright and true and I shall answer, answer, answer (that is three answers) until the cows come home. I have just one question: Why is there a “w” in the word “answer”? Look at that “w”, just sitting there like so much fish, not a care in the world, just sitting there for no reason whatsoever. Perhaps it’s on vacation from another word. Oh, well, I suppose there is no answer to why there’s a “w” in “answer” and we’re all just going to have to accept that and move on with our lives.
I got a wonderful soundtrack CD yesterday and I’ve already listened to it three times. It’s the soundtrack to the film Joe Versus the Volcano. The film itself is an odd duck, but the score, by Mr. Georges Delerue, is stunningly beautiful. This is the first time it’s been released on CD and it’s a limited edition from the Varese Sarabande Soundtrack Club and is only available via their website or by phone.
I have some very sad news. In a nutshell, my turntable is dying. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, my turntable, which has given me many years of loyal service, is practically morte as the French say. The first time I knew that there was a problem was that when I turned it on the other day it tried to go in the wrong direction. It finally realized that was a futile thing to do and then started to go in the right direction. It played fine for a while, but then, towards the end of the LP I was transfereing to CD, its speed began to waver, causing the LP to sound as if it were careening nauseously around a room. Since then it has gotten worse and I feel the turntable is on its last legs and will soon be totally and finally muerte, as the Spanish say.
Well, as I said, I’m going to keep these here notes short because tomorrow’s will be endless and verbose, not necessarily in that order. So, gird your loins, step up to the plate, and ask your excellent questions. Do remember, even though the temptation will be mighty, don’t answer the questions, even if you know the answer, even if you’re dying to answer, even if you can barely restrain yourself, you simply simply must. Otherwise, you will be bitch-slapped from here to eternity by our resident bitch-slapper. Ask away, while I take the day, while I do the things I do, while I prance around my neighborhood in my colored tights and pantaloons because I am having a power surge in a nutshell.

Replies: 32 Unseemly Comments

The first batch of questions...
(oh, and BK, I am guessing that your table has stopped turning and that is why you are having problems with your turntable?)
1. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers -- what's your opinion on the score, the movie musical.. and then the stage show. How does it rank against Li'l Abner.
2. And this is more of a suggestion than a question, but here goes. Would it be interesting to have a "Dear Readers Showcase" section where people could send you stories, artwork, parodies, etc and there would be a place to visit and see such things? Just an idea and thought.
3. Can you describe, in DETAIL the methodology of bringing one's AOL filing cabinet from a useless laptop over to a new spanking DELL? OK -- KIDDING ONE THIS ONE :)
4. Have you picked up the new mastered recording of Barnum? What is your opinion (or are you not adding this to your collection)? The new liner notes are GREAT - especially the ones written by Jim Dale.
5. Many of these new releases have bonus tracks (not to be confused with BK's infamous hidden tracks) and it got me thinking how I would love to see a series of CD's of shows that are just the backers audition or the composer/lyricists demos. How do you feel about such a series? I know the sales potential is probably quite small and the audio quality I am sure would not be stellar.. but I enjoy hearing the composers sing their own songs.. especially from great shows.
6. which relates to #5. CBS once had a show called The Songwriters which had such notables as Sheldon Harnick, Kander and Ebb, Charles Strouse. Did you ever see it? Do you own the videos (I saw them on sale on the web for pretty cheap). I think it's time to resurrect this type of show - on Bravo, or TRIO, which, if you don't have, Dear Bruce.. you need to get!
more later...
Posted by Craig @ 06/05/2002 10:10 AM PST

Craig -
Re item #5 there IS a series of such material being produced from the tapes owned by Rose Marie Jun. It's called "Broadway First Take" and two CD's (Vol. 1 and 2) have been released so far. Ms Jun was used by many composers in the early 60's for backer tapes, and these CD's are compiled from her personal copies. Both discs available from amazon.com
Posted by Phil @ 06/05/2002 11:22 AM PST

I also watch Victor/Victoria on DVD last night. But since I am 3 hours ahead of you I probably saw it first. Watched it twice. Once with the commentary by Andrews and Edwards. there was some interesting insights but not much. As a matter of fact they talk about the cockaroch scene in the commentary.
There is an easter egg that runs about 30 seconds that Edwards talks about Andrews. That was the only one I could find.
I am rushing out to the airport as I am on my way to another country for the next few days. But I do have a question.
Do you think that it is possible that Henry Higgins songs in My Fair Lady can be arranged and orchestrated so that a wonderful singer like Ron Raines can take full advantage of his wonderful instruments. Or was it written in a way that would preclude it?
Did you ever find out from Rupert Holmes who was voted the murderer, Datchery and the lovers the most times in Drood?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/05/2002 11:36 AM PST

Questions, questions:
1. Will you be giving us, your faithful Kimlets, a hint about the Easter Egg on the Nudie DVD?
2. Will there also be a hidden Chanukah Matzah for those of us that are Messiah-challenged?
3. Do you have a favorite cocktail? What is the etymology of the word cocktail? It really does bring unseemly thoughts to mind. Here is one idea but I bet you can do better.
4. Have you ever seen a Bollywood musical from India?
Posted by Mattso @ 06/05/2002 11:36 AM PST

My question for BK: in all the musicals (stage or film) you have seen, who was the most perfectly cast performer? Where the fit of actor and role was so perfect, that it couldn't possibly be as good with anyone else? And the converse, who was the most miscast? (As I am sure you have guessed, that may be a different answer than who was just awful.)
Posted by Philip Crosby @ 06/05/2002 12:26 PM PST

Well I think if people aren't posting because they don't have any questions.. they should at least post to let us know they are here. Tell us what the best (or worst) part of your day was.
I'll start by saying that the worst part of today is that I have been waiting for a very important phone call. A life changing one and it has not come yet. It might come today, tomorrow or Friday at the latest. The phone has rung 4 times today. Each time, my heart does that beat skip as I answer to see who it is. Each of the 4 times today, it was a solicitor. HEINOUS, I tell you!
Posted by Craig @ 06/05/2002 12:55 PM PST

Give me time. I am working on my questions. Any suggestions? [Remember that on Ask-bk Day, only bk may respond!]
What would be the subject matter of Craig’s potentially life-changing telephone call?
Posted by freedunit @ 06/05/2002 02:22 PM PST

Hey BK, weren't you going to do an ask reader day? Weren't you going to pick our favorite tunes out of an electronic hat and have us on the show? Are you still going to that?
Posted by Mattso @ 06/05/2002 02:31 PM PST

BK. What are your favourite cities of the world. (Assuming of course that you have been to many places in your search for adventure). Have you ever crossed the equator and/or the international date line. If so, how did the experience effect you? What are your favourite musicals from the UK? (Particularly ones that did not reach the U.S.) Have you caught up with "Bugsy Malone" yet or is it still waiting DVD release? Have you ever seen the musical of "Robert & Elisabeth"? Comments.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 06/05/2002 02:52 PM PST

Is there a holiday I don't know about? Where in tarnation is everyone witht their excellent questions? Have we already exhausted Ask BK Day? Have we already grown weary of asking my excellent questions? Or is everyone preparing to watch the fershluganah Lakers game? We simply must have more excellent questions or I shall wring my hands in despair and eat an entire chocolate cake.
Posted by bk @ 06/05/2002 03:10 PM PST

1. With regard specifically for musical theatre, is it the case that a perform is either to the manner born or not? In other words, are some performers born with the musical-theatre gene and others not? Can it be taught? Some people possess it in abundance (e.g. Kristin Chenoweth, natural-born George-Abbott-style performer Daisy Prince) and some seem to possess none (names withheld to prevent another bout of bitch-slapping).
2. When recording a cast album:
A. Were there ever performances you thought might be presented to better effect on the recording rather than the stage? I have heard classical singers say they believe they are able to deliver only about sixty percent of their voices onstage and come close to one hundred percent only in the studio.
B. Were there ever excellent stage performances that made poor recordings?
C. Were there ever poor stage performances that made excellent recordings?
D. Did you ever observe a stage performance and think you would be able to assist a performer in improving it for a recording? If so, was it improved?
E. Did you ever observe a stage performance and think it would translate perfectly to recording only to find that major work was required in the studio?
F. Did you ever electronically correct or modulate a singer’s pitch in the studio?
G. How frequently, if ever, have you been able to record orchestra and vocalist(s) simultaneously? You mentioned that Judy Kuhn worked best that way, and I believe it is Barbra Streisand’s preferred method of recording (The Broadway Album). Is not that the way our favorite “classic” Broadway cast albums were recorded before pop-recording methodology took over?
3. Contact, discotheque pantomime, and Mamma Mia!, karaoke musical. Your reaction, please.
4. Knee-jerk reactions to the following:
Ginger or Mary Ann
Mary Martin or Ethel Merman
Betty Buckley or Patti LuPone
Andrew Lloyd Webber or Frank Wildhorn
5. What about Reprise Follies and the Kennedy Center Sondheim Celebration?
6. What is your favorite chocolate cake? I am told I make a number of excellent chocolate cakes…
Posted by freedunit @ 06/05/2002 04:15 PM PST

To a batch of questions, is batch-slapping ever a valid response?
Posted by freedunit @ 06/05/2002 04:16 PM PST

No, no, no! Please don't eat an entire chocolate cake! Not now, while you are toned and buff with buns and abs of steel! We like you that way.
Here is a question: What are your feelings about various "rock musicals"? Specifically, Jesus Christ Superstar, Tommy, The Rocky Horror Show, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Both their stage and film incarnations.
Furthermore, can analysis be worthwhile? Is the theatre really dead? Will Saroyan ever write a great play?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/05/2002 04:30 PM PST

And thank you for mentioning the Cockroach Scene in Victor/Victoria. When asked, e.g. my favorite comic moments in film, my failing memory often fails to register. But now that I reflect, this is certainly one of the most hilarious. Similar to the scene in The Pink Panther where Peter Sellers is trying to get into bed with his wife Capucine. Long shot, fixed camera, and the screen mostly dark.
And what was the Edwards film with the glow-in-the-dark condoms? John Ritter, it was.
And why I didn't post earlier relates to Craig's question about the worst part of our day.
My Joe and I spent a good deal of day in court with a matter which has been going on for nine months and still has not given birth. And like most days in court, nothing happened.
I really don't want to get into it. Really.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/05/2002 04:43 PM PST

Every once in a great while, my allergies treat me to a particularly heinous night during which I cannot breathe and cannot sleep. On top of that, I normally acquire a throbbing headache. Last night was one of those nights.
I've been home all day, sleeping for the most part. Having a little nosh every once and again to sustain strength.
I am now up until bedtime. Headache gone. Breathing so-so. But have had lots of sleep.
I have the AC going as the day is on the "ish" side of warm.
I have many, many favorite moments in "Victor, Victoria". From the Blake Edwards supporting players gems, the detective spying on Victoria is in two of them -- I love the scene where lightning strikes his umbrella...and the scene in the destroyed club where the proprietor takes a hammer and smashes the detective's bandaged finger.
Preston and Warren turned in two of the all-time great performances in that film. Both were robbed when they lost the Oscars (to whom I couldn't tell you, so seldom are supporting performances memorable enough to remember). Actually, Preston should have been in the Best Actor category, rather than supporting.
R
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 06/05/2002 05:11 PM PST

Where have I been all day, you ask? I've been having lunch with a fellow haineshisway.com poster, Kerry, where we sat for hours, eating ham chunks and cheese slices and drinking diet coke.
The best part of my day? Having lunch with a fellow haineshisway.com poster.
Posted by Laura @ 06/05/2002 05:25 PM PST

BK-
You opined that you felt that the best recorded Musical song was EVERY DAY A LITTLE DEATH from the OCR of A LITTLE NIGHT NIGHT MUSIC.I agree,by the way.
What,in your opinion,is the best complete recording of a Broadway or Off-Broadway show?And why??
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 06/05/2002 06:44 PM PST

BK-
If you were to pick ONE musical frpm the following composers what would it be??
1.COLE PORTER
2.GEORGE GERSHWIN
3.IRVING BERLIN
4.RODGERS AND HART
5.RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN
6.KANDER AND EBB
7.SCHMIDT AND JONES
8.CY COLEMAN
9.LOEWE AND LERNER
10.HAROLD ARLEN
11.JULE STYNE
12.STEPHEN SONDHEIM
11
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 06/05/2002 06:54 PM PST

I'm curious about CD packaging, specifically about the cover and liner notes. This would apply more to the theatre performer solo CDs as opposed to cast albums. Can you describe the process? Who comes up with the concept? Album producer, the Artist, or the Art Director? How are Art Directors/Designers selected for the task? Are they in-house personnel at the record company, or outside agencies? Are photos staged specifically for this use, or scavenged from past shoots? And why are there so many typos? Does no one proofread anymore?! Wow. I've consumed many a question mark in that posting.
Posted by Scott R @ 06/05/2002 07:09 PM PST

Oh my dear, dear Bruce Kimmel San, I do hope you don't think I've deserted you, simply because I haven't posted for the last few days.
You and dear, dear Guy Haines San have created an oasis of civilization within the chaotic stewpot of rudeness and impropriety that is the Internet, and I have no intention of leaving you out of my life.
It is simply that I am not very knowledgeable on the current New York theatre scene and your Tony Awards. But I do wish to learn. Tell me, did The Sweet Smell of Urine win?
And now I shall procede to my questions:
What are your favorite Japanese movies? Do you prefer Samurai films of the traditional mythic monster films? How do you feel about animé? Isn't it just too too?
Devotedly,
Your Sushi
Posted by Sushi Tomoto from Kyoto @ 06/05/2002 07:19 PM PST

Sort of in line with Scott R's question about CD packaging, what are your opinions on DVD packaging? I'm particularly interested in your opinions on multiple-disc sets, such as the Fantasia set (each disc with it's own container), Shrek (what was that, a single Mickey-Mouse ear?), and Harry Potter (folding up nice and neatly with a slim clear plastic holder, but the First Season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer had a similar container, and her third disc keeps coming loose...uh, maybe too much information). Also, do you find the printed material that comes with the discs helpful, or just put it aside?
On a totally different note, have you ever tried looking yourself up at Star Links? It functions a lot like "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon," and can be a lot of fun. http://www.cs.virginia.edu/oracle/star_links.html
Posted by SWoodyWhite @ 06/05/2002 07:25 PM PST

I had a great day, too. Laura and I did indeed meet for lunch. I recognized her right off the bat: she was wearing her "Haines his way" t-shirt!
We did have ham chunks and cheese slices, all of which we had to order a la carte (they don't have it on the menu. Go figure!)
We did NOT, however, wear our pointy hats nad pantaloons or dance the pudding dance. We awere in a public place, and I know some patrons might have looked at us askance.
I guess I better ask a question or run the risk of getting slapped.
OK, what was your favorite part you DID get to play (film, theatre, TV)?
More questions later.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/05/2002 08:25 PM PST

freedunit:
Will you make a cake for me?
Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting or chocolate cake with white buttercream frosting?
Posted by Kerry @ 06/05/2002 08:26 PM PST

B.K.
As to your turntable, if it is a quality model, surely there are quite competent turn-table repair people in Los Angeles. Look in the Yellow Pages under "Antique Dealers".
But if you are to replace it, my Joe, who is the Harry Pearson audiophile in the family, tells me you should be able to get a good, musical AR or VIP for under a thousand dollars. Somewhat more for a direct drive unit, which are supposed to have better specs on wow and flutter but tend to speed variation with inconsistent 60 cycle power.
So are you going to replace it? What are your plans?
And incidentally, what are your hopes and dreams?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/05/2002 09:04 PM PST

WFO: wow and flutter? Aren't those two of Frank Zappa's kids, or are they relatives of River Phoenix?
Posted by Kerry @ 06/05/2002 09:29 PM PST

First I went to a friends house. Then I spent the night. Then I realized that they had no internet at all and that I couldn't get my daily dose at the proper time for a daily does. Then my ride home was delayed. And delayed. And delayed. And then there was a storm. And then we had french fries and coke and told secrets. And THEN I arrived home to find that there was no electricity. And then I searched for the battery for the laptop. And then I found it. And then I found out how to USE it. And here I am. And here my questions are:
(I mean, and here am I, and here are my questions...)
What is your first thought upon waking up in the morning?
What is the greatest obsurdity of life?
What do you eat with french fries?
Where are your flashlights located in case of a storm?
Why are there no size small baseball tee shirts here at haineshisway.com?
Will we ever hear of the romantic adventures of Hinky & Meltz?
Can you make up lyrics to the 12 days of Christmas using things that you love? (For instance, "Twelve favorite showtune tracks, eleven blah blah blah, etc.) Please?
I just don't want you to be bored tomorrow morning, that's all.
;)
Posted by Lolita @ 06/05/2002 09:43 PM PST

If Musso and Frank's is your favorite restaurant in Los Angeles, what is your SECOND favorite in the LA area?
Who would you write a part for-- and I mean especially for them-- just to do a show with them. They could be male or female, living or dead. I suppose they don't even have to be human, but somehow I can't see you writing a show for Mr. Ed.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/05/2002 10:01 PM PST

Kerry:
Yes. I like both. Your choice.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/05/2002 10:06 PM PST

Kerry, I'm certain that BK's second favorite restaurant in Hollywood MUST be Stephano's Two Guys From Italy Pizza. It's right down the street from Musso and Frank's on Hollywood Blvd. It's the best two meals you can get for $5 and get change back.
Posted by Laura @ 06/05/2002 10:24 PM PST

I see bk’s notes II is in the area of 213. Congratulations.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/05/2002 10:50 PM PST

Bruce,
You know, as much as I hate all that has happened to you with that other company, and I bemoan the treasures that aren't getting produced, we only got you once a week at that other site. We get you everyday here. So, I guess I won't bitch too much.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/05/2002 11:19 PM PST

freedunit. 213, huh? Sounds like it calls for cake!
Laura, 2 meals AND change back! Definitely NOT Musso's!
Posted by Kerry @ 06/05/2002 11:20 PM PST

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