haines his way

06/18/2002:
"THE ELABORATE BUT CUNNING RUSE"

Well, dear readers, I promised you a surprise and by gum and by golly you shall get a surprise. While you all thought I was writing these here notes from the comfort of my very own home, I have, in fact, not been writing these here notes from my very own home. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, since Saturday I have been writing these here notes “on location” and far from the home I love. Now, why, you might ask, didn’t I mention this tiny morsel of information while I was actually writing “on location” and far from the home I love? Well, I’ll tell you why, because why should I keep such a thing from our very own dear readers? I didn’t mention this tiny morsel of information because I didn’t want anyone to know I was out of town and that my very own home was sitting empty. Therefore, I created an elaborate but cunning ruse, and this elaborate but cunning ruse included writing as if I were in my very own home, thereby fooling any potential uncouth interlopers into thinking I was actually there when, in fact, I was actually elsewhere. And just elsewhere was I whilst perpetrating my elaborate ruse? Why, I was in Las Vegas, Nevada, courtesy of the folks for whom I directed the Tourette’s Syndrome benefit. Wasn’t my elaborate but cunning ruse brilliant? Wasn’t it just too too?
Cissy Wechter and I drove up on Friday and arrived at about four-thirty (the drive took approximately four-and-a-half hours - this information will be important later in this story). Some of the Wechter clan was already there, and some arrived shortly thereafter. Oh, what fun we had. I gambled a bit that first night, and then I gamboled the next day whilst sunning myself at the pool in the 105 degree sun. There is nothing like gambling and gamboling. Not to mention eating. Oh, did we eat. In any case, I must tell you, looking around the pool as I was sunning myself, I realized that next to most of the other men who were doing same I was quite buff and toned with abs and buns of steel. And the blonde bits in my hair were simply dazzling in the Las Vegas sun.
On Saturday night we saw something entitled Blue Man Group at the Luxor Hotel. It was fun, and the blue men were very talented as they did their blue thing. It was a very loud show although I did not use the earplugs they gave us. In fact, I put the earplugs in my nose, just to show everyone that there were various and sundried uses for earplugs. I gambled some more when we got back to the hotel.
By Sunday I was down approximately $150, which I didn’t think was too too terrible. That night we ate at the Rainforest Café at the MGM Grand. The Rainforest Café resembles a rainforest, hence the clever name. They have storms, and apes, and elephants and also food. I had the Fried Catfish platter which was most excellent. When we got back to our hotel, David Wechter and I played craps. Well, we bought in together and he played whilst I cheered him on and also had a turn at throwing the dice, which I did quite handily and with a vivacious verve. We had some good luck, some bad luck and by the end of it all we’d lost $22.50 apiece (David had already won hundreds of dollars by himself, the brute). So, I was down about $175. However, at dessert that night I won a ten-dollar Keno.
Monday, prior to our departure, David and I pooled our money again and played craps (David had already won hundreds more that morning prior to my joining him, the brute). David was wearing his very own Benjamin Kritzer golf shirt, and that brought us some excellent luck. In fact, we could not lose. Eventually someone rolled a seven and ended the play, but not until we’d amassed enough money to cover what I was down and put me squarely in the “win” column. I haven’t left Vegas a winner in years.
Then Cissy and I headed home at two o’clock. We breezed along for the first half of the trip. Then, in Hesperia, things came to a crashing halt. Traffic simply stopped. We turned on the radio to find that there was a major brush fire and that the freeway was closed in both directions. It took an hour and fifteen minutes to go three miles, where they then diverted us in a circle to go back to Victorville or thereabouts. Wisely, we didn’t follow instructions and instead turned right where others were turning left to circle back. We went into a diner and the waitress gave us roundabout directions to get home an entirely different way. We ate a sandwich, and at six-forty we went on our merry way, new directions in hand. It took quite awhile to get to our destination, the 14 Freeway. Just before getting there, there was a major jam-up because several other people had had the same idea as us. In any case, we got to the 14 Freeway and, because there was a huge truck in front of us blocking our view, we took the first entrance we came to. Wrong. Mistake. Uh uh. Bad. We drove twenty miles out of our way before we finally realized that if we kept driving we’d end up in Oakland or somewhere. We turned around and headed back from whence we came. I finally arrived home at 10:00, a mere eight hours after we’d started out. Considering that I’m a major claustrophobic in traffic, I remained surprisingly calm for most of the trip. I did use an expletive to a Highway Patrol officer who wouldn’t answer a simple question. As we pulled off the freeway to circle around we asked him what kind of detour we were supposed to take and he brusquely ignored the question and snapped, “Keep moving”. I rolled down the window and said, “You sir, are an oleaginous ort and a poop”. He pretended he didn’t hear me as we drove on. I mean, honestly, who do these Highway Patrol people think they are? Someone should have been out there on a megaphone or something, informing people as to what was going on. Whatever happened to the Helpful Highway Patrol? No, now they’re the Highfalutin’ Highway Patrol. Broderick Crawford would have been appalled.
Well, wasn’t that a good surprise? Wasn’t my elaborate but cunning ruse cunning and elaborate? My house was safe and sound and no uncouth interlopers had interloped. And now you know the whole story, a bit late, yes, but in its entirety.
Now, I will ask this one more time – what has happened to our posters? We only had fifteen paltry posts yesterday – what was there was cherce, and I will, of course, take quality over quantity, but we must have quantity, too, mustn’t we? Post, post, post (that is three posts) or I shall have to be bitch-slapping the errant and truant. In the meantime, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below to find out our other Surprise O’ The Day?

We only had one answer to our Unseemly Trivia Contest – in fact, we only had two guesses. Neither guess was completely correct, but one guess had so many components that were correct and the things that weren’t correct could have also been a plausible answer, that I’m going to award that person a sparkling prize anyway. The question was:
This musical had among its creative staff someone who would go on to be a major composer in several media, and included in its cast someone who would go on to win an Academy Award, and someone who would achieve fame for a period of time starring in a cult TV series. The cast also included two future Tony Award-winners. Name the musical, the composer who would go on to major success, the Academy Award winner, the person who achieved fame in the TV series, the cult TV series and the two future Tony Award winners.
And the answers are:
Show: Henry, Sweet Henry
Composer: Marvin Hamlisch (did dance arrangements)
Academy Award winner: Don Ameche
TV star: Louise Lasser (also married to Woody Allen, but would leave that aspect out of question)
Cult TV series: Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
Future Tony winners: Bob Avian and Priscilla Lopez
The sparkling prize goes to Mr. Michael Shayne. Thanks to Steve Gurey for the guest quiz.
Well, right about now you’re all wondering which Hollywood Star I’ll be meeting with today. Or, you’re wondering if the whole Hollywood Star thing is an elaborate but cunning ruse. In just a few short hours I will be meeting with Miss Cybill Shepherd. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? I have always liked Miss Cybill Shepherd and I am looking forward to this meeting with her. I will, of course, have a full report for you tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow (and weren’t we?), don’t forget that it is Wednesday, Ask BK Day, so do get your excellent questions ready to ask. Ask anything, whatever your collective hearts desire. And I shall answer to the best of my ability, in an honest and forthright manner befitting someone who is buff and toned with abs and buns of steel.
Well, dear readers, I must prepare for my meeting with Miss Cybill Shepherd, and I also have an earlier meeting with a Broadway Producer, which I must also prepare for. Today’s topic of discussion: We’ve talked about many different aspects of the musical theater – but we’ve never talked about orchestrations. So, let us talk about orchestrations. What are your favorite show orchestrations and who is your favorite show orchestrator? Now, I know that Mr. Jonathan Tunick will get tons of votes, and I concur wholeheartedly. But there are others who came before and after. I’ll start: Jonathan Tunick, Robert Russell Bennett (especially Anything Goes), the great Eddie Sauter, the great Hershey Kay and many others. Favorite show orchestrations would be Promises, Promises (Tunick via Bacharach), Company, Follies, A Little Night Music, 1776, 110 In The Shade, I Do! I Do!, Henry, Sweet Henry, the original Anything Goes, the original Cabaret, and on and on. Your turn.

Replies: 47 Unseemly Comments

Favorite Orchestrators:
Robert Russell Bennett, Jay Blackton (Jacob Schwartzdorf), Ralph Burns, Bill Byers, Hershy Kay, Peter Matz, Sid Ramin, Don Sebesky, Hans Spialek, Michael Starobin, Jonathan Tunick, and Don Walker.
I love Cybill Shepherd. She might make a good Follies Phyllis somewhere…
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 09:42 AM PST

More later. but I'll go with Robert Russell Bennett. Phillip Lang, Jonathan Tunick and Ralph Burns and Jim Tyler.
And it's tough to distinguish sometimes between brilliant arrangements and brilliant orchestrations-- not for you pros of course but for me. In which case I'd ahve to sart naming a whole new bunch of people.
I'll be back later. Need to jump in the shower (let's not start THAT again, shall we)
Posted by Kerry @ 06/18/2002 10:08 AM PST

Just wanted to wish Kerry Butler a very happy birthday...
more later,
Craig
p.s. Is there ANYONE finer than Tunick?
Posted by Craig @ 06/18/2002 10:56 AM PST

Robert Russell Bennett and Hans Spialek orchestrating Rodgers; Jonathan Tunick orchestrating Sondheim; Hershy Kay orchestrating Bernstein; Ralph Burns orchestrating Kander; Phil Lang orchestrating Herman.
Posted by Philip Crosby @ 06/18/2002 11:30 AM PST

Kerry, great selection of Philip J. Lang. I did not intend to overlook him myself. I love his orchestrations of Mame and 42nd Street. Have a good jump in the shower. When you are through, there is cake.
Craig, yes, Carolina and Robert Russell Bennett. I love Bennett’s use of the harp, but among is talents Tunick is great at making four instruments sound like forty…
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 11:38 AM PST

Oh.. forgot to mention. To a particular (and specific) reader of this board who kicked my tush in Backgammon last night... I demand a rematch!
Posted by Craig @ 06/18/2002 11:39 AM PST

“is” = his
I did not mean to post the way Alfred P. Doolittle speaks.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 11:45 AM PST

Alfred P. Doolittle? Heck, I though you were going for Alfred E. Newman - What, Me Worry?
Posted by Craig @ 06/18/2002 11:53 AM PST

I knew you would get us back quickly to coprophilia…
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 11:54 AM PST

Me? How in tarnation, carnation, aspiration, confligration, flobotinization did I get us back to that?
Posted by Craig @ 06/18/2002 11:58 AM PST

Hey Everybody!
The reviews are in on the Reprise! production of FOLLIES at the Wadsworth Theatre in L.A. Just go to http://calendarlive.com and click on the second item in the center of the screen.
ALSO: Don't forget to tune in PBS tonight for the filmed-for-TV production of THE WOMEN with the original Broadway revival cast!
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 06/18/2002 12:34 PM PST

The original Roundabout Theatre Company revival cast of The Women, yes, but sans le barbu de Jennifer Tilly. I saw the production; better to rent the motion picture…
Desperation, persperation, inspiration, deviation, coprophiliation.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 12:50 PM PST

Or perspiration…
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 12:55 PM PST

Freedunit's review of The Women was much too kind.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 06/18/2002 01:09 PM PST

well, I agree about The Women....I saw it last October and it really made me appreciate how well written the movie is....the only bright spot was Jennifer Coolidge as Edith -- very funny performance!
also, since Mr Bakalor hasn't gotten around to posting the links for this week's radio show, I will post them here:
Stan & Kirsten's Website
http://www.stanandkirsten.com/
LML Music
http://www.lmlmusic.com/
Amazon Link to Purchase "A Quiet Thing"
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005U8HK/qid%3D1023939884/ref%3Dsr%5F11%5F0%5F1/102-5238461-4391310
Posted by Donald @ 06/18/2002 01:23 PM PST

For more than twenty years I have admired the work of Cynthia Nixon. I think she is a wonderful actress who did well with a thankless role. Nixon delivered terrific performances in Angels in America… and Indiscretions, and I very much look forward to her portrayal of Sally Tally. Of course, Mary Louise Wilson is wonderful in every show in which she appears. I am very fond of Kristen Johnston, but I thought she was miscast. Jennifer Coolidge is a talented comic actress and a very warm, funny presence; I look forward to seeing her again. I am even a fan of Jennifer Tilly—enough so to wonder what she might be able to accomplish with a strong, able director. Tilly was terrific in Bullets Over Broadway. If Hallie Kate Eisenberg were to retire now, I would consider it a great service to the arts and to this country, and I would give thanks. As for The Women, better to rent the movie…
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 01:44 PM PST

Oh, happy happy day. I am back from The Beach, where it was rainy and sandy and generally disgusting. Especially for the lack of computers/email/drivel. In response to yesterdays topic, I'd pick Liz Callaway, Judy Kuhn, and Audra MacDonald.
In response to today's topic, I must admit that I can't think of any that haven't been mentioned, so I'll just concur.
;)
Posted by Lolita @ 06/18/2002 02:09 PM PST

Leonard Bernstein. Yes?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/18/2002 03:21 PM PST

That was very tricky -- making us all believe you were writing from home when you were actually in Fabulous Las Vegas. I never gamble or gambol, because I've always got a kid or two with me when I go there.
Posted by Laura @ 06/18/2002 03:31 PM PST

Never gambled. Gamboled rather too much when I was younger--but I loved every minute of it!
I was camping from Wisconsin to California many years back with my French friend and her husband. The campground we stopped at in Nevada had slots, much to my surprise.
My friend said she'd never gambled in her life, but she put in a quarter, pulled the handle, and out came $ 5.00! What did she do? She pocketed it and swore never to gamble again, but to always tell people she made 9,900% profit gambling.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/18/2002 03:50 PM PST

Oh -- and please explain the origin of the phrase ?You sir, are an oleaginous ort and a poop?.
Posted by Laura @ 06/18/2002 03:58 PM PST

WFO, your friend may have sworn to “tell people she made 9,900% profit gambling,” but her profit was 1,900%.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 04:09 PM PST

I think from now on, there should be no more trivia questions involving Tony Award winners. No, from now on, all of the trivia questions should revolve around Tony RANDALL. Lulu has decreed it so.
Why, oh WHY is Love at First Bite still not available on DVD? Or Scavenger Hunt? Or Cold Turkey? Or any of those other nutty, zany, seventies comedies that I love so? Get them out there, people, on the double! C'mon, get the lead out!
(Don't mind me, I'm just in a crummy mood today.)
Posted by Lulu @ 06/18/2002 04:31 PM PST

freedunit:
Sorry, pal, the arithmetic was mine. I've only had PhD in math for thirty years. That'll teach you not to trust the experts. 8-)>
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/18/2002 04:52 PM PST

By the way, I have the Chandler/Benton CD. I love it. It's great.
OK. That's three posts I've made today.
Posted by Laura @ 06/18/2002 05:32 PM PST

You see, you see - it is possible to have both quality and quantity. This is more like it - I'm jiggy with it. Let's keep it up, although perhaps "it" is tired and wants to go night night. Why should we keep "it" up if "it" wishes to sleep? Who are we to say nay to "it"? I shall have the full details on my rather long meeting with Miss Cybill Shepherd and also with my seemingly successful meeting with a Broadway Producer.
Of course I should have mentioned the great and unique Ralph Burns.
Posted by bk @ 06/18/2002 06:13 PM PST

I positively ADORE Cybill!
I think that her cd, "Talk Memphis to Me" is quite a fine album, and it gets heavy play in my cd-changer!
I know that it isn't Wednesday - it is Tuesday, so it MUST be Belgium - but, does your meeting with Miss S. concern a new recording?
Posted by td @ 06/18/2002 06:44 PM PST

Ralph Burns wrote wonderful orchestrations. I detested his work on a motion picture oddly entitled A Chorus Line, but then there were no worthwhile elements of that film, and as far as I am concerned, officially it never happened. I love everything he did for Fosse—I wish “Beat Me, Daddy, Eight to the Bar” had been recorded—and I love his work on New York, New York and even the little-known In the Mood, which I saw only because a friend was in it. His work with Doug Besterman, who is himself a talented orchestrator, on Thoroughly-Millie is the best element of the production, and I was touched by Besterman’s Tony tribute to him. Burns’ charts for Little Me; Do I Hear a Waltz?; Chicago; and especially Funny Girl are among my very favorite ever.
Now I am so curious what Broadway Producer was seemingly successfully met and why…
Lulu, may I be the first to guess the answer of the trivia question? Is the answer Tony Randall?
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 06:47 PM PST

I happened to see the production of The Women playing tonight on Channel 13 when it played at the SELWYN Theatre (I won't stoop to calling it that flying bird name). Anthony, my partner, had not seen it and wanted to watch it even though he knew I "did not care for it" to be polite. Imagine my relief when he confirmed my view of the miscast, mishapen mess that was the Women. He stopped watching at intermission. He wanted to reach through the television and pull out what remains of Jason Alexander's hair for his less than stellar hosting duties. Ah, well. On to other topics. I have been to Las Vegas twice, once on a drive through with my family on the way to California in the early 70s. It was about 3:00AM and you could read the newspaper in the car by the lights on the strip. The second time was when I worked for Nickelodeon. I was sent there for the NABET conference to appear as DangerMouse! Going to Las Vegas in the late summer to appear in a furry rodent suit was not the best way to see the city. Even though I was in the hotel most of the time it was so hot I nearly passed out once. It was soon after that I gave up my career as a full body costume actor. No more head pieces with football helmets built inside! No more feet the size of two football players! For me, a theatre company and a brush with bankruptcy. Oh, well, it's all part of my memoirs. I actually would like to go back to Las Vegas just once as a normal person, not in a car with 6 people or carrying my mouse suit through airport security, to see what it's like. Even though I know it's changed enormously from the mid 80s.
Posted by Ben @ 06/18/2002 07:09 PM PST

Who orchestrated "Gypsy"? I can't find my album or the right books? He definitely has to be added to my list (unless he's already on it). I reviewed various shows on record, and with the stuff I really like, the same names keep coming up over and over and over again.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/18/2002 07:39 PM PST

Sid Ramin and Robert Ginzler.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 07:54 PM PST

Oh my dear, dear Bruce Kimmel San,
I'm am so, so sorry this comes too late, but I just ran Cybill Shepherd San's name through my numerology software, and guess what? It said,
"WILL ALWAYS HAVE SUCCESS WITH MEN NAMED BRUCE"
If I'd only known in advance, you could have told her :-(
But not to worry. More of my own personal chi is on the way.
Glowingly,
Your Sushi
Posted by Sushi Tomoto from Kyoto @ 06/18/2002 08:04 PM PST

Perhaps I should have included Ginzler, too, in my list for Bye, Bye, Birdie and How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.
Ben, of course, you are correct The Women was performed at the Selwyn Theatre. Why ever would someone call the Selwyn Theatre after a flying bird or any other name for that matter? The Selwyn is the Selwyn is the Selwyn, and Mamma Mia! is at the Winter Garden Theatre, which was built as the American Horse Exchange, but has been the Winter Garden Theatre since 1911.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 08:05 PM PST

Thank you, freedunit. I owe you yet another piece of cake.
Oh, and I'll have to add Hershy Kay (to my list for his work on "Chorus Line" and "110 in the Shade").
Posted by Kerry @ 06/18/2002 08:24 PM PST

WFO, I am very sorry about your arithmetic. You may have had a Ph.D. in math for thirty years, but you are incorrect. Perhaps the Ph.D. has worn out. By the way (BTW), I do trust the experts. Your friend’s five dollars ($5.00) jackpot on a one-quarter dollar ($0.25) gamble is a profit of four and three-quarters dollars ($4.75), or one thousand nine hundred per cent (1,900%) of the original investment. Had the one-quarter dollar gamble yielded a jackpot of twenty-five dollars ($25.00), the twenty-four and three-quarters dollars ($24.75) profit would have been one of nine thousand nine hundred per cent (9,900%). I regret to inform that I am unavailable as a tutor.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 08:25 PM PST

May I just add (or subtract) that Mathematics was my worst subject. However, I know just enough to know that I came home a Vegas winner - not by much, but something is better than nothing.
Sid Ramin and Robert Ginzler were fantastic (I believe both worked on the film of West Side Story - along with the marvelous Irwin Kostal, if I remember correctly. Of the more recent sorts, I also am fond of Bill Brohn.
Posted by bk @ 06/18/2002 09:05 PM PST

Well, I see my beard got enjambed to the next line in my most recent post. The smiley should have looked like this:
8-)>
complete with beard and glasses.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/18/2002 09:19 PM PST

The so-called “emoticon” was not the error.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 09:26 PM PST

freedunit, freedunit, freedunit:
I was not pulling rank. I was pointing out that even my PhD did not prevent me from making egregious errors.
More egregious was typing "quarter" instead of "nickel" which confused all the calculations.
Bruce:
Math isn't much help in most Vegas games, not even blackjack.
But a former classmate of mine has made quite a pile over the years as a consultant to the High Rollers. That's the way to do it, work on commission and bet someone else's money.
Bill
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/18/2002 09:49 PM PST

“The first rule of gambling is never bet your own money.”
“What’s the second rule?”
“NEVER BET YOUR OWN MONEY.”
[A comedian who recently used the line gets no credit, because he stole it himself…]
Posted by freedunit @ 06/18/2002 10:09 PM PST

A late post and nothing new to add. Difficult to imagine a Sondheim score without the work of Jonathan Tunick. I forgot to hunt out triva responses this week. Worse. I gave the correct answer to the wrong question a few weeks back.(Henry Sweet Henry - which I thought met all the requirements!) I am now about to play my old recording (1979) of Richard Rodney Bennett - A Different Side Of Sondheim. This wonderful column has a way of jogging memory cells. I think Ralph Burns had somehting to do with "Lucky Lady" too. (From memory there was a BK allusion to the recording in a Real A column. Maybe it was "New York New York". Must dig out those old records.
Loved Cybill on TV. Christine Baransky (sorry about the spelling)was wonderful and the guy who played Ira was worth watching the show for. Loved the younger daughter's character as well.
And no post from Michael Shayne today. Good Grief.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 06/18/2002 10:35 PM PST

Blackjack without the knowledge of math is like producing an album without any cash...
never gonna happen and if it does, it's gonna be ugly!
Posted by Craig @ 06/18/2002 11:03 PM PST

I like Jonathon Tunick. Absolutely amazing. Just listen carefully to his work in Follies and Into Woods.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/19/2002 04:13 AM PST

Have to add William David Brohn to the list of the best orchestrators working today.
Being married to a harpist, I have to love any orchestrator/arranger who writes a good harp part. ;-)
Posted by Dave @ 06/19/2002 09:07 AM PST

Dave-
Just have to ask.. Have you EVER had a disagreement with your wife and said "stop harping on me?"
Posted by Craig @ 06/19/2002 09:25 AM PST

I knew you would take us back to coprophilia again…
Robert Russell Bennett wrote wonderful harp parts for Annie Get Your Gun. Didn’t Irving Berlin write a song “Who Do You Love, a Harp?”
Posted by freedunit @ 06/19/2002 10:13 AM PST

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Posted by awo;eufhq3;iebg @ 04/25/2003 08:54 AM PST

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