haines his way

06/22/2002:
"FINE AND DANDY"

Well, dear readers, I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date, and that date is with our very own Mr. Donald Feltham, for today I am taping our special Nudie Musical radio show. Therefore rather than a slow dance, notes-wise, today I must do the Hustle, I must do the Black Bottom, I must do the Lindy Hop, the Charleston, in other words, I must get the lead out (no mean feat).
The AOL freeze of yesterday was, according to AOL, a nationwide problem. Do you know what I find astonishing? Well, I’ll tell you what I find astonishing because why should I keep such a thing to myself when I could share it with you dear readers and you lurkers out there in the dark? What I find astonishing is that AOL can suffer a nationwide problem that lasts for over two hours and then, when they’re up and running again, not address it or apologize for any inconvenience to their paying users. A simple thing on their homepage (which changes almost by the minute anyway, so someone is there programming), would do wonders, wouldn’t it? I can assure them of one thing: Eventually, this kind of cocky behavior will be their downfull. Downfull? Why did I just type downfull when I clearly meant to type downfall? In any case, cockiness begets downfulls or downfalls and I find the best policy is never to be cocky, to just go about one’s business and always, if one is in business, let the paying users know what is going on.
Of course, even though it turned out to be a nationwide problem, I, of course, assumed it was my new computer. Luckily, before smashing it to smithereens I did some other tasks and, of course, everything else was working fine and dandy and also dandy and fine. Fine and Dandy were also, of course, a wonderful but little known vaudeville team. I have one of their routines on an old 78. Here’s a sample:
Dandy: Hello, you’re looking fine today.
Fine: Of course I look fine. I am fine. When you’re fine you look fine.
Dandy: I’m fine, too, thanks for asking.
Fine: You’re fine, too? That’s a coincidence. Are we related?
Dandy: Where do you come up with these things? I say I’m fine, and you say are we related.
Fine: Well, if you’re fine and I’m fine we might be related. And why do you have a fried egg on your head?
Dandy: I’ll get to that later. Listen, shmo, why, if we’re both fine, does that make us related? Your logic defies me.
Fine: Well, my logic doesn’t like you. All right, we’re not related. How could I be related to someone like you? There, are you happy? Do you feel dandy now?
Dandy: How else should I feel? I’m Dandy, of course I feel dandy.
Fine: Good. I feel dandy, too.
Dandy: You do and I’ll knock you on the ground.
Fine: What are you getting so crazy for? Just because I feel dandy?
Dandy: You do and I’ll knock you on the ground.
Fine: Shut up already. And why do you have that fried egg on your head?
Dandy: I’ll get to that later. Anyway, let’s not make a federal case out of it. I’m glad you are fine.
Fine: I feel dandy.
Dandy: You do and I’ll knock you on the ground.
Fine: What are you, a broken record? Why does my feeling dandy bother you so much?
Dandy: Well, I hardly know you.
Fine: So, I can’t feel dandy because you hardly know me?
Dandy: Exactly.
Fine: Okay, okay, I won’t feel dandy.
Dandy: Fine.
Fine: What?
Dandy: What?
Fine: You said Fine. I said what?
Dandy: I said fine. Why would you say what? Didn’t you hear me?
Fine: I heard you. You said Fine. When people say Fine I say what? And why do you have that fried egg on your head?
Dandy: I’ll get to that later. Well, remind me not to say hello to you next time I see you.
Fine: Dandy.
Dandy: What?
Fine: Dandy.
Dandy: What?
Fine: Are you deaf?
Dandy: No, I’m Dandy.
Fine: I’m dandy, too. We’re both dandy.
Dandy: We’re both dandy? That would be a fine kettle of fish.
Fine: No, the Fine kettle of fish is at my house. We’re having scrod.
Dandy: I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore. I’ve got to go. It was nice seeing you again and I hope it’s the last time. Wouldn’t that be fine?
Fine: That would be dandy. And why do you have that fried egg on your head?
Dandy: Well, if you must know, I had a different egg on my head but somebody poached it.
Fine: Oh, that’s just dandy.
Dandy: That’s just fine.
BLACKOUT
Isn’t that a great routine? Well, now, we’d better click on the Unseemly Button below because I must dress and wend my way to Donald Feltham’s boudoir.

In case you didn’t see my post yesterday, Benjamin Kritzer has arrived. I’m going to ship them out next Tuesday, hopefully, which is when I should have the finished surprise CD that you smart people who bought on this site, will be getting as a gift. Between the DVD and the book, there are boxes everywhere. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
Well, today is our Unseemly Trivia Contest, so let’s get right to the question:
Some years ago there was a dancer who danced in one of the most exciting dance numbers ever done in a Broadway musical. Directly after that show, said dancer took part in a ground-breaking show, a show which would go on to be very successful and have a long run - a show which, for various reasons, was totally unique. The cast of that show also included someone who would go on to star in a hugely successful television series.
Name the dancer, the ground-breaking show, and the actor who went on to star in a hugely successful television series.
Remember: DO NOT POST YOUR ANSWERS TO THE SITE. Send them to me via e-mail at bruce@haineshisway.com or by using the unseemly Ask BK button located on the home page. Good luck to one and all and also all and one.
Well, I must be on my merry way to take the day. I shall, of course, be back tomorrow, and I’ll be checking in later this very day to see all your various and sundried postings. Today’s topic of discussion: I have always been very partial to board games – both as child and as adult. What are your favorite board games (if you become bored of board games, feel free to talk about other things – but if you love board games as I do, let us have a lively and piquant discussion of same)? I’ll start: Although, over the years I may have strayed, my two favorites have always been and will always be Scrabble (I am a killer Scrabble player and once achieved one of the great Scrabble single word scores of all-time) and Monopoly. I’ll come back on and tell my single word Scrabble story later. For now – your turn.

Replies: 24 Unseemly Comments

Get out the ham chunks and cheese slices, and let the pudding dance commence! My copy of First Nudie Musical has arrived (in Chicago)!
Posted by Pam @ 06/22/2002 10:39 AM PST

LETS DO MOVIES!
My ever-loving der Brucer and I went to see two new films yesterday, and enjoyed both of them. First, we went to see the new animated film, "Lilo and Stitch." It's quite a fun film, the best written animated film from Disney's group in several years. The characters are enjoyable, the colors are lush, uh, saturated, uh...let's just say we drunk them in. And I've always suspected that Zoe Caldwell was a little bit alien. If you can't just go to a Disney flic on your own, borrow a kid and have him take you.
We also went to see "Minority Report." As a request was made yesterday on this board not to include any spoilers, I will not say anything other than that a) it is an amazing film, and b) the only time the film goes over the top is when Tom Cruise rolls his eyes. By the way, great and subtle score by John Williams!
Posted by S. Woody White @ 06/22/2002 11:01 AM PST

Scrabble. I would love to buy the Franklin Mint Edition of the Scrabble Game.
Monopoly
Life
Clue and even the interactive Video Clue game, but was never able to get enough people to play that one.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/22/2002 11:03 AM PST

I have the Franklin Mint edition of Monopoly...and refuse to allow anyone to play with it!!!
: ) When I'm dead and buried, my heirs may decide who will cast the first die.
I'd also love to have the Franklin Mint Scrabble.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 06/22/2002 11:11 AM PST

Of course, Scrabble and Monopoly. Plus chess, checkers, and Life.
Anyone seen the ya ya movie? I'd love to hear opinions from you all. I'll keep mine to myself for the moment...
;)
Posted by Lolita @ 06/22/2002 01:14 PM PST

I'm much too stupid for board games.
Posted by Laura @ 06/22/2002 01:22 PM PST

Just finished taping the radio show. Had a lot of fun - read two excerpts from the book, plus played some Nudie tracks and had lots of idle chit-chat.
I have both the Franklin Mint Scrabble and Monopoly, both purchased on eBay at very good prices. I adore them, but I too have never actually played on them.
Minority Report is getting mostly absolute raves from critics, and the usual internet suspects are, of course, knocking it, which means it must be good. These twenty or so Spielberg haters go from film ng to film ng posting their idiocy - too bad we can't find out who they are and where they live so that our merry group could show up unannounced and give them the bitch-slapping they deserve.
Here is my Scrabble story: When I was doing a play here at the Mark Taper Forum in the early 70s, the pianist Ray Henderson and I played Scrabble every night. One fine evening I managed to do the following: On the bottom row I branched off some word ending in 'H' from above. My word, wait for it, was "equinox". It fell on a triple word, the "x" fell on a double letter, and I used all my letters. My score for that one word was something like 140. Ray practically killed me.
How many of you have read the Fine and Dandy routine out loud. I suggest getting a friend in the room and doing so - it's ever so much fun. Too bad they didn't have more of a career. They just seemed to quietly disappear into oblivion.
Posted by bk @ 06/22/2002 01:40 PM PST

I read Fine and Dandy out loud to Dear Reader Sandra and could hardly get through it. I printed it and will send it to Dear Reader Megan.
Posted by Laura @ 06/22/2002 01:58 PM PST

Bruce-
Can you explain how chit-chat can be idle? Isn't engaging in chatter a non-idling activity? I am sure that with you and Don in the same room, the chit-chat was breaking all speed limits!
Posted by Craig @ 06/22/2002 02:17 PM PST

Well, I tried, no one can say I didn't try. I thought I'd put everything in the trivia question to make sure no one could go a different way with it - but I wasn't successful. Several people have made a guess and those guesses could have been correct, but aren't. So, here's a major clue which will help clarify the question. The ground breaking show that the dancer went on to do basically ended the career of the dancer. The dancer only worked sporadically after that and then pretty much disappeared from the theatrical scene.
Posted by bk @ 06/22/2002 02:22 PM PST

Monopoly. Life. Clue. Although it isn't technically a board game, it's a card game with the bell, the game called Pit, which I haven't played for years and years and years (I still have it back in my cupboard). It's a stock market type game and requires lots of yelling and loudness. It's great fun. I do love games, in general and often play Celebrity. I'm going back to Minnesota this coming Thursday for a short vacation and one of our must do activities is a killer celebrity game with my sister-in-law and other family. My brother enjoys it, but my sister-in-law has become a fanatic about it. I also play a game called Initials. You put the alphabet (A-Z) in a vertical column down the side of a paper
A
B
C
D
etc.
Then, someone chooses a random sentence from any printed matter, a magazine, a book, newspaper, etc. and writes it next to the alphabet (ex. The quick red fox jumps over the lazy brown dog) using the first twenty-six letters of the sentence. When you reach the Z you stop, even if you have letters left in the sentence.
A T
B H
C Q
D U
E I
etc.
You then have ten minutes to come up with someone famous for those initials. You need to define famous for your group, such as "at least two people need to know who the person is". The "person" can be fictional, cartoon characters, politicans, advertising creations (Mr. Clean). The M can use Mr., Miss and Mrs. (Mr. Magoo, Miss Daisy, Mrs. Olson, the Folger's Coffee lady) and the K, P and Q can use King, Prince/Princess and Queen. If you're the only person to get a name for a set of initials, you get 15 points, if you get a name and someone else gets a different name, you each get 10 points and if you get a name and someone else gets the same name, you each get 5 points. It's a great game, In My Humble Opinion (IMHO in internet lingo). Play amongst yourselves and enjoy!
Posted by Ben @ 06/22/2002 02:50 PM PST

Well, first of all, click on my name to see Gary Trudeau's message for BK on underwear.
As for board games, I always hated Monopoly as a kid, because I think it was one of those masculine dominance rituals that were used to assert alpha status in the pack. And the games lasted so long!
I leaned more toward Parchesi and Sorry. But later I discovered Scrabble and fell in love. Imagine, a game based on words, where your vocabulary was actually important.
And I assume I am not the only one wondering what Bruce's big scoring move was. BK?
I played chess for a while but never got deeply into it. Fairy chess, on the other hand, always fascinated me, especially the 3- and 4-dimensional varieties (not the one on Star Trek!).
And I am just sitting on tenterhooks (not very tender, those) in eager antici
pation for the arrival of Benjamine Kritzer and The First Nudie Musical.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/22/2002 04:26 PM PST

Whoa!
We watched Memento tonight. Then I went to the kitchen to get coffee. I saw some dishes that needed washing, did them and went back.
Joe: Where's the coffee?
Me: Oh. The coffee.
Joe: Why don't you tattoo it on your arm?
What was I going to post about? Anyone remember?
Oh yes. My good friend Debby Mann collects foreign Monopolys®. They are particularly fun because they are adapted to the country, usually with the capital city, not some equivalent of Atlantic City. There are French editions with Paris and Montréal.
And Scrabble® comes in editions for different languages. There are Russian and Greek (and I presume Hebrew?) alphabets, of course. But even for, say, the French edition the scoring is different. Z is only one point, because it is so easy to use in French.
Is there a Japanese Scrabble®, Sushi San?
btw (by the wayside in Internet lingo), a colleague of mine published a math text that had a lot of probability problems using the Scrabble® tiles. And they had to print the ® symbol every time they named the game.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/22/2002 09:43 PM PST

Sc®abble?
Posted by Sc®abble® @ 06/22/2002 10:37 PM PST

I somewhat like Monopoly but feel guilty if I win. I have liked Parcheesi ("The Game of India"), Clue, Life (i'm still trying to get the right balance of Fame, Money, Happiness, etc.), even Milton Bradley's Mousetrap.
I was especially fond of Candyland (the real version-- not the one they have out now), always wanting to land on the Ice Cream Floats.
And even though it was verboten for a boy to play it, I liked the few times I got to sit in on a game of Mystery Date (Will your date be dreamboat or a dud?)
One of my favorites was Mille Borne (A French card game about car racing). I guess that it counts as a board game.
Oh, one more Masterpiece (from about 25 years ago) where you bought and sold paintings.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/22/2002 11:08 PM PST

William Orr: Please don't sit on those tenterhooks....they can lead to tender boo-boos!
Have been trying to get used to feeling well again. After a week of atrocious mucousity and weakness, I feel positively robust. I was starved at about 6:30 p.m. and called in an order of Thai take-out. That's the only way Thai take-out works, you know, by calling it in. If you called it out, you'd have to take it in. And that won't do. You might as well just go into the restaurant, sit at a table, order, eat, pay and then leave.
No, Thai take-out was the order of the day. Pra ram pork and pad thai noodles with chicken were my choices and I could barely finish half of each. I'm already salivating over the prospects of Sunday lunch (or brunch).
I, too, am looking forward to the DVD and the book. I am patience personified, though, as I am looking forward to having as many autographs on my DVD as possible (by cast members, that is).
You know, there doesn't seem to be an FAQ anywhere that lists all the Broadway-related CDs our BK has produced. One must glean what one can from his columns and from the Unseemly Posts. One can also try various things at eBay. For instance, I found all four Lost in Boston CDs (if there were ONLY four???) at one time on eBay...and all used, via the Wherehouse. My lucky day.
But yesterday, I was cruising around and found "Unsung Broadway" -- and my BK radar alerted. This sounds like BK, I thought. And sure enough. I found I and III. No II in sight. And no clue if there were IV or more.
He commented this week that he produced X Sondheim albums, but I've found only III. Wonder what the other VII are??!!!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 06/22/2002 11:14 PM PST

If everyone would like it I'd be happy to print the official Albums I've Produced list. I've tried to get Mr. Mark Bakalor to do a FAQ but it is like pulling teeth.
Posted by bk @ 06/22/2002 11:54 PM PST

Yes indeed. I say we all threaten Mr. Mark Bakalor with loss of teeth. I would like very much to attempt a complete collection of Bruce Kimmel albums. But I will not deal with the F place or speak the F word. Besides, amazon.com is underselling them.
I also want to thank Bruce for his fascinating answer to my question on the Debby Gravitte album. I hope you are collecting all these anecdotes in a safe place for future biographers, Bruce.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/23/2002 03:52 AM PST

WARNING: LONG POST
Here is the elusive Bruce Kimmel list. I am not sure if it is complete. I have the majority of them, but others I had to look up.
Here is a list of 122 Albums that Bruce has produced plus 21 others that he oversaw in re-releases or distributed
Cast Albums (Broadway, Off-Broadway, Studio, Concept)
After the Fair
Anastasia Affaire
As Thousands Cheer
Bed & Sofa
Bells Are Ringing
Colette Collage
Cowgirls
Das Barbeque
Do I Hear a Waltz?
Drat! The Cat!
Elegies For Angels, Punks and Raging Queens
Ethel Merman?s Broadway
Forbidden Hollywood
Gay 90?s Musical, The
Godspell
Hello Dolly!
Hey Love: The Songs of Mary Rodgers
I Do! I Do!
I Love You! Your Perfect! Now Change
If Love Were All
Irish and How They Got That Way, The
john & jen
King and I, The
Little By Little
Little Me
Lucky Stiff
Merrily We Roll Along
Night of the Hunter, The
No Way To Treat A Lady
Pete 'n' Keely
Peter Pan, The Musical Adventures Of
Play On
Radio Gals
Rodgers and Hammestein: A Grand Night For Singing
Ruthless! The Musical
She Loves Me
Stages
You Never Know
The Singers:

Barrett, Brent: Kander & Ebb Album, The
Beechman, Laurie: Andrew Lloyd Webber Album, The
Beechman, Laurie: No One is Alone
Callaway, Liz: Beat Goes On, The
Callaway, Liz: Liz Callaway Sings Frank Loesser: Anywhere I Wander
Callaway, Liz: Story Goes On-Liz Callaway On and Off Broadway, The
Clark, Petula: Here For You
Clark, Petula Here For You (Sunset Blvd Edition. Bonus Tracks)
Gravitte, Debbie: MGM Album, The
Gravitte, Debbie: Part of Your World: Debbie Shapiro Garvitte Sings Alan Menken
Gravitte, Debbie: The Alan Menkan Album (Reissue of the Above with additional songs)
Graae, Jason: Evening of Self-Indulgence - Live at the Cinegrill, An
Graae, Jason: Jason Graae Sings Charles Strouse: You?re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile
Graff, Randy:Randy Graff Sings Cy Coleman: Doing Something Right
Haran, Mary Clere: This Funny World
Kaye, Judy: Diva By Diva
Kaye, Judy: Songs from The Silver Screen
Kuhn, Judy: Judy Kuhn Sings Jule Styne: Just In Time
Luker, Rebecca: Rebecca Luker Sings Cole Porter: Anything Goes
Mayes, Sally: Our Private World-Sally Mayes Sings Comden & Green
Mayes, Sally: Story Hour, The
Nicastro, Michelle: On My Own
Nicastro, Michelle: Reel Imagination
Nicastro, Michelle: Toonful
Nicastro, Michelle: Toonful Too
Noll, Christiane: The Ira Gershwin Album
Noll, Christiane: A Broadway Love Story
O'Hara, Paige: Paige O?Hara Sings Jerry Herman: Loving You
Purl, Linda: Alone Together
Reddy, Helen: Center Stage
Schwartz, Stephen: Uncharted Territory
Skinner, Emily
Skinner, Emily & Alice Ripley: Duets
Skinner, Emily & Alice Ripley: Unspecting Hearts
Twiggy: London Pride
Broadway Related
Broadway Bound: New Writers for the Musical Theatre
Broadway?s Biggest ?97-?98
Cinderella: Songs from the Classic Fairy Tale
Latin Broadway
Lost In Boston
Lost In Boston II
Lost In Boston III
Lost In Boston IV
Lost In Boston: The Ultimate Collection (Best of the 4 Albums)
Prime Time Musicals
Shakespeare on Broadway
Unsung Musical
Unsung Musical II
Unsung Musical III
The Composers
Bacharach Album, Burt
Berlin, Irving: Unsung Berlin
Lerner, Loewe, Lane & Friends
Porter, Cole: A Musical Toast
Shire, David: At the Movies (From Bay Cities)
Simon, Paul: Paul Simon Album, The
Sondheim, Stephen: Sondheim At The Movies
Sondheim, Stephen: Stephen Sondheim Album, The
Sondheim, Stephen: Unsung Sondheim
Sondheim, Stephen

Jazz Recordings
Cabaret: Themes From The Hit Musical
Chicago: ...And All That Jazz
Cool & Classic - '60s Film Themes (Fred Karlin)
Cool & Classic - '70s Film Themes (Fred Karlin)
Fantasticks In Jazz, The
Michel Legrand Album
Ragtime: Themes from the Hit Musical
Saturday Night Fever: Themes from the Hit Musical
Sax & Violence - Music From The Dark Side Of The Screen
Star Wars: Sketches On Star Wars
Stephen Sondheim?s A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum...In Jazz
Stephen Sondheim?s A Little Night Music - Terry Trotter, Solo Piano
Stephen Sondheim?s Company...In Jazz - The Trotter Trio
Stephen Sondheim?s Follies - The Trotter Trio
Stephen Sondheim?s Passion...In Jazz - The Trotter Trio
Stephen Sondheim?s Sweeney Todd...In Jazz - The Trotter Trio
Christmas Albums
Broadway Christmas, A
Hollywood Christmas, A
Fynsworth Alley Christmas (A Combination of both albums plus one newly recorded song)
Plays
Copenhagen
Beyond Therapy (Not sure if this is the Durang Play that was recorded)
Others
Bruce Kimmel (Selections From Stages, The First Nudie Musical)
Out At The Movies
Sherlock Holmes: Classic Themes From 221B Baker Street
Titanic: The Ultimate Collection
Reissues/Distributed (Did Not Originally Produced)
Best Little Whorehouse Goes Public, The
Bring Back Birdie
Celebration
Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Reflect Up?
Doll's Life, A
Eating Raoul
Funny Thing Happened On the Way To the Forum
Golden Boy
Grass Harp, The
Hans Christian Andersen / The Court Jester
Henry, Sweet Henry
Mary Cleere Haran: This Heart Of Mine-Classic Movie Songs Of The 40s
Mystery of Edwin Drood, The
Patti LuPone
Prettybelle
Rupert Holmes: Widescreen: The Collector's Edition (With Bonus Tracks)
Secret Garden, The (Studio with Jduy Kaye & John Cullum)
Sondheim: A Celebration
Subways Are For Sleeping
Sugar Babies
There's No Business Like Show Business (Soundtrack)
Woman of the Year
Working
Unreleased
Donna McKechnie Live (Original Version)
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/23/2002 07:42 AM PST

I didn't see Guy Haines, Haines His Way in that list.
Posted by Laura @ 06/23/2002 08:14 AM PST

BK-
It's funny how your day starts because of something you read or hear. Today in the New York Times there is a wonderful piece by Mary Cleere Haran about Richard Rodgers and primarily Rodgers and Hart. I went to the shelf and took down Mary Cleere's THIS FUNNY WORLD-Mary Cleere Haran Sings Lyrics by Hart.I didn't realize or rememember what a beautiful CD it is .And it was produced by our own Kimlet.
So the answer to your question is YES as far as the list of your Produced Music.Is Come back Shayne's list complete? If not,give us more to see!!And as a footnote-If you people out ther don't have this CD-Beg,borrow or for Bruce's sake Buy this beautiful work of Art.
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 06/23/2002 08:27 AM PST

Alright, I'll add my name to the list of people who would like the Official List of BK produced CD's.
Maybe , rather than pulling Mr. Mark Bakalor's teeth, we could all get together and have a mob bitch-slap. You think?
Posted by Kerry @ 06/23/2002 08:51 AM PST

BK did not threaten to pull Mister Mark Bakalor’s teeth. He wrote that getting Mister Bakalor to produce a frequently-asked-questions section (FAQ) for the web site has been like pulling teeth, presumably without dental instruments and training, meaning difficult, not productive, and excruciatingly painful. Kerry, I agree that Mister Bakalor’s teeth should not be pulled—his leg perhaps, but not his teeth—and as for bitch-slapping, I advocate a Lysistratan approach: No bitch-slapping of Mister Bakalor until the desired unseemly FAQ appears, all dandy and fine. I hope such a FAQ would include a biography, chronology, and career vitae.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/23/2002 02:21 PM PST

And one more thing…
When Mister Mark Bakalor has produced the FAQ, he may have cake of his choosing—even cheese cake, which is not cake at all, but I will call it cake in his honor.
Posted by freedunit @ 06/23/2002 02:23 PM PST

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