Well, dear readers, it’s Monday, the beginning of a brand spanking new week, and I have high hopes, high hopes, high apple pie in the sky hopes for this week. I think this week should be splendid and sparkling, not necessarily in that order, and I feel we should do everything in our collective power to make it so. I am through being in my Moe mood of yesterday. Funnily, as I sat at the auction I attended, my Moe mood actually worsened, I actually wanted to poke every single person at that auction in the eye and I wanted to slap them silly. Things were going crazy at this auction, and I understand the great stuff going crazy, but when the stupid stuff goes crazy you just immediately go into a Larry mood and start ripping the hair out of your very own head. I mean, laser prints of Playmate layouts from the last two years (admittedly with the odd hand-corrections by my close personal friend, Hef) were going for over a thousand bucks each. Then, there was the nude photo layout of actress Kristine de Bell (who was mentioned in a post yesterday right here at haineshisway.com), comprised of about twelve black-and-white photos – that lot went for a mere $19,000 (more, if you count the 17% Buyer’s Premium). Several of the Harvey Kurtzman Little Annie Fanny pages went for over $15,000. In fact, the only things that didn’t go crazy were the things that should have gone crazy – the original Vargas paintings from the late fifties and early sixties. Many didn’t even reach their reserve. Amazing. It was also the longest auction in history – it took over two hours to do the first one hundred lots – and there were five hundred lots total. Grant and I bailed after three hours and went back to his house and finished the Music to Read Benjamin Kritzer CD, which I am having duplicated today. Depending on their time frame, I may even be able to ship today – if not, first thing tomorrow, a good thing as postage goes up on Friday. Interestingly, I put the CD in book order, but I actually kind of like the rough order we put it in first because it’s a more fun listen, so I may end up using that instead.

In case you forgot, the auction yesterday was an auction from the archives of Playboy, and let me tell you those five hundred lots were the tip of the iceberg. There is much more iceberg in those archives and if Hef is happy with the results of the auction (I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be) then there will be more coming. You may be wondering why I would call Mr. Hugh Hefner “Hef” as if I knew him well enough to call him Hef. Well, I’ll telly you why because you, as dear readers, have the right to know. Did you know, for example, that for one year’s time that I worked for Hef and Playboy? No, I didn’t think you knew that because that is a little-known fact. It was, I believe, in 1982 or 1983 or a bit of both, and Playboy was doing a cable show called Playboy on the Air. My agent received a call one fine day and was told that I was being offered a job (offered!) as the Playboy on the Air Sex News Reporter (sort of their Andy Rooney of Sex News). I would write my own stuff and perform it weekly and I had carte blanche to do what I wanted. Naturally being curious, I asked why I was being offered the job, and I was told that I was Mr. Hefner’s personal idea. Yes, Virginia, you heard that right – I was Mr. Hefner’s personal idea. That is because one of Mr. Hefner’s all-time favorite films ever is The First Nudie Musical. At that time, no film had ever been shown more than once at the mansion, but he used to run Nudie Musical over and over for people. Well, how could I turn that job down? I had a good deal of fun doing it, although it got harder and harder to come up with funny stuff every week – and I really didn’t like the producer I was working with, who I found an officious little prig – so, after a year, I quit. But that year was pretty grand – I had a blast doing my bits, and more importantly I became a regualar at the mansion, having achieved “A” list status. Every Friday night I would go to “movie night” and what a fine time was had by all. The first time I went I walked in the front door and felt totally out-of-place, not knowing anyone. Mr. Hugh Hefner saw me and he literally ran up to me like a little kid, and he gleefully shook my hand and told me I’d been his personal idea and how much he liked me and what I was bringing to his show. I thanked Mr. Hefner profusely, and he said the immortal words, “Call me Hef.” Here are two amusing anecdotes from the mansion: First, every time I would go into the movie room, find a seat and get comfy, here is what happened – Kareem Abdul Jabar would come in and sit in front of me. Every single time. So, I never really saw any movies because if Kareem Abdul Jabar sits in front of you you can’t see anything. Second, and you’ll love this – after the movie everyone was sort of left to their own devices – some went to the grotto to frolic, some went to private rooms to frolic – I always went to the game room and played Frogger. Can you believe it? I never once had a frolic. I played fershluganah Frogger. I also attended the two major pajama parties, one in summer, one in fall, and those were pretty darn amazing. Hef was a wonderfully kind man, a great host and I have some great photos of he and I from those days.

My goodness, I have been blathering on, haven’t I? I better get cracking, I’ve got CDs to duplicate, don’t I? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below, and I’ll tell you one more fun Playboy anecdote.

Here is my other anecdote – well, not really an anecdote, just a story. On one of my shoots do you know who my makeup person was? My makeup person was Miss Connie Kreski, who just happened to be one of the cutest Playmates ever, and who was also the former girlfriend of Mr. James Caan. She also appeared as the titular (in every sense) character in Mr. Anthony Newley’s supremely strange film, Can Hieronymous Merkin ever find Mercy Humppe and find True Happiness. And did you know that in every major advertisement for Playboy on the Air I was the ad? It was a great shot of me sitting in a hot tub fully clothed in a three piece suit, holding a microphone, surrounded by two naked Playmates. Frogger indeed.

If you missed this weekend’s notes, you probably should go back and catch up – there were many important revelations that were revealed. In fact, the weekend notes were as revealing as a Playmate Pictorial. One of the things that came up was that one of our dear readers asked me to post a list of all the albums I’ve produced. Dear reader Michael Shayne posted a list, but it included lots of albums that I just supervised (which I don’t count), along with Bay Cites albums (which I should count, but don’t, as I think of them as a dry run for what I ultimately began to do at Varese), and it was missing a handful of titles. So, here is the complete list – from 1993 to 2001. It does not include the three albums from Bay Cities (or the ninety that I Executive Produced while there) and does not include any of the albums, both soundtracks and cast album reissues, that I supervised at Varese. It also does not include compilations – in other words, albums culled from existing material.

ALBUMS PRODUCED BY BRUCE KIMMEL

UNSUNG SONDHEIM Various Artists
ANYWHERE I WANDER Liz Callaway
TOONFUL Michelle Nicastro
LUCKY STIFF Studio Cast Recording
THE ALAN MENKEN ALBUM Debbie Gravitte
COLETTE COLLAGE Studio Cast Recording
UNSUNG MUSICALS Various Artists
LOST IN BOSTON Various Artists
JUST IN TIME Judy Kuhn
*I NEVER TOLD YOU Fred Hersch
RUTHLESS! Original Cast Recording
A GRAND NIGHT FOR SINGING Original Cast Recording
THE ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER ALBUM Laurie Beechman
LOVING YOU Paige O’Hara
UNSUNG MUSICALS II Various Artists
LOST IN BOSTON II Various Artists
HEARTBEATS Original Cast Recording
A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS Various Artists
OUR PRIVATE WORLD Sally Mayes
MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG The New 1994 Cast Recording
*HELLO, DOLLY! The New 1994 Cast Recording
REEL IMAGINATION Michelle Nicastro
THIS FUNNY WORLD Mary Cleere Haran
SAX AND VIOLENCE: MUSIC FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE SCREEN
DIVA BY DIVA Judy Kaye
PASSION... IN JAZZ The Trotter Trio
DAS BARBECUE Original Cast Recording
RADIO GALS Original Cast Recording
UNSUNG IRVING BERLIN Various Artists (2 CD set)
SWEENEY TODD... IN JAZZ The Trotter Trio
LOST IN BOSTON III Various Artists
ENNIO MORRICONE: ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE CINEMA
COOL & CLASSIC The 60s Fred Karlin
COMPANY... IN JAZZ The Trotter Trio
TOONFUL, TOO Michelle Nicastro
THE STORY GOES ON Liz Callaway
ETHEL MERMAN'S BROADWAY Original Cast Recording
ANYTHING GOES Rebecca Luker
DOING SOMETHING RIGHT Randy Graff
JOHN AND JEN Original Cast Recording
BROADWAY BOUND Various Artists
SHAKESPEARE ON BROADWAY Various Artists
A FUNNY THING... FORUM... IN JAZZ The Trotter Trio
COOL & CLASSIC The 70s Fred Karlin
SHERLOCK HOLMES: CLASSIC THEMES FROM 221B BAKER STREET
YOU'RE NEVER FULLY DRESSED WITHOUT A SMILE Jason Graae
NO ONE IS ALONE Laurie Beechman
BED AND SOFA Original Cast Album
I DO! I DO! The New 1996 Cast Recording
THE MICHEL LEGRAND ALBUM The Trotter Trio
COWGIRLS! Original Cast Recording
LONDON PRIDE Twiggy
A HOLLYWOOD CHRISTMAS Various Artists
THE MUSICAL ADVENTURES OF PETER PAN Various Artists
THE MGM ALBUM Debbie Gravitte
THE KING AND I The New Cast Recording
FORBIDDEN HOLLYWOOD Original Cast Recording
I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE Original Cast Recording
HEY, LOVE The Songs of Mary Rodgers Original Cast Recording
LOST IN BOSTON IV Various Artists
UNSUNG MUSICALS III Various Artists
SKETCHES ON STAR WARS The Trotter Trio
CHICAGO AND ALL THAT JAZZ The Brad Ellis Little Big Band
A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC Terry Trotter
DRAT! THE CAT! Studio Cast Recording
NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY Original Cast Recording
PLAY ON! Original Cast Recording
SONDHEIM AT THE MOVIES Various Artists
ON MY OWN Michelle Nicastro
COLE PORTER: A MUSICAL TOAST Various Artists
THE GAY 90S Original Cast Recording
SONGS FROM THE SILVER SCREEN Judy Kaye
THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER Studio Cast Recording
PRIME TIME MUSICALS Various Artists
THE MUSICAL ADVENTURES OF CINDERELLA Various Artists
RAGTIME The Brad Ellis Little Big Band
THE BURT BACHARACH ALBUM Various Artists
LERNER, LOEWE, LANE AND FRIENDS Various Artists
THE IRISH AND HOW THEY GOT THAT WAY Original Cast Recording
BROADWAY’S BIGGEST ‘97/’98 Grant Geissman
MONSTER MANIA: MUSIC FROM THE GODZILLA FILMS
TITANIC: THE ULTIMATE COLLECTION
FOLLIES The Trotter Trio
ALONE TOGETHER Linda Purl
CABARET The Brad Ellis Little Big Band
A BROADWAY LOVE STORY Christianne Noll
HERE FOR YOU Petula Clark
IT DON’T MEAN A THING IF IT AIN’T GOT THAT SWING: The Buddy Bregman Big Band
CENTER STAGE Helen Reddy
DUETS Emily Skinner/Alice Ripley
HIT TV Grant Geissman
AS THOUSANDS CHEER The New Cast Recording
SUPERMAN: THE ULTIMATE COLLECTION
THE PAUL SIMON ALBUM Various Artists
LITTLE ME The New Cast Recording
LITTLE BY LITTLE Original Cast Recording
CINEMA ROMANCE Grant Geissman
OUT AT THE MOVIES Grant Geissman
THE KANDER & EBB ALBUM Brent Barrett
THE STEPHEN SCHWARTZ ALBUM Various Artist
BURT BACHARACH Grant Geissman
THE STORY HOUR Sally Mayes
AFTER THE FAIR Original Cast Recording
IF LOVE WERE ALL Original Cast Recording
UNSUSPECTING HEARTS Emily Skinner and Alice Ripley
SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER: Themes from the hit Musical
THE STEPHEN SONDHEIM ALBUM Various Artists
AN EVENING OF SELF-INDULGENCE Jason Graae
EMILY SKINNER Emily Skinner
COPENHAGEN Original Cast Recording
YOU NEVER KNOW Studio Cast Recording
HAINES HIS WAY Guy Haines
THE FANTASTICKS IN JAZZ The Trotter Trio
GODSPELL The 2000 Off-Broadway Revival Cast Album
ELEGIES Live Concert Recording Various Artists
BELLS ARE RINGING New Broadway Cast Recording
BEYOND THERAPY Studio Cast Recording
THE IRA GERSHWIN ALBUM Christiane Noll
THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS Revival Cast Recording
THE BEAT GOES ON Liz Callaway
PETE ‘N KEELY Original Cast Recording
THE SHERMAN BROTHERS ALBUM Various Artists
THE ALAN JAY LERNER ALBUM Brent Barrett
DO I HEAR A WALTZ? Pasadena Playhouse Recording
KLEA BLACKHURST: EVERYTHING THE TRAFFIC WILL ALLOW
DONNA MCKECHNIE: INSIDE THE MUSIC (this version unreleased)

* Grammy nominee

Well, that is a list. It also doesn’t include, but should, Joan Ryan’s album (on which I only take “Creative Consultant” credit, but which I, in fact, produced) and Adryan Russ’s album. I suppose we could add the Bay Cities albums if we were feeling generous – they include The Anastasia Affaire, The Baja Marimabs’ New Deal, and A Fine Romance: Joanie Sommers sings Jerome Kern.

I’m exhausted just looking at that list. I should think that list would put me in the Guiness Book of World Records (given the eight year time frame the albums were produced in) or the madhouse.

Well, dear readers, I must have CDs duplicated, I must do errands, I must take the day and do the things I do. Don’t forget, you have until midnight to submit your trivia guesses. And don’t forget, there’s a brand spanking new radio show up featuring my very own self – discussing Benjamin Kritzer and Nudie Musical. I recall it being fun, so do give it a listen if you’re of a mind to and let me know what you think of it. Today’s topic of discussion: I recorded a wonderful album of songs from musicals written expressly for television. What are your favorite scores from musicals written expressly for television? I’ll start: I simply adore Mr. Stephen Sondheim’s Evening Primrose, a perfect gem of a score. I’m also quite partial to Bacharach and David’s On the Flip Side, Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella, Livingston and Evans’s No Man Can Tame Me and Cole Porter’s Aladdin. Your turn.