haines his way

06/29/2002:
"NOT A WHIT OF WIT"

Well, dear readers, what a gay and wonderful time we had at our handy-dandy DVD signing. The joint was jumping and we all had a blast. We signed many DVDs and while we were doing so they showed the film and while they showed the film people were standing there and howling with laughter. It was so cool to hear that, because I haven’t seen this film with any kind of an audience in over twenty years. Seeing any comedy with even a small crowd is a totally different experience than seeing it by yourself. In any case, we had several cast members present (several who were no-shows had scheduling problems that could not be avoided), I met quite a few nice people and we even had that splendid historian of the musical theater, Miles Kreuger, laughing away. Our very own Tammy Minoff and Juliana A. Hansen were there, as was Cissy Wechter and Susan Gordon. Among the cast were Leslie Ackerman, Greg Finley, Lloyd Gordon, Jeff Harlin and John Kirby. Also present was our documentary director, Nick Redman and his spectacularly beautiful daughter Rebecca Redman.
Shortly I will be off to do the Hollywood Collector’s Show signing and I’ll have a full report for you on Sunday.
I picked up another wonderful two-fer CD on the Collectibles label (they put out the Percy Faith two-fers), this one with the velvety trumpet stylings of Bobby Hackett playing music from Sweet Charity, Mame and Oliver. The Oliver tracks especially are really wonderful and I recommend this CD to one and all and also all and one. Bobby Hackett had one of the most beautiful trumpet tones of anyone – very lush and romantic – in fact, whenever we would record a ballad that had a trumpet solo I would always go whisper to our trumpet player to Bobby Hackett it. If you want to hear what I mean, pull out your Prime Time Musicals album and play One Starry Night.
I do have to keep these here notes very brief today because I’m in a rush to get to the signing. All too soon people will be knocking at my door and then we will all pile into my automobile and head over to the Beverly Garland. I do hope I’ll see a dear reader or two there.
Has anyone noticed that these notes have not one or even two whits of wit? Not a whit of wit, what’s wit’ that? How can I have allowed that to happen? Well, for one thing, I’m quite tired. For another thing, well, there in no other thing but I already wrote “for another thing” so I suppose I should make up another thing just so I can end this sentence. For another thing, I ate soup. One simply cannot have wit when one has eaten soup. So it is written, so it shall be.
Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below and see if there’s any wit in the next section.

Nope. Nary a whit of wit anywhere. Whilst at our signing I picked up the brand spanking new DVD of the film version of 1776. I’m anxious to look at it and I’ll have a full report for you as soon as I do.
Today is, of course, our Unseemly Trivia Contest, but I really didn’t have time to prepare a question – so, I’m going to do something a little different. Today’s trivia question regards a play, not a musical. It is researchable and it might be a pleasant change of pace. If it isn’t, then just make up guesses and we’ll publish the funniest ones. The question:
In the late thirties a popular play was produced first in Washington and then on Broadway. In the cast was someone who, thirty years later, would go on to do a very popular musical in which he played a very popular historical figure (also playing that role in the film version of said musical). Also in the play was someone who became famous for saying the line, “You’re next!” in a very popular fifties film. Also in the cast was someone who would do a very popular film about Santa Claus. Also in the cast was someone who would go on to play a very famous Dr., although not a Dr. you’d ever want to go to – in other words, he would play a very famous villainous Dr. Is that enough damn clues to choke a damn horse? Name the fershluganah play they all appeared in. Final clue: The play was directed by a well-respected playwright.
Remember, DO NOT POST YOUR ANSWERS TO THE SITE! Simply e-mail them to me at bruce@haineshisway.com or just use the handy-dandy unseemly Ask BK button. Bonus points and tie breakers to those who can name all actors and film roles.
Well, dear readers, I do realize there has not been one whit of wit in these here notes today. I do realize it, and yet there is not a damned thing I can do about it because people are knocking on my door and ready to go. It would be unseemly of me not to answer their incessant knock, knock, knocking at my door while I search for a whit of wit. But I’ll be back this evening to see what you people are up to. Do remember there is just today and tomorrow for us to beat that damn month of May, stats-wise. Also, I know several of you have let me know that you’ve posted reviews to barnesandnoble.com for Benjamin Kritzer. For that, many thanks, and feel free to post your reviews at amazon as well. After all, we must spread the word like caviar on a cracker. Today’s topic of discussion: If you could suddenly possess one talent that you don’t possess, what would it be. One talent, once choice only. I’ll start: I would love to paint, to have the talent to be a painter. I have no aptitude for art whatsoever. But I love art, I love paintings and drawings of all kinds and I would truly love to be able to do it. Your turn.

Replies: 26 Unseemly Comments

I'd love to sing.
I love musicals.
I love cabaret
Can't carry a note, one of the biggest regrets.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/29/2002 05:14 AM PST

If I could have one talent? To quote Cindy William "Stunt Cock"
Posted by S. H. Meckle Jr. @ 06/29/2002 05:42 AM PST

I would like to be able to sing. I took a singing class a while ago and learned one very important lesson: I should keep my day job.
Posted by Laura @ 06/29/2002 07:18 AM PST

I paint and draw. Sometimes I even like the results. I would love to be able sing and dance well- for my voice or my feet to actually sound or move in reality like they do in my head. It would be tough to choose beween them. I guess if I had to choose only one, it would be singing. If you asked this same question tomoorow, I might choose dancing. But today I'll choose singing.
And if I couldn't have either of those, then it might be nice to become an expert bich-slapper. With enough enough practice though, this may become a reality.
Have fun today, Bruce. Well, all of you ahae fun today.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/29/2002 07:24 AM PST

Speaking of talents, can you bake a pie?
Posted by Kerry @ 06/29/2002 08:26 AM PST

No.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/29/2002 10:51 AM PST

I'd like to be a fantastic composer/player of the piano.
:)
PS
I really really want that, so if anyone out there is a fairy godmother on the side, email me.
Posted by Lolita @ 06/29/2002 12:33 PM PST

Neither Can I.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/29/2002 01:17 PM PST

Hey, let's get with it, all you absent and truant bitch-slappees to be and post, post, post! Seven Unseemly Comments just does not cut the mustard, as Minnie Kritzer would say, not at all. And what will we do here with all this uncut mustard?
Kerry. I gave you your cue hours ago. Let's go, let's go. Whose line is it, anyway?
And the one talent I dearly wish I had was to play the piano and read music. Whenever I collaborate on a song, the composer shows me the sheet music, and I say, "Oh" or something equally brilliant. But he can read my words with no trouble. Words everybody knows. So why can't they write their own fershlugunah lyrics? Beats me.
Anyway, I know that is not so much a talent as a learned skill, and so if my parents didn't give me piano lessons I've had many decades to correct the error, as Andrea Marcovicci once told me.
But I haven't, and I shoulda, and I didn't, and I better, and soooo goooodbye.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/29/2002 01:25 PM PST

I would not want to be a talented singer. True, I sound like Jabba the Hut when I sing now, but I consider that a gift. How else to set a standard against which all other singers can be compared?
No, if I were to wish for a talent I do not have now, it would be to accrue money. That way I would have money to spend on my friends, and on the people I see around me who could use a boost. I mean, I already have the talent to give. It would be nice to have the means to use that talent.
BTW, BK, re 1776 (cybertalk for By The Way, Bruce Kimmel, regarding 1776), I've seen the new DVD advertised as the "director's cut." I don't know if you ever saw the LaserDisc edition of 1776, but much of that version was edited back from snippets and clippets from what Jack Warner had demanded to be cut. I'm definately looking forward to your impression of the film on DVD. In it's complete form, it was perhaps the best translation from stage to film attempted at the time.
Posted by S. Woody White @ 06/29/2002 01:29 PM PST

I can bake a pie.
Posted by Laura @ 06/29/2002 01:30 PM PST

Poor Bruce.
Working and slaving over hot memorabilia all day, and then coming home to a paucity of posts. A paucity, I say.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/29/2002 03:52 PM PST

Just to be able to sing well enough for someone else's enjoyment would be fine. I suspect my dogs even cringe when I try. I have to stick to singing in the shower and the car (when I have no passengers of course). I can bake a pie. I can cook too.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 06/29/2002 03:54 PM PST

I'd like to be a lion tamer....
Seriously, I would love to be able to hear a song once, then be able to sit down at the piano and play it! (my accompanist can do this!) What's the secret? Does anyone know how this is done?
Posted by td @ 06/29/2002 06:06 PM PST

Thank you, WFO and Michael Shayne for finishing the line for me. I was away and could not post but had full faith that it would be completed. Speaking of pie, let's all have cake.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/29/2002 06:35 PM PST

Well, I will have a full report for you in the morning, but we all had a lovely and interesting time at the memorabilia show. This year's big attraction was... Oh, I'm afraid you'll have to wait until tomorrow. I did see one of our dear readers, a lurker out there in the dark, and that was grand fun. I'm on my way to some party that Susan insists I go to - a party with former child stars. You will, of course, want to stay tuned. And where in tarnation are the posts? We are trying to smash a record here, for Pete's sake and also for Bill's sake.
Posted by bk @ 06/29/2002 06:57 PM PST

Another wannabe piano
player. I'm somewhat
competent, but would love to
be able to really play.
Posted by Jed @ 06/29/2002 07:01 PM PST

To TD: being able to play something you've just heard can be accomplished by ear training, and that doesn't mean teaching your ears to do tricks. The first step (little musical pun there for you musician-folk) is to develop an instantaneous understanding of intervals, so that you can at least know what's happening in the melody. Developing a harmonic sense takes a little more practice, but it comes in time. I entered college as a pretty good pianist, but with virtually no formal ear training, and I had to run the gauntlet with a theory professor who would play a Bach chorale twice, and twice only, and we then had to notate it as we remembered it. By the end of one school year I was pretty much batting a thousand, so it can be done with practice. Not to overgeneralize, but a lot of pop tunes have standard (another little joke there, you may thank me later) formulae in terms of harmonic movement, e.g., I-vi-ii-V7, etc., and recognizing those makes "instant" learning easier.
Posted by JMK @ 06/29/2002 07:45 PM PST

I wish I could whistle. I cannot whistle.
I can, however, dance a tango.
But I cannot speek Greek.
I did help to slay a dragon in Barbarians of Nipon.
But I wish I could whistle.
Your Sushi
Posted by Sushi Tomoto from Kyoto @ 06/29/2002 09:07 PM PST

Ooops! I meant "I cannot speak Greak". Teehe.
Your Sushi
Posted by Sushi Tomoto from Kyoto @ 06/29/2002 09:10 PM PST

TO JMK: It's funny, but I know that in theory it SHOULD work - I have a very musical ear, I can usually sing a melody line after hearing it once; it's just getting my fingers to do the same thing on a keyboard that's the problem. Years of wroking with Matt, though have improved my "ears;" now when we're listening to a song that I might want to sing, I can usually (9 times out of 10) at the very least identify the key that the vocalist is singing in...so maybe there's still some hope for me.
Posted by td @ 06/29/2002 09:31 PM PST

BK mentioned for Pete's Sake
For Pete Sake's A Streisand film. Anyone want the lyrics posted to this song that Streisand record for the film but never commercially released?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/29/2002 09:38 PM PST

Picked up two interesting CDs. Yvonne De Carlo Sings Conducted by John Williams. The other one was Dick Van Dyke: Put On a Happy Face.
Also picked up one less interesting CD. Into the Woods revival recording. Have to admit a major disappointment for me. That's hard for me to say because I adore Sondheim. As I write this I am listening to selctions from his Phinney's Rainbow and All That Glitters. I am enjoying these more than this new recording. Though the Into the packaging is nice.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/29/2002 09:43 PM PST

First I just want to say that the following is my sole opinion on the following subject matter.
I was going through a certain website and saw their newest release Matt Zarley: Debut. Sorry but who did he sleep with at that label to get the cd produced and released?? It is so over produced that in the clips that I heard it is hard to tell what kind of singing voice he actually has. The album is sooooo out of place on this record label. There is even a down and dirty mix of one the songs. Three of his credits according to his bio: His television appearances include several commercials, music videos, the recent Disney renditions of "Cinderella" (w/ Whitney Houston), "Annie" (w/Kathy Bates), "Geppetto" (w/Drew Carey). Well he doesn't even appear in the first two cast lists and the third one he is listed as Resident of Idyllia. Come on be truthful has anyone heard of him before this cd release?
It sort of reminds me how Kristopher McDowall got his first cd released by Jerome Records. He had nice voice, but in my opinion nothing out of the extraordinary. Mr. McDowall was lucky his cd was released before producer John "Jerome" was arrested for embezzlement.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/29/2002 10:17 PM PST

Michael S (or anyone.) Does anyone know if the Sondheim 70th Birthday Tribute broadcast (songs I wish I had written etc) is ever to be officially released. It has been a long wait. (like waiting for Wise Guys/Gold). "The Frogs" is of interest but not really something that is going to be played much and I'm not sure what the point was of the Evening Primrose songs being done again. I may have to get out my recording of "The Beautiful Game" for a change. Joke. The show was even worse than the CD. It made "Aspects" look really good.Has anyone out there heard "Bombay Dreams" or whatever the new ALW producion is called.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 06/29/2002 11:00 PM PST

I would like to be able to sing "Nessun Dorma" with magnificent authority.
I would also like to be able to sing "Soon It's Gonna Rain" to perfection.
In other words, to have a voice with enough flexibility to sing a great aria with power and projection, but to be able to sing theatrical musical roles without sounding like some opera singer who took a wrong turn (every time I think of the botched "South Pacific" of Te Kanawa. et. al., I shudder).
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 06/29/2002 11:25 PM PST

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