haines his way

06/30/2002:
"DAY ONE... DAY TWO"

Well, dear readers, day one of the Hollywood Memorabilia show is but a memory and day two is upon us. First of all, don’t you hate that? Day one… day two. Who started that? Let us not say day one or day two anymore ever. In any case day one… oops, I said it. Anyway, the first day was lots of fun. You won’t believe it but I actually sold eight books (all hardcovers) and 10 DVDs. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? My friends Nick Redman and Cissy Wechter were there to lend me moral support which was good as my morals tend to go to hell when I’m in a crowd. My goodness there were a lot of celebrities there on day one… oops, I said it again. We had such show business legends as Jamie Farr and Loretta Swit. We had I Dream of Jeannie herself, Miss Barbara Eden. Next to me was Mr. Scott Schwartz. No, not Bat Boy and Stephen Schwartz’s Scott Schwartz, but Scott Schwartz, former wrestler, and portrayer of “Bruiser” in Ocean’s 11. Next to him was Mr. Rex Reason, star of This Island Earth. Mr. Kevin (Body Snatcher) McCarthy was nearby. I must say our very own Miss Susan Gordon was a big hit and sold many signed photographs of herself. It was a long day, but our little corner of the room was very irreverent and we did have quite a few chuckles.
Later that night Susan and I went to a party of people she knew when she was a child star. Most of the people at this party were former child stars, including Mr. Jon Provost, Mr. Paul Peterson, the girl who played “Margaret” on Dennis The Menace, Flip Mark, Stanley Livingston and, you won’t believe it, that wonderful Scout Finch, Miss Mary Badham herself. It was fun and we had good food to boot. Yes, we all put on our boots and we booted the food around. It was most amusing. The Livingstons have a dog named Mochie or Mopey or Moppy or Sloppy or something and this dog was so unfriendly it was mind boggling. Yes, minds were boggled. It either ignored you or snapped at you. I was chatting with Flip Mark’s twenty-one year old daughter, Jennifer, and I suggested we go kick Mochie or Mopey or Moppy or Sloppy in the head and give it brain damage. That would teach that dog a lesson in manners, wouldn’t it? But, we were nice and we didn’t, even though Mochie or Mopey or Moppy or Sloppy kept snapping away as the evening wore on. We did have actual Mochie for dessert. It apparently is ice cream in a won ton or something, but it was so disgusting and gelatinous and grotesque I almost vomited on the table after biting into the “skin”.
I’ll have a full report for you on day two… oops, I did it again. I’ll have a full report for you on the second day of the show. I did meet one of our dear readers, a lurker out there in the dark, and that was fun. He promised he would start posting and we hope he will.
Well, I believe it is time for us all to click on the Unseemly Button below because I must make haste because soon it will be show time.

We’re going to be doing a Benjamin Kritzer signing in Las Vegas in early September. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Do stay glued to your computer screens for the latest updates in terms of signings – we’re just starting to make those plans now and we’re going to do as many as we can. I can say that there will definitely be a Nudie Musical signing in New York at Footlight Records fairly soon – so I hope all East Coast dear readers will come down and say hello and have some cheese slices and ham chunks. Today, day one… oops, there I’ve gone and done it again – today we didn’t have any cheese slices or ham chunks but we did have some of Cissy Wechter’s delicious Bundt cake. Can someone tell me what that stupid “d” is doing in that word? Bundt. Look at that word, it just lies there like so much fish just daring us to even question why it is spelled like that. Feh, I say. Feh, and feh again.
Well, I must prepare for day two… oops, damn them, damn them all to hell I’ve done it again – well, I must prepare for the second day of the show. I must put on my colored tights and pantaloons and parade myself in front of all the various and sundried fans and collectors of ephemera. I must be witty, urbane – I must glitter and be gay, I must sparkle, Neely, sparkle. Today’s topic of discussion: Oh, you know – it’s free-for-all day. As Mr. Cole Porter put it, Anything Goes. Talk about the weather. Talk about Paris. Talk about Memphis in June. Talk about Moonlight in Vermont. Talk about any fershluganah thing you want, only talk, talk, talk. We are mere inches away from beating May, inches away from June, June, June (that is three Junes) being our best month ever here at haineshisway.com. I’ll check back after day two… oops, dad blast it, it just keeps coming out that way – I’ll check back after I get home from the second day of the show. Post away, my pretties. I am adding an addendum to these here notes, dear readers. I've always wanted to add an addendum and by gum and by golly, now I am. In Unseemly Comment number two from our wonderful dear reader, William F. Orr, there are some plot spoilers for Benjamin Kritzer. If you haven't read it yet, you might want to skip his post. That said, his post made me very happy indeed.

Replies: 48 Unseemly Comments

Oh to be first post. Must dig out my own pantaloons and celebrate. Not a pretty sight on one who is vertically challenged as well as youth challenged
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 06/30/2002 01:35 AM PST

Warning: There are plot spoilers within this post for the novel Benjamin Kritzer.
I have been crying and blubbering like a baby (or blubbering like a whale? whichever applies), and the reason I have been blubbering like a baby (or a whale) is that I arose at 5:00 am, as is my wont on Sundays so that I can get to the stores before the mobs, and as I was watering the lawn and sipping my morning coffee (Chock Full O' Nuts with one tsp. of Chocolate Almond, which is our special weekend treat) I read the final chapters of Benjamin Kritzer, which I knew would end with unbearable sadness, and now I am blubbering like a baby, because I know that I will never, never, never see Susan Pomeroy again, at least not until I reread the book, which I shall probably do again very soon, and when I get to the end I will be blubbering like a baby, but the good news is "to be continues", and I know that I cannot push and prod and needle and nag Bruce to write the second volume, but I will nudge a bit and hope for the best, because I do not want to wait as long as we have been waiting for The Musical Formerly Known as Wise Guys, directed by The Director Presently Known as Prince, to read more of the life of Benjamin Kritzer and come to the end of the second volume and blubber like a baby (or a whale, whichever applies) once again and nudge Bruce to write the third volume.
Good morning all!
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/30/2002 03:40 AM PST

On a more negative note, I followed up on Michael Shayne's last post of yesterday about the person known as Matt Zarley. I checked out his personal dot com and downloaded some sound bytes and read about him being one of People Magazine's Top 50 Bachelors and lusted after pictures of him with his shirt off.
But this is supposed to be about music. And what the music tells me is that the F place has evidently decided that there is no profit in Musical Theatre or Cabaret or genuinely creative music. And so there will be one more Vanilla Pop label to compete with all the other Vanilla Pop labels in the hype and hyper-hype competition.
And I feel like hitting someone with a wooden hanger.
But the bright side is that every time I listen to the Broadway Radio Show and hear Mr. Guy Haines sing "Pick yourself up", I know why Bruce picked that as the signature tune for haineshisway.com. And it makes me feel wonderful.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/30/2002 03:48 AM PST

Since it's free-for-all day......
I'm writing a letter to Dear Reader Megan. If anyone would like to send a greeting or few words of encouragement, I'll print up the page and send it to her. She's Sandra's dear friend/cousin, and she's presently in a group home out-of-state. She gets lonely so far away, and I'm sure she'd appreciate some greetings from us all.
Posted by Laura @ 06/30/2002 05:53 AM PST

Jeannie Russell played Margaret Wade on the television series about my life.
Posted by Dennis "The Menace" Mitchell @ 06/30/2002 06:21 AM PST

Jeannie Russell played Margaret Wade on the television series about my life.
Posted by Dennis "The Menace" Mitchell @ 06/30/2002 06:21 AM PST

Bought two Cds yesterday. Yvonne De Carlo Sings and Dick Van Dyke Put On a Happy Face. Never knew that they made solo albums. Interesting side the musical conductor on De Carlo's album was John Williams. The recording was made in 1957 (originally). The cd insert for Dick's cd was not very helpful could not find out when it was recorded or who worked on the cd. The only Broadway song he sings is Put On a Happy Face.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/30/2002 06:36 AM PST

Anyone know a song about July? April has April Showers. May has The Lusty Month of May and June has her busting out all over. But I searched for a song about July (and probably have the same problem with August)without any luck. Anyone can help?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/30/2002 06:47 AM PST

BK-
I propose (and yet not down on one knee) that instead of referring to Day one and Day two, we instead refer to such days as "DAY-O" and "DAY-Z"
DAY-R such lovely sounds. Almost as if they were given to us by some Day-T. Or Pehaps we could call them "DAY-V" and "Day-V Crockett"
Posted by Craig @ 06/30/2002 06:51 AM PST

Well, Michael, there is the old diddy about George M Cohen who we all know was a "yankee doodle dandy, born on the 3th of July!"
Posted by Craig @ 06/30/2002 06:53 AM PST

Boy do my fingers need to wake up. FOURTH (4th) of July. What the heck is a 3th??? lol
Posted by Craig @ 06/30/2002 07:06 AM PST

George is Jewish?
Posted by freedunit @ 06/30/2002 07:08 AM PST

Craig:
Thanks for that one.
Sorta looking for a song that is specifically about July. That song is sort of like "July and August cannot be too hot" from Camelot. It mentions it in passing but not really about the month.
Posted by Michael shayne @ 06/30/2002 07:11 AM PST

Well, Michael, I can help you out - Meltz and Ernest wrote a wonderful July song called "A Song for July" and I will print it in tomorrow's notes.
On another note (Eb) I paid a visit to amazon.com this morning and there I found one of the most hilariously inept agenda-laden "reviews" of Nudie Musical I've ever seen. You simply must go read it (actually I think both of the current "bad" reviews are put-up jobs) - but the hilarious one from the lady from New York - that's the one you must read. It might not have been so obvious if she hadn't started out mentioning my CD productions. It might not have been so obvious if she hadn't used the word "perverted" (if you've actually viewed the movie you could say many things - even negative ones - but "perverted" would not be one of them). And unfortunately, people never realize that an inept writing style coupled with certain phrases can identify a person just as surely as fingerprints. Bravo. Of course, those who by now have watched the DVD and who've enjoyed the DVD, please go post at amazon right this very minute. I don't want those two "reviews" at the top. You'll know what I mean when you read them. I never mind if people don't like it or think it's funny - that's what makes horse racing - but I do find it amusing when both bad "reviews" go after the songs and have similar tone, don't you? Call me paranoid, but it's happened before (and I've NAILED the people who did it) and I'm sure it will happen again). Go to it, Hainsies/Kimlets and we will show these uncouth interlopers a thing or two or even three, damn them all, damn them all to hell.
Posted by bk @ 06/30/2002 07:42 AM PST

Hate to be the bearer (or lioner) of bad news, but we must all stay informed here at HHW. A very talented Rosemary Clooney passed away. Here is a link to the story on playbill.com
http://www.playbill.com/cgi-bin/plb/news?cmd=show&code=111200
or click on my name to jump there...
Ironically, but fortunately, she was recently recognized with a lifetime achievement award by MAC.
I always loved the musical White Christmas... she will be missed..
Posted by Craig @ 06/30/2002 07:54 AM PST

"Sunday, Sweet Sunday..." greetings one and all!
Here's a joke I'd like to share...
A man was blissfully driving along the highway when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place, and there was candy everywhere. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A blonde driving down the same highway saw the man crying by the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel just terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed him. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can over the little animal. Miraculously, the Easter Bunny came back to life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. Fifty yards away, the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road for another fifty yards, turned, waved, hopped another fifty yards, turned and waved again!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?"
The blonde turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said, "Hair Spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 06/30/2002 08:09 AM PST

Dear Reader Laura, I think that the best medicine for Dear Reader Megan would be a dear dear copy of Benjamin Kritzer, because it cheers the soul right up (despite the blubbering like a baby that might go on beforehand). Otherwise tell her that we send her happy thougts and cheese slices and ham chunks and will dance the hora in her honor.
;)
Posted by Lolita @ 06/30/2002 08:14 AM PST

On my way out but wanted to update you regarding the rest of my "Into the Woods" new cast recording listen. I haven't neglected to finish my review actually... my mom always taught me if I didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. So, I'll just say that the booklet with libretto was very nicely done.
Posted by Craig @ 06/30/2002 08:20 AM PST

Craig:
My exact sentiments of Into the Woods. I never thought I would have anything bad to say about Sondheim.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/30/2002 08:22 AM PST

Oh my dearie me! I ordered The First Nudie Musical from this very site, and I was so looking forward to getting it.
But now that I read the review by that lady in New York, I am not so sure. It was truly a shock to learn that Bruce Kimmel is a PERVERT! Did I say that loud enough? Bruce Kimmel is a .... Oh, well, never mind. That's what the lady said, or at least implied.
And since I myself am pure and innocent, I must shield my eyes and ears from these PERVERTED movies.
Seriously, Bruce, I don't think anyone who has the least interest in buying the DVD is going to be swayed by that. I read movie reviews at imdb, and every movie attracts the "this movie would have been good, but there was a lesbian character, and that ruined the whole thing" type of review.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/30/2002 08:56 AM PST

Oh, and thanks to whoever added the spoiler alert to my post about Benjamin Kritzer.
It must have been Bruce, because Mr. Mark Bakalor is evidently still recovering from his birthday celebration.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/30/2002 09:00 AM PST

Bruce,
You never told us whou you'd like to sup with.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/30/2002 09:02 AM PST

WHO you'd like to sup with.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/30/2002 09:03 AM PST

Michael,
Julie London had a song on her "Calendar Girl" album called "Sleigh Ride in July." I don't know of any others. Irving Berlin probably churned a few about the Fourth of July (other than the obvious ones).
I think my favorite from that was "February Brings the Rain."
Posted by Kerry @ 06/30/2002 09:09 AM PST

Message for Megan:
I got to meet Dear Readers Sandra and Laura and hope to meet you next month. I think you'll probably have enough ham chunks and cheese slices, so I think we should have cake. There's that wonderful Oreo Cake in Scottsdale. So that's what we'll do. That, and a Diet Coke, of course. Anyone else want to fly in for cake? I would sing "If I Knew You Were Coming, I'd Have Baked A Cake," but I will know you were coming to town, and I probably won't bake a cake. But that won't stop us. But remember to pack your pantaloons and pointy hat.
Dear Reader Lolita is absolutely right: "Benjamin Kritzer" is an absolute must.
Kerry
Posted by Kerry @ 06/30/2002 09:16 AM PST

Craig,
I was going to kid you about having an obit hotline, but I am grateful for you telling us the sad news of Dolores Gray and Rosemary Clooney. It is sad, but I'm glad she was home with her family.
Posted by Kerry @ 06/30/2002 09:21 AM PST

Message for Sushi,
I know you are in demand and that everyone must want your time, great star and beauty that you are, but we have missed you. I was overjoyed to read your post yesterday, even though it was very brief. Crumbs from Sushi are better than no Sushi at all.
freedunit,
Could we bake a special cake for Sushi?
Posted by Kerry @ 06/30/2002 09:23 AM PST

I WOULD add my thoughts over at Amazon, but professional discretion will not allow me to. I can only say that when my review appears online, it will not use the word PERVERT, it will use the word PERVERSION, since that is one of the song titles.
I hope that everyone is sporting red garters in homage to the late, great Rosie.
I also want to remind everyone that tonight on PBS' "Evening at Pops," a certain Miss Barbara Cook will be performing selections from "Mostly Sondheim." Check your local tv listings - I know that the PBS affiliate in Nashville, for one, is NOT carrying the program tonight.
Posted by td @ 06/30/2002 09:37 AM PST

The Seattle PBS station is
also not airing the "Evening at
the Pops" featuring Barbara
Cook tonight. Our affiliate isn't
airing it until July 25th.
Posted by Jed @ 06/30/2002 12:10 PM PST

http://www.kennedy-center.org/programs/millennium/
Kennedy Center has the Millennium stage where on line you can see various performers. of Interest here have been John Barrowman, Chris Groenndaal and Alice Ripley. Each program runs about an hour. Best if you have high speed access.
Really enjoyable. Saw Barrowman and Groenndaal so far.
Posted by Michael Sahyne @ 06/30/2002 12:21 PM PST

Craig: Surely you remember the song from the musical "Numeric Overtures," titled "Someone in a 3th"!
Posted by S. Woody White @ 06/30/2002 12:22 PM PST

"July You're A Woman" by Pat Boone in the late 60's. (Made the top 100 even). Have a feeling it might be a Neil Diamond song. Can we have the next month to research "August"?
Posted by Tom Guest @ 06/30/2002 03:19 PM PST

Well, since you mention Neil Diamond, "Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show" starts with the line "Hot August night" (which was also the name of a live Neil Diamond LP, IIRC).
Posted by JMK @ 06/30/2002 04:29 PM PST

Just finished reading Benjamin Kritzer. I didn't read the above review because of the spoiler warning. Glad I didn't.
The book made me warm and fuzzy and I was able to relate to BK in many ways.The last part of the book was beautifully and sentimentally written. It was an enjoyable read and I will recommend it to others.
I sat in a coffee house reading it long after my coffee went cold. I literally wanted to finish it before I went home. I had to know what happen.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 06/30/2002 05:03 PM PST

Well I have been unable to reach the computer for the past few days. (Relatives descended and hijacked it.) I also found that I have missed an excellent topic of discussion. What is one of my favorite book adapted movies? DANGEROUS LIAISONS. I know that it is several layers removed from the de Laclos novel, but I still think it is one of he greats. Anyone else love this movie?
Best wishes to dear reader Megan, I wish her a speedy recovery, and all happiness. Not to mention requisite cheesy, hammy, and cakey comestibles.
Posted by Hapgood @ 06/30/2002 06:48 PM PST

The film version of Benjamin Kritzer
Adapted for the screen and directed by Woody Allen
Starring
Haley Joel Osmet as Benjamin
Lindsey Ridgeway as Susan Pomeroy
and starring as Minnie Kritzer
Susan Egan
Kierren Culkin as Jeffrey Kritzer
Jonathan Freeman as Ernie Kritzer
Special Guest Stars
Shelly Winters and Mickey Rooney
as Grandma and Grandpa
Posted by Roger Ebert @ 06/30/2002 07:01 PM PST

Lindsay Ridgeway, I hate to burst your bubble, is almost eighteen years old. I do like the idea of the Mick as Grandpa Gelfinbaum, however, and Shelly is an excellent choice for Grandma. Susan is too young for Minnie. That's the hardest part to cast, in my opinion. As soon as a few more people have read it, we're going to have a casting session as a topic of discussion. I must say your comments make me feel awfully good - and I'm glad I caught the spoiler alert soon enough.
Posted by bk @ 06/30/2002 07:41 PM PST

Perhaps Bebe Neuwirth as Minnie?
I could see all those quips leaving her mouth easily..
Posted by Craig @ 06/30/2002 08:37 PM PST

Well, Lainie Kazan would make a good Minnie, and she does have a patent on the Jewish Mother rôle, doesn't she?
But, today being Anything Can Happen Day, I wanted to share with all you other Mouseketeers one of my favorite things. If you don't already know it and you like quirky science fiction, I suggest you sample the series Farscape.
Besides its fascinating stories, wonderful production values, and genial sense of humor, and besides the beautiful Claudia Black, humpy Ben Browder, and sexy-under-tons-of-alien-makeup Anthony Simcoe--not to mention the fascinating Virginia Hey who unaccountably quit the show because the makeup gave her a skin rash--besides all this it is certainly the most coprophiliac-friendly show on television.
Not only does Dominar Rigel fart helium--always evinced by the other charaters' voices going up an octave--this show makes the most creative use of vomit I have ever seen. Ben Browder was even quoted in TV Guide as saying, "nobody does vomit like us."
Last Friday, Dargo's ship couldn't be started because it was keyed to his DNA--until Cheeana realized he had been nauseous earlier...
But there is much more to the show than regurgitation. There are constant references to all manner of cultural icons, from the Three Stooges to Chuck Jones. And as i said, excellent writing and acting.
Just my plug for one of the few series my Joe and I enjoy anymore.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 06/30/2002 08:53 PM PST

Doris Roberts as Minnie Kritzer.
Posted by Laura @ 06/30/2002 11:23 PM PST

Thanks to those who made encouraging comments to Megan. I'll print up the page in the morning and send it to her.
She has received her copy of Benjamin Kritzer and enjoyed it very much.
Posted by Laura @ 06/30/2002 11:25 PM PST

Lindsay Ridegway is 18!! Where has the time gone. Damn! She would have been good. How about Mercedes Reuhl (tony and oscar winning actress) for Mom?
Bob Dishy is he too old to play Dad?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 07/01/2002 04:14 AM PST

I appreciate the comments on the Matt Zarley CD release on FA. I had been in a discussion with a young lady selling their CDs at a post-performance gathering at George M a few weeks ago and had commented to this young lady that I had never heard of Matt Zarley and would not purchase such an unknown item, but that I would buy any CD she had with Bruce Kimmel's name as producer that I didn't already own -- I bought four.
I rubbed it in quite heavily, I believe, that Bruce's name meant I would like the CD, whereas any other CD would be a gamble. The two or three comments about Zarley's CD posted earlier certainly justify that belief. For whatever subconscious reasons I my have, I STILL haven't gotten around to putting Donna McKechnie's CD into the player. I had been at the BK original recording sessions and I fear the results of the second Kimmel-less session.
BK and Susan -- glad things went well at the autograph session and I'm frustrated I couldn't have gone to the party afterward. Those party guests ARE my childhood. The last time I saw Flip Mark he was about 21 -- now he has a 21 year old daughter! Wow! I have to go read the latest issue of AARP magazine.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/01/2002 05:46 AM PST

I know someone who got the Matt Zarley CD. I borrowed it, and he sounds like a Back Steet Boys/In Sync wanna be. Nothing on it even resembling anything on any of Bruce's CD's. It's mostly suff written by him or his friends. It's all overlays and effects; I don't even think he JUST sings a song on any one of the tracks. A lot of it sounded like dance tracks-- not a show tune or ballad, frankly or even just a real song on the whole thing. Yes, he's kinda cute, and as a CD it's like 50 million other CD's on the market now. But what is it doing on THAT label?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/01/2002 07:47 AM PST

Now I understand why this young lady was so gung-ho on selling me the Matt Zarley CD. She had probably never even heard of any of the other artists she was selling -- like Liz Callaway, Alice Ripley, etc.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/01/2002 07:51 AM PST

Interestingly enough, the friend who has the Matt Zarley CD doesn't know from Liz Callaway either, so he likes it. And it's not bad for a Back Street/In Sync/98 Degrees CD. But EVERY label is churning out such CD's for the masses. What next--- Sondheim Rap?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/01/2002 08:30 AM PST

47 Comments. Not bad for a Sunday.
Posted by Kerry @ 07/01/2002 08:31 AM PST

Is that to be cake or Sushi? I suppose we could make cake for Sushi. What kind of cake would Sushi like?
Posted by freedunit @ 07/01/2002 12:07 PM PST

Ask BK: Got a question? Ask Bruce Kimmel...

© Copyright 2001-2003 Bruce Kimmel.
All Rights Reserved. Site design by hijinks design.