haines his way

07/03/2002:
"I LOVE LUCH"

Well, dear readers, I am groggy. I had a sleepless night, filled with tossing and turning and also turning and tossing. I believe that is because I have a pain in my neck. Normally, I am a pain in the neck, but last night (and this morning) I have a pain in the neck, which is a whole different kettle of flavored gelatin. And so, I am groggy, my mind is foggy, my brain is soggy so perhaps I’ll feel better if I take a joggy.
Last night I watched part of Volume One of the brand spanking new I Love Luch DVD. I love Luch? Why did I just type I Love Luch when I clearly meant to type I Love Lucy? I Love Luch. What does that mean? I Love Lucy I understand. I Love Lunch I understand. I Love Luck I understand. But I Love Luch? In any case, I watched Volume One of the brand spanking new I Love Lucu DVD. What am I, groggy all of a sudden? I Love Lucyyyyyyyyyyyy. The first thing I watched was the unaired (until 1991, that is) “pilot” episode, which is taken from a 16mm print someone found somewhere. I’d never seen this before and it was pretty delightful. No Fred and Ethel yet, different set, but the banter between Desi and Lucy was funny and her clowning in the “audition” scene was great. Then I watched about half of the first episode on the DVD (not the first aired I don’t think – but from 1951) and the quality was amazing. And still funny after all these years. What a quartet they made – Desi, Lucy, Fred and Ethel. Their timing is a lesson in great comedy, and I am always amazed at what an able farceur Desi was. Paramount has put out two volumes so far, and hopefully there will be many more to come. They’re uncut and gorgeous.
I Love Luch. This is what happens when you have a pain in your nece. Neck. This is what happens when you have a sleepless night filled with tossing and turning and turning and tossing. The information flowing from the brain to the fingers runs amok and then you have amok fingers. You feel as if you are in a coma, which, of course, is amok spelled backwards with a different beginning letter.
Has anyone noticed that this week is strange? Because the fourth of July falls on a Thursday, no one is around, everyone’s taking days off and they may as well have just made the whole week a holiday. The thing I most want to know is is Thursday upset that the fourth of July is falling on it? What did Thursday ever do to warrant the fourth of July falling on it. I hope there is no permanent damage to Thursday. What the hell am I talking about?
I Love Luch. I just can’t get over that. I’ve tried to get over “that” but “that” has had a profound effect on my life and it’s not so easy to get over “that”. “It” I can get over, I can get over “it” but “that” is a whole other kettle of flavored gelatin.
Oh, let us all click on the Unseemly Button before I type I Love Luch again.

Have I mentioned that I have a pain in my neck? Have I mentioned that I am groggy, foggy and soggy?
Last night I also watched one of those videos. You know, one of those videos one isn’t supposed to watch. Get your minds out the gutter, dear readers, not one of those videos. No, it was one of those videos where someone brought a camera into a Broadway theater and taped a show. You are not supposed to do that, that is a very very bad thing. However, someone sent it to me and I watched it even though I knew it was a very very bad thing. It was a shakycam video of the musical Smile. I’d already listened to the CD of the entire show, but watching it (finally!) solidified everything I’d felt whilst listening to the CD. It should have been a great show and it isn’t. Plain and simple and also simple and plain. Since I’ve written about this musical ad nauseum, you all know that I really like the score a lot. Most of it works very nicely in the show, and I know there were things added and changed when they made the published version with Samuel French (the demo has many differences musically and lyrically). The problem, I’m afraid, rests squarely on the shoulders of the very talented Howard Ashman. His lyrics are wonderful and fine and, in most cases, suit the show very well. His book is all over the place – it’s never funny enough, its tone is totally inconsistent, and there is no focus. The movie’s humor came from both satire and from the well-drawn characters. And, of course, it’s much easier to focus with a camera when you have an ensemble piece. But the tone of the film rarely wavers and it is not afraid to be nasty when it needs to be. Ashman is afraid to be nasty and never seems to trust the material. In the film, Michael Kidd’s speech about the wooden foot is absolutely hilarious and awful. Here, it is underscored to the point of vaudeville – every line is accompanied by music, which builds and builds and then stops before the punchline – it ruins the whole thing. In fact, Mr. Hamlisch has added underscore to ninety-percent of the show and it’s just deadly – every emotion underlined and hit on the head – the audience never has time to do any work – it’s all done for them. Mr. Ashman’s direction is also problematic – it doesn’t flow well and is very confused. The set is ugly and clunky, too. The costumes are nice and the orchestrations are great and the band sounds fantastic. The best thing about the entire show is the choreography (well, the cast is excellent in most cases). It’s great choreography. It’s done by someone named Mary Kyte. After you see this choreography you scratch your head and think, “What happened to Mary Kyte and why isn’t she the biggest choreographer on Broadway?” I know she’d done a couple of things prior to Smile – but one flop doesn’t kill a choreographer (otherwise Miss Kathleen Marshall, Miss Susan Stroman and many others would never have been heard from again) so what happened? I don’t know the answer to that question, but I’ve always had a theory, and everyone I’ve ever told this theory to has said I’m wrong. However, I still have the theory anyway, because if you watch the dances in this show it just makes my theory so believable. And my theory is this: These dances reek of Michael Bennett. They are Michael Bennett to a “t”. My theory is that Mr. Bennett came in to help at the behest of his friend, Mr. Marvin Hamlisch, with whom he’d done A Chorus Line. If I’m wrong about that, then Mary Kyte took Michael Bennett lessons before doing this show. In any case, whoever did the choreography did a wonderful job, especially with the number Shine. If everything had been like the number Shine, the show would have been a huge hit. I also think if it had opened this year rather than when it did, even with all its flaws, it would have had a longer run – because it’s a different world today – you’ve got the crazy/obsessives on the Internet, you’ve got kids with apparently endless supplies of money who go see shows over and over again – it was just a totally different theatrical world back in the early eighties.
What am I, Ken Mandelbaum all of a sudden? Anyway, I’m happy to have finally seen the show, even if on a shakycam video.
Well, do you know what day it is, dear readers? I think you do. It is Ask BK Day, the day when you get to ask me any excellent questions you like. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? I hope you’ve been thinking up some good ones – especially now that some of you have had a chance to see the DVD and read the book. And I shall answer your excellent questions, honestly and truthfully, not necessarily in that order. I always love your questions and I also Love Luch. And don’t forget, not only will my answers appear in tomorrow’s notes, but we will be having our very first fourth of July celebration here at haineshisway.com. Yes, Virginia, we will be celebrating until the cows come home. We will have wieners on the barbecue, we will wear our cut-off jeans, we will wear our tight t-shirts, revealing our abs and buns of steel in all of their glory – and most importantly, we will have fireworks. Do not miss this celebration, dear readers, because it will be a fourth of July to remember and cherish for the rest of our lives.
Well, I must go, I must take the day, do the things I do, journey to unknown destinations in my automobile. I now turn the proceedings over to you, dear readers, and your excellent questions. Ask away, my pretties.

Replies: 42 Unseemly Comments

Question: Bruce - did you ever get into the campy puppet sci-fi show "Thunderbirds"? Do you own the box sets?
Posted by Craig @ 07/03/2002 09:22 AM PST

Bruce, I've got a question and I hope you won't wait until tomorrow to answer. While perusing my old original cast albums in the process of transferring them to CD (just completed The Zulu and The Zayda), I discovered the 1983 cast album of Together Again (Book, music and lyrics by one Bruce Kimmel). Has this been released on CD yet or should I take the time to transfer it? My lp is in mint condition, but I wouldn't want to put in the effort if it's commercially available. I'm sure I bought it in 1983 because Marsha Kramer was on it but, I'm embarrassed to say, it has been buried on my shelf for the past 19 years. About to put it on the player. Get back to me soon!
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/03/2002 09:38 AM PST

3 unreleated questions for ask BK day
1) I read all four New York newspapers and many magazines. Most of these have a column that reviews and/or lists new DVD and Video releases. Why have they all ignored FIRST NUDIE MUSICAL? It was also missing from ads last week that various Video and discount stores use to feature new releases. Not everyone who would love this movie reads this here site and therefore a lot of your potential viewers know nothing of this release. Even Footlight Records doesn't feature it on the first New Release page on their website. It's on the 3rd page (listing #61) following many items that were released several weeks earlier. Was so much spent on making and reproducing this film that there was nothing left for promotion? You'll never move any higher on the Amazon list if people don't know about it.
2) The last 3 words of BENJAMIN KRITZER are "to be continued". Have you started the sequel? When will it be released? The only complaint I have about the book is that it was way too short, more like a novella than a full length novel. A sequel would help solve this problem.
3) Were there ever any songs you wanted to include on a LOST IN BOSTON or UNSUNG MUSICALS that you could not get the rights for? If so what were they and who would you have had sing them?
Happy Fourth of July, also known as the day after George M. Cohan's birthday.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 07/03/2002 09:40 AM PST

Since you brought it up, do you think the book for "Smile" can be rewritten and the show brought back? I love the songs that I've heard and would love to hear the rest. Also, if it WERE brought back, please name a few of the people you'd cast.
Posted by Kerry @ 07/03/2002 09:43 AM PST

Hey, Together Again isn't even listed on the Musical Cast Album Database! Am I onto a real find here? A lost treasure? Here goes the needle on the first groove.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/03/2002 09:54 AM PST

Question for BK:
What does this country, the United States of America, and its democracy and freedoms mean to you?
Posted by freedunit @ 07/03/2002 10:10 AM PST

Kerry, I was an intern on Smile, and I am so going to answer your question today before BK posts!
Posted by freedunit @ 07/03/2002 10:12 AM PST

Robert Armin, Together Again has never been available on CD and most likely never will since the master tapes can't be found.
Posted by bk @ 07/03/2002 10:15 AM PST

Warning!: Bitchslapping rapidly approaching
Posted by The Official Bitchslapper @ 07/03/2002 10:15 AM PST

Okay then, I'm remastering it myself. I just listened to it and enjoyed it a lot. I remember recording "I Hate Musical Comedy" for one of my favorites tapes years ago. The show will be on CD within an hour.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/03/2002 10:40 AM PST

Bruce,
What is the difference between an orchestrater and an arranger? Are both jobs ever done by the same person. Often, the words "orchestration" and "arrangement" are used interchangeably. Is this correct? Or is it a sin akin to watching one of those videos?
Last night I saw a performance of a lovely song called "Imagine My Surprise," but I don't know who wrote it nor where it came from. Do you know? (If this is not answered tomorrow, I will open it to everyone to answer.)
Posted by Hapgood @ 07/03/2002 10:53 AM PST

[Whistling “Slap That Bitch.”]
Posted by freedunit @ 07/03/2002 11:13 AM PST

What have been the highpoints for you as: an actor?
a writer?
a director?
a composer?
a record producer?
By any chance was Susan Pomeroy's mother's name Eva? There is one Pomeroy still living in an Anglophone area of Montreal.
The movie theaters that are mentioned in Benjamin Kritzer how many of them still exist today?(None of the movies I remember going to as children exist anymore. which is a shame)Which one had the most memorable architectual design?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 07/03/2002 11:34 AM PST

I first thought the new disc you were viewing, BK, was "I Love Lunch!" I'm glad that was cleared up promptly, although a fantasy sit-com does come to mind. Imagine Desi as the host of a live cooking show, a la Emeril, and Lucy as his stage-struck wife, trying recipe after recipe so that she can join him on the air! Only, of course, the Fred and Ethel parts would have had to be played by James Beard and Julia Child.
My ever-loving der Brucer had a question for you, an interesting one, but he's napping right now and I can't remember what the question was. (He tripped over one of the dogs a couple of nights ago and bruised a rib, to match your neck I suppose.)
I'll try to get back to you with his question. Meanwhile, we're off to see "The Allergist's Wife" tonight. Have you seen this play yet, and do you have any opinions about it?
Hoping your neck feels better soon - Woody.
Posted by S. Woody White @ 07/03/2002 12:13 PM PST

A couple of questions...
Who is the singer on "I Don't Have to Hide Anymore" during the TFNM end credits? I did not notice anyone credited on the movie. And what about on the documentary soundtrack version?
Did you ever, in the 40+ years since, find your SP (whatever Susan Pomeroy's real name was)? Does she have any clue that she has now been immortalized in quasi-fiction?
Posted by Jed @ 07/03/2002 12:34 PM PST

Oh, what a wonderful day it is and how bright the sun is and all of that bolonga.
Here are some questions:
Have you ever kept/do you keep a journal?
Do you write long hand or short hand or on the computer or on the typewriter? (this applies to lyrics, scripts, books, whatever)
Do you collect anything else that we don't know about?
What is your favorite Shakespeare play?
When is Benjamin Kritzer going to be in bookstores or is it already or what?
Do you ever listen to cds with headphones and can you explain why the you know what the sound seems to split when people use headphones?
Do you like children's books? What are some of your favorites?
All right, I can't think of another thing, so I'll be off.
Posted by Lolita @ 07/03/2002 12:45 PM PST

Well, some three hours later I have completed editing Together Again. For a near mint lp this thing had more pops then Rice Krispies. This may be as close to the lost master tape as you're ever going to get. I'll send you a copy and let you decide for yourself.
Funny thing, the credits on album cover say that BK sings several songs and he sounds very much like the guy who sings the final song over the credits in TFNM. Hmmmm.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/03/2002 01:48 PM PST

The ever-lovin' der Brucer has awoken again, and reminded me of his question: What is Vincent Cirelli up to these days? We met him when you recorded Jason Graae's show at the Cinegrill, and liked him very much.
Posted by S. Woody White @ 07/03/2002 02:51 PM PST

Of course, it was Michael Bennett’s final, uncredited Broadway work.
Posted by freedunit @ 07/03/2002 03:28 PM PST

Happy July 4th to all posters and lurkers from "down under". It is of course already July 4th here.
What is your favourite "Dream Sequence" from a musical?
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 07/03/2002 03:34 PM PST

What is Mr. Guy Haines up to these days? Is he likely to make any singing appearances in the near future?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/03/2002 04:24 PM PST

I bought Lisa Richard's "Virgin Tracks" CD and really like the song you wrote. Are there other songs of yours floating around which hace been recorded by other people?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/03/2002 04:26 PM PST

OK. One more.
What do you think of the trend in restaurants these days to present food in a vertical manner (the food, not the waiters)?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/03/2002 04:27 PM PST

Dear Brucie!
How splendid that you subconsciously remember me after all these years. I have been lurking here every day wondering if you would ever mention me and today you have. Now I can finally dance the Hora, eat ham chunks and even cheese slices to boot. Of course I won't REALLY be booting the cheese slices.
Anyway, do keep in touch. I always had a crush on you so to see those words "I Love Luch" finally in print makes this heart go all aflutter!
Posted by Desdamona Luch @ 07/03/2002 04:30 PM PST

Robert Armin - yes, that vocal similarity between the end credits song in TFNM and our own Mr. BK was precisely the reason for my questioning.
Posted by Jed @ 07/03/2002 05:07 PM PST

And if that mystery voice turns out not to be BK, it also sounds as if it could almost be an early Guy Haines, now that I think about it.
Posted by Jed @ 07/03/2002 05:11 PM PST

A Quick Note: I am working on my play and was listening to "The Musical Adventures of Peter Pan". I just have to say that Bruce has produce a brilliant track using the music from The Peter Pan Ballet--Flying Home & Reunion (Cameron DeLeone). It's a beautifully orchrestrated, arranged, played and produced. I think it is worthy of anything can be found of any label like Sony Classical or Deutsche Grammaphone. I don't know how many musician were used but it sounds as if a full symphonic orchstra is playing.
My musical thought.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 07/03/2002 05:42 PM PST

I just finished watching the excellent DVD of 1776--the commentary track (I'm saving the film itself for--appropriately--tomorrow)and Stone & Hunt comment that the actor playing the Courier is....Stephen Nathan. Could this possibly the very same Stephen Nathan from TFNM???
Posted by Pam @ 07/03/2002 05:44 PM PST

Yes, Pam, it is the very same Stephen Nathan. If you didn't know, Stephen was also the original Jesus in the original production of Godspell and can be heard on that cast album.
I'm glad Michael Shayne likes the Carmen deLeone Peter Pan track. While I would love to take credit for its production, alas I cannot. Mr. deLeone recorded his entire ballet, and allowed me to use the excerpts that I did. It's available (or was available) on CD in its entirety. The orchestra is, of course, a full symphonic orchestra. I did smooth out and beef up the sound a bit in the mastering phase, but that is all.
Posted by bk @ 07/03/2002 05:50 PM PST

Re: Stephen Nathan in Godspell
When first watching TFNM early last week, I knew his voice seemed familiar from somewhere. Suddenly, on the "sweet honey pie" line in "Let 'Em Eat Cake," I realized that the voice belonged to the Jesus I'd been listening to for years! What a wonderfully varied career, no?
Posted by Jed @ 07/03/2002 06:06 PM PST

CAKE! At last! THIS is the site I've come to know and love: Bitch-slapping and cake!
Posted by Kerry @ 07/03/2002 06:18 PM PST

What is the WORST cabaret act you've ever seen? And what is the worst (worst meaning badly done, badly written, inappropriate, obnoxious, or all of them ---whatever criteria you choose to use) number you've ever seen performed in a cabaret act?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/03/2002 06:23 PM PST

Jed - while that may well be BK's voice at the end of TFNM, I doubt that it is an early Guy Haines. BK is on record as saying that he didn't meet Haines until he was at Varese Sarabande. And, no insult to BK intended, Haines is a much better singer.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/03/2002 07:17 PM PST

Ah yes, of course you are correct, my dear Mr. Armin. I had forgotten that Bruce and Guy had not met at that point in history. I do suspect that it will be revealed tomorrow that it is none other than BK who sang that song. Perhaps Guy has somewhat modeled his vocal stylings after BK's...only much better, of course.
Posted by Jed @ 07/03/2002 07:32 PM PST

Ok.. admit it Bruce.. you are shocked that I have only asked one question today. Well I am here to tell you that it simply isn't so. I have my questions right here and with out further ado (or even closer ado) and speaking of.. why does ado always get left out?
ok..
2)What was the most spectacular fireworks presentation you have ever witnessed.
3)Did you ever get to see Dear Susan Egan and Jason Graae in High Button Shoes?
4)What was going on at the end of the nudie documentary where it appeared as if somone was looking through the faux tinted window -- who was that?
5)If you had your druthers and could BE any celebrity for a day, who would you druther be and why?
6)Why don't a lot of dvd's use the title/text feature? Since you just but TFNM together, I am asking because I noticed that your TFNM does not use this feature and was wondering if there is a reason/logic behind including this option or not.
7)Do you do any impressions? Who can you do?
8)If for some CRAZY reason you couldn't direct a film version of Benjamin Kritzer, who would you want to do it? Would Barry Levinson get a meeting? How about Robert Mulligan?
9)When you sit down and write a song, what tools do you use. For example - do you have a thesaurus nearby? Do you have a scratch pad where you write down word rhymes...what is your process?
10)You spoofed the porn biz in TFNM. If you were to direct another movie spoofing an industry, what would it be and why?
11 *bonus question* What is your favorite day here at HainesHisWay. Is it Trivia Day, ASK BK Day, Answer Man Day, Free For All Sunday, etc.. which?
Posted by Craig @ 07/03/2002 08:23 PM PST

Pam
Is the 1776 cut on DVD the same cut that is on the laserdisk version?
I also heard that they found an uncut negative to master from. So you don't notice where the restored footage comes in or is there the brief black and white footage.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 07/03/2002 08:47 PM PST

p.s. Freedunit.. go ahead.. outquestion me NOW!
Posted by Craig @ 07/03/2002 08:51 PM PST

If I may be so bold as to answer Michael's 1776 question...NO, it is not the same as the laserdisc. There are substantial cuts that have been made.
There is a more than complete article covering every single video version of 1776 over at (not the site I write for) www.dvdangle.com under columns (or articles, I forget which one).
Posted by td @ 07/03/2002 08:55 PM PST

Hot Diggity! Ah feel so good ah could dance the ole Ya-Hoo Step! (No answers on that one yet. It was a major Broadway star in a big flop.)
My DVD of FNM arrived today, as did my VHS tape of same. Haven't viewed it yet, but I am looking forward to sharing it with Joe. Oboyoboyoboy!
Questions:
1. I have 5 undeciferable autographs on DVD:
Right Arm: Leslie A~^~~^
Left Arm: Buc~~~^___
Right Thigh: Lloqa B^~~^
Left Thigh: Nick R~~~~~~__
Star: Me^^-q ooxFimley
Who's who?
2. I just received Best Little Warehouse in Texas (my cup runneth over!) Which reminded my of Ann Margaret in the opening of Bye Bye Birdie, which is indelibly engraved on my memory and yours.
Also indelibly engraved on my memory of her are the revolving restaurant scene in Carnal Knowledge and the image of her writhing about on the white rug covered with oceans of soap suds and chocolate from Tommy.
What other movie images are indelibly engraved on your memory?
3. Approximately when did you start and finish writing Benjamin Kritzer?
4. How did you first get into producing CD's and how did you learn your "craft", as it were?
5. When will Footlight get off their fershlugunah butt cheeks and set the date for your signing so all us NY Kimlets and groupies can flock about you?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 07/03/2002 09:11 PM PST

Ann-Margret.
Posted by Mrs. Olsson @ 07/03/2002 09:24 PM PST

Alright, Bruce. It's officially ask BK Day, so what person you had never met would you like to sup with?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/03/2002 11:22 PM PST

Oh, Craig, there you go again—just begging to be bitch-slapped. And I will give in to that. [Bitch-slap.] I already did outquestion you, without question. Keep it up and I will inquestion you, too.
Posted by freedunit @ 07/04/2002 12:35 AM PST

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