Well, dear readers, it is a glorious Sunday here in Los Angeles, California. I shall dive right into these here notes because it is already so hot that one simply must dive into something and since I don’t have a pool these here notes will have to suffice. Isn’t that nice? In fact, it’s so nice that I might dive into them twice. Unless someone has some better advice, I might even dive thrice. Since it costs nothing, it’s certainly worth the price and almost as nice as a cheese slice. Afterwords, maybe I’ll eat some rice, but that’s always a toss of the dice. Tossing the dice will rarely suffice so after that I might kill some mice and them put them on ice. You know whose name hasn’t come up lately? Heidi Fleiss. What the hell am I talking about?

Yesterday I went to my favorite Los Angeles haunt, Musso and Frank. I hadn’t been there for lunch in twenty years. It’s not so crowded for lunch on a Saturday, so we got right in. I had my beloved Shrimp and Crab Louis with lots of Louis dressing. Louis is always dressing at Musso and Frank which, I suppose, is better than Louis undressing at Musso and Frank. Then we all split some bread pudding (no mean feat), which is superb at Musso and Frank. It was all too too and if you’ve never been there, you must must go go. Then we went across the street to a Magic Shop. I was with David Wechter and his two sons, and Cissy Wechter. She was buying the boys presents and they wanted to go to said Magic Shop. I have always loved magic, and one of the employees there put on quite a show for us. He did some really astounding card tricks and we were all suitably amazed and astonished, and we “oohed” and “aahed” appreciatively. I myself purchased some X-Ray Specks, which I mentioned in Benjamin Kritzer. I also purchased a couple of other little gadgets that I had as a young sprig of a twig of a tad of a youth. Then we went to Larry Edmund’s Cinema Bookshop, where I bought a Cinema Book – a brand spanking new and huge coffee table book on cult filmmaker Mario Bava, of whom I’m very fond. Then we walked to that gigantic new complex at the corner of Highland and Hollywood. I’d not been there before and it’s all very large and ostentatious and I must say I somehow expected more. I was underwhelmed, but maybe I need to spend some more time there. Then we went home. I then picked up four count them four brand spanking new and not yet released DVDs, and watched two of them in total and two of them in part.

Before we get to that, if you’re playing the trivia contest this week, do go back and look at yesterday’s notes as I’ve made a clarification, because, it was pointed out to me, there was something in there that was misleading and I would never want to mislead or misdirect as if I were a magician. For now, let us all click on the Unseemly Button below and remember I will never ask you for your username and password.

In any case, first I watched the brand spanking new and not yet released DVD of the new version of The Time Machine. First of all, let me say here and now and also now and here that I love the original version of The Time Machine. I do love stories and novels and movies about time travel – I’m a sucker for them. So, I enjoyed this new The Time Machine – to a point. And then I began to actively not enjoy it. One of the most annoying things was Guy Pearce’s hair. That hair was just not right – greasy, ugly and unkempt – the film takes place in 1896 or something and long greasy hair was, I don’t think, not the fashion for people of his station. I normally like Mr. Pearce, but he was no Rod Taylor. The screenwriter just made everything so unnecessarily convoluted and that was the undoing of the film. Still and all, the effects were very good indeed, as was the music. Jeremy Irons is always fun, although his role here is beyond stupid. The Morlocks were not nearly as much fun as they were in the George Pal movie. I did like Orlando Jones as a hologram – although they even took that to such an illogical extreme that it was a joke. But, he has the film’s best bit when he gives a history of H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine – his first scene takes place in 2030 and he says it was published whenever it was, then became a George Pal film and then became an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical and then he starts to sing a song from said Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. I laughed out loud, and if the whole film had been that inspired it would have been great.

Then I checked out the transfers on The Eddie Duchin Story with Tyrone Power and Kim Novak, which looks excellent. It’s one of those silly bio-pics, where a forty-year-old Ty Power is playing a twenty-year-old Eddie Duchin. It’s every cliché in the book, but I like the director, George Sidney and the score by George Duning is lovely. Plus lots of nice piano music. I watched the first half-hour and will finish it tonight. Then I watched a bit of Robin and Marian, with Mr. Sean Connery and Miss Audrey Hepburn. This film was a huge flop when it came out – a shame, as it is quite quite wonderful. It’s written by Mr. James (Follies) Goldman and though it is heresy to say, I prefer his script here to his much more famous The Lion in Winter. The film is directed by Richard Lester and is loaded with his peculiar sense of humor – all you have to do is look at the opening to know it’s a Richard Lester film. The music by John Barry is spectacularly good, with a gorgeous main theme. And the cast – Sean Connery as the aging Robin Hood, a beautifully luminous Audrey Hepburn as Maid Marian, Nicol Williamson, Richard Harris and Robert Shaw. If you haven’t seen it, you simply must must.

I saved the best for last – a deliriously bad movie, perhaps one of the worst ever made, certainly the nadir in the career of its star. But, it’s so bad, so corny, so stupid, so dated, so inept that I love every minute of it. It’s called Change of Habit and stars Mr. Elvis Presley and Miss Mary Tyler Moore. Mr. Presley plays an inner-city Doctor (!), a singing doctor, of course. Miss Mary plays a Nun. That’s right, you heard it here, dear readers, Miss Mary Tyler Moore plays a Nun – but not just any Nun – an undercover Nun, who goes to the ghetto with two other undercover Nuns (Jane Elliot and Barbara McNair) to “make a difference”. The film is loaded with one unintentionally hilarious scene after another. My favorite was the little mute girl who Mary figures out is autistic (when Mary tells the girl’s mother that – the mother replies “she’s never lifted a paint brush in her life.”). Then, Mr. Presley uses “Rage Reduction” to cure her in three hours. The Rage Reduction consultant on the film was, I believe, the same Doctor who treated Mr. Brian Wilson. The other characters we meet are a stutterer, a kid who’s always got bruises, a seventeen-year-old who’s hot for Mr. Presley and jealous of his attraction to Mary (remember, these undercover Nuns aren’t in habits), two nosy neighbors played by Ruth McDevitt and Doro Merande (when a director and script can make those two women unfunny, you know you’re in trouble), and Robert Emhardt as “The Banker” – a sleazy loan shark and pimp. Assuming the three undercover Nuns are hookers, he says, “I don’t like you moving in on my territory.” Along the way, Mr. Presley sings such classics as Rubberneckin’, Let Us Pray and Change of Habit. It’s all directed in flat television style (60s television) by flat television director William Graham. Oh, I also forgot to mention that Mr. Timothy Carey plays a sleazy grocery clerk, and when Jane Elliot as Sister Barbara, stages a sit-in at his market, who do you think plays the sage policeman who comes to help? Lou Grant, that’s who – Mr. Ed Asner. He’s the best thing in the film, too, although I was taken with Miss Elliot’s performance. Elvis was still trim and handsome, although it is hard to tell who had more hairspray – Mary or him. This is a must-have DVD, do not even think about not owning it. Oh, within five notes I knew the musical score was by the wonderful Billy Goldenberg.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I want to do some magic tricks after visiting that store yesterday. I want to amaze and astonish. I told the boys that when they’ve learned their tricks and are fully rehearsed that I’ll come over and they’ll put on a magic show. I said I’d bring dinner and that the first magic trick of the evening would be making the dinner disappear. As I said, I used to do those card tricks, but it’s been so many years I don’t remember how they’re done. I just stood there scratching my head in wonderment. By the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), those magic tricks are very expensive now. Thirty bucks for the Blizzard card trick.

Well, I must take the day, I must go out amongst the people of my city and make magic. I must wear my X-Ray Specks and amaze and astonish. I must get in my automobile and make gas disappear. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s free-for-all day, and I do hope those errant and truant Hainsies/Kimlets are back among the fray today because the fray isn’t the same without them. We must have all Hainsies/Kimlets present and accounted for, although we will never ask for your username or password. Post away, my pretties, while I magically disappear. I will magically reappear this afternoon to take part in whatever discussions are ongoing at the time.