haines his way

07/17/2002:
"WHAT ABOUT BOB?"

Well, dear readers, I finally got the good night of sleep I needed – I slept ten hours. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? I finally awoke because the bird was outside my window, singing “Wake up, wake up, you sleepy head, get up, get up, get out of bed” from Benjamin Kritzer’s favorite, When the Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin’ Along. What did Bob do, do you suppose, to get his name in a song? Why, for example, isn’t it Come Jim Jim Jimmin’ Along, or even Bert, Bert, Berttin’ Along? I want to know what Bob did to get his name in that song, damn them all, damn them all to hell. Not only that, but when a woman gets her hair bobbed there he is again. That fershluganah Bob has got a Red Red Robin Bob Bob Bobbin’ and he’s got a hairdcut, a bob. Well, Bob, I’m not having my hair bobbed, what do you think of that, you great flying oaf? I’m having my hair Steved, what do you think of that, you great flying oaf? What the hell am I talking about? This is what happens when you sleep ten hours.
How many of you dear readers have discovered classmates.com? Raise your hands. Whoever thought of classmates.com was very clever and will probably make a ton of money. It’s a stunningly simple idea – people can come to the website for free, they can fill out all their school information for free, so that their name appears with all the other classmates from their various and sundried schools. And then people who haven’t seen each other for years can e-mail each other. And there’s the clever part – you can’t actually e-mail the person unless you become a Gold Member, which does cost money, but not all that much. However, just think of how brilliant this really is – everyone has gone to school – all those years, all those cities and states around the country, millions of classes over the years. Can you imagine if only ten percent of the people who registered at classmates.com paid to be a Gold Member? If you haven’t seen the site, it’s worth a visit, although like most of these kinds of sites, there are pop-up windows which I hate with a passion. In fact, I hate them with Stephen Sondheim’s Passion. I’m still in touch with a tiny handful of people I went to school with, but in browsing I did see a handful of names that intrigued me, so I joined and dropped the handful of names an e-mail. Thus far, I have had no responses. Damn them, damn them all to hell. I’ll keep you posted, of course, and perhaps we’ll do a joint interview with all my school chums in our new handy-dandy Unseemly Interview Section which, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo) premieres just two days from now with a wonderful interview with Hairspray’s very own Kerry Butler.
Have I mentioned that I got ten hours of glorious sleep? Perhaps to celebrate I’ll go have a Bob’s Big Boy. Now, wait just a darned minute. There’s that Bob again. Always butting in. Everywhere I go, there’s a bob. Well, I’ve got the perfect antidote to Bob – let’s just spell his name backwards, that will show the great flying oaf. Bob – there what do you think of that, Bob? Oh. Bob spelled backwards is Bob. You see, you see? I can see now that there is a plan afoot here to Bobize the world. Not only is there a plan afoot, there’s a plan ahand as well.
Well, perhaps we all better click on that Unseemly Button below, yesiree Bob. Yesiree Bob? I can’t believe it. Enough with the Bob already.

Tonight I shall be going to my friend Grant Geissman’s house for dinner. I wonder what we’ll be having to eat? Maybe we’ll have shiska-bob. Shiska-bob? It’s bad enough that fershluganah Bob got his name used again, but what in tarnation is a shiska. A shiksa I know, but a shiska? Oh, well, as my Brit friend Nick Redman would say, “Bob’s your uncle.”
Well, today is Wednesday, dear readers, and you know what that means. That means it is no longer Tuesday and it isn’t yet Thursday. It is also the day that you get to ask me all your excellent questions. And I, as ever, am ready to answer said questions in an honest and forthright manner. I shall hold nothing back, unless “nothing” does something I don’t like, in which case I will hold “nothing” back. Do try to have your questions in by ten p.m. Eastern time.
As you know, we have had many many many (that is three manys – some would say too many manys – some would say there are two too many manys and two too many manys is simply too too) topics of discussions here at haineshisway.com. Would you like to know what the most popular has been – the one that keeps coming up even in other topics of discussion? Well, I will tell you, because who am I to keep such information from you? Donuts – that has been our most popular topic of discussion. Do you know that if any of us had invented donuts we would have become nabobs. Oh, no, not again. Bob is everywhere, he is omnipresent or omnipotent or one of those omni words. In fact, he is omnibob.
Well, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must put on my bobby socks, put some bobby pins in my hair and then I must get in my automobile because there are people to see and places to go. I look forward to seeing your excellent questions. We haven’t even tapped the surface, question-wise – for example, no one has asked my opinion on bobsleds. Or what I think of the bobcat. Ask away, my pretties and tomorrow all your questions will be answered. Don't even think about not asking a question, or I shall have to call a bobby, shan't I?

Replies: 45 Unseemly Comments

Question for Ask BK day:
Most stores that have signings require you to actually buy the DVD, book, etc. or you cannot meet the celebrity signers. Since many of your fans have already purchased the FNM DVD or BK book from this here site and already have them signed does that mean we will have to buy duplicates in order to participate in your NYC signings?
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 07/17/2002 10:17 AM PST

There were a couple of late posts to yesterday's notes, one of which asked why I don't put together an all-star cast recording of Promises, Promises -well, today's the day to ask that very question again - and I think you'll be interested in the answer.
Posted by bk @ 07/17/2002 10:20 AM PST

OK, I will. Why don't you put together a dream all- star cast recording of "promises, Promises"? and please include "Tick Tock, goes the Clock."
Posted by Kerry @ 07/17/2002 10:30 AM PST

I was going to skip questions today and give you a break because I have asked so many questions of you in the past few weeks, but you forced me to ask about "Promises, Promises."
Posted by Kerry @ 07/17/2002 10:31 AM PST

So I did.
Posted by Kerry @ 07/17/2002 10:32 AM PST

Since we were talking about Italian films yesterday, my question goes back to that.
Mr. BK, since you mention Big Deal on Madonna Street as one of your favorite Italian films, I wonder did you see the Fosse musicalization, Big Deal? It only ran for 70 performances. I didn't see it but wondered if you did and if so, what was your opinion of it? You mentioned 8 1/2 also, so, what's your opinion of Nine?
Posted by Ben @ 07/17/2002 10:32 AM PST

To expand on the theme: Why don't you do an all-star recording of Promises, Promises with Jason Graae as C. C. Baxter?
Posted by Pam @ 07/17/2002 11:01 AM PST

I did, actually, join Classmates some time ago and I have had very good responses from people I've contacted (including my very first "intimate" experience). I've even had one fellow write to apologize to me if he treated me badly in school. Of course, I didn't remember him, but I generously forgave him.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/17/2002 11:04 AM PST

Well, since tonight is opening night for a production of Man of La Mancha which I am in (and for which I've also been vocal director), my mind simply cannot seem to stray from that show...so...
What are your thoughts on Man of La Mancha? Seems to be a show people have reasonably strong feelings about, one way or another. With the Broadway revival coming up this winter, what do you think of the casting choices (Brian Stokes Mitchell, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Ernie Sabella)? How might you cast differently?
Posted by Jed @ 07/17/2002 11:22 AM PST

My Ask BK question (after a couple of weeks away from my computer and this wonderful list). We all know the stories of how Rodgers and Hammerstein took a stab at "Pygmalion" and couldn't figure out how to make a musical of it. Are there any shows you can think of that might have been more successful had they been done by other authors? A "Pipe Dream" by Kander and Ebb perhaps?
Posted by Phil Crosby @ 07/17/2002 11:44 AM PST

When are you going to do another "what if?"
Posted by Kerry @ 07/17/2002 12:10 PM PST

Ah yes, Kerry, we are long overdue for a "what if?"!!! May have to do some more of our own, I think. Hmmm...perhaps Company by Darion and Leigh, "I Am I, Bobby Bubi." Yeah, some potential there...
Posted by Jed @ 07/17/2002 12:29 PM PST

I think you deserve an outrageous question...possibly a dumb question...something out of the norm...
...so, Have you ever had a bikini wax?
If so, did it hurt? And why did you do it?
If not, have you at least wondered about it?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 07/17/2002 12:34 PM PST

What is a typical day's traffic at this here site? How substantial is the weekend dropoff? I've always wondered just how many of us loyal Hainsies/Kimlets (as well as lurkers) there are who make our daily pilgrimage here.
Posted by Jed @ 07/17/2002 12:40 PM PST

So. Here we all are on a Ask BK Day and I have been errant and truant (and also truant and errant) by not posting the past two days. I must have been mentally preparing for this very day and my hand dandy questions. So..without further ado (I never get ado to go anywhere!) here they are:
1. BK - your thoughts on Spielberg's Empire of the Sun
2. Are there any shows and or movies that you have seen the first time and thought they were brilliant (or horrible) and then on second viewing changed your mind 180? For example?
3. As a total package, what is the best executed DVD Box Set you own, and what is the worst
4. Did you have any nicknames while you were growing up? What were they and how did you feel about them?
5. On the topic of Bob - Name your favorite 5 Bobs in the world living or dead.
6. What is your favorite room in your house and why?
7. Do you collect autographs or other types of star memorabilia? What are some of your prized items?
8. Are you still in touch with David Levy? and how come he never posts here?
9. What is a hobby, skill, activity, etc that you have not tried that you would like to? Why haven't you done it yet? Are there any plans to?
10. Does your daughter ever visit the site? What does she thing about it and the unseemly band of merry posters here?
11. What adorns the walls of your abode? Is there a theme for the house, each room, etc?
12. and finally (for now) Is the unseemly interview section REALLY going up on Friday?
Posted by Craig @ 07/17/2002 01:06 PM PST

BK: Classmates is a truly wonderful thing. A friend of mine and I basically planned our entire 20th reunion by using classmates. While not everyone we invited showed, we did get a terrific turnout, and I, personally, had a blast.
To Jed: I think Man of LaMancha has a lovely score and, unfortunately, one of the most pretentious books I've ever encountered. To me, that whole chess sequence is just a bunch of 60s claptrap. I used to feel ashamed about disliking one of the treasures of the musical theatre until Peter Filichia mentioned his distaste for the same show. But a beautiful, beautiful score.
Posted by Stuart @ 07/17/2002 01:14 PM PST

Regarding LA MANCHA it is one of those shows that can be brilliant if it is done right but deadly if it is done wrong. I know because I have seen both. I know this is a comment that could be made of a lot of shows, but sometimes a truly bad amateur production of a classic can be a hoot (like a P.T.A. production of GUYS AND DOLLS I once saw), but a bad LaMANCHA is like three hours in Hell.
By the way, noted musical theatre writer Peter Filichia hates LaMANCHA and lets his readers know on a regular basis.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 07/17/2002 01:48 PM PST

Dear BK --
Have you tried the triple chocolate Krispy Kreme donut yet? It's choco-licious!
Posted by Sandra @ 07/17/2002 01:59 PM PST

Okay, since I was the one who raised the question in the first place, I will ask - again! - why doesn't Bruce put together an all-star cast recording of Promises, Promises?
On the same note (C#), who would star in said cast recording?
On a similar note, (Db)what other cast recordings would Bruce like to "re-visit" to give them all-star cast recordings? My first suggestion: NINE.
Posted by David Burrows @ 07/17/2002 02:06 PM PST

Dear BK,
When I buy a cd that you produced, do you still get a cut of the purchase price? Or did you get paid once for producing it and that's that?
Posted by Laura @ 07/17/2002 02:10 PM PST

QUESTIONS FOR MR. BK ala Comden & Green's "Wonderful Town"...
1. What do you think of our Native Squaws? http://www.apva.org/history/pocahont.html
2. ---Charles G. Dawes? http://www.senate.gov/learning/stat_vp30.html
3. ---Warden Lawes? http://www.lib.jjay.cuny.edu/old/lawes.htm and http://www.bible.org/docs/pastor/bits/bits-88.htm
4. What's your opinion of Santa Claus? http://www.laughnet.net/archive/holiday/santahis.htm
5. What do you think of the Conga? http://www.congaroom.com/
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 07/17/2002 02:12 PM PST

Man Of La Mancha now seems the topic of the day. The recent professional production (in Sydney at present) had the wonderful presence of Mr Anthony Warlow but the show did not "work". The talented Caroline O'Connor was his (would you believe?)singing/dancing Dulcinea. The supporting cast were really disappointing. I have seem more moving amateur productions.
Question for BK.
Which is your favourite recording of the show. I think there are at least 4. your comments please on each if possible. Do you ever see Ilya Darling? Comments on the show and score!
Thanks.
Posted by Tom Guest (from OZ) @ 07/17/2002 02:27 PM PST

What is Ask-BK Day—chopped liver all of a sudden?
Questions for BK to follow…
Posted by freedunit @ 07/17/2002 02:45 PM PST

Have you produced a CD since leaving FA?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 07/17/2002 02:54 PM PST

Are you presently in "talks" for doing new recordings?
What is your favorite "memorabilia" acquisition?
What is your opinion of the score to "Juno"?
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 07/17/2002 02:56 PM PST

Do hot dogs make you lose control?
Posted by Kerry @ 07/17/2002 04:12 PM PST

Some Question about Jason Graae live at the "Signgrill" album
1) My first question is about the bonus song: “Just Where It Should Be” Was it in the show and you edited it out to be the bonus track for the Special Edition or was it recorded separately?
2) There were several shows performed and recorded and then edited together. Can it be really considered a live-recorded performance if one chooses the best moments, lines interpretations, jokes and laughter, and singing? (Wasn’t Judy Garland’s famous Carnegie Hall album a recording of just one performance?
I kind of like what happened on the hidden track (won't say what it is for those who have heard this wonderful album yet) as it orally shows what can happen during a live performance.
3) Did Jason have any input on what the final product would be?
4) Whose idea was to do the album?
5) Did you have a chance to see the show or where you stuck in the truck all day long?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 07/17/2002 04:20 PM PST

Have you ever
Dream the impossible Dream?
Fight the unbeatable foe?
Bear with unbearable sorrow?
Run where the brave dare not go?
Right the unrightable wrong?
Love pure and chaste from afar?
Try when your arms are to weary?
Reach the unreachable star?
and
Did you ever have a quest to follow that star no matter how hopeless or no matter how far and fight for the right without question or pause and to be willing to march into a hell for a heavenly cause?
Posted by Alonso Quijana @ 07/17/2002 04:28 PM PST

Does Vincent Cirilli sing and if he does did you ever consider making a solo album with him?
If you did who would be the egineer?
Who thought of giving Vinnie all his alias names like Vinnie "didn't we do this album already?" Cirilli and all the others
Posted by Vincent's Mother @ 07/17/2002 04:42 PM PST

So many excellent questions! It's hard for me not to want to dive in right now, but I shall hold back. Did you know that someone is selling Benjamin Kritzer on eBay right this very minute? It's someone who came to the memorabilia show (two people bought two copies each and I presume this is one of the extras) and had me sign the book but not to anyone specific. Anyway, if you want a very reasonbly priced second copy, or one to give as a gift, the opening bid is only 14.95. I find it odd that that's the opening bid since they paid almost ten dollars more than that - yes, Virginia, the going rate at the show was $25.
Posted by bk @ 07/17/2002 05:44 PM PST

I saw that on eBay, too. Now, don't be crushed if it goes for $14.95. We all love you.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/17/2002 05:46 PM PST

Don't you see his plan -- he's charging 7.00 for shipping. So basically, he only needs the bidding to get to around 20 to break even. 7 dollars for shipping... do you have any idea how many donuts you could ship for 7.00??
In fact. BK -- there's a question for you.. How many donuts can you ship for $7?
Posted by Craig @ 07/17/2002 07:07 PM PST

Questions for BK:
1. I just read the first or second bk’s notes II in which Guy Haines expresses is wishes that he not be discussed at this web site. Is it not appropriate to ask questions about Guy Haines on Ask-BK Day?
2. If it is appropriate to ask questions about Guy Haines, too, do you play tennis? Have you ever played doubles with Guy.
3. Where were you born and when? What sign? Guy Haines?
4. With all this talk about Man of La Mancha, have you any thoughts or anecdotes you can share about Joan Diener?
5. Speaking of diner, what do you think of cheese fries?
6. Apple pie or chocolate cake?
7. Liza Minnelli-David Gest—are you as appalled as I am? What is the deal?
8. What ever happened to itsdlevy.com?
9. Do you sight-read music fluently?
10. Any thoughts on singers and weight? It used to be believed that opera singers, for example, required bulk, heft, size to sing well.
11. Have you ever encountered a voice that could belt, but croon or vice versa?
12. Have you ever worked as a vocal coach to bring out the potential you heard in a singer?
13. Would you respond to The New York Times 14 July 2002 article “Hard Times for Cast Albums, to Broadway’s Regret,” by Barry Singer?
More than a critique of the article, I am interested in your thoughts about the current and future climate for the recording of cast and other non-pop, non-rock-and-roll albums. Of course, as you know, you are mentioned in the twentieth paragraph of the article:
Other independent labels that continue to record new musicals include Original Cast Records, Jay Records, Fynsworth Alley — a new enterprise for a familiar figure on the show music scene, Bruce Kimmel, formerly of Varèse Sarabande Records — and the 26-year veteran DRG Records, which released last season’s most electrifying cast album, “Elaine Stritch at Liberty.”
I am sorry for the late posting. I did not see the 22:00 E.T. time stipulation until just now.
Craig: I could buy exactly four (4) Doughnut Plant doughnuts with seven dollars, and they would not need to be shipped, because I would eat them before they could be boxed. Have you ever seen a doughnut box?
Posted by freedunit @ 07/17/2002 08:27 PM PST

Freedunit: I have never seen a doughnut box, but I've wrestled with a few!
Posted by Pam @ 07/17/2002 08:37 PM PST

Well, since I got the James Coburn FLINT movies on dvd today, I have a trove of easy questions for BK:
On a Scale of 1 to 5 (5 being the highest) how would you rate the following James Bond movies:
DR. NO?
FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE?
GOLDFINGER?
YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE?
THUNDERBALL?
DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER?
NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN?
CASINO ROYALE?
Other than the Monty Norman "007 Theme," what are your favorite Bond songs?
Which singer has his/her finest moments when singing a theme from a Bond flick?
Is Sean Connery the only acceptable (as in "Accept No Substitutes") James Bond?
If the Bond films had been started in the early 1950's, rather than the early 1960's, WHO would have been your choice to play him?
Would you ever compose a James Bond theme? (You could surely do better than some already have).
Posted by td @ 07/17/2002 08:49 PM PST

Pam: Greco-Roman or free-style?
Posted by freedunit @ 07/17/2002 08:52 PM PST

Another interesting quote from the article.
It is very difficult to record a new Broadway show for under $300,000 and, quite frankly, it can be much more than that," said Denis McNamara, senior vice president for Decca/Decca Broadway, part of the Universal Classics group. "You really have to sell in excess of 150,000 units to see a profit."
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 07/17/2002 08:57 PM PST

Freedunit.. I KNOW that you didn't answer MY question to BK on ASK BK day. I know this because that would be heinous and deserving of a bitchslap and therefore unseemly and unlike you. Please tell me that I misread your post..
Posted by Craig @ 07/17/2002 09:26 PM PST

1. What is your favorite musical(s)?
2. Of all the shows and show related cds you have
recorded what is your favorite?
3. What recording session has been the most fun? What
has been the most difficult?
4. You produced a great cast album of "Hello Dolly" in
1994. If the show was revived today and you were
producing it, who would you cast as Dolly besides
Carol Channing?
5. I haven't been to L.A. in over 20 years. Does
Hamburger Hamlet still exist?
Posted by Dennis Clancy @ 07/17/2002 09:47 PM PST

Craig: Of course, you did or did not misread my post, and my posting was not heinous. Unseemly, yes, but not heinous. You know what is heinous. It is not as though I told you how many doughnuts bk could ship for $7. I merely said I could buy exactly four (4) Doughnut Plant doughnuts with seven dollars, and they would not need to be shipped, because I would eat them before they could be boxed. And then I asked, Have you ever seen a doughnut box? What would a day be if you did not have the opportunity to bitch-slap me?
Posted by freedunit @ 07/17/2002 09:51 PM PST

BK, I told you I'd finish it and I did. I was very moved and your comment about Classmates was well timed because I have used it to look for a few of my "lost" childhood friends. Separate from Classmates, I finally did visit my Susan Pomeroy (with my wife, yet) and managed to finally put closure on that relationship. I hope someone has the sensitivity to make an honest film of your book. An honest film about childhood would be a rarity.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 07/17/2002 10:08 PM PST

If there was one change you could make to any one thing in this world what would it be?
Posted by Heinous MacDooley @ 07/17/2002 10:47 PM PST

Since I've been reading and posting here I've heard Mr. BK's voice in interviews and just today as I was listening to Jason Graae Sings Charles Strouse, the last track ended and I put it together! That's Mr. BK from the producer's booth. It's so exciting to figure these things out!
Posted by Ben @ 07/18/2002 06:38 AM PST

Freedunit: Sumo!
Posted by Pam @ 07/18/2002 08:11 AM PST

Pam: Sumo cum laude?
Posted by freedunit @ 07/18/2002 10:50 AM PST

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