haines his way

08/07/2002:
"THE WHIZ"

Well, dear readers, I am getting quite a late start this morning so I will have to whiz through these here notes. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, today I will be whizzing through these here notes. These here notes will resemble the film Speed in that they will whiz right along without any substance. I like the idea of notes that whiz right along, don’t you? I’m breathless already and we haven’t even begun whizzing along yet.
Last night I finally got around to watching a DVD, the newly released (as of yesterday) Time after Time, starring Malcolm McDowell, Mary Steenburgen and David Warner. Twenty years later it’s still a tremendously entertaining film with wonderful performances and some deft writing from writer/director Nicholas Meyer. The plot has a marvelous hook and there’s a lot of humor, too. Warner is brilliant, one of his best performances, and Malcolm and Mary are lovable. The writing really lets them down (M&M) in the last third – there are several terrible plot contrivances towards the end – someone should have spoken up loudly and made them fix them. I remember thinking it back then and I thought it even more now. The film still works despite them, however and it’s so much fun that you tend to forgive it. The DVD looks good – the transfer is very accurate to the way it looked on its release. In other words, this was a fairly low-budget film and this is what it’s always looked like. The sound is not so lucky – my memory of back then is that it was mono – here it’s 2.0 and sounds muffled and not well-mixed. The film has an absolutely wonderful Miklos Rozsa score and it’s still from a day when they weren’t doing wall-to-wall music in films, so the cues actually have power and drama in the film. If you love time-travel books and films as I do, I recommend this.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I also briefly checked out the transfers on several other Warner titles. Them! looks fantastic and includes the colored lettering in the titles (the film is in black-and-white, but the word “Them!” in the titles is in red – very striking). The Swarm looks okay – I was a bit shocked to see that it runs an astonishing 155 minutes – I’ve never seen it, so I’ll watch it and have a full report for you. I do remember shooting something on the Warners lot when this film was in production, and I have a vivid memory of walking to the sound stage and seeing Miss Olivia de Havilland, who waved as I walked past her. Clash of the Titans looks fine, very grainy as its always been because it was not an expensive film and is loaded with opticals.
Has anyone noticed that these here notes are whizzing along? Frankly, or even Stevely, I have never seen such whizzing, notes-wise.
I had some lovely meetings yesterday and I am chomping at the bit to tell you about them, but I never talk of things until they are signed, sealed and delivered. But there are some exciting things in the works and if they all come to fruition it will be great. Why is “fruition” pronounced “frewishun” when “fruit” is pronounced “frewt”? Someone messed up and I think they should be flogged, don’t you? Flogged like Judge Turpin, is what I say.
Well, perhaps we should all click on the Unseemly Button below because we are whizzing along here and we don’t want to slow the pace down one single bit, do we?

Well, do you know what today is? Today is Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me your excellent questions. And tomorrow I shall answer them, dear readers, and I shall be forthright and also forthleft and perhaps even forthmiddle. It seems like only a moment ago when I was answering your excellent questions but that is because I had to answer last week’s excellent questions over the weekend.
The last time I saw notes that whizzed by as fast as this was when I looked at the sheet music to Flight of the Bumble Bee. I have unearthed another wonderful Meltz and Ernest song. Those fellows never ceased to amaze me – they were always so with it and happening, no matter what decade they wrote in. This song was written in the sixties and is an astonishing testament to that to tumultuous era. It’s called Civil Rights, and it’s not just about race, it’s about all Civil Rights. I’ll print it for you in the next day or so.
Someone sent me a press release saying the recording I produced of Beyond Therapy will be released soon. That is good news indeed – it’s very funny and if you like Chris Durang you’ll be very pleased with it, I hope. As most of you know, and as I said above, I produced the recording, my pal Gordon Hunt directed it, and we had a great cast including Catherine O’Hara, David Hyde Pierce, Ed Begley, Jr., and even Mr. Durang himself. I even had my pal Terry Trotter do the incidental music, all variations on Someone To Watch Over Me by the Gershwins.
Well, in the spirit of whizzing notes, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must get in my automobile and wave at people as I pass by them, I must eat various and sundried foodstuffs, I must whiz hither and thither and even yon – but I shall return later to check out your excellent questions and to see how we’re all doing. Ask away, my pretties.

Replies: 40 Unseemly Comments

Yes, the Website Which Shall Not Be Named (WWSNBN, in Internet lingo) has officially announced both BK's in-limbo Beyond Therapy and Brent Barrett's Alan Jay Lerner album. The song list on the Barrett album looks quite wonderful. And you get Betty Bacall, too! No one but you, dear BK, could have done it.
Posted by Philip Crosby @ 08/07/2002 10:22 AM PST

2 questions for Ask BK day:
1) The label that must not be named claims that it is putting the "finishing touches" on the Barrett/Lerner CD. Does that mean they are screwing around with what you did? Will it still be worth owning?
2) When you see an older musical do you prefer a revival or a revisal? I'm not talking about the direction/design/choreography, but the re-writing of the original material by someone other than the original authors. For example the upcoming BOYS FROM SYRACUSE has songs cut, songs added and a whole new book. ANNIE GET YOUR GUN did the same. I'm wondering if you approve of this or you think that the author's words and music should not be changed.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 08/07/2002 10:26 AM PST

Am I the first post again? God...I have no life, do I? (That wasn't my "Ask BK" question, by the way [BTW in internet lingo]). My question is a multi-parter and I hope you don't find it terribly schmultzy. I would love to hear the responses of any and all and all and any of my dear fellow readers, as well. Here goes:
BK: If someone were to write a musical about your life, using only pre-existing theatre music,
1.) What overture would you want for your "You" show?
2.) What song would you want for your Act One finale?
3.) What composer and lyricist, or composer/lyricist, would you ask to write your Act Two finale.
4.) Would your "You" show be a comedy or a melodrama?
5.) What living actor would you want to play you in your "You" musical?
Posted by Jason @ 08/07/2002 10:27 AM PST

Resubmitted for your approval--can you define anamorphic in easy-to-understand language, and also describe which processes utilize it.
And, a new one: have you seen the many Steve Oedekerk (sp?) "Thumb" parodies of movies, e.g., "Thumb Wars," "BatThumb," etc. If so, can you describe how he merges the faces onto the thumbs. Inquiring minds want to know.
Posted by JMK @ 08/07/2002 10:27 AM PST

Jason: Great question. I'm having trouble coming up with a cogent question for this week. Oh, well, I've asked lots of questions already so if I don't ask today it's just one less question for our very busy Mr. BK to answer. But, we shall see. I have until midnight to come up with something. Later!
Posted by Ben @ 08/07/2002 10:46 AM PST

Questions for B.K.:
What kind of car do you drive?
What was your major in college? (Though I think we all can guess.)
Would you like to direct more movies?
Have you ever had a pet?
Have you ever traveled outside the U.S., and, if so, where?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 08/07/2002 11:18 AM PST

When you play a CD at home, how often do you listen to one that you produced?
If you were to produce another "...in Jazz" album with Terry Trotter, what show's score would you like to tackle next?
Posted by Jed @ 08/07/2002 11:26 AM PST

One less question to answer,
One less egg to fry....
Posted by Kerry @ 08/07/2002 11:30 AM PST

Yes, I was missing. I was a regular missing minnie. I was missing out and I was missing in, I was missing here and there and far and near. I was missing.
And now I have come back. The birds have made love with the bees and the fish have walked around on two feet and will shortly promenade on Washington Street. So there you have it.
Here are some questions for Mr. BK:
What is the most unseemly thing you've ever heard?
What's your favorite rhyme from a musical lyric?
What do you think of Mr. M. Night Shyamalan and will you see Signs in the theatre or wait for the DVD? (I say see it in the theater :)
Are you a list person? A notebook person? A human person?
Have you ever heard of a Man Purse and would you consider using one?
And finally, what do you think are important issues and where do you stand on them?
Posted by Dolores Haze, the formerly missing @ 08/07/2002 11:46 AM PST

Don't mock the man purse...they're essential in New York. :-)
Posted by Jason @ 08/07/2002 11:49 AM PST

Just to get the Brent Barrett question out of the way - no, the album was completely finished and mixed - all that was left to do was mastering and figuring out the song order. I was not involved in the latter, but I can assure you the mixes were/are wonderful, Brent sounds amazing, the songs are great and Miss Lauren Bacall was/is divine. All that AND a duet with Tami Tappan - hard to beat, in my opinion (IMO, in Interent lingo).
Posted by bk @ 08/07/2002 11:49 AM PST

Had to continue our string of pun-filled songs from yesterday. Since Bruce's theme for today seems to be "whizz", let's see what we can come with, shall we?
"Whizz I Wazir?"
"Whizzle down the Wind"
or "Whizzle a Happy Tune"
"The Whizzer Takes it All"
"Whizzing you Were Somehow Here Again"
"Whizz it a Crime?"
"Whizz Otis Regrets"
or anything from LES WHIZZ-ERABLES
Your turn...
Posted by Dave @ 08/07/2002 12:30 PM PST

Questions for Ask BK day:
Given your penchant for wordplay, do you like puns?
What is your opinion of Betty Buckley? Putting aside the fact that she is now 'sleeping with the enemy', as it were, what do you think of her as a singer?
Of all those you have worked with over the years, who would you rank as the top five pure "singers" - male and female? By "singers", in this case, I am referring to which singers have the best pitch, intonation, diction, and overall vocal quality.
Given that you work with such good vocalists, do you find that you need to do any "tweaking" of the vocals (e.g. with ProTools)on any of your albums?
A friend recently asked me which I would rather do - perform or direct? Of all the many hats you wear, if you could only wear one, which would it be? (besides a big Panama with a purple hat band...)
Posted by Dave @ 08/07/2002 01:14 PM PST

I'm already enjoying your excellent questions and am, of course, chomping at the bit to answer them.
Last week I spoke of healing. To that end, I would prefer if words like "enemy" and any other negative things be left unspoken, or in this case, unposted. There is enough negativity in the world that I would simply prefer everything on this site to be fun and fancy-free. I will not censor posts, oh, no, I will not censor, but I would ask you to be circumspect because it is a time for moving on and looking forward to all the exciting things that are on the horizon. Thank you for your understanding, dear readers - life is too short to not have as much fun and fancy-free things as possible. Everything else is unnecessary weight. I shall now remove myself from this box of soap.
Posted by bk @ 08/07/2002 01:29 PM PST

Dear BK: It is that time of year again at our house. It is Birthday Week, commencing tomorrow with the ever-lovin' Der Brucer celebrating his birthday, and decommencing nine days later with me celebrating mine. Yes, I know that makes for a very long week, but we deserve it.
Der Brucer loves to have lamb for his dinner on his birthday. Do you like lamb? If so, how do you like it prepared? And where would you go to have it prepared just so, the way you like it, if you like it?
(Hammerstein suddenly is filling my brain: "If you liked lamb, time and again you would try to say...")
Posted by S. Woody White @ 08/07/2002 01:32 PM PST

"Little Lamb...little lamb...I prefer to eat you over ham...little lamb...little lamb..."
Sorry...I had to.
Posted by Jason @ 08/07/2002 01:35 PM PST

Bruce,
Please accept my comments in the spirit in which they were intended. I placed quotes around the words 'sleeping with the enemy' as I meant it facetiously. I wouldn't dream of opening up old wounds.
Personally, I was initially upset at the way the "story" unfolded, and I made my opinion known to the parties involved. At that time, I was resolute that FA would get no more of my money until things were made right, and I have honoured that.
I have to admit, however, that in recent months when I have been tempted to purchase a couple of items, it was not simply my loyalty to Bruce that kept me from buying them. It was the bad reputation of the company itself (declining production values, poor service, delayed release dates, deferred orders, etc.) that kept me true to my promise.
On a lighter note, where are the puns?
So it's lamb now, is it?
"I Lamb What I Lamb"
"Lamb-ent" (either from EVITA or INTO THE WOODS)
"Lamb it, Janet"
"Lambed for all Time"
"Together, Wherever Gyro"
or anthing from LAMB-ISERABLES or MINT JELLY'S LAST LAMB
Posted by Dave @ 08/07/2002 01:58 PM PST

Dave wrote: "Of all the many hats you wear, if you could only wear one, which would it be? (besides a big Panama with a purple hat band...)"
Would this Panama be the one with the big green ostrich feather???
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/07/2002 02:08 PM PST

Ron,
No, I was thinking of the Panama to go with his tan shoes and pink shoelaces...
Posted by Dave @ 08/07/2002 02:12 PM PST

Dave: Boy, are you lucky that we don't allow groaning here at hainshisway.com!
Ron Pulliam: No, the one with the bird-of-paradise plume. By the bye (BTB in Internet Lingo), loved your eclectic choices on the Radio Show.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 08/07/2002 02:19 PM PST

BK:
The Swarm was released in the theaters at 116 minutes. Sounds like the DVD version is the expanded version. At any length it was one of the worse films I ever saw. Laughable visual effects, dialogue, acting and phoney looking production design.
Of course it has the classic credit that was nomiated for a Golden Turkey Award: "The African killer bee should not be confused with the hard-working,industrious American honey bee, which provides us with honey and pollinates our flowers."
Or nomiated dialogue like: "Houston on fire. Will history blame me, or the bees?"
or
"Who would have thought the bees would have been the first alien force to invade America?"
Also keep an eye out for the oscar nominated costumes by Paul Zastupnevich who also designed costumes and was also nominated for the equally horrid "When Time Ran Out aka Earth's Final Fury aka The Day The World Ended" (DVD has an extra 20 minutes added to it) and he also designed but was not nominated for "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" (TV version also had additional footage added to it) Looking at his credits he seemed to have design almost exclusively for Irwin Allen
Posted by MDS @ 08/07/2002 02:40 PM PST

Someone asked about Hidden Tracks on BK albums. Here's a list. Did I miss any?
Hidden Tracks:
Jason Graae: Live at the Cinegrill
Outtake: Annie Warbucks Story
Michelle Nicastro: On My Own
Song: Disneyland
Skinner & Ripley: Duets
Studio Talk: Sunset Blvd pay stubs. London Side Show (Julie Andrews and Jennifer Holiday)

Skinner & Ripley: Unsuspecting Hearts
Studio Talk: Book of Disgusting Things. West Side Story Audition
Do I Hear A Waltz?
Practicing falling in water scream
Drat! The Cat!
Graae practicing “She Touched Me”
No Way To Treat a Lady
Gunshots
Sondheim
Song: Not Getting Married Today
Lost In Boston IV
Song: I Like Fish
Prime Time Musicals
Studio Talk: Graae does impressions. Talks about A Chorus Line and his underwear
Burt Bacharach
Studio Talk: Bruce talks to Vinnie about compression and the internet.
Posted by MDS @ 08/07/2002 02:44 PM PST

Question for BK
Now that the time has come to heal and move on will you continue writing the bio you were posting online earlier this year? I thought it was fascinating and informative and and a keen insight into the business we call show.
Posted by MDS @ 08/07/2002 02:47 PM PST

Ask BK question:
Are you going to start a new label?
What will it be called? (HainesHisWay?)
Did you ever resolve the issue with the animal corpses at your doorstep?
How about the dead flying things in your bathroom?
Are you now or have you ever been, a....(oops, wrong question)....
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/07/2002 03:36 PM PST

MDS, there is at least one more hidden track that I know of (and I don't own quite every FA or VS CD). Of course, since it is ASK BK DAY, I will defer to him to tell what it is (or they are, as the case may be).
Posted by Kerry @ 08/07/2002 03:52 PM PST

MDS,
Then again, maybe you got them all. Oops.
Posted by Kerry @ 08/07/2002 03:53 PM PST

I keep hoping you'll produce a CD of various male actors and singers. And I don't think I'd want them to necessarily do all the typical macho songs like "Soliloquy" from "Carousel" or "Nothin' Like a Dame," but various ballads and perky upbeat songs (whether usually performed by males or females).
I see your usual stars (Jason, Brent,Jonathan Freeman, Harry Groener, Sal Viviano, Gregory Jbara, Ron Raines, Lee Wilkof, Michael Rupert, the Plaids maybe, and of course Guy Haines (who never looked lovelier). I'd love it if you included Andrew Lippa and Norm Lewis. So, if you WERE to record such a CD and had a combination of solos, duets and ensemble pieces, which songs would you use and what would you title the recording?
I could ask the same question about an all female CD, but I may save that for another day.
Posted by Kerry @ 08/07/2002 04:05 PM PST

I thought of another one. If you could play any role in "A Chorus Line" (assuming you would be in the appropriate age range for the role and that you had the requisite dancing skills), which role would you like to play?
Posted by Kerry @ 08/07/2002 04:23 PM PST

Kerry,
Does that include appropriate gender for the rôle?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 08/07/2002 04:52 PM PST

Bruce,
Have been reading over the
older archives on the website,
and I'd like to bring up "The
Creatures Wasn't Nice," if I
may.
While I'd love to be able to pay
you a visit and see the real
"The Creature Wasn't Nice
Again" (I believe I saw its
original form at an Academy of
Sci Fi screening way back
when), I'd also love to be able
to have a real, honest-to god
DVD in my hand.
Sure, there's the current
"Naked Space" DVD from
Front Row, but as far as I'm
concerned, that doesn't count
— I really want to have the film
in my collection, but I just can't
bring myself to purchase
either this cut or one with such
a piss-poor P&S transfer. This
cut isn't really your vision, but
someone elses.
In case you aren't aware,
there's also been a recent
German DVD release from
EMS called "Naked Space -
Trottel im Weltall" (translates
as "Naked Space -
Nincompoops in the Universe)
— it's dubbed in German, PAL
, still 4:3 P&S, and just a so-so
transfer. (One German DVD
review I read actually
discusses your statements
about the film from this
websites' archives. He tells
about the history of the film, its
cuts, etc. He did his
research…).
Where do the current rights for
the film reside? As far as I
know, the current DVD from
Front Row is a PD release —
I've never seen Front Row
release anything that wasn't in
the public domain, or event
anything resembling a decent
transfer. However, if you retain
rights to your own cut of the
film, or if it is PD, I'm sure
Image would be more than
happy to produce/release a
special edition version of "The
Creature Wasn't Nice" using
your master (or the original
negative, if it's still around).
Just think, in addition to their
Mario Bava films, they could
start the Bruce Kimmel
Collection!
Perhaps, as you've previously
implied, you could even
release it as a double feature
— the original director's cut +
the "Spaceship"/"Naked
Space" version for comparison
sake. Image and a few other
companies have already done
this: release a disc with two
different versions of the same
film.
In any event, I'm hoping this is
something you will consider
doing, and I'm sure many
other fans are hoping for this
as well. Of course, if there are
any plans for this in the works,
please let us know. However,
if this is not possible, I would
definitely appreciate taking you
up on the offer to view your 3/4"
tape (I live over here in North
Hills), or, *ahem*, a, er, copy.
Also, many thanks for the FNM
DVD… my family and I are still
having a blast watching this,
not to mention being able to
finally have this in such a
decent transfer. Thanks!
Posted by Jeff Krispow @ 08/07/2002 06:19 PM PST

Wow...the hills are alive with the sound of Krispow!!
Posted by Jason @ 08/07/2002 06:38 PM PST

If you were to write your bio to appear in Playbill what would it say? What credit would you omit?
If you were to have a dinner what musical theater (or film) characters would you invite and why? (10 max)
Same question above, but with real people associated with musicals (producers, writers, performers, choreographers, directors etc)(10 max)
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 08/07/2002 06:43 PM PST

Would it be possible to have a live chat room on haineshisway.com?
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 08/07/2002 06:45 PM PST

I have been errant and truant (and truant and errant) today by not posting until now because I have been working on Ms. Butler's and Ms. Fraser's website as well. Now, I have blocked out some time and I am devoting it to my fellow Kimlets and asking BK a multitude of questions..
1. BK - if you were writing a stage musical of Silence of the Lambs, what would some of the song titles be, and can you give us a lyric from the big 11 o'clock Hannibal number?
2. Have you ever had the chance to invest in a show, movie, etc and didn't and it turned out that the profit off the investment would have set you up with so much fish?
3. What are a few of your favorite rhymes from showtunes?
4. What are some of your favorite movie quotes of all time
5. What do you consider the most quotable movie?
6. We have heard quite a bit about both Meltz and Ernest, but what about the women behind the men... did either marry? Can you tell us about their spouses? Did they ever write a love song to them?
7. Gadgets are great things, aren't they? If you could create something that would make YOUR life easier.. what would it be?
8. What is you favorite kind of fruit? nut? vegetable?
9. Michel Legrand will finally have a show on Broadway this season ("Amour"). What are your thoughts of this talented composer?
10. What was the last thing that made you laugh uncontrollably?
Posted by Craig @ 08/07/2002 07:07 PM PST

Michael Portantiere from Theatermania.com made a list of what he thinks are the ten best Hollywood versions of Broadway musicals.
In no particular order:
West Side Story
The Sound of Music
Oklahoma!
My Fair Lady
Cabaret
1776
Hair
Music Man
Oliver!
The Music Man
and his runner-ups were: Fiddler on the Roof, Funny Girl, Show Boat (1936 and 1951), Kiss Me, Kate, Call Me Madam, Bye, Bye Birdie, The Pajama Game, Carmen Jones, Little Shop of Horrors, Sweet Charity, Gypsy, Flower Drum Song, Evita, Jesus Christ Superstar, and Godspell.
What is your opinion of these choices and what would be your top ten?
For more of the article and an explanation of his choices:
www.theatermania.com/news/feature/index.cfm?story=2395&cid=1
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 08/07/2002 07:09 PM PST

Dear BK --
Why is it that at construction sites it always takes three men to dig a hole: one to dig and two to watch. And why is there always a cop there watching the two guys watching the digger?
Posted by Laura @ 08/07/2002 09:35 PM PST

Dear BK,
My dad was telling me about an old TV show called "My Mother, The Car" but he couldn't remember too much about it. How exactly could a car have been anyone's mother? Do you remember what the setup was and was the show any good?
Posted by Sandra @ 08/08/2002 12:37 AM PST

Sandra: We'll let BK give his answers about "My Mother, The Car," but here's some more info you might be interested in.
http://www.tvparty.com/recmothercar.html
Posted by Jason @ 08/08/2002 07:28 AM PST

Well, since BK didn't manage to post Wednesday night, I have a late question:
Don't you think Sax and Violence deserves a companion volume of love themes called Sex and Violins?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 08/08/2002 08:34 AM PST

Or how about Snacks and Violins?
Posted by Jason @ 08/08/2002 08:37 AM PST

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