haines his way

08/23/2002:
"CAWING LIKE MANIACAL HARPIES ON BAD ACID"

Well, dear readers, apparently the airport has changed its flight path because there are fershluganah planes flying overhead every ten minutes. Who can sleep with such noise? Hopefully they will change it right back so those planes can wake up others instead of me. Speaking of the airport, our very own Susan Gordon arrives today to do a memorabilia show for The Twilight Zone. Isn’t that exciting, isn’t that just too too? It’s at the Beverly Garland Hotel in North Hollywood, and if we have any Hainsie/Kimlet TZ fanatics, they should stop in and see her. Another plane has just gone by. These planes sound like they’re going to land in my yard.
Dear reader Mr. Robert Armin has informed us that his new law firm does not allow Internet access in the office. Therefore, he will not be able to join us as regularly as he was. Well, I say phut to that law office. How dare them deny Mr. Armin or any other employee access to haineshisway.com? I’m sorry, but Hainsies/Kimlets have inalienable rights, do they not? I’m afraid we may have to boycott any place of work that does not allow access to haineshisway.com. If that doesn’t work, then we shall girlcott them. And just what do aliens have to do with our rights, or even lefts for that or any other matter?
There goes another airplane. Is this because of The Twilight Zone convention?
Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley.
All I remember of the dream is that I was trying on Speedos and it wasn’t pretty and that my friend Debby had bought her children presents they didn’t like. Also, that some kids (teens) were drinking water from the hose in front of my house in the middle of the night.
I’m continuing my Ronald Neame film festival by watching The Poseidon Adventure. I’ll have a full report on it over the weekend, but I will say that this film features one of the most obnoxious child performances I have ever seen.
Has anyone noticed how short these last few paragraphs have been? They are like Speedos, these last few paragraphs are. Now in addition to the every-ten-minute airplanes, we have loud birds cawing. Not the singing bird, mind you, but loud birds cawing and flying hither and thither, trying to be louder than the airplanes.
Well, you can blame it on the summer night, blame it on Rio, blame it on my youth, put the blame on Mame but don’t blame me. Do you know why you cannot blame me? Because I am impeccant, dear readers. Oh, yes, I am impeccant and there are no two or even three ways about it. How many of you dear readers immediately went to your dictionaries and looked up the word “impeccant”? You thought you’d catch me, didn’t you? You thought I made up that word or had used a word improperly, hadn’t you? Do you know how I found the word “impeccant”? I went to my handy-dandy dictionary and a funny thing happened on the way to looking up “inalienable” to see what aliens had to do with the price of tomatoes or squash – I found the word “impeccant” sitting there like so much fish and I was entranced by it and decided right then and there and also right there and then to work it into these here notes. So I did the old “blame” bit, just so I could use it. There really is no blame today, I just used it as an excuse to use my new word, “impeccant”. That is my inalienable right and I have exercised it. My inalienable right now is quite toned and buff with abs and buns of steel.
Well, perhaps we should all click on the Unseemly Button below. Do not blame me for this – because I am impeccant in that regard.

I forgot, it’s Friday, and Friday are short notes day, and yet these here notes are already medium-sized. Well, I’ll just keep the second half short. Who can think with these airplanes and cawing birds? They’re worse than the mowing gardeners.
I am really hoping to see some of you dear readers at the book signing and reading tomorrow at Bookfellows in Glendale. Otherwise all those cheese slices and ham chunks will go to non-dear readers.
Last night I went to The Ice House in Pasadena to see a comedian named Steve Bluestein. Let me just say here and now and also now and here that I do not like these comedy clubs and I do not like most comedians. That said, Mr. Bluestein was delightful – funny and most of his act was just working the room and therefore very spontaneous. Here is an interesting thing about Mr. Steve Bluestein: Twenty seven years ago he auditioned for the role of Dick Davis, Songwriter and Pervert, in The First Nudie Musical (you know who else auditioned – the very talented Dale Gonyea). That role was originally conceived as someone who was Harry Schechter’s age and as a person of non-color. Even though Mr. Bluestein gave a good audition (as did Mr. Gonyea) neither of them felt right for the part. It was only when I was watching Mr. Rene Hall, our musical director, conduct the orchestra sessions (two weeks before shooting) that I came to the realization that he’d be the perfect Dick Davis – in other words he was totally opposite from what I’d written, but somehow he was it. That, dear readers, is called serendipity.
Well, don’t forget, we’ll have a brand spanking new Unseemly Trivia Contest tomorrow, and Donald will have a new radio show up for our mental delectation on Sunday. And still the airplanes fly overhead and still the birds are cawing like maniacal harpies on bad acid. Well, that is their inalienable right, I suppose. “Cawing like maniacal harpies on bad acid”? Well, that is a sentence, dear readers – well, it’s actually a fragment of a sentence.
Well, it is time for me to take the day, to do the things I do, to scurry about whilst cawing like maniacal harpies on acid, to go hither and thither and hence and whence and thence. I have chosen which selections I’ll be reading tomorrow and I think they will give a good sampling of the book itself. Today’s topic of discussion: Who was the teacher who had the most influence on you and what was the class? I’ll start: I would almost have to say my music appreciation teacher in junior high school – he opened up the worlds of classical music and jazz to me and taught me how to listen. And my high school drama teacher, Mr. Gordon – a strange man, but one who encouraged me to become an actor and to not settle for just being funny. Your turn.

Replies: 30 Unseemly Comments

Like so many performers, I think the teacher who had the most influence on me was my high school drama teacher/theatre department director, Miss Pearson, a tough old gal who treated her students like adults even in high school. She taught me invaluable things like how to cut a monologue, (what was important and what wasn't), the importance of underplaying something, the fact that literature can be theatrical if approached in the right way and so many other things. I had already decided, at the tender age of 14 that I wanted to be an actor ("how can you know that now" "are you sure that's what you want to do?" "how do you memorize all those lines???") before I met her, but she reinforced my desire and my talent and it was great to work with her. Thank you, Miss Pearson!
Posted by Ben @ 08/23/2002 08:20 AM PST

Oh, boy, FIRST POST. Hooray for me!
Posted by Ben @ 08/23/2002 08:21 AM PST

Famous second words, eh, Ben? It happens!!
Bruce, are you telling us that you found Carol Lynley's performance one of the most obnoxious you've ever seen in a movie? I'd have to agree! I wanted her to be bitch-slapped and bitch-slapped HARD! Many, many, MANY times. That's THREE manys! And I would have thrown in a few more just for Red Buttons' over-solicitous twit.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 08:31 AM PST

Still, I did and do enjoy "The Poseidon Adventure." (And it's always refreshing to see Pamela Sue Martin before her glory days on "Dynasty" as Fallon).
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 08:32 AM PST

I really enjoyed "Dynasty" and I admired many of the cast members, including Martin, whose Fallon was a favorite of mine.
One of my favorite remembrances of the show concerned a critic's observations about the opening of a new season. This was the first show after Fallon had been in a car accident and the cliffhanger was whether or not she was dead.
As the critic so aptly put it, "Fallon survives, but has amnesia. Not only has she forgotten who she is, but she has forgotten what she looks like. And she now has a British accent!" That's paraphrased, but the gist was that Franklin wanted off the show, but the public wouldn't have it if Fallon died...so they replaced her with a British actress...totally not in the same league as Martin. Every time I heard her speak, I laughed long and loud. (I hope I've stepped on no one's toes with these comments).
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 08:37 AM PST

If somebody else doesn't start posting -- and SOON -- I'm going to write a short story on this here Unseemly Message Board!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 09:16 AM PST

Came home for lunch just to help you out, Ron. Here's my post.
Posted by Robert Armin @ 08/23/2002 10:27 AM PST

Hey, everyone!
The new Broadway Radio Show will be up this Sunday afternoon. It's time for another "Putting It Together" show as we listen to the score of a great musical using several different cast recordings. You'll have to tune in to find out which musical it is.
Posted by Donald @ 08/23/2002 10:32 AM PST

Mrs. Auttenreith -- college prep composition my senior year in high school.
Maybe a good future question would be which class we took that was the most useful.
Posted by Laura @ 08/23/2002 11:02 AM PST

Dr. Betty Cox, American Literature, Sophomore year in college.
She, more than anyone, "spoke" to me and elicited my best work.
Her husband was the head of the Drama Department, who directed me (as a member of the "Chorus") in a production of "Antigone", during which I lost my voice and who announced, prior to a performance and to my great humiliation, that "whilst Ron mouths the words, I will read his lines from the wings"!
Please DON'T try to imagine it...the Chorus (three of us) wore what amounted to blue shifts with a little design on the hem. We all three had fake beards applied with liberal applications of spirit gum which broke my face out and stung like hell for days afterward. This voiceless performance was the last of three. Dr. Cox of the Drama Department did not have his contract renewed. Alas, alack, his wife left with him -- I think they went to Cornell.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 11:29 AM PST

I had many good teachers who I remember fondly, but the most memorable was Mrs. Margaret Gump Meyer (MGM)who taught drama and speech at York Community High School (Elmhurst, Illinois), despite the fact that she cast her untalented son in major roles in many of the school plays. She took me to New York for the first time where we saw 8 shows and I interviewed for a summer stock job I ultimately got.
The teacher I remember most as hating was my 8th Grade teacher who was really a gym teacher stuck with a regular class. He used pushups as discipline (for the girls too) and made fun of those of us --- this dear reader included --- who were less than athleticly inclined.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 08/23/2002 12:14 PM PST

Most influential teacher...that
would have to be Mrs. Ott, my
choir director grades 7-12. If
not for her, I may not be a
choral education major right
now.
Posted by Jed @ 08/23/2002 12:46 PM PST

I am a miscreant and haven't been around for a few days, so have just had my weekly fix of HHW columns and posts. So to sum up the week: Many congrats to Jason on 'Dick' - I saw it in London and wasn't terribly impressed, hope it's been improved in the various rewrites, though it did have one great song 'Pequod'. I have the live double CD and a CD single - if you want copies, let me know.
My favourite BK produced CD - difficult, because I love them all, but Christiane Noll's Broadway Love Story is superb.
Went to see 'Follies' at the London Royal Festival Hall yesterday - fantastic production. All of the 'Loveland' songs were great. Henry Goodman (ex-The Producers) was Buddy and his 'God...Blues' was the best I've seen - real vaudeville routine. Likewise Kathryn Evans' 'Losing My Mind' was superb. That was the matinee, then in the evening I went to another 'Divas at the Donmar'. This time it was a 'Divo' - Philip Quast (Australian - I'm sure Tom from Oz knows him). He was fantastic. He had Jason Robert Brown as his MD, and he sang lots of songs by the 'new Broadway' crowd - JRB himself, Craig Carnelia, Ahrens & Flaherty, even Frank Wildhorn. They're releasing a CD in September, which will no doubt be available at Dress Circle (and presumably Footlight - at a price!). OK, enough from me.
Posted by Allan @ 08/23/2002 01:10 PM PST

Well, I loved my drama class all through high school (and some might accuse me of loving lots of drama in my life during that same period), and I liked the teacher, but she was not the most influential.
I'll have to go with three:
Belva Ridgeway- 6th grade English. She looked like an old maid English teacher from the 20's or so. She was tough, and most kids did not like her. But she taught me well about English, grammar, presentation and to have standards (if that makes sense).
Donald Harris-- 8th Grade Humanities and Literature. We didn't always get along, but he exposed to me to new ideas, new books, and I admired him very much. I wanted to be like him in many ways.
Lisa Miller-- College writing and literature courses. She was a great friend and a wonderful teacher. Also incredibly tough and would NEVER let me slack off and turn in anything less than what she felt I could do (which was always more than what I felt I could do).
John Goff-- College History, political science and law courses. I loved this man and took every course he taught. He was filled with knowledge on so many different things from old cars to the Constitution to movies, and on and on. He had a brilliant mind and made me feel like I had one too, he always seemed interested in my views and the knowledge I had. I shall miss his lectures and the wonderful conversations we had. I don't think a week goes by that I don't think of something that he taught me or of some anecdote of his.
Posted by Kerry @ 08/23/2002 01:14 PM PST

Bruce,
Good luck tomorrow at the Reading/Signing. I know you'll WOW 'em. And if they're not nice, throw ham chunks at them!
Posted by Kerry @ 08/23/2002 01:19 PM PST

One more influential teacher: BEN for teaching me how to bold and italicize. An apple for you.
Posted by Kerry @ 08/23/2002 01:21 PM PST

Okay - how DO you bold and italicize when posting to this here board? Control B and Control I don't do it and there is no options to format text in Internet Explorer. Do you write and format in Word and Paste it here or what? Please share your secret.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 08/23/2002 01:50 PM PST

If this is [b]bold[/b] and this is [i]italic[/i], I'm doing something right. If not, I'm confused.
Posted by Hapgood @ 08/23/2002 02:44 PM PST

Well, that's what works on Sondheim.com. I haven't the faintest idea of what works here.
Posted by Hapgood @ 08/23/2002 02:45 PM PST

You're almost there, Hapgood (and WEL you can do this also). A slight change is needed. Don't use brackets [b]bold[/b] but use the greater than, less than carats, instead bold and italics (you can't see them because they are part of the unseen coding but if you go up to the tool bar in Explorer or Netscape and click on View, then on Source (for Explorer) or Page Source (for Netscape) you will see all the coding used to make this page look the way it does). Upper case or lower case B/b or I/i doesn't matter, it's the carat and the slash before the second b or i to tell the program to stop bold or ital. That's it. Now the secret is out. Enhance to your heart's content my pretties (I'm sounding like BK)
Posted by Ben @ 08/23/2002 03:16 PM PST

Thanks, Kerry. A cocktail and an apple. I love apples. They are high on my list of favorite fruits.
Posted by Ben @ 08/23/2002 03:18 PM PST

We will all miss Robert. Priorities. I think those LP transfers should wait. Are you allowed internet access during lunch? Should we all email your boss?
Have to be careful with my internet time in the next week - I have nearly reached my limit for the month.
Good to see it is not only Ron's column today!
Hi Alan. Philip Quast is great. The best singing Javert for a start. He played in Secret Garden here with Anthony Warlow. He is an excellent actor and does TV drama work as well as musical theatre. Another Ozzie doing well. Hugh Jackman is also well known here for his roles in Sunset B. and Beauty & the Beast.
I think I was most inspired by my English teacher Marion Rogers in my final year by University. She came me more confidence than anyone before in finding my own voice. Anothe Marion (Speedy) was my junior high music teacher and she opened my world a lot as well. We did not however have a Librarian named Marion.
Now I shall live in hope that one on my own students read this and says I led them to Sondheim. (I showed "Into The Woods" to my classes and they used it as a note taking exercise! And this was a Secretarial srudies Course!) I have also used "Stepping Out" and "A Chorus Line" as motivational and confidence building discussion exercises. (The PE teacher was more likely to use "Cool Running" or "Chariots").
Hope the book thing was fun BK.
Kerry. I thought that was 4! But then I was never strong at Math.
Oh for a photo of Ron in his blue shift.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 08/23/2002 03:20 PM PST

TEST BOLD
TEST ITALICS
I see... when I type it in the Unseemly Comment Box it doesn't show, but when I do a preview it does!
Thanks Ben!
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 08/23/2002 03:39 PM PST

Tom,
You're right; it is 4. You'll notice none of the teachers I listed was a math teacher (no offense WFO).
Posted by Kerry @ 08/23/2002 04:05 PM PST

Tom: Thanks for the wider aerial shot -- very NICE pool! How are is it from your villa? And while you're at it, please explain how you come by these aerial shots? Have you a hot-air balloon?
Oh! And be careful of that for which you wish...because it will surely come true! (But it has to wait until Monday as I don't have a scanner at home).
Francois, are you there??
Yes, thank you. No, thank you!
Surely they'll reimburse you? Damn them all to hell if they don't!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 08:25 PM PST

Tom: Correction -- "How FAR is it from your villa?"
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 08:26 PM PST

Ron.
Ariel shots taken by surveyor. First photo is just right of lower centre of second photo. "Pool" is thus in walking distance if you are that energetic. Houses over road back on to golf course. Then it is "Cardinia Dam" - park/water storage. Kangaroo country.
Do you REALLY have a photo? I shall try to get too excited about the possibility.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 08/23/2002 09:49 PM PST

Tom: You better believe I have a photo! I never thought I'd be in a position to scan it and send it forth into Australia! LOL!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/23/2002 10:16 PM PST

My most influential teachers would have to have been my grammar school music teacher, (he taught me music theory, solo singing and choir), and my English teacher, . Both of them encouraged my interest in theatre (particularly musical theatre), and their encouragment is a good part of the reason why I ended up where I am now.
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 08/24/2002 12:35 AM PST

Oh yes - and my music teacher's name was Andrew Dean, and my English teacher's name was Andrew Mayne. I was trying to make them bold and I got it wrong.
Oops.
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 08/24/2002 12:39 AM PST

Ask BK: Got a question? Ask Bruce Kimmel...

© Copyright 2001-2003 Bruce Kimmel.
All Rights Reserved. Site design by hijinks design.