haines his way

08/27/2002:
"SKIMMING THE NOTES"

Well, dear readers, if it’s Tuesday they must be mowing. So much mowing, so little time. Did you know that I bought a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing with zero count them zero grams of fat? And last night I thought I’d have a very nice salad with my Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing with zero grams of fat. Well, I opened that bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing with zero grams of fat and I stuck my finger in said bottle and tasted what was within it (Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing with zero grams of fat, in case you’ve forgotten). Well, let me tell you I have not tasted too many things that were worse than what I tasted from that bottle, dear readers. I immediately tossed that bottle in the trash because zero grams of fat notwithstanding, no one should have to eat something with a taste so heinous (heinous, do you hear me?). Blechhh, I say, and blechhh I say again. That dressing should stay Hidden on the Hidden Valley Ranch and not darken my door again. I shall simply have to endure the fat grams of regular Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing and that is all there is to that. Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep dancing. Let’s break out the cheese slices and ham chunks, and have a ball. If that’s all there is.
Well, that was a fine example of an opening paragraph, wasn’t it? Yesterday I lunched with Dear Reader Mark Rothman and do you know what he told me? He told me he occasionally skims through some of these here notes because there’s a bit of repetition in the way I write them. He told me he occasionally skims through some of these here notes because there’s a bit of repetition in the way I write them. I don’t know what in tarnation he’s talking about. That’s called style, baby – we are stylin’ here at haineshisway.com and one must never skim over any of these here notes (or heaven forbid, skip them to get to the topic of discussion) because if you skim you are not stylin’. And we are stylin’, let me tell you that. And frankly, or even hermanly, I am jiggy with that. Oh, yes, I am jiggy with that.
Well, we have a nice surprise for you, dear readers. Yes, Virginia, we have a nice surprise for you so let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below to find out what it is. Of course, if you’re skimming the notes you might miss it.

We had three count them three High Winners of this week’s Unseemly Trivia Contest. I think this week’s sparkling prize will be a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing with zero grams of fat. Here was the question:
One hugely unsuccessful musical that featured two successful stars, also featured three kids in the show, two of whom would go on to illustrious careers, and one of whom would go on to a less-illustrious but still nice career. One of the kids would go on to star in a hugely successful Broadway musical, one of the kids would go on to star in a hugely successful film, which in turn spawned a successful television program and the third kid would go on to do the road company of a hugely successful musical, playing a leading role with an incredibly show-stopping powerhouse musical number.
Name the flop musical.
Name the two successful stars of the flop musical.
Name the three kids and the shows and/or film referenced for each.
And the handy-dandy answers are:
The flop musical: Maggie Flynn
The two successful stars of the flop musical: Shirley Jones and Jack Cassidy
The three kids and the referenced shows: Stephanie Mills (The Wiz), Irene Cara (Fame) and Sharon Brown (Dreamgirls).
Our Highest Winners are David Burrows, Steve Gurey and Michael Shayne – and our Electronic Hat has randomly chosen Mr. David Burrows as our Highest Winner. If he will send along his handy-dandy address, I promise to get all errant and truant sparkling prizes out tomorrow.
Do you know what Dear Reader Mark Rothman told me? He told me he occasionally skims through some of these here notes because there’s a bit of repetition in the way I write them. I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about, do you?
Well, isn’t our nice surprise splendid. I hope all of you will take part. See, Mark Rothman is sitting there scratching his head and scrolling up to see if he skimmed over our nice surprise announcement. That is what happens when you skim these here notes. You might just miss a kernel of important information, or you might miss a Colonel of important information. You must read every word very carefully and you must digest it very carefully, especially if you’ve had Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing with zero grams of fat.
So, you asked for it and you are getting it: Tomorrow Ask BK Day will take a hiatus, and we will have our very first Ask GH Day, wherein you get to ask the elusive Guy Haines all the excellent questions you’ve ever wanted to ask. He did mention to me that he hopes that crazy person Craig Brockman will not do his usual ten count them ten questions. So, tomorrow is Ask GH Day here at haineshisway.com. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Are we not stylin’?
Have I mentioned that Mr. Mark Rothman told me he occasionally skims through some of these here notes because there’s a bit of repetition in the way I write them? Oh, I forgot to tell you where we lunched and what I ate – we lunched at Du-Par’s and I had a bacon, lettuce, tomato and avocado (BLTA, in Internet lingo) sandwich, which was quite tasty.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must get in my automobile and drive downtown whilst listening to Miss Petula Clark’s version of same, I must go to the big downtown library where I will be looking at microfiche (very small fish with a fancy spelling) all the livelong day. I checked with the person I needed to check with and the person I needed to check with has checked with the people he needed to check with and I will indeed be able to make a couple of very important announcements within the next week. So, stay tuned, come back often, post aplenty, take part, come out of the woodwork if that is where you are currently lurking, and let’s have a big push as this month comes to an end. We must not let down now or we will not best our best month of July. It will be close, dear readers, oh, yes, it will be close. Today’s topic of discussion: Back to Tin Pan Alley and classic singers – what are your favorite songs of the following divas (only one song allowed) – Rosemary Clooney, Barbra Streisand, Petula Clark, Doris Day, and Helen Reddy. I’ll start – Rosemary Clooney, I’d have to choose her version of Hey There – just one of the smoothest vocals I’ve ever heard. Barbra Streisand, a tie between Have I Stayed to Long at the Fair and Autumn. Petula Clark, this one is really hard but I’ll choose Don’t Sleep on the Subway, which I adore. Doris Day, Whatever Will Be, Will Be. Helen Reddy, her absolutely incandescent recording of You and Me Against the World. Your turn.

Replies: 25 Unseemly Comments

Just ONE??
Rosemary: You'll Never Know
Babs: Evergreen
Petula: Don't Sleep in the Subway
Doris: Que Sera, Sera
and
Helen: It's Not Easy from "Pete's Dragon"
Posted by Jason @ 08/27/2002 09:21 AM PST

Hehehe...I needed some cheering up and this was just the ticket.
http://www.debsfunpages.com/swf4/boobs_hang_low.swf
Posted by Jason @ 08/27/2002 09:31 AM PST

The Late Ms. Clooney: "Tenderly"
Mrs. Brolin: "Cry Me A River"
Ms. Clark: I'm not sure of the name but it's something she sang in GOODBYE MR. CHIPS
Ms. Day: "It's Magic"
I'm not familiar with enough of Ms. Reddy's repetoire (is there a spell check for this here site?) to make a choice
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 08/27/2002 09:57 AM PST

I don't know about the aforementioned divas, diverse as they are. I do know about a couple of other divas, however. It's very good news.
The divas are Carol Lawrence and Susan Egan. All right, maybe they're both too nice and even-tempered to be called "divas," but I've never heard anything nasty said about Rosemary, Petula, Doris, or Helen, so Carol and Susan certainly fit the bill.
Carol and Susan will be starring in the L. A. Premiere of Amy's View, by David Hare. It will be playing at the Long Beach Performing Arts Center, 300 E. Ocean Blvd., Long Beach, Ca. The show runs from Sept. 3rd through Sept. 29th. Online information can be found at ictlongbeach.com .
It's particularly nice to see two stars of the stage taking the time to appear together in their home town. Ms. Lawrence has made the Long Beach area her home, and Susan Egan grew up in Seal Beach, just a skip down the coast. And they should be perfectly cast as mother and daughter, I think!
Posted by S. Woody White @ 08/27/2002 10:02 AM PST

William: Since Ms. Clark sang almost the entire score to Goodbye, Mr. Chips, except for a few bits performed by Mr. O'Toole, I suggest we nominate the entire score, except for the few bits performed by Mr. O'Toole. She's wonderful in all of her songs.
Posted by S. Woody White @ 08/27/2002 10:05 AM PST

R. Clooney--- Better Luck Next Time
B. Streisand---The Way We Were
P. Clark----This Is My Song
H. Reddy---I Don't Know How To Love Him
D. Day-----Secret Love
Posted by Mark Rothman @ 08/27/2002 10:41 AM PST

Rosemary Clooney: I've Got a Crush on You. Simply incandescent.
Barbra Streisand: He Touched Me. Perfect.
Petula Clark: Downtown. Of course.
Helen Reddy: Candle on the Water. Very underrated and quite beautiful.
Doris Day: Secret Love. Story is she came in to record the song and nailed it in one take.
Posted by Philip Crosby @ 08/27/2002 11:01 AM PST

I take it back! I take it all back - all of it, do you hear?! All those nasty things I said about the unseemly contest were totally untrue! Now that I am a winner, it is good to be alive...
So seriously, what do I win?
Posted by Dave @ 08/27/2002 12:03 PM PST

Haha! Jeez...a guy wins one contest and all of a sudden he wants one every day! ;-) Congrats, Dave.
Posted by Jason @ 08/27/2002 12:04 PM PST

For Barbra, it would be either The Way We Were or What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life, which has personal meaning as the song I proposed to my wife with and which is "our" song. Whenever we hear The Way We Were, my wife does the Katie brushing Hubbel's hair routine on me.
For Petula, You and I, from Goodbye Mr. Chips, which probably is the song that William above couldn't think of.
For Clooney, definitely, Tenderly, strong childhood memories.
For Day, Que Sera, Sera, the same.
For Reddy, I have to go with Bruce's choice, You and Me Against the World
Posted by steveg @ 08/27/2002 12:16 PM PST

Too cruel, too cruel, to only allow us one selection from each, but here goes:
Rosemary: Long Ago And Far Away
Barbra: One Less Bell/A House Is Not A Home medley
Petula: You And I (from Goodbye Mr Chips - it must be the one you're thinking of, William - it's fantastic)
Doris: - sorry, she's not one of my faves
Helen: With Every Breath I Take (from the BK produced 'Center Stage' - which brings me to a question - why do Americans spell 'centre' as 'center' but spell 'theatre' sometimes as 'theater' and sometimes as 'theatre' - can anyone enlighten me?)
Posted by Allan @ 08/27/2002 12:30 PM PST

Thanks steveg and Allan. "You and I" is definitely the song I was thinking of.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 08/27/2002 12:44 PM PST

R. Clooney--- Better Luck Next Time
B. Streisand---The Way We Were
P. Clark----This Is My Song
H. Reddy---I Don't Know How To Love Him
D. Day-----Secret Love
Gettin' more stylish all the time!
Posted by Mark Rothman @ 08/27/2002 12:55 PM PST

Rosie: Isn't it a Pity?
Petula: Look to the Rainbow in a tie with Old Devil Moon.
Barbra: call me crazy, but I have to go with If I Love Again from FUNNY LADY.
Doris: call me crazy again, but, I have to go with LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME's I'll Never Stop Loving You.
Helen: the aforementioned Candle on the Water.
Posted by td @ 08/27/2002 01:54 PM PST

Petula Clarke (Walk Through the World With Me....The other power ballad from Goodbye Mr. Chips)
Helen Reddy (Angie Baby)
Doris Day (Secret Love. The only other song I know from her is the Theme From the Doris Day Show and its just okay)
Rosemary Clooney (Sorry For Myself from Whoop Up)
Jason Gould's Mom: He Touched Me.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 08/27/2002 02:31 PM PST

Talking of Salad Dressing:
Walden Farms is: Fat Free
Calorie Free
Sugar Free
and they are pretty good too. I have the Raspberry Vinaigrette and Honey Dijon Vinaigrette
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 08/27/2002 02:37 PM PST

Thinking of you and your friend Jason.
Jimmy Barnes is much worse than Johnny Farnham. He really yells his songs. Farnham just seems to "strain" on his vocals.
I am off to the Dentist so shall return to the list of songs later.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 08/27/2002 03:04 PM PST

I'm not too familiar with Rosemary Clooney's work... so each of you can take turns flogging me if you'd like. But the rest, I am...
Petula - My Love and Downtown
Barbra - The Way We Were
Helen Reddy - I Can't Say Goodbye to You (brings me to tears EVERY time)
Doris - Que Sera Sera
Helen Reddy is one of my ultimate favortie diva's. But what about Maureen McGovern?
Cheers!
Posted by Matthew @ 08/27/2002 05:09 PM PST

Petula Clark - Downtown (well, obviously - like I'd be choosing something from 'Someone Like You', the mental scars from which still have yet to heal)
Barbra - I Don't Care Much
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 08/27/2002 06:48 PM PST

Rosemary Clooney -- "Hey There"
Barbra Streisand -- "Since I Fell For You"
Petula Clark -- "How Are Things in Glocca Morra" ("Old Devil Moon" a close second)
Helen Reddy -- "You and Me Against the World"
Doris Day -- "Shaking the Blues Away"
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 08/27/2002 08:33 PM PST

Rosemary Clooney - don't know enough of her songs to specifically say, but I've liked most of what I've heard.
Barbra Streisand - "No More Tears (Enough is Enough)" with Donna Summer.
Petula Clark - "Downtown" and I have the cast recording of THE SOUND OF MUSIC that a couple of my friends don't like, but I do.
Doris Day - I'm not really a fan of hers. I don't dislike her in any way, though. I do have a CD of someone from Australia who did a cabaret act in tribute to Doris and it's not too bad.
Helen Reddy - it's a 3-way tie between "I am Woman," "Candle on the Water" and "Surrender" (from the afore mentioned BK produced "Center Stage" CD.
Posted by George @ 08/27/2002 08:55 PM PST

Doris: It truly is a tie between "The Night We Called It A Day" and "Shakin' the Blues Away" (too vastly different songs.
Petula: "Who Am I?"
Babs: "Love Is Only Love"
Rosie: "Hey There" or "Brazil"
Posted by Kerry @ 08/27/2002 09:04 PM PST

Rosemary: Where will the Dimple Be?
Doris: Move Over Darling
Barbra: New York State Of Mind
Petula: You'd Better Come Home
Helen: Angie Baby
It would be easier to pick my least favourites.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 08/27/2002 10:24 PM PST

I'll join the crowd of people who don't know Rosemary Clooney as well as we should...but for the others:
Helen - Candle on the Water
Doris - Secret Love
Barbra - I have Dreamed / We Kiss in a Shadow / Something Wonderful medley
Petula - Don't Sleep in the subway
I've just been inspired to revisit my Helen Reddy collection. Ooh...
Posted by Stephen @ 08/28/2002 05:00 AM PST

I just want to thank all of you for your sweet emails and posts. I don't want to get mushy, but I appreciate the friendships that I have made here and it has become very apparent that all y'all are good people. See how it's done? ALL Y'ALL. Anyway, thank you so much. Please continue to keep Mo and Alex (and myself, if you can fit me in) in your thoughts and keep sending those Hainesie/Kimlet vibes across the pond!!
By the way, Mo wanted me to thank you for your concern. I spoke with him last night on the phone, and he was truly touched that strangers from around the world are thinking about him. He's in good spirits--he sounds just great--but he's coughing quite a bit. I believe he starts some kind of bronchial laser treatment tomorrow. I'll keep you posted on his progress, as you guys are some of the few people I feel I can talk to.
And now for Ask GH Day!!...
Posted by Jason @ 08/28/2002 08:17 AM PST

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