haines his way

09/27/2002:
"RAISE HIGH THE ROOF BEAM CARPENTERS"

Well, dear readers, it was like old times around these parts yesterday which, by the way, was Thursday. Yes, Virginia, it was like old times around these parts because there were posts, posts, posts (that is three posts), and they were all lovely posts, perhaps the loveliest on all the Internet. Today is Friday, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo) – I know that for a fact because yesterday was Thursday and I now have my days straight as an arrow. I am going to try my darndest to answer your excellent questions tomorrow night for posting on Saturday. However, because I have to go to an event first, and because I am working on Saturday, heaven knows where, if time becomes a problem then the answers will go up Sunday. I apologize for this sort of thing, but these days are endlessly long and difficult and I’m so zoned when I get home, that it’s not always easy for me to remain charming and pithy and pretty and witty and gay – oh, a Stephen Sondheim/Leonard Bernstein reference. I shall do my best which is all any of us can do.
Last night I watched no DVD because I wrote instead. I finished the new song I’d been working on for the end of the first Harry and John scene in Nudie Musical. I really like it – it’s quite perky. I’m now more than half-way through the first act, and proceeding steadily forward. No new songs now for awhile, either, so that makes things easier. I will be meeting with five potential directors when I’m in New York – a couple of who are really intriguing to me. They’ve all watched the film recently, and I’ll be very interested to hear their ideas.
I’ve been doing quite a few radio interviews for Benjamin Kritzer, which have been lots of fun. I’m doing another tomorrow, something that gets syndicated to quite a few places, so that’s nice.
Well, I feel it’s that time again, that wonderful time when we all get to click on the Unseemly Button below, so that we may go where no man has ever gone before. Beam us up, Scottie.

There, we have been beamed and beamed well. Raise high the roof beam carpenters, that’s what I say. What am I, J.D. Salinger all of a sudden? “Raise High the Roof Beam Carpenters”. What kind of a title is that? That is a silly title. Why, that title may as well have been written by people with names like Franny and Zooey, that’s how silly that title is. Oh, well, perhaps we should all go play a spot of baseball in the rye. But we will need a catcher. My goodness, these here notes have suddenly gotten quite literary and pretentious, have they not? Shall we just say a farewell to arms? Shall we just say a farewell to legs? Shall we just say farewell to this fershluganah paragraph? Yes, so long, farewell – oh, a Rodgers and Hammerstein reference.
Oh, I forgot to mention that yesterday we had a meet and greet pizza party at work, courtesy of our very nice producer. We all met and et – everyone raved about the pizza, but I thought it quite bad. Not enough cheese, not enough tomato sauce. And yet, on they raved like the beat, beat, beat of the tomtom – oh, a Cole Porter reference. Have you ever played the tomtom? I once played the billbill, but never the tomtom. What the hell am I talking about?
I feel the notes have been very wacky this week. This has been a week of wacky notes and I hope no one has minded such a week of wacky notes. I feel that every now and then it is good to let our hair down and raise high the roof beam carpenters, don’t you, dear readers? I feel we never raise high the roof beam carpenters enough. Raise those roof beam carpenters is what I say. And raise them high. But once they have been raised, it’s never enough. Then those high roof beam carpenters start to sing, We’ve Only Just Begun, and they want to be raised higher. Those damn roof beam carpenters are never satisfied. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Let us bitch-slap those roof beam carpenters from here to eternity – damn these infernal literary references.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must drive on the Ventura Freeway going west, I must work all the live-long day, then go to a party at our very own Vinnie’s house, and then come home, hopefully answer your excellent questions, get my beauty rest, then go off first thing the next morning to shoot for twelve hours. I tell you, if they asked me I could write a book – oh, a Rodgers and Hart reference. Today’s topic of discussion: If you could have anything you wanted, anything in the whole wide world, right this very minute, what would it be? Post away, my pretties and I shall be back to read everything a bit later. Let’s have lots and lots of posts because if we don’t I shall have to raise high the roof beam carpenters once again and I’d rather not as these roof beam carpenters are not light and I shall get a hernia.

Replies: 89 Unseemly Comments

Any ONE thing?
Posted by Kerry @ 09/27/2002 07:47 AM PST

The one thing?
Greedily, CASH.
Altruisticly, PEACE.
Posted by Philip Crosby @ 09/27/2002 08:00 AM PST

I missed my walk to the bagel shop this morning, as I overslept (till 6:30!!), so now I really want that bagel and coffee. Well, I'd settle for a bagel; I really want a fresh cinnamon roll!
Posted by Laura @ 09/27/2002 08:11 AM PST

Well.. I have been a busy worker bee, so I am sorry for being somewhat errant and truant. But, that being said, Mr. BK - so have you! Oh dear? Why would I say such a thing?
I don't know about the rest of the posters here.. but I know that I would surely love to know what stations, etc you are doing these radio interviews. Many broadcast over the internet and we might be able to tune into such wonderful things as to hear you talk about Ben!
more later
Posted by Craig @ 09/27/2002 08:15 AM PST

The one thing I would like right now...
To see in person my brand new niece, Alyssa Francis Simbulan, who was born this past Monday. Hopefully, I'll get to see her next week!
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 09/27/2002 08:23 AM PST

At this moment, I would like the pain I've had since my disc surgery in August to be over - I hate walking like an elderly butler in a Blake Edwards film! (I am taking physical therapy - you get MORE sore before you get better...ay, me.)
Posted by Bob Gutowski @ 09/27/2002 08:43 AM PST

I would like two things: world peace and a big freakin' tiara.
Posted by Miss America @ 09/27/2002 08:51 AM PST

Dear Reader Miss America:
Using language like "freakin'" could get you into a heap of trouble. Look at what happened to Vanessa Williams.
Posted by Jay @ 09/27/2002 09:05 AM PST

I'd like a handkerchief that was large enough to do me justice.
Posted by Babar @ 09/27/2002 09:13 AM PST

I'd like Benjamin's most current address... anyone?
Posted by Susan Pomeroy @ 09/27/2002 09:45 AM PST

Legs like Cyd Charisse's, circa 1951.
Posted by Lulu @ 09/27/2002 10:15 AM PST

I'd like some more, please.
Posted by Oliver @ 09/27/2002 10:17 AM PST

I want a clue. A Clue. A CLUEACLUEACLUE...
Oooh. Bless me!
Posted by Sherlock Holmes @ 09/27/2002 10:47 AM PST

Right now the one thing I want more than anything else in the whole world (besides maybe a piece of cheesecake and a Cherry Coke) is an English paper already written and with my name on it. It doesn't even have to be a good one.
Posted by Sandra @ 09/27/2002 11:07 AM PST

Bruce - we are in search of an author!
Posted by 6 Characters @ 09/27/2002 11:18 AM PST

A horse! A horse!
Posted by Richard III @ 09/27/2002 11:30 AM PST

A room somewhere, far away from the cold night air.
Posted by Eliza Doolittle @ 09/27/2002 11:42 AM PST

The one thing I want? Landed immigrant status in Canada, which would solve pretty much every problem I have.
Oh, and world peace, of course!
Posted by Stephen Farrow @ 09/27/2002 11:56 AM PST

I wanna be a producer!
Posted by Leo Bloom @ 09/27/2002 11:57 AM PST

I'm wishing (I'm wishing)
For the One I Love (For the One I Love)
To Find Me (To Find Me)
Today (Today)
Posted by Snow White @ 09/27/2002 11:57 AM PST

I want an Oompa Loompa and I want it NOW!
Posted by Violet Beauregard @ 09/27/2002 11:58 AM PST

I want to be left alone
Posted by Greta Lovisa Gustafsson @ 09/27/2002 11:59 AM PST

Um violet - stop stealing Veruca's shtick!
Posted by Craig @ 09/27/2002 11:59 AM PST

I'll have to sleep on it and see what I dream - that's a wish my heart makes when I'm fast asleep.
Posted by Cinderella (Disney) @ 09/27/2002 12:00 PM PST

I want to go to the festival.
Posted by Cinderella (Sondheim/Lapine) @ 09/27/2002 12:01 PM PST

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you
Posted by Jiminey Cricket @ 09/27/2002 12:03 PM PST

I've decided I DO wanna be like Sondheim!
Posted by Alan Chapman @ 09/27/2002 12:03 PM PST

The winning lottery numbers for Saturday's California draw!
As for this week's notes being "wacky"....just "this week"????
: )
; )
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 09/27/2002 12:06 PM PST

I loved the literary allusions.
It puts me in mind of a fun little game in which you change one letter of a "title" and give it a separate meaning. For instance:
"To Fill A Mockingbird" -- experiments in Chinese cooking!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 09/27/2002 12:08 PM PST

How about adding a letter:
Dearth Of A Salesman - What you find in most chain discount stores today
Or following the original idea:
The Grass Menagerie - Where different kinds of lawn material is on display (or a topiary animal display)
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 09/27/2002 12:18 PM PST

The Bobbit - the first in a series of adventure books about Lorena and her knife
Posted by Craig @ 09/27/2002 12:22 PM PST

I wanna be loved by - Boob Boop A Doop
Posted by Helen Kane @ 09/27/2002 12:22 PM PST

If I only had a brain..
Posted by The Scarecrow @ 09/27/2002 12:23 PM PST

A Heart
Posted by The Tin Woodsman @ 09/27/2002 12:24 PM PST

A Home
Posted by Dorothy Gale @ 09/27/2002 12:24 PM PST

The nerve
Posted by The Cowardly Lion @ 09/27/2002 12:24 PM PST

I want a maid. Because everybody ought to have a maid.
Posted by Hero @ 09/27/2002 12:26 PM PST

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
ROFL
Thanks for cheering me up, boys!
:-)
Posted by Sad-No-More @ 09/27/2002 12:27 PM PST

I want Mr George W Bush to be
destituted !!!!
Who needs another war ?
Who needs people to be killed
?
When will human justice be
HUMAN ?
Posted by François @ 09/27/2002 12:28 PM PST

What do I want? Hmmm
The sadder but wiser girl I think. Yeah.
The sadder but wiser girl's the girl for me.. the sadder but wiser girl for me..
Posted by Professor Harold Hill @ 09/27/2002 12:28 PM PST

We want to be
like everyone else
Posted by Violet and Daisy Hilton @ 09/27/2002 12:31 PM PST

We forgot to wish Mr
Christopher Reeve a happy 50
celebration !
THANKS Mr Reeve for being
such an inspiration !
Posted by François @ 09/27/2002 12:31 PM PST

How about the musical A CRASS ACT
A one-hit wonder of a songwriter dies and gives the rights to his songs to a girlfriend who sells them for an off-broadway and subsequent Broadway production, thus making money off of the works of a deceased friend's labors. See... even a one letter change in title and it's still the same thing.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 09/27/2002 12:42 PM PST

Francois---
I agree that Christopher Reeves is an inspiration, but somehow it seems a little odd that he is in the news and getting all this attention just as his autobiograpy gets published. It was like Greg Louganis coming out (as if everyone didn't know already) the week his book was published. One admires the deed but questions the timing.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 09/27/2002 12:45 PM PST

How about this game:
If _ married _
as in:
If Alec Guiness had married Mary Stout and taken her name, He'd be Alec Guiness-Stout
Posted by Craig @ 09/27/2002 01:05 PM PST

Seriously, people. I need help here. I need to have this paper finished in a few hours, and I still haven't picked a topic.
Posted by Sandra @ 09/27/2002 01:12 PM PST

William,
Welcome to Consumer
Society !!!!
Now, is it really his
autobiography..... There was
one published in 1999 or 2000
which I have, in English and
French....
I would not dare to accuse him
of greed, really.... being so
much fortunate than he is....
and the Publisher(s) get the
best part, while Mr Reeve's
condition requires quite a
bundle I would think.
Posted by François @ 09/27/2002 01:19 PM PST

Susan---
How about a paper on "The Social and Sexual Climate of The United States in the Late 70s as portrayed in THE FIRST NUDIE MUSICAL".
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 09/27/2002 01:21 PM PST

William -
She said it had to be an english paper. How about something written about tea and scones? Or perhaps Bubble and Squeek?
Posted by Craig @ 09/27/2002 01:26 PM PST

If Judy Garland married Howdy Doody she would be Judy Doody. Actually my ex wife Judy married a man named Ken Dude wich is pronounced Doody so that is her current real name!
If Tuesday Weld married the son of quizmaster Hal March she'd be Tuesday March 2nd.
If Hawaiian singer Haleloke married comic Jack Oakie she'd be Haleloke Oakie.
If Ethel Merman married Dave Berry, divorced him and married Dudley Moore we'd have another Ethel Berry Moore.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 09/27/2002 01:31 PM PST

William and Craig--
How about combining Susan's English paper (as suggested by Craig) with Ron's game? She could write a paper on the use of Yiddish exclamations in English and call it "Bubbe and Squawk."
Posted by Pam @ 09/27/2002 01:32 PM PST

Actually, a couple years ago, I did a paper on tea and scones for Shakespeare week. I had to bring in some scones and write a paper about them. So I made up a story about my great-aunt Rosemary bringing her scone recipe to the U.S. when she moved here from England to marry my great-uncle. I made the scones from a mix and made up a recipe to give to the teacher. Then I told my cousin Dear Reader Megan that we had a great-aunt Rosemary with a scone recipe just in case the teacher mentioned it so that she wouldn't blow my story.
Posted by Sandra @ 09/27/2002 01:39 PM PST

If Rosemary De Camp married William Kunstler she's be Rosemary De Camp Kunstler.
Posted by jay @ 09/27/2002 01:59 PM PST

Sandra, how about a paper on the hot dog?
So many guest posters today, but still every post helps.
Posted by bk @ 09/27/2002 02:20 PM PST

Had Anna Leonowens married Don Juan, divorced him and married Bill Dana, then divorced HIM and married Nguyen Van Thieu, she'd have been Anna Juan Dana Thieu.
(Good gawd, I groan even as I type this.)
Posted by jay @ 09/27/2002 02:21 PM PST

Hot dogs? I don't know from hot dogs.
Posted by Sandra @ 09/27/2002 02:22 PM PST

Hmmmm....
...adding & changing a letter:
"Bein-Her" -- an existentialist's foray into transvestism...
...changing a letter:
"The First Rudie Musical" -- cast disses audience for 90 minutes, with music.
If
If Mrs. Jose Ferrer had married Mr. Ava Gardner...she'd have been Rosemary Clooney Rooney!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 09/27/2002 02:34 PM PST

I trust all mad dogs and Englishman absented themselves from the noon sun???!!!
From the internet:
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
-If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
-If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
-If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.
-If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
-If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
-If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to
marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
-If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
-If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
-If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and
married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
-If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy
Dogg Pooh.
-G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him
to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.
-If Jack married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved
on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.
-If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married
Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.
-If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King
Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician),
she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 09/27/2002 03:28 PM PST

I Wanna Be Around.
The first "I wish" song title that came to mind was Little Peggy March's "I Wish I Were A Princess". I think I'll leave that alone.
"None With the Wind". Contented babies I guess.
Ira Levon's "The Toys From Brazil" could be of interest - maybe the basis of Toy Story III.
What I really really want is for the powermongers/politicians to leave the rest of us alone. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!
An English paper should be on "Fogs". There would be more information on "Figs" available if a search was amde on this site but that may be deemed inappropriate. Maybe a discourse on "Ambrosia" and the delights of heaven.
My Saturday has started off with quite a few laughs. Thanks everyone. I won't need to play "pick-me-up" songs now. I do of course get "down" when I think of Ron not having the view from my window. My friends were looking at cemetery plots yesterday. i guess they were after "A Tomb With A View". (actually they were!)
Posted by Tom Guest (from OZ) @ 09/27/2002 03:45 PM PST

BACK TO THE ORIGINAL QUESTION!
I really want our new house built. I want it built NOW! Not tomorrow, not next week, NOW! Dammit, NOW!
Oh, and world peace.
Posted by S. Woody White @ 09/27/2002 03:45 PM PST

Of course, had it been Ruta Lee who married Ngyuen Van Thieu instead of Anna Leonowens, and had they divorced, and then had they remarried, she'd be Ruta Thieu Thieu.
Posted by jay @ 09/27/2002 03:48 PM PST

If Lee Remick had married Lee Marvin...they'd both have been Lee Marvin.
Posted by Lulu @ 09/27/2002 04:00 PM PST

If Joey Dee married Dee Dee Sharp, she'd be Dee Dee Dee!
And if Dee Dee Dee divorced Joey, married Sidney Barrows Biddle, who divorced her and married Joey Dee, she'd be Sidney Barrows Biddle Dee Dee.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 09/27/2002 04:41 PM PST

I know at least one of you is dying to tell me that her real name is Sidney Biddle Barrows.
It was just more fun when I mixed it up.
[sorry]
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 09/27/2002 04:54 PM PST

Have you all read the late posts from yesterday? Be very afraid.
Jason is back. Moby Dick has returned.
Great to have you back Jason.
Ron P. Do you really just spend your workday at HHW? Thanks for the giggles.
Posted by Tom Guest @ 09/27/2002 05:27 PM PST

I'll join in the fun.
If Joan Crawford married Norman Fell, divorced him, had a civil commitment ceremony with Lesley Ann Downe, broke up with her and married Fred Astaire she'd be
Joan Crawford Fell Downe Astaire
Besides a tax free income of $100,000,000 a year for the rest of my life (I swear if I had that much money I would help all my friends and all of you at HHW, too), I want my deadline to be over so I can stop working 6 days a week 12 hours a day!!!
Posted by Ben @ 09/27/2002 05:42 PM PST

Now, that's what I'M talkin' about - I am so jiggy with this many posts. Raise high the roof beam POSTS, that's what I say.
Posted by bk @ 09/27/2002 05:46 PM PST

If Kitty Carlisle Hart married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If I could have anything right now, I'd like my computer back (right now I'm on my computer at work). For the last couple of months my home computer has been "on the fritz" (and what it's doing on my fritz, I'll never know....) My sister's boyfriend built the computer for me as a Christmas present from him and my sister and parents. Last night he took it away to fix it and has to totally reinstall everything. It'll take several days and I won't be able to go online over the weekend... not even to check my e-mail! :-( That's what I would like right now.
That, and just enough money to pay off my two (almost, but not quite) maxed-out credit cards. I don't need to have a gazillion dollars, just enough to get me out of debt. However, if more than just enough money to get me out of debt is offered, who am I to refuse such generosity.
Posted by George @ 09/27/2002 05:46 PM PST

If U Thant married Yassir Arafat, divorced him and then married Terrence Mann, he'd be U Arafat Mann!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 09/27/2002 06:04 PM PST

If Esther Williams married Uncle Fester, then divorced him and married Willie Tyler's dummy Lester, she'd be Esther Fester Lester.
Posted by Lulu @ 09/27/2002 06:30 PM PST

If Mary Tyler Moore married Steven Tyler, divorced him, married Dudley Moore, divorced him, she would not be a very PROUD Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore!
Posted by Craig @ 09/27/2002 06:57 PM PST

If Mary Tyler Moore married Grant Tinker, she'd be...oh, wait...never mind.
I can't resist, she was Mary Tyler Tinker
Posted by Ben @ 09/27/2002 07:02 PM PST

What I REALLY want is some more of that liver biscotti Kerry sent home for me the other day.
Posted by Sandra's dog @ 09/27/2002 07:21 PM PST

Well, My errantness and truantness is pretty shameful. I hve just been overloaded with work, not to mention rehearsal for the new play at my high school, which is A Midsummer Night's Dream. I have the great fortune to be cast as Bottom. I'm really looking forward to this. I also had a very encouraging audition. I will tell you about it when I get more concrete information. I will be out of town this weekend, so I will be errant and truant a little while longer. :(
By the way, I wish I were in love again. Maybe requited this time!
Posted by Hapgood @ 09/27/2002 07:36 PM PST

Tom from Oz...thank you so much for your hearty return. It has become painfully obvious that no one ELSE seemed to have missed me. :-(
I'm kidding of course...I know you all have shed several hearty tears over my truancy. MOBY DICK was a huge smash and I think I actually overheard Sir Cameron mentioning his interest in mounting a full production of DICK. Or maybe he just wanted to mount a full di....um....nevermind. Anywho...they loved the show...Cam was really cool..and I got to meet Andrea Martin! She told me I was funny!! ANDREA FREAKIN' MARTIN TOLD ME I WAS FUNNY! To me that's like Andrew Lloyd Webber saying I'm redundant! To me that's like Andrew Lloyd Webber saying I'm redundant! Wow...head rush! Why the hell am I using so many exclamation points? Oh...did I mention that Bryan Batt was a hoot? Well...he was.
Now to today's topic...what do I want right now? Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Chik-Fil-A nuggets...an endless supply of them. THAT'S what I want.
Posted by Jason @ 09/27/2002 07:46 PM PST

I want to be where the people are....
I wanna see...wanna see them dancing...
Posted by Ariel (The Little Mermaid) @ 09/27/2002 07:49 PM PST

These are the "funnest" posts I've ever read! Write on!
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 09/27/2002 08:24 PM PST

I need your [i]chord[/i] lust!
Luuust!
Luuuuuusssssst!
Posted by The guests of The Wild Party @ 09/27/2002 08:28 PM PST

Ignore the above. The actual case is that:
I need your chord lust!
Luuusst!
Luuuuuuuuussssst!!
Posted by The forgetful guests of The Wild Party @ 09/27/2002 08:30 PM PST

I would like (after world peace and a cure for AIDS and cancer) is for everything that I want/need to do to my house to be done!
Thank you for this opportunity.
Posted by Kerry @ 09/27/2002 08:38 PM PST

I want to be the 81st post
WOOHOOOO!!!!!!!
Posted by 81st poster @ 09/27/2002 09:10 PM PST

Well, my wish of a bagel and coffee was realized this morning while I waited for Sandra to get out of class. What else to wish for?? How about some rain??
Posted by Laura @ 09/27/2002 09:21 PM PST

Oh, and Jason, I DID miss you and asked about you a few days ago. I did not, however, notice that you sneaked in a post very early this morning, just before today's notes went up. Welcome home!!
Posted by Laura @ 09/27/2002 09:26 PM PST

Holy cheese, look at all these wonderous posts. Keep this up and soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet and people will be jealous and envious and they will suddenly want to join our family but we won't necessarily let them unless they can tell us why they were so errant and truant getting here. My, my, my (that is three mys) I am not merely whelmed, I am overwhelmed.
Posted by bk @ 09/27/2002 09:35 PM PST

Thank you Laura...I appreciate your welcome home. :-)
Posted by Jason @ 09/27/2002 10:06 PM PST

Heck, I'm not BK, but these
posts have even got
me jiggy! Not to
mention highly amused.
As for what I really want right
now...well, this is a family site,
so I'll decline to answer.
Posted by Jed @ 09/27/2002 10:26 PM PST

I am sure Hapgood will be everyone's favourite Bottom. Congratulations and welcome back.
"Baby" - "I want it all" (but surely not the stretch marks).
I am sure you will all be thrilled to know that the Brisbane Lions won the Australian Rules Football Grand Final. Yeah1 I'm about that thrilled too. The media will now discuss nothing else for days.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 09/28/2002 02:08 AM PST

Eeeeeeeee! Jason! That's so exciting! No, not that you're back, that you've met Andrea Freakin' Martin, and she told you that you're funny! I'm an SCTV fan from way back.
(oh yeah, and welcome back, too!)
Posted by Lulu @ 09/28/2002 03:31 AM PST

Oooh Tom! You are so unseemly! "Everyone's favorite Bottom."...
You jokester you!
Posted by Hapgood @ 09/28/2002 06:12 AM PST

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