haines his way

11/28/2002:
"TURKEY LURKING TIME"

Well, dear readers, here it is, our second annual Thanksgiving celebration. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, it is our second Thanksgiving celebration and it is time to put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, it is time to dance the Hora and the Yam, it is time to eat turkey with stuffing and for those who are adventurous, stuffing with turkey. I, myself, would like to stuff a few turkeys, but why dwell on it. No, we must not dwell on “it” because, frankly, “it” does not dwell on us, so why should we show “it” any favoritism? In any case, we want all Hainsies/Kimlets to have a safe and sound Thanksgiving. And if you are alone this Thanksgiving, please know that you are part of the family here at haineshisway.com and if you are part of this family then no one is alone – oh, a Stephen Sondheim reference. Check back often today, because we are celebratin’, oh, yes, we are celebratin’ until the cows come home and let’s face it, those cows have been pretty errant and truant for quite some time, damn them, damn them all to hell.
I can smell the turkey cooking in the oven which is odd since there is no turkey cooking in the oven. I have occasionally cooked a turkey in the oven, but they deserved it. No, I shall be spending Thanksgiving at the home of Cissy Wechter. But that won’t keep me away from this here site, dear readers, because Cissy Wechter has an actual computer and I shall be able to check in from there quite often. I shall report on the goings on, oh, yes, you shall know all about the goings on.
Well, let’s get this here party going by clicking on the Unseemly Button below. After all, we might even find a turkey lurking in the next section, in which case it will be turkey lurking time.

Do any of you have any turkeys that you’d like to stuff? I know I do, but we won’t dwell on it because it might be turkey lurking time. Isn’t that the Act One finale from Promises, Promises?
I thought that I might get off a little early yesterday, but I ended up staying until seven, because of some last minute busywork I had to do. It was quite annoying, but not as annoying as the drive I had to take to get Luckie. It’s always worth it to get Luckie, especially on a Wednesday night, but a drive that should have taken a half-hour roundtrip ended up taking two hours roundtrip. I was already overtired and in a foul mood (earlier in the day I’d had chicken because I’d been in a fowl mood), so that long day’s journey into night was so annoying that I wanted to stuff a turkey. But we won’t dwell on it.
Well, perhaps I should keep these notes short and sweet, like a candied yam. After all, we’ve got turkeys to stuff, not that we’re going to dwell on it, we’ve got celebratin’ to do, we’ve got a lot of livin’ to do – oh, a Strouse and Adams reference – we’ve got Thanksgiving cheer to spread like a soft gouda cheese. As for me, I say thanks for giving me you, dear readers.
Well, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must write, write, write, and then I must get in my automobile and go eat some Thanksgiving dinner – tonight I will not be eating foods that would make Eileen and Chet Atkins very happy, but I’m not dwelling on it. Today’s topic of discussion: What is the strangest Thanksgiving you’ve ever spent, and what is the best Thanksgiving you’ve ever had. I’ll start by telling you my strangest – 1993 – I was in New York doing three albums back-to-back (maybe even four). It was a three or four week trip, that’s all I remember. I was subletting director Marshall Mason’s apartment on Christopher Street. Mr. Mason had a large number of plants in his bedroom, and somewhere in those plants was a mosquito. And that mosquito fell in love with me, dear readers. I was like a Thanksgiving turkey to that mosquito and he feasted on me as I slept, and when I awoke I had huge red bites all over my face and arms. I don’t mean small red bites, I mean huge as in large as in enormous red bites. It was quite disgusting. I had to use an anti-mosquito lotion for the rest of my stay there, every night, which helped, but which smelled disgusting. I hated every minute of being there. In any case, Thanksgiving fell during my stay there, but I helped it up and it only suffered a sprained foot. What the hell am I talking about? Oh, yes, my strange Thanksgiving. I didn’t really know that many people in New York at that point (I’d only done three albums), but my assistant and her friend came over and cooked a fine turkey in the oven and as I recall a few other people dropped by. It took eight hours for the turkey to cook and we didn’t eat until around ten at night. We sat at the dining table and watched the drag queens from New Jersey parade outside on the corner. It was all very surreal and it was My Strangest Thanksgiving. Your turn.

Replies: 32 Unseemly Comments

I don't think I can top that story!
Happy Gobble Gobble
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 11/28/2002 10:59 AM PST

Happy Un-Turkey Day everyone!
My strangest Thanksgiving had to be the year I was in New York with my mom to do Miracle on 34th Street. It was a live broadcast on Thanksgiving night and, with very little time for dinner, we were delegated to having our Thanksgiving meal in the dressingroom. We feasted (if you can call it that) on cold turkey tv dinners, without any of the trimmings. (Not "cold turkey" tv dinners, mind you, but cold "turkey tv dinners.") It was hardly the feast we were accustomed to enjoying every Thanksgiving with all our family gathered together. However, when we returnd to Los Angeles the next day, my dad and sisters had a real Thanksgiving feast waiting for us at home, which made up for the cold tv dinners of the night before.
Posted by Susan Gordon @ 11/28/2002 11:00 AM PST

Well it's Thanksgiving. Turkey's in the oven and the vegetables are comin' along fine
(an obscure Al Carmines/Tim Reynolds reference).
"Turkey Lurkey Time" is in the last scene of Act I of PROMISES PROMISES but it is not the finale. There are two or three pages of dialogue after the number.
BK, since you have having dinner at Cissy Wechter's house, please make her look at this here site. When we all had that lovely got-together in NY she confessed that she had never logged on to it. Show her how to use the search to see how many times you have mentioned her (and give her our best).
NY Theatre News even on a holiday: Dorothy Louden has left the cast of the DINNER AT EIGHT revival for health reasons. She has been replaced by Marion Seldes.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 11/28/2002 11:00 AM PST

Only 10 days until BK's birthday.
Posted by The count @ 11/28/2002 11:01 AM PST

Talking about potential turkeys on this fine thanksgiving.. how about this game. Let take a classic musical and update it to the "now". For my wacky selection, I have chosen "My Fair OldLady"
My version takes place in the barrio/hood and contains such notable revisions as
"I could have rapped all night"
"On the Street in your Hood"
"Get me on parole in time"
"I'm jiggy with her jivin' face"
"Why can't the english learn ebonics"
and so on...
Posted by Craig @ 11/28/2002 11:05 AM PST

Happy Thanksgiving to all
Hainsies and Kimlets far and
wide (and probably even wider
by day's end)!
In my family, Thanksgiving just
doesn't vary all that much, so
there's nothing particularly
strange or particularly
wonderful about any of them.
The day usually consists of
watching the Detroit Lions
lose (which they're doing quite
effectively at the moment), and
eating a wonderfully wonderful
meal prepared by my
grandmother, mother, and a
couple aunts. After the meal,
my grandfather talks
incessantly throughout the
remainder of the evening,
telling the same stories we've
heard year after year and
which were not particularly
interesting the first time we
heard them. This causes me
and my various and sundried
cousins to find any reason
possible to avoid whatever
room he's in, a skill at which
we've become quite adept.
Well, I must be off to Seattle
now to enjoy the food and
avoid Grandpa's stories!
Posted by Jed @ 11/28/2002 11:11 AM PST

yes, Thanksgiving is mostly always the same with me as well.
HOWEVER - this year I am enjoying the day by having a MUMMY fest.
Yes I am watching MUMMY movies all day. Right now it is THE GHOST OF THE MUMMY which is very much like THE HAND OF THE MUMMY which is indeed very much like the THE CURSE OF THE MUMMY, but as long as I keep the DVD cases in the right order I will NOT see the same MUMMY twice.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Posted by Jrand55 @ 11/28/2002 11:24 AM PST

I suggest a nice flank steak today. Just a thought...
Posted by Tom Turkey @ 11/28/2002 11:30 AM PST

And I recommend chicken, by all means!
Posted by Elsie the Cow @ 11/28/2002 11:39 AM PST

I don't think I've had an unusual Thanksgiving. They're ususally pretty boring. I always watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade for the songs from the shows playing on Broadway. This year, CBS (after the football game on the West Coast) is going to have songs from shows, too. I love that! Other than that, the family (me, my sister, niece and my sister's boyfriend) go to our parents' house for dinner. We eat, we chat. My dad watches the game. We chat some more. Everyone goes home. That's pretty much it. Have a good Thanksgiving Day all!
Posted by George @ 11/28/2002 11:48 AM PST

As I mentioned in yesterday's notes (late), I don't know much of Thanksgiving holiday. Can't give you a stroy as I have never celebrated it.
Can remind you all that there is asong from "The Good Old Bad Old Days" called "Thanksgiving Day". I shall unearth my copy and play it today in honour of you all. Then perhaps "The People Tree" from the same show - this really relates to HHW as does "It's A Musical World". There is another delightful song from the score "The Fool Who Dared To Dream" - I might relate that to myself. Hope you all having a warm and cosy celebration. I think today is Francois today. - Another reason for your celebrations to be merry.
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 11/28/2002 12:35 PM PST

For Bruce and Luckie
> > >>A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Einstein.
> > >>Now, he can't wait to show him off to his neighbor. So, a couple of
> > >>weeks later when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls
> > Einstein
> > >>into the house, bragging about how smart he is.
> > >>
> > >>The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master,
> > >>tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with
> > >>anticipation.
> > >>
> > >>The guy points to the newspaper on the couch and commands "Fetch!".
> > >>Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits, his tail
> > >>wagging furiously.
> > >>
> > >>Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He
> > >>starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he
> > >whines,
> > >>"You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy vey...this
> > >constant
> > >>wagging of the tail puts me in such pain, you should only know! And you
> > >>think it's easy eating that dreck you call designer dog food.
> > >>
> > >>Forget it...it's too salty and it gives me gas, but what do you care?
> > You
> > >>try it. Dreck I say! Then you push me out the door to take care of my
> > >>business, twice a day. It's disgusting I tell you!"
> > >>
> > >>The neighbor is absolutely amazed...stunned. In astonishment, he says,
> > >>"I can't believe it. Einstein can speak. Your dog actually talks.
> > >>You asked him to fetch the newspaper and he is sitting on the sofa
> > talking
> > >to
> > >>us."
> > >>
> > >>"I know, I know," says the dog owner. "He's not yet fully trained yet.
> > >>He thought I said, "Kvetch".
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 11/28/2002 12:54 PM PST

Aren't we having a lovely celebration? We need a few more guests to pop in, oh, yes, we need a few more guests. Come in, enjoy the toasty fire in the toasty fireplace, smell the giblets and gravy, smell the gravy and giblets, try to figure out why the word "giblets" even exists, mingle, do the Mashed Potato, in other words, there's lot of celebratin' to do.
Posted by bk @ 11/28/2002 12:56 PM PST

Chicken is really quite tasty. Have some chicken today, do. Prepared properly, it tastes just like...well, me!
Posted by Tessie Turkey @ 11/28/2002 01:25 PM PST

You can't kill a mummy.
Posted by Jrand55 @ 11/28/2002 01:46 PM PST

Whew!
After getting out of bed a little shy of noon(!!!!!!), I proceeded downstairs to find almost everyone else in the house - and there are a lot of here right now - still waking up too. *I do wish I had caught some of the Macy's parade on TV, but I more than appreciated my chance to sleep in this morning.
Well, a little while later I was asked to finish preparing the Thanksgiving feast. My dad, who is the cook of the family, has had some recent trouble with his right eye, a detached retina. Well, being the stubborn man that he is, he proceeded to ready the turkey outside in our grill/smoker in the bright, bright sunlight. So... He apparently strained his eye more than he should have - he refuses to wear the "sunglasses" he's supposed to be wearing right now. But, after a call to his doctor and a run to the pharmacy for some eye drops, everything is good. And I think I did a great job on the dinner: finished the turkey, did a special honey/mustard/vanilla glaze for the ham, some killer mashed potatoes (I lost count just how many sticks of butter I've used today), made some decent stuffing, and was very vigilant in getting the turkey basted. WHEW! My mom got a home a few minutes ago, and she's going to finish up the vegetables and the gravy for the turkey and potatoes.
-And I'm taking a few minutes right now to relax before the feasting begins.
So, on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for:
-Having a place on the web like HaineHisWay.com to come visit, chat, share, commiserate, celebrate, kvetch, pronder, question and lurk if I want to. What a swell bunch of swells we have here.
-Being able to work my way around a kitchen. *And having double oven here at my parents' house.
-Having a father who trusts my culinary skills enough to complete the dinner he started.
-Having a mother who was more than happy to take over for the final few steps of preparation.
-And, most impotantly, being able to celebrate this Thanksgiving with my Father, my Mother, my brothers Don, Michael and Jay, and my nieces Alexandra and Alyssa, and my nephew John Michael.
Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!
-And if anyone wants leftover, just e-mail me for directions.
-See you after dinner... if the "turkey stuff" hasn't made me pass out on the couch. ;-)
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 11/28/2002 02:20 PM PST

My Most Peculiarest Thanksgiving:
Well, it might have been the one I posted about late on yesterday's notes--and you should all click the Archives button and read about it right now, if you haven't already.
But it is actually the one I spent at my often-mentioned-here friend Duane's in the city. (THE city, as we say here is Nyawk, Nyawk, of course, of course.)
Duane is a singer/dancer/character actor who has been in many shows from the original Li'l Abner to Sweeney Todd, and all this time he maintained a little apartment in Hell's Kitchen. This apartment had the toilet in the hall, with a pull chain. This apartment had the bath tub in the kitchen, I kid you not. (Duane also had a house in Pennsylvania that he built with his own two hands, and kept all his money well invested.)
So Duane invited me and the gay couple next door and the mother of one of them to Thanksgiving dinner. The mother spoke only Spanish. Duane put a piece of plywood on the bath tub and--voilà!--a diningroom table.
And that about filled the kitchen. But somehow we managed to have a roast turkey with stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, two kinds of cranberry sauce, etc., etc., and lots and lots of wine.
And somehow the conversation turned to my having had intimate relations with a big Broadway star back before he was one--but that's another story, and was probably the fault of the wine.
BTW (by the way in Internet Lingo), Duane has warned me that the worst, absolutely worst time ever to go to a Broadway musical is Thanksgiving night. Because everybody in the show has stuffed themselves just as much as everyone in the audience, and the actors look dazed out, and the dancers move like lead.
And I too am thankful for haineshisway dot com and all the wonderful people here--not the least of whom is the very BK himself--who have brightened my life in the past year. Best wishes to all.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 11/28/2002 03:12 PM PST

We had our traditional family Thanksgiving. Ah, yes. Wonderful family togetherness. As usual, Grandma nagged me to eat more, and then she said, "Look at all that food Laura is eating. She's going to gain back all the weight she lost. Is she off her diet?" My mom was eating a salad.
Christmas is coming soon. Oh boy.
Posted by Sandra @ 11/28/2002 03:24 PM PST

Well, the dinner was wonderful.
My nephew decided to pass on all the food I cooked this afternoon and a bowl of Apple Jacks instead. *And, frankly, after standing over a stove for three hours, cereal was actually appealing to me too.
My mom got in her requisite pictures of everyone, and we somehow got the nieces and nephew together for one picture.
I hope everyone is digesting well - or will be digesting well.
Oh, for dessert, my sister-in-law made a Puerto Rican leche flan. YUM! She put extra caramel on the bottom of the dish, and there was cream cheese in her recipe too. So, it was almost approved by Chet and Eileen.
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 11/28/2002 03:48 PM PST

Well, Luckie and I are on our way to Cissy Wechter's very own home. She's one of those contrary people who like to served Thanksgiving dinner at six - I'm used to between three and four. I prefer the latter because you can then continue eating all night long. But who am I to say nay? Who am I to say neigh? Who am I anyway? Am I my resume? What the HELL am I talking about? Anyway, take a page from Jose's book and tell us all about the various and sundried foodstuffs you all ate. Details, please.
Posted by bk @ 11/28/2002 04:09 PM PST

My Eilen and Chet Atkins dinner consisted of a little but of turkey, some ham, a dollop of stuffing, a smidgen of apple sause, a few heads of brocolli and a glass of water and some white wine. For dessert and I was bad here I had a small piece of a Napoleon. I wanted to be good because I know I dropped more weight this week and I didn't want to have one day of overeating ruin it.
Posted by Michael Shayne @ 11/28/2002 04:18 PM PST

I ate a very traditional Thanksgiving dinner: floop. Cucumbers, beets, little baby corns, chow mein noodles, Ranch dressing, and cheese. Yum!!
Posted by Sandra @ 11/28/2002 04:18 PM PST

Sandra is one girl who knows how to party!!!
My strangest Thanksgiving? Around 1978 or so, I had gotten in my first fender bender the evening before when a woman in her car plowed into my car. So, my head hurt, and I was a bit out of sorts on Thanksgiving. My grandmother was not able to host (and cook) the big dinner, and we had not replaced that tradition with a new one. My mother was going to try it at her house that year. Well, the oven didn't work right; the sink backed up, etc. The food was finally done around 10 pm. Some people had drunk too much waiting for the food, and nobody was around to eat at the point.
The other worst/strangest was one year my partner and I were in Europe. We were in Venice on Thanksgiving Day. The whole trip had been beautiful, but this day was cold, wet and gray. We knew it was Thanksgiving and felt odd missing it. It seemed very lonely that day for some reason. The damp day and damp city only dampened our spirits more. We finally went and Turkey Tetrazinni someplace.
One of the best Thanksgivings was one year when my partner and I ditched the entire family and went to the zoo. It was sunny and warm and a perfect day to visit the animals. We then went home and had a lovley turkey dinner out on the patio. It was just us and the dogs-- perfect.
Today was a good day with a great dinner cooked by my sister. The only unfortunate thing about the day was that I was stuck with a bunch of pie people and 4 kinds of pie. Not a cake in sight!!!!!
Happy day everyone!
Posted by Kerry @ 11/28/2002 05:02 PM PST

Dear Reader Kerry-- I said you could come visit me in the hospital if you wanted to get away.
Posted by Laura @ 11/28/2002 07:23 PM PST

I just returned from seeing "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets". My thanks to the one who clued us about staying to the very end.
Not that the theater management much cared whether I saw it or not, all the cleaning up that was going on around me (the sole person in a seat at the end of a ridiculously long credits sequence)...but it was SO worth it, IMO.
I enjoyed the film a huge bunch!
Lots of fun!
Talked to my mom in South Carolina...she was expecting lots of folks to drop in around 7 p.m. EST for Turkey dinner -- all kin. Except for some hot veggie dishes she prepared, all the food was being brought in.
We will repeat that at Christmas, too...and I'll be there for that festive occasion.
Hope everyone is having a great day (or at least a pleasant one).
I have ALL my Christmas shopping DONE! Finished! YES!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 11/28/2002 07:28 PM PST

Loved the Jewish dog story. Unfortunately, I had to explain it to my dad.
Posted by Sandra @ 11/28/2002 08:01 PM PST

I've always believed Chistmas shopping should wait until after BK and my birthdays Ron. It is most unseemly that you should finish before December and before I even start. I hope to catch up with Harry Potter soon. May see "The Banger Sisters" next week. I think it should be shown with "Mash" as a double feature!
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 11/28/2002 08:19 PM PST

I tried to post, honestly I did, but Cissy has the wretched AOL and the wretched AOL has been acting up all day, even at my house. Damn them, damn them all to hell. I am currently using IE to post this, damn them, damn them all to hell.
I was bad. I was very very bad, but I could have been worse. First off, it was my ONLY meal of the day. So, that was good. I had two large pieces of turkey - so far, so good. I had two large helpings of green salad. So far, so good. I had two bites of cranberries (could be worse), I had one bite of stuffing (it wasn't to my liking anyway, so that was good), I had creamed corn (that was bad, very very bad - and I had two helpings). Finally, I had a nice-sized piece of yam or sweet potato or whatever the HELL it was. So, all in all, yes I strayed for the first time in eight weeks, but it could have been much worse. However, I have saved the worst for last - the coconut cake. Oh, yes, there was coconut cake and oh, yes, I had quite a large slice of it, and, oh, yes, I hate the whole damn dirty thing right up. I'll be back on the Eileen and Chet Atkins diet tomorrow.
Posted by bk @ 11/28/2002 09:45 PM PST

Good for you for being bad, BK!! After all, Thanksgiving comes but once a year.
Posted by Laura @ 11/28/2002 10:07 PM PST

Fortunately for you...or perhaps not...that non-Jewish holiday of overeating follows in short order. While you yourself may not be tempted, I'm sure you yourself have many friends who wish to share their themselves' foodstuffs with you.
I think the best way to work off the excess carbs you ingested is to dance...dance merrily and dance joyfully. Dance heartily and dance smartly. Turn on your favorite toe-tapping music and tap your troubles and them carbs away. Can you tap? If you can tap you could tap to the beat of 42nd Street.
In fact, tap should be taught in schools for exercise. Tap should be a part of every day preceded and followed by stretching exercises. That is a way to keep America (and other countries) from becoming couch potatoes....oooh! More carbs! You can't avoid them.
Accchhhh!
Which reminds me, I have a potato dish that is based on potatoes Diane...except fresh rosemary is dropped into the melted butter before it's drizzled over the potatoes and popped into the oven.
That creamed corn sounded good,too, BK, but that there coconut cake....YUMMMMM....I LOVE COCONUT CAKE! I also love coconut pie...but CAKE! Yummmy!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 11/28/2002 11:46 PM PST

Creamed corn? Turkey? Mashed potatoes?? All I had today was some stinking chicken fried rice and a patty melt. In between I saw "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"...so you weren't alone Ron. I too was the last person in the theater as the crew came in to clean up...eagerly anticipating what turned out to be nothing more than a four-second scene after a thirty minute roll of credits. Oh well...I had nothing better to do. I thought the movie was good...but it could have been about forty-five minutes shorter IMHO.
Anyway...turkey day has come and gone and I survived it and now we're back to normal life for at least three more weeks. I'm off to bed now (as it's ridiculously late in the Big Apple and I need my beauty rest.)
Glad you got to eat some fun stuff today BK. It's ok to cheat (on your diet) from time to time.
Posted by Jason @ 11/29/2002 01:07 AM PST

So, BK, does that mean that Cissy Wechter has still not seen this here site?
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 11/29/2002 07:09 AM PST

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