haines his way

02/13/2003:
"THE RETURN OF THE SINGING BIRD"

Well, dear readers, the rain seems to have abated, oh, yes, the rain seems to have abated. The singing bird is outside singing Rainy Days and Thursdays (a clever change in lyric by the bird) – the bird is singing up a storm, frankly, but let’s hope the real storm is over for the time being. The sun isn’t exactly out but perhaps the sun’ll come out tomorrow – oh, a Strouse and Charnin reference.
I’ve been on the phone for the last half-hour with an early-morning call with one of our Nudie Musical director candidates, and we’ve discussed the script and I’ve heard his/her ideas. Later I’ll talk to the other candidate and discuss same, and then I just have to make the decision and be done with it. They’re both really talented, so it’s not easy.
Last night I watched Mr. Nicholas Roeg’s film of The Man Who Fell to Earth, a strange movie which has lost none of its strangeness in the ensuing years since its first release. My goodness, that was a long sentence. I didn’t love it back then (although it had been cut for its American release) and I don’t love it now. But it’s very interestingly done and David Bowie, no actor he, is surprisingly effective as the man who fell. Candy Clark is bold and wonderful, and so are Rip Torn and Buck Henry. Interestingly, everyone but Bowie ages during the film, and when you see Rip Torn at the end he looks almost exactly as he does now – so his makeup was top-notch, let me tell you. There are lots of extras (a whole second disc’s worth) and the film is worth a look if you haven’t seen it. It’s rather surprisingly randy, extremely randy so if you are easily shocked this might not be for you. Almost all of the explicit randiness was cut for its original release, so it’s nice to have this restored version.
I then watched an hour of a new DVD of Benny Hill moments. I never saw his show much when it was on, but I must say I laughed out loud many times as I watched, and a couple of the bits are way ahead of their time and hilarious (he does a thing on pan & scan of widescreen movies that should be a primer for why letterboxing is necessary). I am fond of low humor every now and then, and Mr. Hill is excellent at it.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t I have excellent questions to answer? I do, I do – oh, a Schmidt and Jones reference.

Jrand52 asks if reissue soundtrack CDs of films like The Five Pennies are subject to artist royalties, and if those albums are played on the radio would the performers be due ASCAP royalties. In the case of a licensed soundtrack or show, the licensing company gives an all-in price which includes the royalties due, so we would have no way of knowing who the royalty participants were/are. However, unless the performer was a huge star, they probably wouldn’t be due anything – just depends on the deal they made at the time. As to radio, no the performers get nothing – they are not covered by ASCAP but rather AFTRA. The writers, of course, get writer’s royalties always. If movies go entirely digital will changeover marks be gone forever? I’m afraid so.
William E. Lurie asks given the fact that there are still so many unreleased cast albums on CD, why is DRG (and certain other labels) reissuing cast album CDs that have already been out, didn’t sell and were taken off the market. Well, I don’t profess to understand the motives behind these decisions. They must think that after eight years there might be a new audience somewhere, but I’m afraid they will find out what we all find out. There are finite sales for reissues and they are pretty paltry in the scheme of things. So, why they’d reissue an album that had already been released by a major, I have no idea, especially when the album was readily available for years. There are certain cases where an album wasn’t readily available, i.e. House of Flowers, Li’l Abner, so those make sense. The others do not.
Jose asks if I’ve ever been pleasantly surprised by a certain food/dish or combination of foods, things that I didn’t think would work but that end up being delicious? Hmmm. Oh, I suppose there are certain dishes with fruit in them, and I’m always surprised that those taste good. Do I like my barbecue ribs dry or wet? I like sauce if that means wet. But I also like really spicy ones without sauce, too. Was there a song I really wanted to put on an album but wasn’t able to due to rights or not finding the right singer. You know, I can’t think of a single instance where that happened.
Matthew asks what it was like working with Florence Lacey and her husband (Tim Stella) on the cast album of Hello, Dolly! I liked Flo very much. Tim can sometimes be a pill (I worked with him on I Do! I Do! as well), but they’re both very nice people. We even had dinner and discussed doing an album, but I’m afraid all they wanted was for us to put up the money and then they’d go off and do whatever they wanted, and that was not the way we did things.
Philip asks what “unlikely” singers could tackle the Great American Songbook? Oh, I suppose Sting would be a natural. I don’t really think most singers today have distinctive enough voices but more importantly I find them lacking in interpretive styles.
Ben asks if we here in Los Angeles, California have to do what New Yorkers now have to do – press eleven digits to make a call from one’s particular area code. Not yet, thank heaven.
Tom from Oz asks what is my favorite season and what are my favorite songs for each season. Oh, I suppose Autumn, with Autumn in New York being a favorite, along with Malty and Shire’s Autumn. Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most, Winter is Warm – can’t think of any more. I guess that means I need more seasoning.
Dave asks what is my favorite year? Oh, as you will find out in Kritzerland, I am very partial to the year 1959. Dave notes that psclassics is issuing a Maury Yeston compilation that sounds rather like the ones I’m noted for. If I were to produce a similar songbook whose work would I profile and which artists would I use? Well, I cannot say, because the next thing you know someone else will do it, and then where will I be? I have several ideas in mind for interesting albums, should things proceed as they might.
Jay asks when we’re going to have our next round of wrong casting for musicals. Why today, Jay, how’s that for service?
Lulu asks who is my all-time favorite actor and actress and why? Oh, that’s too hard. But here are some choices: James Stewart (he can do anything, really), Cary Grant (no one like him), Joel McCrea (vastly underrated and quite brilliant in my opinion), Claude Rains (unique, one-off), Henry Fonda (unique, one-off) – actresses – Barbara Stanwyck (love her), Veronica Lake (vastly underrated, love her), Eva Marie Saint (love her), Brunella Bova (I only know one performance, but it’s a great one – The White Sheik), Deborah Kerr (always wonderful), and, of course, Leslie Parrish. And, of course, hundreds of others.
William F. Orr asks where is love and does it fall from skies above? It must fall from somewhere and I wish it would fall on me.
JMK asks if I’ve heard the new recording of Sadie Thompson? No, I haven’t.
Laura asks if I still get residuals from MASH. No, anything pre 1975 doesn’t pay resids after seven runs, and all the shows I did back then long since passed that plateau. After 1975, you get residuals no matter how many runs, but the checks I get now are usually for four dollars.
KT asks if I’ve seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding or Kissing Jessica Stein. No to both, but Greek Wedding just came out on DVD so I’m sure I’ll catch it soon.
Hapgood asks what I think of productions of plays and musicals that were not what their creators intended, such as modern dress Shakespeare or Sam Mendes’ Cabaret. I think plays and musicals can stand different approaches from their original productions. However, when they muck about with the book and score too much, then I think it’s not such a good thing. Shakespeare does seem to work in a variety and also Hollywood Reporter of settings and eras. Is there a CD that I’ve gotten in the past three months that the dear readers must have – yes, the soundtrack to Far From Heaven – it’s had the most repeats of any CD I’ve bought in ages. What is the most recent piece of theater I’ve seen and what did I think? Well, this ASCAP/Disney thing the other night, which I just wrote about, and before that I think Say Goodnight, Gracie, which I enjoyed very much. Will I watch or tape the Oscars. Yes, I will watch – I never miss them. What is my opinion of Miss Bernadette Peters? I have liked her very much on occasion, and there are times when I haven’t liked her at all, such as the revival of Annie Get Your Gun. Is there any current piece of theater I’m dying to see? Yes, I’d like to see Hairspray, and there’s a production of Long Day’s Journey Into Night coming in that I’d like to see. Do I speak any other languages? I have enough trouble speaking English. Do I have any advice to someone who is singing All of Me with his high school jazz band? Swing, baby, swing. Do I visit sondheim.com? I used to quite regularly (I had a column there for over two years), but I haven’t been in quite some time because this here site is more than enough for me to handle. When was the last time it snowed in Southern California? Quite some time ago, I really can’t remember when. It’s only actually snowed a couple of times that I recall. What is my opinion of Urinetown, the Musical? I haven’t seen it. I didn’t care for the CD at all, but I’m sure that might change if I actually saw the show.
George asks how Nia Vardalos can be nominated for Best Original Screenplay when her script began life as a one-woman show. My memory is that she wrote it as a screenplay first, then when there were no takers, she did it as a one-hander. George wants to know who gets the demos we made for Nudie Musical. The producers, the potential directors. Is it possible for Donald to play any cuts from the demo or do I specifically not want the general public to hear a work in progress because there will always be naysayers. Well, since we know there are naysayers who visit here and search regularly, that is certainly a possibility. I’m very proud of the songs and have no fears whatsoever about people hearing them – but the demo was done down and dirty and I don’t know if I like it enough to want to have it “air”.
Michael what other acting, directing, composing, writing and producing credits are missing from the imdb for my very own self. Well, about eighty-percent of my career I think. I don’t think they list either composing or acting credits for Danny DeVito’s The Ratings Game, I don’t think they list many of my guest shots, including The Young Lawyers, Doctor’s Hospital, Beggarman, Thief, and tons of others, nor any of my pilots, including Young Love (spinoff of The Doris Day Show), Tabitha and a few others, I don’t think they list Dinah and Her New Best Friends, or Donny and Marie, or Playboy on the Air and on and on and on. Michael lists Comedy of Errors, Stages, The Good One and Together Again as my stage shows. He wants to know if anything is missing. Yes. My first original musical, Start at the Top, my Ring Lardner revue, Shut Up, He Explained, my musical Feast! (Diana Canova and Alan Abelew’s Nudie Musical characters were lifted directly from that show), a musical of The Manaechmus Twins – I think that’s about it. Oh, and my never-produced musical of To Kill a Mockingbird. Other than Lisa Richard’s CD and material I’ve recorded, have my songs been recorded by any other singers? I know for a time several of my songs were performed in cabarets for a time, but I have no idea if any of those people ever recorded them or not, although I’ll assume not since I’ve never received any publishing money. Who were the uncredited singers in Nudie Musical? Oh, with the exception of Debbie Gravitte and Diana Canova’s dubbing of Mary LaRue, and me, of course, I can’t really remember who else was there singing.
Craig asks what is one of my least favorite taste sensations? Well, anything with ginger – hate ginger. And mole sauce. I almost threw up when I took a bite of chicken with mole sauce. Are there any non-musical movies that scream out to be musicalized? Yes, Nightmare on Elm Street and The Towering Inferno. Are there any musical films or stage shows that would have been better served as plays or non-musical films. I’m sure there are but I can’t think of any off hand or even on hand. How many remote controls do I have? Well, TV, DVD, VCR, DAT, CD and receiver. What’s the last thing I bought off eBay. A Sergio Leone PAL DVD box set. Which instruments do I have in my house? A piano. What instruments did I study when I was growing up? Guitar, for a very short time, and then piano. Are there any I gave up I wish I hadn’t? No. When and how did I first meet Guy Haines? Oh, we’ve been friends for a long time, but we became very close back in 1993. Who is my favorite magician of all time and what is the best magic trick I’ve ever seen? You know, I can’t answer the question – I’ve seen magicians and tricks (not necessarily in that order) but I’ve never seen any of these superstar fellows like Doug Henning or Penn and Teller, so I’m really deficient magician-wise.
Arnold M. Brockman asks which shows I would record now that I’ve seen your want lists of unrecorded musicals. Well, I’ve always said that I would love to do complete studio versions of Smile, Lolita, My Love and The Yearling.
Dennis asks if I’ve seen the new DVD of Victim and if so what did I think of it. I have seen it and I wrote about it in these here notes not too long ago. I really liked it a lot, it’s a wonderful film. Just do a little search on “Victim” and/or “Dirk Bogarde” and you’ll find it. It was about a month ago, I think. Have I ever been to the Oscars and/or Tonys? No, I have been invited to the Tonys, but I’ve said I will never go to those kinds of things unless I am a nominee or unless a nominee wants me to accompany them. How does one become a sitter at the Oscars? I do not know how one becomes a sitter at the Oscars. Perhaps they have sitter auditions.
Kerry asks why I haven’t done a “What If” in quite some time and will I do one again? Absolutely I will, they just take a lot of time as I’m a stickler for being true to the rhyming scheme of what I’m parodying. But I will unearth the What If song that I wrote with Mr. Claibe Richardson, and I’ll print those lyrics here – the song was designed to explain the conceit of What If, and was going to be used if we were to do an evening of them (still possible).
Sandy asks what is my favorite kind of soup. I don’t love soup, but I do love clam chowder (white), and cream of mushroom soup (if done really well), and the Lobster Bisque at Hamburger Hamlet.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must go hither and thither while the rain has abated, and I must take part in a very important conference call, about which more later. Today’s topic of discussion: Your most wrong casting suggestions for the musical Hair. Go to it, you people.

Replies: 70 Unseemly Comments

First post!?
To start... and I will write more later..
Claude: Vin Diesel
Berger: Lee Wilkoff
Sheila: Jackie Hoffman
Posted by Craig @ 02/13/2003 09:20 AM PST

and Second Post!!
Bruce - I am glad that after the rainstorm you had, that you were then able to have a brainstorm with these questions!
Posted by Craig @ 02/13/2003 09:22 AM PST

Claude: Dr. Phil
Berger: Michael Crawford
Sheila: Patty Duke
Posted by Jason @ 02/13/2003 09:23 AM PST

Ooops...I hit the 'Post' button prematurely.
I just spoke with Mo (well, Instant Messaged him) and he is doing pretty well. He says he still can't dance, but, then again, he had a large chunk of his lung removed--I'm just thankful he's even alive! Anyway, he said he's breathing MUCH easier than he could before and that, even though he still has to be careful about over exherting himself, he is now able to go out and do something that he just adores doing--seeing movies.
I thought some of you might like to know.
Posted by Jason @ 02/13/2003 09:26 AM PST

HAIR?!?!
Well, I guess most of my current cast of college students..
Just joking!
This one has sooooo many possibilities.... I'll have to think about it and get back to you later.
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 02/13/2003 09:28 AM PST

I love BK's ideas for films that should be musicalized! Imagine "Merengue on Elm Street" or "The All Singing! All Dancing! Towering Inferno." OK, so I'm coming up with silly titles but y'know...I really think those films might work as musicals!
Cast suggestions for "Hair" revival:
Berger: Telly Savalas (OK, OK...somebody was gonna do it; might as well be me).
No, really..
Berger: Donny Osmond
Claude: Theodore Bikel
Crissy: Suzanne Somers (hey, she can *too* sing...otherwise, why are all those people paying to see her in Vegas?). Alternatively: Cher. Alternate to the Alternate: Madonna.
...and to be honest, the rest of them all blend together in my head, though I've seen the film twice and a touring company once. Did any of the other roles have defining characteristics?
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 09:33 AM PST

Sorry...for "Chrissy" substitute "Sheila" in my above post. "Three's Company" on the brain, obviously.
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 09:35 AM PST

When HAIR was touring, actors were constantly switching roles. I am familiar with a two week engagement where there were four or five different people in each role over the sixteen performances. Therefore, instead of specific roles, the following performers should be part of "The Tribe" with each taking different roles during the run:
Renee Fleming
Bryn Triffel
Patti LuPone
Carol Channing
Josh Gorban
Colm Wilkenson
Donny Osmond
Gary Coleman
Reba McIntyre
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/13/2003 09:36 AM PST

Well, we had a very productive Career Exploration session today. We all agreed that it is a very good thing that the middle-aged hippie who has been out of work for twenty years doesn't have any children. We also discovered that the guy who calls himself a rock musician but who's never gotten a gig has quite a few phobias.
Posted by Sandra @ 02/13/2003 09:45 AM PST

I don't really know "Hair" well at all so I'm not even going to try to cast it. I saw a local community production last year that was done quite well and well received. The only thing about it in my opinion (IMO in Internet lingo) is that the people who chose to get naked shouldn't have and those that didn't, should have.
Posted by George @ 02/13/2003 09:52 AM PST

Jason: Thanks for the update on Mo. Glad that he can be up and about even if it's on a limited scale.
WEL: Oh, my God, Gary Coleman! I laughed and laughed.
If Miss Channing is in the cast, even though she doesn't miss performances, she should have an understudy. Perhaps Bea Arthur?
Or we could do an "older" version of the show and use Bea, Rue and Betty (White that is),Leslie Nielsen, Jerry Orbach and Tony Bennett.
Posted by Ben @ 02/13/2003 09:56 AM PST

OMG! Mention of Carol Channing made me spew water onto the screen! (Well...a couple of microscopic drops might have hit, anyway.) Perfect!
Hmmm...if we go the totally non-singing route (as WEL did with Gary Coleman...another inspired choice), there are so many other options. What about:
Mr. T. ("I pity the poor fool thinks I'm gonna give 'em some 'chocolate-flavored love'!")
Joy Behar
Kirstie Alley
...or we could go TOTALLY off the beam and cast non-singing, non-dancing, non-actors:
Strom Thurmond
Jesse Helms
Donald Rumsfeld
(this is fun!)
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 09:56 AM PST

Woof: Christopher Walken (Can't you just hear him singing "Sodomy"?)
Sheila: Dame Edna (Her rendition of "Easy to be Hard" would be a classic)
Berger: Richard Simmons
Claude: Drew Carey
Crissy: Queen Latifa (It was Crissy or something like that who sang "Frank Mills" right?)
Posted by Kerry @ 02/13/2003 10:00 AM PST

Ben: I could actually see the Senior Edition of "Hair" doing a successful run where I live! The university where I work is always getting entertainment for the Blue Hairs -- next up: Jerry Lewis ("An Evening With Jerry"...an evening of laughter and *healing* -- I swear to God, that's what it says, couldn't you just *gag*?). If you pony up enough bucks, you'll even get a "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" to "join Jerry after the show" as he regales the crowd with tales of his wonderful, inspiring life.
Oy, vey.
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 10:04 AM PST

Kerry: I typed Crissy because I couldn't even remember the names of the characters, so I had to look up a cast list. Unfortunately, the one I looked up was alphabetical, so I mis-remembered Sheila as being named Crissy (I just remembered the three main characters being two guys and a girl). So the Suzanne Somers thing fell flat, although I really do think she would be wonderfully awful in the part.
Seriously, I went through a period where I played the score of Hair over and over, yet I never did get the characters straight in my head -- does anybody else have this problem with Hair? Catchy tunes, but little of substance in the way of the characters and libretto? Maybe it's a generational thing; although I was technically alive for the tail end of Vietnam, I have no first-hand memories of it (or the attendant protests, etc.), so the "urgency" and "relevance" that Hair apparently had at one time was already over by the time I even heard of it.
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 10:09 AM PST

Sure, sure, sure. (That is three sures.) Dear BK offers a game of Worst Cast Scenario at my behest and what does he do? He picks a show that I don't know all that well. (I know the songs from the OBC recording well enough, but not the characters/roles.) What I do know is that the character that sings the song about males of the species having brighter plumage (I think it is called "My Conviction") was written for Charleton Heston.
Posted by Jay @ 02/13/2003 10:10 AM PST

There really isn't anything to know about most of the characters. They all blend together. I think of them more in th e context of the songs they sing (which is why I remember Woof and Crissy).
So, Jay, cast away!
Posted by Kerry @ 02/13/2003 10:27 AM PST

As a fairly NEW poster here - would Mr BK mind giving the details of the YOUNG LOVE Doris Day Show spinoff? Was our host ON the DDS? I am way out of the loop.
I like Bill's suggestion of a 'Tribe' that plays the parts as they will - so to speak. And even though we have had some outstanding selections I herewith offer:
Doug Storm
Gale Storm
Veronica Lake (I know, I know)
Johnny Rivers
Lucie Arnaz
Desi Arnaz, Jr
Jessica Lange
Laurette Spang
Lorna Luft
and Sonny Tufts (if I can have Veronica I can have Sonny)
Oh...and June Lockhart who has an intimate knowledge of the show.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/13/2003 10:28 AM PST

Ooooooh...JR's opened up a whole new realm of possibilities...
Dead People in "Hair":
Hank Fonda
John Wayne
Laura Hope Crewes
Margaret Hamilton
Lucille Ball (and you thought she was miscast in "Mame"...)
Sydney Greenstreet
Sidney Toler ("Confucius say: 'let the sunshine in'!")
Dame Judith Anderson
Sir Alec Guinness
Lord Larry
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 10:39 AM PST

This is totally off-topic but I meant to post these two links last week and forgot.
In addition to our own sparkling (though some have said serial-killer like) Donald Feltham, there are two shows on the BBC that feature interviews and show and film music. Our weekend Dear Reader Francois (sorry no cedila) and I have mentioned them before. Here are the two links for listening to them if you should be so inclined.
The first program is Showtime hosted by Beverly Humphreys. It's on Wednesday evening at 7pm in Wales and then is archived for a week for your listening pleasure
http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/radiowales/shows/showtime.shtml?focuswin
The second show is Stage and Screen hosted by Edward Seckerson and Tommy Pearson. It's broadcast on Mondays from 4-5pm London time and, like Showtime, archived for the rest of the week. This week there is a very interesting interview with Marvin Hamlisch. Warning Will Robinson, Danger, Danger.... If you are one of the many, many people who disliked (or even hated) Sweet Smell of Success, be forewarned, music is played from the show and it is discussed.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio3/classical/stagescreen.shtml?focuswin
The general BBC web site address is
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/
There is a panoply of shows and information to choose from. Take your pick. Helps me get through the day after my Monday morning Donald fix.
Posted by Ben @ 02/13/2003 10:43 AM PST

Jrand52: Did you notice your "water" motif in your first few selections? Doug Storm, Gale Storm (storms usually involve some kind of water), Veronica Lake, Johnny Rivers. How about adding Phoebe Snow to the mix?
Posted by Ben @ 02/13/2003 10:50 AM PST

"There are no accidents."
Nothing to see here...keep walking...nothing to see here.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/13/2003 10:53 AM PST

Oh dear. Aunt Pittypat singing "Black Boys Are Delicious." I don't think I can top the suggestions that have been made here! ROTFLMAO!
Posted by Jay @ 02/13/2003 11:06 AM PST

*thwacking side of head*
Of course! And I thought JR had just always loved Laurette Spang from her Battlestar Galactica days! Now I know he was just reaching for a rhyme!
Doh!
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 11:07 AM PST

While HAIR is the topic of discussion today, is there anyone else who feels the Off-Broadway cast recording (with a pre-Promises Jill O'Hara as Shelia) is far superior to the Broadway recording? At that point there was still a plot (and in fact it is the published version) and no nudity. About a third of the songs are different. I've alway preferred that album.
Regarding Ben's comment, Sweet Smell on disc is a lot better than it was on stage. The score wasn't really the problem and there are some very good numbers. But the script was poorly adapted, the use of the chorus was poorly conceived and the choreography was amateurish. If ever a score called out for a new book and staging, it's that one.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/13/2003 11:14 AM PST

LOL...Lulu, thank you for reaching NOT grasping.
And indeed Laurette in BG was fun. And it was a toss up between her and Joy Bang.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/13/2003 11:18 AM PST

Gotta agree with WEL on this one. There is a great deal of strong material in the score of SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS, despite a couple of duds (e.g. "Don't Look Now") Having never seen the show on stage, I can't comment on the book or staging, but given the source material, and the music, this is a show that deserves another kick at the can.
I know almost nothing about HAIR, except that my birthday is mentioned in the song "Frank Mills".
warning - CATS review ahead
I saw the touring company of CATS at the Fisher Theatre in Detroit last night, and I have to say that it was a thing to be hated. Absolutely dreadful. The worst evening I have ever spent watching a professional production in a theatre. Beyond the fact that I am not a fan of the show, this was a particularly lacklustre staging, with scaled-back sets, and less-than-stellar performances from the leads. Friends who were with me who have seen better productions of the show cautioned me that this is a "less magical" production of the show than they have seen in the past, but I couldn't help wonder how such a show could ever have been entertaining to *anyone*, let alone run for years on Broadway.
My one consolation was that I didn't spend anything to see the show (I was ushering).
Posted by Dave @ 02/13/2003 11:34 AM PST

Actually, William, I agree with you about Sweet Smell. There are some excellent things in the show. I, too, think restaging and a good book doctor would help rescue the show. I just wanted to let those who are not so kindly disposed toward the show that they would be entering a possible aural danger zone.
I never saw or heard the off-Broadway version of Hair. My only viewing of the stage show was in 1971 in a dreadful bus and truck which played Saint Paul. I remember thinking, what's the fuss about? This thing is pretty awful. I do LOVE the movie, though. I would really like to see the outtakes and cut numbers. I remember laughing hysterically at Michael Jeter and Black Boys, White Boys. And Treat Williams, talk about sexy and smoldering!
Posted by Ben @ 02/13/2003 11:36 AM PST

Well, well, well...
I haven't put together my most definitive bad cast for Hair, but I've been surfing around the Internet and discovered:
The Original Broadway cast of The Lion in Winter featured Robert Preston as Henry, Rosemary Harris as Eleanor, Christopher Walken as Philip, and Richard Lionheart was played by--ta da!--James Rado!
So you see, Kerry, putting Walken into Hair is not as strange as it might seem.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 02/13/2003 11:38 AM PST

Actually Walken was in a musical years ago (long before THE DEAD). He was in the off-Broadway revival of BEST FOOT FORWARD in 1962 or 1963. This was the revival that marked Liza Minnelli's first professional appearance in New York and was also before she and her mom did the concert in London. At one point, Walken played sensative young men (most notably in Lanford Wilson's LEMON SKY) before doing the snarly characters he is most known for today.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/13/2003 11:54 AM PST

Walken, if I'm remembering correctly, did a nice dance turn in the Steve Martin Pennies from Heaven.
I would cast Dame Edna in Hair.
Posted by bk @ 02/13/2003 12:02 PM PST

Pitter, patter
What's the matter with me?
Pitter, patter
Rain is all that I see!
(In my neck of L.A., it's still cominh down)
Posted by Donna - Cabaret West @ 02/13/2003 12:11 PM PST

I just can't cast Hair with current young performers. Either they are pop-bland or they are real musical-comedy actor-singers, in which case they would actually do a terrific job.
So I am going to take some older folks and let them jump in a time machine to have their younger selves from the sixties get up on stage in the original Broadway version. Nudity required.
Berger - Jerry Lewis
Claude Hooper Bukowski - John Raitt
Sheila - Doris Day
Woof ("Sodomy") - Frankie Avalon
Hud ("I'm Black")- James Earl Jones
Jeanie ("Air") - Sandy Duncan
Crissy ("Frank Mills") - Anita Bryant
Female Tourist ("My Conviction") - Johnny Cash (that'll teach his dad to name him Sue!)
"Black Boys" singers - The Andrews Sisters
"White Boys" singers - The Supremes
Posted by William F. Orr @ 02/13/2003 12:11 PM PST

That's "cominG"
Posted by Donna @ 02/13/2003 12:12 PM PST

Walken also played one of the killers in Baker Street.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 02/13/2003 12:16 PM PST

Darn you all to heck, WFO!!!
With your added touch of song titles, you have upped the stakes and put my own puny contributions to this thread to shame. Frankie Avalon doing Sodomy would indeed be a shining star in the firmament of musical theater (to paraphrase Norma).
And the Andrews Sisters/Supremes Dueling Boys number would be the showstopper to end all showstoppers.
Bravo!
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 12:22 PM PST

Suggestions for "Hare"
Roger Rabbit
Jessica Rabbit
& Bugs Bunny
Perhaps Mr Fudd could song "My Conviction"
Posted by Tom from OZ @ 02/13/2003 12:57 PM PST

Isn't "shining star in the cinema firmament" Lina Lamont, not Norma?
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/13/2003 01:06 PM PST

WEL: Right you are -- I knew I'd be sorry for not looking that one up quickly. :)
You can tell it's been awhile for me and Singin'.
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 01:14 PM PST

Just to clarify: I knew which character and film the quote was from...just misremembered the name (I'm doing that a lot today!)
Posted by Lulu @ 02/13/2003 01:15 PM PST

Since dead people have cropped into today's game, can we have the Barry Sisters join the Andrews Sisters? They can do one of the refrains in Yiddish: "Schwartze Bochers Zayen Geshmach." (Or something like that.)
Posted by Jay @ 02/13/2003 01:32 PM PST

I meant crept, cropped.
Posted by Jay @ 02/13/2003 01:33 PM PST

Oy. I meant crept, NOT cropped.
Posted by Jay @ 02/13/2003 01:33 PM PST

Hair
Black Boys Are Delicious sung by Hannibal Lecter
Posted by Clarice "Damn Lambs Are Still Screaming" Starling @ 02/13/2003 01:37 PM PST

Jay:
"Schwartze Bochers Zayen Geshmach."
You naughty boy!
Here I am at the office, and my Joe calls and tells me his disease has been acting up, and he has the chills, and he is suffering from fatigue--and then my eyes roam to the screen and your post--"What are you laughing about?" he says. Oops.
Don't worry, he laughed, too. He has a "M.A.S.H." sense of humor and makes cripple jokes when he can't walk.
Posted by William F. Orr @ 02/13/2003 01:54 PM PST

The Barry Sisters suggestion reminded me of some interesting import CDs I turned up on eBay, at a very reasonable price. There's actually a slew, a literal SLEW, of original Israeli cast albums of Broadway shows being re-released on CD and they are, for the most part, GREAT! The performers are very talented and the translation is done very professionally and cleverly. Hebrew seems to be a good language for rhyming.
My favorites are the two available versions of MY FAIR LADY (I prefer the 1964 cast) and, yup, I could hardly believe it myself . . . HAIR!
You simply haven't heard this score if you haven't heard it in the original Hebrew. Wild!
Posted by Sigerson Holmes @ 02/13/2003 02:26 PM PST

Truth is stranger than fiction.
Posted by Jay @ 02/13/2003 02:28 PM PST

I have both the French and Japanese cast recordings of "Hair." Now that's wild!
Posted by George @ 02/13/2003 02:33 PM PST

Well, dear readers, I'm afraid I've got a spot of bad news to announce - we made the decision today to cancel the Tourette's benefit. Those of you who purchased tickets will have your money refunded immediately. The reasons for it are simple - poor ticket sales, and the charity not believing they would improve. The reasons for that are also simple - the climate of dread and fear in New York, because of these Code Orange and Red terrorist warnings. The charity's huge base of donors live in the suburbs and they simply don't want to come in the city. Bad timing, bad world situation - none of us were willing to take the chance that we might be playing to 100 people. And that's the news. It was a very difficult decision for the charity to make, as they are out a considerable amount of money already. I was one of the two people on the conference call who really did feel we would sell enough tickets over the next two weeks, but there was no convincing anyone at the charity. We'll never know now whether people were just waiting a bit to send in their orders (my feeling) or whether they were just to put off by the situation in NY.
Posted by bk @ 02/13/2003 02:41 PM PST

I've never seen Hair (though I'd like to) and I can't think of any great people.
I do think that it should be done now with the original Broadway Cast. Exhumed, if need be. Don't we all want to see Diane Keaton naked now?
If that fails, just have Elaine Stritch do it as a one-woman show.
I am glad to hear the good news about Mo, and send my best wishes to Joe.
Posted by Hapgood @ 02/13/2003 02:48 PM PST

well, Disney finally sent me a promo copy of the Music Man....oh, my...oh, my....I have very fond memories of this show since it was my very first stage performance (I was 10 -- and I did it again in my early 30's)....I was mildly curious about watching it this Sunday evening, but, having now listened to the CD, I know that I will be watching the 300th episode of The Simpsons instead
Posted by Donald Feltham @ 02/13/2003 03:01 PM PST

oh, and I can't believe someone brought up Claire and Myrna (the Barry Sisters)....they will be featured on an upcoming radio show along with several other fun sister acts
Posted by Donald Feltham @ 02/13/2003 03:03 PM PST

BK: A four-dollar residual?! Lucky you...I just got one from Cherry 2000, for 86 cents (thank you, Orion, for going Chapter what-ever). I think I'll drive their bookekeepers crazy and not cash or deposit it.
Hair casting:
Berger: Nicholas Cage
Woof: Sam Rockwell
Claude: Joan Jett
Sheila: John Cameron Mitchell
Crissy: Andrea Martin
Posted by KT @ 02/13/2003 05:26 PM PST

I think the people who cancelled the Tourette's Benefit have misplaced the blame for poor ticket sales. The fact is that outside of this here site there has been no publicity at all for this event. I know they did a mailing to their supporters, but that was just about it. I have seen nothing in any newpaper, magazine or other website about this benefit. Fans of musical theatre would support a benefit with the names involved if they knew about it, but I think that the Tourette's people were so sure that their own supporters would come they never bothered to spread the word. I don't care what the cause, if I saw that Debbie Shapiro, Leslie Kritzer, Diana Canova and more were doing a show, I'd buy tickets. Even the price was low for a benefit of this caliber. But I read all four New York Dailies every day and never saw one mention of it. I read a couple of local entertainment magazines and never saw it listed as a coming event. There was never anything on Theatremania, Broadway.Com, Broadwaystars.Com, Playbill.Com or any place where a non-Hainsie/Kimlet or non-Tourette's supporter would even know about it. I feel bad that BK put in all that effort for nothing. I feel even worse that a lot of the funds raised at the LA benefit were undoubtly spent on the aborted NY benefit. But New York has been at Code Orange since 9/11/01 and it hasn't stopped other benefits at larger venues from selling out - because people knew about these events. Maybe the Tourette's people thought that the supporters on their mailing list would buy all the tickets and they would not need any other publicity. However when they saw that the show was not selling they should have sent out a press release, bought a few ads listing the stars and contacted people with followings like Ken Mandelbaum or Peter Fillichia who would have been more than happy to spread the word. They might have bought a mailing list from Encores, Mufti, or some local theatre companies and sent a mailing out to their target audience. I hope they have learned from their mistake and will remember if they ever decide to have another benefit in NYC all you have to do is let the right people know about it and you can easily fill up the house.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/13/2003 05:38 PM PST

Apparently there will be at least ONE good reason to watch Sunday's The Music Man...the hats!
I just saw a pic of Molly Shannon (and Victor Garber) over at Playbill.com, and she is in a wonderful purple hat. Some of the women in the background are also wonderfully hatted. And let's face it, when was the last time we had a really good hat movie? (Sorry, but Daniel Day-Lewis in a stovepipe just looks phallic.) (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Posted by S. Woody White @ 02/13/2003 06:44 PM PST

William-
I will only say this. You are absolutely correct..
Posted by Craig @ 02/13/2003 06:52 PM PST

William E. Lurie hit the nail on the head. It's been my complaint all along, and the fact is we found out only recently that their PR person was no longer there. I tried to get Craig Brockman in there to help but by then it seemed everyone at the charity had panicked. I understand all points of view on it, but Lurie is right - if our theater community knew about it we would have sold the tickets.
Posted by bk @ 02/13/2003 06:53 PM PST

Well since Bruce already posted that I was going to be involved, I guess I can post and say that as of Tuesday, the plan was to hit the media hard - print, online and radio and I had been asked to compile a list as well as some ways to market the event. The days went by until today when the decision was made...
Posted by Craig @ 02/13/2003 07:05 PM PST

Sorry to hear about the cancellation of the Tourette's Syndrome benefit. BK, will you still be coming to NYC at that time? Maybe a couple of us Hainsies and Kimlets can have our own little fundraiser.
As for bad HAIR casting - that's an interesting pun - let me try this:
Claude: Kevin Costner (I still don't think he's a great - or even - good actor - and, now that I think of it, what has he done lately?)
Berger: Pee-Wee Herman
Woof: Michael Jackson
Hud: Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson
Margaret Mead: Jerry Springer
Sheila: Betty White
Jeannie: Brenda Vaccaro
Crissy: Britney Spears or Michael Jackson ;-)
Tribe: Dom Deluise, Bjork (I still don't get her), David Arquette, Jennifer Tilly, the Dell Guy,...
-Actually, some of these choices could work.
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 02/13/2003 08:29 PM PST

Here's HAIR:
Maureen O'Hara
Rex Harrison
Noel Harrison
Harry Hamlin
Harry Carey
Harrison Ford
Harry Secombe
Ed Harris
Julie Harris
Richard Harris
Hurd Hatfield
Helen Shaver
Tallulah Bankhead
Glenne Headly
Coleen Gray
Spalding Gray
Special Appearances by:
Joel and Jennifer Grey
Adapated by David Hare
Directed by Renny Harlin
Music Conducted by Bernard Herrman
Costumes (or lack of) by Edith Head
Posted by td @ 02/13/2003 08:29 PM PST

I know it's not ASK BK DAY, but I have one more question-- where in the hell are the rest of the pictures of all the Hainsie/Kimmlets and other rogues? Will it take the threat of bitch-slapping to get everyone to send their pictures in?
Posted by Kerry @ 02/13/2003 08:47 PM PST

td, that's total heresy!!!!
Posted by François @ 02/13/2003 09:40 PM PST

Jason, I'm glad to hear the news of Mo. Sned him a big kiss from all of us. OK?
Posted by Kerry @ 02/13/2003 10:08 PM PST

Kerry: Will do. He seems to be in great spirits, which is a huge relief for me to know. I'll be sure to tell him about all of you lovely people who've been asking about him, and that you're all glad he's doing well.
On that note, it's terribly late here. I just got in from a night at the Met which was followed by a birthday gathering for one of the guys who works with us. He turned 21 today.
Interesting side-note: My boss was with us at the bar tonight and he started talking (for some reason) about my keen observation skills (those were his words--not mine) and suggested that I will not only make a fine actor, but that I should consider taking up writing. I don't know what to think of that. I think I'm flattered that he thinks that I could actually pull that off!
BK: What would be your suggestions about getting into writing? I might actually consider it seriously (as a hobby--not to replace performing). I wouldn't even know where to start!!
Oh, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!!
Posted by Jason @ 02/14/2003 12:07 AM PST

td: LOL!!!
Posted by Lulu @ 02/14/2003 02:51 AM PST

Are you hot?
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/14/2003 04:06 AM PST

Francois, are you calling me a heretic?
Do they still burn heretics at the stake?
My St. Joan days are long behind me. . .
Posted by td @ 02/14/2003 05:53 AM PST

TD, your list sounds like the cast of one of those Art Fern "Tea Time" movies that Johnny Carson used to do - you know, the kind that always ended up with "...and Skippy the Wonder Monkey" or some such?
Posted by Dave @ 02/14/2003 06:12 AM PST

JR: Did you actually watch that? I heard it was a real trainwreck.
"Lorenzo is a sleazebag dipped in oil...he oozes smarm and slime" was one of the kinder critiques I read.
Posted by Lulu @ 02/14/2003 07:20 AM PST

No - I didn't watch, I was at a rehearsal, but I heard all about it. 8-D
TD - in PictureShow magazine for October, 1954, Allison Hayes declared that she wanted to play George Bernard Shaw's ST JOAN onstage - as soon as she was done filming Francis Joins the WACS. Sadly it was an ambition unrealized.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/14/2003 07:48 AM PST

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