haines his way

02/24/2003:
"THE ANNOYING POP-UP"

Well, dear reader, has this ever happened to you – you’ll be online, merrily doing whatever it is you do online, and suddenly you get a pop-up notice out of nowhere? It just arrives like an unwanted canker sore, and it says “If you are seeing this pop-up your computer isn’t secure” and says to come to a website which will help you make it secure. It then says if you close this window it will go away forever. Once would be fine, but I have been getting this pop-up thing quite a bit, yesterday, for example, I got it six times. Should one go to the website and write them a nasty note, such as “Damn them, damn them all to hell”? I did go to the website and there is a phone number, but these people seem to be located in Norway and therefore most likely do not speak English. In any case, I find it rather annoying but I suppose this is the price one pays for life on the Internet.
If you missed any of the goings on around these parts over the weekend, then you simply must catch up (or, at the very least, catch down). We had lots of excellent postings and some very interesting revelations in these here notes. Perhaps I should put a whole book together of all the revelations I have revealed – I could call it the Book of Revelations. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
I’ve been listening to quite a few CDs recently, including Monica Mancini’s new CD on the Concord label. It’s an entire CD of movie songs – such as Cinema Paradiso, Over the Rainbow, and lots of others. If memory serves, they are all ballads. I say “if memory serves” because I can’t currently locate the CD. I thought it was in my car but I cannot, for the life of me or anyone else, find it. Perhaps it is lodged somewhere. It’s a very well done CD, well produced, excellent sound, full orchestra with top Hollywood players. Some of the arrangements are okay, some are better than okay. I’d never heard the lyric to the Cinema Paradiso film, because I believe the lyric was written specifically for this album. It isn’t very good, unfortunately, not worthy of the beautiful melody. Miss Mancini also does one of my favorite of her father’s tunes, and probably one of his least known – the absolutely stunning and haunting them from Soldier In the Rain. I’ve loved this theme forever, and I’ve always wished someone would set a beautiful “rainy” lyric to it. Well, that is what Miss Mancini had done and she went to the Bergmans to do it. Unfortunately, they made it literal – it’s literally about a soldier in the rain – I mean, come on, how many people are going to sing a song about a fershluganah soldier in the fershluganah rain? Miss Mancini has one of those smoky throaty voices which jazz artists seem to possess, and she does very well. It’s a nice moody album and if I ever find it I’ll probably give it another listen or two.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before that unseemly pop-up thing arrives to annoy me.

Whew, made it, and just in the nick of time, or, at the very least, the joe of time. I continued my marathon of catching up on DVDs, and watched two count them two films by Francois Ozon (director of 8 Women). I was interested in him because of 8 Women, which I find wacky and stylish and fun. All these other films are not at all the same, they run the gamut. First I watched his film Water Drops on Burning Rocks which sounds like a Japanese art film by Ozu. It is based on a play by filmmaker Rainer Werner Fassbinder, and it’s fun and weird and moves right along. It’s basically a two-hander for most of its length and then becomes a four-hander. It’s about a middle-aged man who picks up a young fellow and their rather strange relationship over the next months. The boy’s former fiancée shows up and they decide to go off and get married. The man’s former lover shows up and there is much strangeness between the four of them, including one rather sublime miming of a German pop song by Tony Holiday. Then I watched his much acclaimed film San Sous Sable (Under the Sand), which I found a bit tiresome, but which does feature a wonderful dramatic performance by Charlotte Rampling. I then watched a French comedy by Veber, called Les Comperes, with Depardieu and Pierre Richard. Most of it was very funny, laugh-out-loud funny, and it was fun to see. It was, naturally, remade here in the States about five years ago, as the very unfunny Father’s Day.
Don’t forget, tonight is our Unseemly Live Chat at six p.m. Pacific Mean Time. We do hope lots of Hainsies/Kimlets will be there, for it is sure to be wild and wooly and also wooly and wild.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must type madly on my laptop computer, I must get that annoying pop-up screen, I must do errands and eat foodstuffs and then must type madly some more. Today’s topic of discussion: Let’s have another session of Wrong Casting, shall we? Today let’s have a revival of Hello, Dolly! with the most wrong cast you can possibly come up with (I know the movie version did a fine job of it, but we’ll do better, and maybe those TV folks will get some ideas). I’ll check back and give my suggestions in a bit. Post away, my pretties.

Replies: 55 Unseemly Comments

First post? We'll see...
Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Starring as Ms. Dolly Levi, we must have...
Matthew Broderick!
Posted by Dave @ 02/24/2003 09:11 AM PST

Of course, if this were a Disney made-for-TV version of HELLO DOLLY!, the big question would be, "Who would Victor Garber play?"
Posted by Dave @ 02/24/2003 09:27 AM PST

I HATE when it does that! Mr. Mark Bakalor will be along in a bit to fix it, I suppose.
Posted by bk @ 02/24/2003 09:31 AM PST

Worst cast Dolly? Why, Miss Carol Channing, of course!
Posted by Jay @ 02/24/2003 09:39 AM PST

The most obvious answer to who is wrong for Dolly is Carol Channing, but there is no chance she will be doing it again as the Nederlanders have announced that there will be an all new production when they produce it in 2005 as part of their Jerry “Why write a new show as long as they keep doing revivals and compilation revues” Herman Festival.
Actually almost every Dolly I think of could bring new qualities to the role. Remember in the 60s she was played by people as varied as Phyllis Diller, Eve Arden, Ethel Merman and Betty Grable and each of these women did an excellent job in a different way. Of current Broadway performers I would imagine that Lea Salonga, Marrissa Tomei or Molly Ringwald would be wrong, but every other name I thought of --- from Lea Delaria to Harvey Fierstein to Debbie Gravitte could actually bring a new approach to this classic warhorse.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/24/2003 09:41 AM PST

Good morning.
Now, I know I'm a little weary this morning, but it wasn't fun thinking I was starting to get double vision - vertically - reading the first part of these notes. ;-) Ah, the joys of the internet and HTML!
As for casting Hello, Dolly... Meryl Streep? Madonna? Glenn Close? All of them "could" work, it would be just a matter of the whole performance and their take on it. I'll have to think a bit longer to come up with truly bad and inappropriate choices.
OH, but, of course, Michael Crawford would have to reprise his movie role. OR - Eureka! - HE could play Dolly!!!!
And it looks like I won't be able to make the chat tonight as I'll be in rehearsal... But I'm off next Sunday night!
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 02/24/2003 09:54 AM PST

Dolly Levi: Christina Aguilera
Horace: Richard Chamberlain
Posted by Lulu @ 02/24/2003 09:56 AM PST

Bruce - did you watch the grammys? If so.. what did you think of the production?
As for Hello Dolly...
as Dolly: Ally Sheedy
as Horace: Andy Dick
Posted by Craig @ 02/24/2003 09:59 AM PST

I'll be back w/casting suggestions later but I had to laugh at Brockman fils suggestion of Andy Dick as Vandergelder. Made me smile.
My brand spanking new, handy dandy desktop computer arrived on Friday afternoon as I arrived home from work. Spent the entire weekend setting it up. So far, I'm happy though there are one or two minor problems and I have to get use to using Windows XP after Windows 98 but I'm a very happy camper right now. If I can be torn away from tweaking the machine this evening I will try to make it to chat.
Back later for Worst Cast Scenario starring ???
Posted by Ben @ 02/24/2003 10:05 AM PST

Am I the only one who has never heard any of the major Grammy nominated songs or albums and has never even heard of most of the people who have recorded them?
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/24/2003 10:05 AM PST

Hello, Dolly -- Bernadette Peters and David Cassidy.
Or, Donny and Marie Osmond.
Or, Michael Jackson, with Lea DeLaria as Horace Vandergelder!
I watched "June Moon" on DVD last night. I'm curious as to how much of the music in that show was written by Sondheim. The end credits were sung nicely, with Sondheim rating an "haitch" as "Sond - Heim" was sung out.
It had its moments. I thought it very intersting that one of the pieces Sondheim played at the piano as a "noodle" was "Che Gelida Manina" from "La Boheme."
Has no one among our New Yorkers yet seen "La Boheme" or have I missed their posts about it?
The DVD of the Australian production rarely leaves my player so enamored am I of it!
I've grown so accustomed to that cast that I can barely tolerate the OBC recording of the current production. The "lease" effective Rodolfo (IMO) -- Alfred Boe -- gets ALL the good arias of Rodolfo on the recording. His tenor is too florid for my tastes -- too much tremolo. Jesus Garcia's is best, but he gets piddly squat (the final act, which isn't a powerhouse for Rodolfo) on the recording. Just my opinion, though.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 02/24/2003 10:21 AM PST

Worst casting Dolly: Roseanne
Posted by Laura @ 02/24/2003 10:34 AM PST

Dear Laura:
Roseanne would be worse than Michael Jackson?
LOL
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 02/24/2003 10:44 AM PST

At least Michael Jackson can sing. Remember Roseanne singing?
Posted by Laura @ 02/24/2003 10:49 AM PST

Actually, I can see it now. A major ABC special bringing back the cast of "Roseanne" in "Hello, Dolly!"
Dolly Levi -- Roseanne
Horace Vandergelder -- John Goodman
Cornelius Hackl -- Johnny Galecki
Irene Malloy -- Sara Gilbert
Barnaby Tucker -- Michael Fishman
Minnie Fay -- Lecy Goranson
Gussie Granger/Ernestina Simple -- Laurie Walters
Fritz -- Martin Mull
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 02/24/2003 10:54 AM PST

Actually...I think John Goodman would be fun as Horace.. am I crazy?
Posted by Craig @ 02/24/2003 10:58 AM PST

Someone asked the other day (I forgot who) about the upcoming reissue of the original cast album of Nine. Per today's Ken Mandelbaum column, the CD (to be released May 13) will be on 2 discs totalling 99 minutes. There will be 87 minutes of the original cast including longer versions of songs that have never been released in any format and Mandelbaum assumes it is the entire score. There will also be 12 minutes of demos by Maury Yeston. Check today's Broadway.Com for more details of this and the other four Sony Broadway reissues that will be released the same date.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/24/2003 11:11 AM PST

Bruce, I think that Josh Groban beat Monica to the punch on "Cinema Paridiso" with lyrics. I might be mistaken though.
As for HELLO, DOLLY!:
Dolly - Judith Ivey
Horace - Gregory Harrison
Irene - Blythe Danner
Cornelius - Treat Williams
Minnie Fay - Britney Spears
Barnaby - Justin Timberlake
Ernestina - Harvey Fierstein
Posted by td @ 02/24/2003 11:25 AM PST

Pop-up windows! Ah! Some of us have been trying to encourage BK to switch from America Off-Line to Earthlink. Earthlink has a perfectly wonderful Pop-Up Blocker that smashes all those windows. It is very versitile, and you can over-ride it manually when you actually want to see a pop-up. There are lots of Pop-Up Blockers out there you can down-load, but I don't know which is best.
HELLO, DOLLY!
film remake, directed by Baz Luhrman
Dolly Levi - Nicole Kidman
Horace Vandergelder - Clint Eastwood ("I Talk to the Trees" is integrated into the new screenplay.)
Cornelius Hackl - Jim Carey
Irene Molloy - Jennifer Lopez
Barnaby Tucker - Pauly Shore
Minnie Fay - Callista Flockhart
Ermengarde Vandergeler - Gillian Anderson
Ambrose Kemper - John Leguizamo
Posted by William F. Orr @ 02/24/2003 11:31 AM PST

Oh a casting assignment. And what a terrific production it will be!
Dolly - Jenny Jones
Horace - Jerry Springer
Irene - Caroline Rhea
Cornelius - Wayne Brady
Barnaby - Jon Stewart
Minnie - Rotating cast of Barker's Beauties from The Price Is Right
Ermengarde - Kathy Griffin
Ambrose - Steve the Security Guard from Springer
AND they can just use the movie soundtrack!
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/24/2003 11:39 AM PST

HELLO, DOLLY!
Broadway revival, directed by Baz Luhrman, with a new book by Baz Luhrman, base on his screenplay
Dolly Levi - Bernadette Peters
Horace Vandergelder - Luciano Pavarotti
Cornelius Hackl - Antonio Banderas
Irene Molloy - Joan Jette
Barnaby Tucker - Brent Barrett
Minnie Fay - Betty Buckley
Ermengarde Vandergeler - Rosie O'Donnell
Ambrose Kemper - Savion Glover
(Note: In the interest of appealling to a new generation, Mr. Lehrman has scrapped the songs by Mr. Herman and had a new score commissioned by Frank Wildhorn and Jim Steinman.)
Posted by William F. Orr @ 02/24/2003 11:49 AM PST

I've been meaning to ask this for a long time --
What does LOL stand for?
P.S. Monica Mancini puts me to sleep. No excitement to her singing IMHO.
Posted by Donna @ 02/24/2003 11:52 AM PST

William - and I hear that Baz has hired David Henry Hwang to rewrite the book...
Posted by Craig @ 02/24/2003 11:59 AM PST

Primarily, in internet lingo, LOL stands for "laughing out loud."
However, back in South Carolina, I have relatives who end their e-mails with LOL and mean "Lots of love..."
So...one must be careful!
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 02/24/2003 12:00 PM PST

Donna-
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
ROFL = Rolling on the Floor Laughing
LMAO = Laughing My Ass Off
ROFLMAO = Rolling on the Floor Laughing My Ass off
Posted by Craig @ 02/24/2003 12:00 PM PST

A question for Jose and Bruce..
If there should be a strike of the 802 - will the actors that appear on stage who are members of the union (a few shows have members of the cast play an instrument and subsequently are members of the union) be considered "scabs" ?
Just curious...
Posted by Craig @ 02/24/2003 12:05 PM PST

Thanks guys!
Posted by Donna @ 02/24/2003 12:05 PM PST

Bagdad! Don't underestimate Bagdad, a city rich in romantic oriental lore. Bagdad! You must investigate Bagdad, and learn a few of the facts you never knew before. Due west of the Garden of Eden, due east of the Gulf of Aiden, where every male and maiden is laden down with the blisses of Bagdad, this irresistible town.
Posted by Sadam Hussein @ 02/24/2003 12:08 PM PST

Him you let post?
Posted by Robert Armin @ 02/24/2003 12:15 PM PST

Oh my goodness! We've been overrun by interlopers!
I must be getting paranoid. Maybe it's contagious. ;-)
Posted by Dave @ 02/24/2003 12:29 PM PST

Well, I'm from Big D. Can't ya guess by the way I drawl and the way I dress?
Posted by George W. Bush @ 02/24/2003 12:39 PM PST

The problem with bad casting is that it may well be a success.
I shall of course be loyal to my misguided country:
Dolly: Dame Edna
Horace: Sir Les Patterson
Cornelius: Hugo Weaving
Barbaby: Hugh Jackman
Irene: Nicole Kidman
Minnie Fay: Dame Joan Sutherland
Ernestina: John Howard
Posted by Tom from Oz @ 02/24/2003 01:00 PM PST

Tom I think Barbaby is in a different play....but the perfect OZ casting for the part is Jason Donovan.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/24/2003 01:14 PM PST

BK - you can try the Pop Up Stopper that can be downloaded for free at
www.panicware.com
You try it for 30 days and then can purchase it if you like it. I have found it to be very effective.
Posted by Internet Junkie @ 02/24/2003 01:24 PM PST

Yep, I think Barbaby is from that find show "Song of the Souse."
Man! You just don't see revivals of that show any more.
Posted by Ron Pulliam @ 02/24/2003 01:34 PM PST

Dolly-Tiny Tim
Horace-Pee Wee Herman
Posted by Arnold M. Brockman @ 02/24/2003 01:55 PM PST

BK: As for the pop-up problem, I had something similar, and it actually turned out to be a type of "virus". It didn't do any harm to my system, but it was a little program that prompted the ad to pop up every now and then. You may want to do a scan - I use McAfee and it's caught and cleaned them before.
And as for AOL pop-ups - I've never really had a problem with them - even before they gave you the option of turning off/on their internal ads. External ads are a different story. Of course, AOL has those ads at Sign On and Sign Off, but that's been about it for me.
As for the union mess in New York... It will all depend which contract they are under. If an actor plays an instrument in a show, then he/she is more likely under AEA than AFM jurisdiction. As for on stage bands, then they would most likely come under the AFM.
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 02/24/2003 02:09 PM PST

I shall have to miss yet another chat as I will be doing the Cabaret thing.
BK, I too have loved "Soldier in the Rain" ever since my Dad brought home a Mancini Greatest Hits LP (does anyone still wear an LP?) when I was maybe 8 and gave it to me.
And finally, in an alternate "Cinema Paradiso" universe, I am attempting to decipher the very strange and extremely gifted William Bolcom's manuscript for "Casino Paradise." Has anyone here ever dealt with a handwritten Bolcom score before? I'm redoing it for some people in legible printed software, but it is a challenge, let me tell you.
Posted by JMK @ 02/24/2003 02:37 PM PST

I love Paris!
Posted by Jacques Chirac @ 02/24/2003 03:05 PM PST

"What Annie! did for orphans, what The Music Man did for librarians, what The Sound of Music did for nuns, the new Broadway musical Frog and Toad is about to do for amphibians."
I heard that ad on the radio yesterday. Anyone know anything about this show?
Posted by William F. Orr @ 02/24/2003 03:12 PM PST

Chat is coming up in two hours - be there or be square or round.
Posted by bk @ 02/24/2003 03:58 PM PST

Ah! Don't you just love hyperbole? I am reminded of a review by Clive Barnes in the New York Times (yes, he was still at The Times, so that tells you long ago it was) of a show the name of which I cannot remember. The entirety of the review read something along the lines of the following:
"The producers of [name of show] promised that I would smile, smile, smile. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't."
Posted by Jay @ 02/24/2003 04:00 PM PST

Gary, Indiana
Gary, Indiana
Gary, Indiana
Let me say it once again.
Gary, Indiana
Gary, Indiana
Gary, Indiana
That's the town that knew me when.
Posted by Harold Hill @ 02/24/2003 04:30 PM PST

What in tarnation happened??? Naturally, Mr. Mark Bakalor isn't around to check it out. Did someone do something with italics or some weird code? Can someone undo what they've done?
Posted by bk @ 02/24/2003 04:49 PM PST

Looks okay to me....hmmm...Mr. BK you may have a virus.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 02/24/2003 04:51 PM PST

Now it's fine. Did anyone else have the weirdness I saw - no formatting or graphics, just type? I tried it several different ways, including Internet Explorer. Hmmm. Chat in one hour.
Posted by bk @ 02/24/2003 04:53 PM PST

Sometimes things happen on the WWW that defy explanation. Today on a message board, I got pages and pages of squares instead of letters. Eventually, it went away.
Gale Sondergaard was married to Abner Biberman, thus giving her a rather un-exotic last name.
Gale Biberman.
Abner Biberman - son of a wealthy dress manufacturer - was a member of the Group Theatre, co-starred with Frances Farmer in South of Pago Pago AND directed dear reader Susan Gordon in an episode of BEN CASEY.
Posted by Norman Einstein @ 02/24/2003 05:02 PM PST

Hear ye, hear ye, chat is now open.
Posted by bk @ 02/24/2003 05:52 PM PST

That chat was the grinchiest!
Posted by Dr. Seuss @ 02/24/2003 07:36 PM PST

What a lively and sparkling chat we had. And it is still going on even now. Why, soon we will be the most popular site on all the internet. I suggested if he were still alive that Sebastion Cabot would make a fine Dolly.
Posted by bk @ 02/24/2003 08:13 PM PST

My way to kill pop-ups is to use Mozilla as my browser. http://www.mozilla.org/releases/#1.2.1
Posted by Kit Lo @ 02/24/2003 09:02 PM PST

The Chat That Won't Die!!!
Lively and sparkling it was
indeed; both when it was
down to just me and Laura,
and then when the joint
resumed jumping with the
late-night crowd!
Posted by Jed @ 02/24/2003 10:31 PM PST

Well, here it is at 7:45am on Tuesday. I missed the chat because I was chatting with folks from Gateway and Iomega trying to get a piece of equipment to work. I consider myself to be quite computer literate and can set up a computer and assorted peripherals without assistance but when necessary information is not included, and the wrong software is sent with the hardware, what are you supposed to do??? Not only was I chatting with folks from Iomega, I had to go to their Web site (twice) to download the most current software (twice because the first tech assistant I spoke to "forgot" to tell me that I needed two separate programs). Well, that's all water under the bridge (it was beginning to resemble a bridge over troubled water -Simon and Garfunkle) because my computer is now up and running smoothly. Everything works, I have restored all files I wanted from my old computer. My ISP works fine and I won't be unceremoniously bumped off any longer. I stil have tweaking to do but I may actually come to chat next Sunday and stay for more than 15 minutes. Hooray!
Posted by Ben @ 02/25/2003 04:46 AM PST

A YEAR WITH FROG AND TOAD is a Children's show that is moving to Broadway in the hopes of appealing to a family audience. It totally sold out its initial engagement, but it remains to be seen if there is an audience for it at Broadway prices.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 02/25/2003 06:03 AM PST

Well, in another hour and a half, I'll be setting out for Orlando! We're getting away for a few days at a nice resort and (naturally) doing Disney.
So I probably won't be around 'til Sunday or Monday. Hope you all have a nice week! :)
Posted by Lulu @ 02/25/2003 07:23 AM PST

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