Posted by Matt H. @ 04/01/2003 08:21 AM PST

Great, Lulu, because it took me so long to post, I ended up third. I guess the April Fool's joke is on me! :-)

Posted by Matt H. @ 04/01/2003 08:22 AM PST

Because of a glitch everyone reading this post must shut down his/her computer system and reboot.

Do it now or your kidneys will explode!

Posted by Jrand52 @ 04/01/2003 08:30 AM PST

Matt darling, you forgot TROG and QUEEN BEE.

Posted by Joan Crawford @ 04/01/2003 08:31 AM PST

Hahahahahahahah.

<8-D

Posted by Jrand52 @ 04/01/2003 08:31 AM PST

Hey, Gang,

You can sleep easier now. NBC has made a decision about which lucky actor gets the spin off and stays employed after Friends goes off the air next season.

Click on the link to find out the latest scoop about the Central Perk crowd ;-)

http://www.thebluebrick.net/friendsspinoff.html

Posted by Ben @ 04/01/2003 08:43 AM PST

Female on the Beach *is* one of the finest films of all time.

Matt, you're about as friendly as a suction pump.

Posted by Lynn Markham @ 04/01/2003 08:43 AM PST

In fact, I wouldn't have you if you were hung with diamonds, upside-down!

Posted by Lynn Markham @ 04/01/2003 08:44 AM PST

I'd like to ask you to stay and have a drink, but I'm afraid you might accept.

Posted by Lynn Markham @ 04/01/2003 08:48 AM PST

This damn brick is loose on the fireplace...and...hey...what's this?

Posted by Lynn Markham @ 04/01/2003 08:54 AM PST

Anybody need a house with a boat launch.

Anybody seen Drummy?

Posted by Amy Rawlinson @ 04/01/2003 08:55 AM PST

The best April Fools joke I ever played was actually a Christmas joke. Back in the days when postage was much cheaper, my friend Barbara and I found a book of beautifully engraved Christmas cards and decided to send them to our friends so they would get a card that they had no idea who sent. Actually we went two steps further. We added personal notes in each card mentioning something that had happened to the recipient (a job change, an engagement, etc.) during the previous year, and we found an address in the Chicago phone book that matched the name engraved on the card and used it as a return address.

Naturally when someone would ask us if we knew the sender we would say no. One friend said “I must know this person so I sent a card back”.

An extension of this went on for several years. Barbara had sent her friend Joyce a card with the name “Hazel” and Joyce was very puzzled as to who Hazel was. Since Barbara knew that Joyce went to lunch at the same time every day, for years she would call Joyce’s office on a regular basis when Joyce was out and leave the message that Hazel called and Joyce had the number.

Posted by William E. Lurie @ 04/01/2003 08:55 AM PST

How do you like your coffee?

Posted by Drummy @ 04/01/2003 08:55 AM PST

ALONE!

Posted by Lynn Markham @ 04/01/2003 08:58 AM PST

Matt, how DARE you include one of MY films in a list with one of THAT creature's...WELL. I HESITATE to CALL it a FILM.

WHAT kind of a message board IS this, ANYWAY?

What a DUMP.

Posted by Bette Davis @ 04/01/2003 09:01 AM PST

Okay, so I'm thawing out the
polska kielbasa...

Posted by Penny @ 04/01/2003 09:16 AM PST

Well, we had another very productive Career Exploration session today. We did more mock interviews. I got a couple really hard-hitting questions: "Have you ever run out of candy to give out on Halloween?" and "Which Harry Potter character do you most relate to?"

What kind of questions are those????

Posted by Sandra @ 04/01/2003 09:19 AM PST

Sandra: I must ask...what university do you attend???

Posted by Lulu @ 04/01/2003 09:20 AM PST

She's not at Whatsamatta U.

Posted by Bullwinkle @ 04/01/2003 09:23 AM PST

Matt: Don't worry, I will refrain from posting tomorrow so that you can have a shot at being first (hint: BK usually updates the page at approximately 11:45 a.m.). :)

Posted by Lulu @ 04/01/2003 09:26 AM PST

So did anybody pull any good pranks this year?

Posted by Jennifer @ 04/01/2003 09:32 AM PST

The 350-pound psycho-therapist told us that we all have words that we say when we're nervous, like "um" or "uh." I found that when I'm nervous I say "what" a lot. But that's still better than the middle aged hippie who's been out of work for twenty years, who says "creativity."

Posted by Sandra @ 04/01/2003 09:54 AM PST

William, I love that Christmas prank! I would so love to do something like that. So what was engraved on the cards? First names only?

Still waiting to hear some good pranks!

Posted by Jennifer @ 04/01/2003 10:16 AM PST

Studio City? Isn't that the site of the old Republic Studios - then it became CBS Studio City...and then.

Be careful wearing your Speedo around there. The ghost of Vera Ralston will get you!

Posted by Jrand52 @ 04/01/2003 10:58 AM PST

Jennifer---
What made it so easy is that there were different names on each card. Some were first names (like Hazel), others full names and others something like "The Jones Family".

I remember over the years that once in a while my parents got cards that they weren't sure who the sender was, but they usually figured it out. What I loved most about this was that the Barbara/Joyce/Hazel part of it went on for years. Joyce never figured it out and Barbara never told her. Today with voice mail it would be impossible because Joyce would have recognized Barbara's voice.

Barbara (who I have known since I was 13 and who I still see every time I go to Chicago) and I pulled some other minor pranks. We used to go to the theatre, sit in the front row and take notes, causing the actors to wonder who we were. And whenever we went to a show we would grab a pile of Playbills which we would bring to the next show we saw and put on a few empty seats so that people would get programs for something other than what they were seeing.

And let's not even mention our phony Ann Landers letters with envelopes to friends for Ann Landers to reply!

Posted by William E. Lurie @ 04/01/2003 11:10 AM PST

Bill you are so bad. I particularly like the Playbill ploy.

I have done that myself with a friend - if I pick up the programs when we go in, and then there is almost always one on the floor from something else, or one in the lobby. Hehehehe.

Posted by Jrand52 @ 04/01/2003 11:16 AM PST

The Playbill prank reminds me of when my three younger brothers and I would go shopping with my mom when we were young men.. well, boys. Little boys. As mom was shopping for "unmentionables" and kitchen stuff, we would keep ourselves occupied in the women's shoe department. This was still when the size of the shoes was indicated by a sticker on each of the shoes. Well... we would start mixing and matching the size stickers. And, if we were lucky enough, we'd be able to watch some unsuspecting lady trying to squeeze their size 8 foot into a size 4 shoe.

Oh!... and then there were the times when my brother would pour soy sauce into the teapots at the Chinese restaurant as we were leaving. -That's how we found out that they didn't always empty out the teapots from one table to another.

I know I've played some pranks on some other people - and had pranks played on me - but I just can't really think of them right now. Hmmm....

Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 04/01/2003 11:28 AM PST

Soy sauce!!!!!!!!!????????????

Posted by Judith Tremaine @ 04/01/2003 11:31 AM PST

I had no idea WEL was so wicked! This is adding a whole new dimension to his character. ;)

Jennifer: I didn't pull this prank, but I thought it was a good one. I used to work in a dental office, and a couple of months before I started there, the receptionist pulled off THE April Fools Joke of all time on the doc (thereafter, he was always on his guard on April 1, so he couldn't be fooled again).

Apparently, a certain patient of the doctor's -- an older, spinsterish lady -- had been in several times recently. The receptionist, "Jane" (the names have been changed to protect the guilty!), forged a love letter to the doctor from the patient. And I do mean FORGED...she practiced her handwriting (found on the patient's chart) until she got it down pat. Then she put the love note in a pocket of the doctor's paper jacket (you know the kind that dentists wear).

"Jane" wasn't there when the doctor discovered the note, unfortunately...but for the rest of the day he was withdrawn, and she occasionally saw him pull the note out of his pocket and read it to himself again. The love letter said something about "I see the way you look at me and I know that you feel the same way I do..." really ridiculous, embarrassing stuff coming from ANYONE, much less a sixtyish dental patient. The doctor was just 40, had a wife and two kids.

"Jane" finally came clean about the deception at the end of the day. Amazingly enough, she was still working for the doctor years later. :)

Posted by Lulu @ 04/01/2003 11:38 AM PST

Nice to look at, nice to touch. The great god of the senses sparkling on the beach-until you remember that sewers empty into the ocean

Posted by Lynn Markham @ 04/01/2003 11:50 AM PST

I'll have that railing fixed in the morning, Mrs. Markham.

And are you sure you want Drummy, I mean Mr Drummond to move his boat?

Posted by Amy Rawlinson @ 04/01/2003 11:52 AM PST

Miss Crawford and Mr. Chandler labor grimly toward a storm-lashed climactic scene. Their progress is rendered no more fetching by the inanities of a hackneyed script and the artificiality and pretentiousness of Miss Crawford's acting style.

Posted by Bosley Crowther @ 04/01/2003 11:58 AM PST

Mr. Crowther, I hear Jan Sterling was awfully good.

Posted by Amy Rawlinson @ 04/01/2003 12:00 PM PST

Bless you, dear Bette. I deeply admire your work, too.

Now tuck those pop-eyes safely back into your skull and do try to conduct yourself like a lady.

Posted by Joan Crawford @ 04/01/2003 12:05 PM PST

Miss Crawford---
May I please try on your dress.

Posted by Jeff Chandler @ 04/01/2003 12:08 PM PST

What the @#&^?

Posted by Esther Williams @ 04/01/2003 12:09 PM PST

Esther,

I dood it.

God bless!

Posted by Red Skelton @ 04/01/2003 12:21 PM PST

Does anybody have a link to a .pdf file or otherwise condensed version of the TCM schedule for the month?

Last month I was able to print out the monthly schedule in only 4 pages (no summaries...just titles). This month, their "View and Print the Month" section consists of 26(!!!!) printed pages. Am I missing something? Don't they do the .pdf version anymore?

Posted by Lulu @ 04/01/2003 12:51 PM PST

Cecil B. DeMille's THE TEN COMMANDMENTS is being released as a two-disc DVD set...one disc per tablet, I guess.

Posted by S. Woody White @ 04/01/2003 12:59 PM PST

Sorry I can't be of help Lulu. I subscribe to their program guide. It's less than $1.00 a month and has a lot for info on each film than the website.

UPCOMING DVD ALERT

CHICAGO will be rleased 8/19

On 9/9 the deluxe "Special Edition" of Disney's SLEEPING BEAUTY will be released. If they do as good a job with this as they did with SNOW WHITE it will be a must have.

On 10/7 the deluxe "Special Edition" of Eisner's THE LION KING film will be released. From the description of the extras, it looks like a long plug for the stage version which will be in a national tour (ie: more than a few sit down engagements in large cities).

Posted by William E. Lurie @ 04/01/2003 01:02 PM PST

Gaaahhhhhh...really bad news. Feh.

Apparently, FOX probably won't be releasing future seasons of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. They released Season One late last year -- all 24 episodes from the first season, with extras, some blah (the documentary was the typical gushing "MTM is the most wonderful and warm and giving artist of the century" pablum), some neat (the original CBS promos from before the show premiered). $40 list. Apparently, sales were disappointing. Season Two was supposed to come out in March; it didn't and now it looks as though it (and future seasons) may not come out at all.

I LOVE MTM! And I hate what TVLand does to it (editing, compression, the bug on the screen all the time, squinching it up into a tiny box during the end credits (when there is always still dialogue or something else going on) in order to hype what will be on next, etc. It's so wonderful seeing MTM crystal-clear and uncut and now I won't get to see the rest of them. Meanwhile, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Futurama sell zillions of units. Feh and double feh.

Just had to vent. I feel marginally better now.

Posted by Lulu @ 04/01/2003 01:05 PM PST

In any language, Female on the Beach is sublime.

Pretentious? There are no camping scenes in this film.

Click on my name. Bless you.

Posted by Joan Crawford @ 04/01/2003 01:10 PM PST

Bruce,

How's everything going?

Posted by me @ 04/01/2003 01:34 PM PST

Well, Me, I'll be happy to tell you how things are going, not that I'm sure you really give a flying Wallenda. But, there are those here that do, so:

I just got in from jogging nineteen miles and I haven't even broken a sweat yet. I immediately did two hundred pushups, too.

April Fool.

Here is a real story, though: I was brushing my teeth this morning and I leaned over to rinse my mouth out (as I do every day) and somehow I pulled several muscles in my lower back (I have a weak lower back in the best of instances). It was quite painful, but I decided to hell with it, damn them, damn them all to hell. So, as painful as it was, I did fifteen minutes worth of stretching exercises. Then I ran some errands and made some phone calls. Then, even though there was still some pain, I went and jogged two miles. I'm happy to report that the pain is gone, the pain has gone to Spain. Isn't that a lovely story?

Well, Me, I hope that answered your question and gave you a full dose of ME.

Posted by bk @ 04/01/2003 01:44 PM PST

Hey, BK! I just got in from jogging two miles two! I mean TOO. Of course, Mother Nature played a sort of April Fool on me today. When I originally wanted to venture outside at 2:00, the sun was out and it was breezy. But after getting some stuff done, I wasn't able to head out until 3:00, and by this time, it had become quite overcast, and a little bit of a chill was in the air. Heh, that's what sweats are for. So, now I'm back here eating my post-jog salad, and the sun is out, and the temp has gone up a few degrees! Well, at least it's supposed to be back up in the 70's tomorrow.

Oh... A follow up from the weekend... When I got in from rehearsal last night, there was a bag hanging on my back door... and in the bag was a one pound Whitman's Sampler from my upstairs neighbor. It was an "apology" for all the noise this past weekend. Apology Accepted! Needless to say, I had to have a few pieces last night... Well... Who knew that they put some new flavors in that box?

-Thus the two miles today... ;-)

At least there's still one more layer left... for now...

Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 04/01/2003 01:56 PM PST

There aren't nearly enough foolish posts, you foolish people. We are lagging I tell you. I shall have to hit each and every one of you in the head with a sausage if we don't have some more excellent April Fool's Day posts.

Posted by bk @ 04/01/2003 02:14 PM PST

So... Do you think first tech for Hair would be a good time for an April Fool's joke?

Hmmm....

Film at 11:00!

Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 04/01/2003 02:19 PM PST

Thanks to all you guys for some of the heartiest laughs I've had in ages with all the allusions to FEMALE ON THE BEACH, Crawford, Chandler, Sterling, and Davis.

Actualy story: My best friend picked me up for lunch today and on the way to the restaurant, told me that he had lost his job. I was so upset and racking my brain trying to think of places he could go apply for a job (he's a computer whiz). He then gently reminded me of the date, and I had a beet red face for the entire lunch. Serves me right for poking fun of Joan's legendary FEMALE ON THE BEACH. I should have picked BERSERK!

Posted by Matt H. @ 04/01/2003 02:51 PM PST

For some reason it is considered unseemly and hence inappropriate to play April Fool jokes after 12 noon here in Australia. As it is in fact now April 2 and has been for over 9 hours any foolish prank would thus be doubly unseemly.
Thank you for the smiles everyone and a special thank you to D.R. Kerry for the "Help".

Posted by Tom from Oz @ 04/01/2003 03:07 PM PST

Upon the death pf Ms. Crawford, the press asked Ms. Davis if she had a comment. She said "My mother always told me to speak only good about the dead. Well, Joan Crawford is dead. Good!"

Posted by Ray @ 04/01/2003 03:28 PM PST

Oops! Of course, that should read "Upon the death OF ..." not pf!

Anyone ever go grocery shopping for strangers? It's real easy, all you have to do is toss stuff into other peoples shopping carts when they're not looking. Then, when the 80 year old gets up to the check out counter, they wonder how the hell that package of Kotex got in their basket!

Posted by Ray @ 04/01/2003 03:41 PM PST

I know this is yesterdays news, but I forgot to mention I'm a March 1st baby, so I share my birthday with Chopin and Roger Daltrey! Cool!

Posted by Ray @ 04/01/2003 03:43 PM PST

A hearty second thanks to D.R. Kerry. The "help" was much appreciated :-)

Posted by Ben @ 04/01/2003 03:46 PM PST

Here's a really wicked April Fool's joke! Whoever started this rumor is reaky SICK SICK SICK and should be bitch slapped from here to next week! I just heard there was a TV version of The Music Man with Matthew Broderick as Prof. Hill! C'mon! If someone is gonna start a prank rumor, they should at least make it HALF believable!

Posted by Ray @ 04/01/2003 03:49 PM PST

HEY! Guess who was on today's episode of Dynasty??

DEAR READER SUSAN GORDON! :)

I was so happy to see her. She played "Nurse." Cute little strawberry blonde bob under a starched white nurse's cap. NEAT! :)

Posted by Lulu @ 04/01/2003 04:07 PM PST

Remember, Elizabeth, the year I was romancing Jeff Chandler on the screen, you were playing a middle aged librarian in 'Storm Center.'

Remember, darling? Click on my name....

Posted by Joan Crawford @ 04/01/2003 04:10 PM PST

Susan - you didn't tell us you had a Dynasty credit!

Posted by Jrand52 @ 04/01/2003 04:12 PM PST

Hi all - I'm once again calling upon our Dear Readers for information of the theatrical kind. This is in regards to the Samuel French version of "Jerry's Girls" I've been told it is much different than the one preserved on TER/JAY records and would love to chat with someone that has either been in the show or has been involved with the show. Please email me any info you may have. I understand the recorded version was tailored for Carol Channing while the actual licensed version was the one that played on Broadway with Chita Rivera and I'd love to know the differnce as we're planning this show for next year's fund raiser. Thanks!!

Posted by Matthew @ 04/01/2003 05:01 PM PST

Thought I'd let ya'll be the first to hear the good (?) news. I saw the doctor today, and apparently we'll have a new Hainsie/Kimlet come November. Oy.

Posted by Laura @ 04/01/2003 05:37 PM PST

Congratulations Laura! What wonderful news!

Posted by Ray @ 04/01/2003 05:44 PM PST

Laura! Congratulations! :) :)

Posted by Lulu @ 04/01/2003 05:59 PM PST

I'm madder than a wet hen about those Iraqi-hugging beret-wearers! Boycott Samuel French!!! Or they should at least change the name of the company to Samuel Freedom! It's the only patriotic thing to do!

Posted by Ed Anger @ 04/01/2003 06:03 PM PST

Why boycott the French? At least they're not slaughtering vans full of innocent women & children! I am so ashamed to be an American right now.

Posted by Ray @ 04/01/2003 06:40 PM PST

More wonderful updates including photos of Bruce in The Apple Dumpling Gang!

www.brucekimmel.com

Posted by Michael Shayne @ 04/01/2003 07:12 PM PST

Thank you for your good wishes. I have to say, it is a bit of a surprise. It will take some getting used to, I suppose.

Posted by Laura @ 04/01/2003 08:22 PM PST

Well... No pranks at rehearsal. Which was a good thing, I guess. But it was a good tech. The usual slow tech pace, but it was relatively painless. Almost got through most of Act 1 in four hours, so not bad at all.

Congratulations on your news, Laura! -Of course, I keep waiting for the "April Fool"... But at least you'll always remember when you found out.

Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 04/01/2003 09:08 PM PST

Laura - You definitely win this
year's Best April Fools award!

At least, I'm guessing you do...

Posted by Jed @ 04/01/2003 10:17 PM PST

LOL

Posted by Laura @ 04/01/2003 10:19 PM PST

Ray: "Ed Anger" is the pen name of a columnist for The Weekly World News (or was, the last time I opened one, around ten years ago). The Weekly World News is a spoof of tabloids (which, I suspect, the bulk of their readership doesn't realize) and "Ed Anger" is their apoplectic, extreme right-wing, brain-dead columnist who always uses down-home expressions and lots of exclamation points to make his idiotic point.

So I'm sure that the "boycott Samuel French" post is meant to be a joke. :)

Did you know that French's Mustard has recently been forced to issue a press release about how their company is 100% American? Apparently, their sales have taken a nosedive due to misguided people actually boycotting French's Mustard! Not much of a stretch for moronic boycotts to encompass Samuel French, too.

Posted by Lulu @ 04/02/2003 02:01 AM PST

Click on my name to read an interview with the cast of Camelot opening tonight at the Paper Mill Playhouse...Brent Barrett is Arthur, of course.

Posted by Jrand52 @ 04/02/2003 03:47 AM PST

Congratulations to our very own Leslie Kritzer for getting the role of Rizzo at PaperMill Playhouse in New Jersey!

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/78758.html

Posted by Jason @ 04/02/2003 07:33 AM PST