haines his way

05/25/2003:
"JOE'S SPECIAL"

Well, dear readers, I hope everyone is enjoying their long, long, weekend. I had a lovely Saturday – I wrote, I drove, I ate, not necessarily in that order. I was quite a good boy, food-wise – up until ten-thirty I’d only had a salad with some shrimp in it. But I got very hungry on my way home from the movie and I ordered something to go from the Daily Grill. I must say, I don’t like the Daily Grill. Every time I look at their menu I think I’ve found something I will like, but then I don’t like it. I ordered a small Caesar salad (which was fine, actually) and then an Atkins-friendly dish called Joe’s Special, which consists of hamburger, eggs, mushrooms, onions and spinach. Well, there was so much damned spinach in the thing and it was so bitter and yucky that I could barely finish half of it. I was then quite nauseous for quite some time. No more Daily Grill ever.
Last night I went to my friend’s screening room to see Down With Love. Mr. George Chakiris was there again, and we spent quite a long time talking about many things, and he’s a lovely gentleman and I think he’s even going to come to the screening of The First Nudie Musical on Wednesday. The film was Down With Love, starring Miss Renee Zellwegger and Mr. Ewan MacGregor. Last year, Mr. Todd Haynes decided to make himself a Douglas Sirk movie, Far From Heaven, and he did so. This year Peyton Reed, who I’ve never heard of in my life, decided to make himself a Doris Day/Rock Hudson/Ross Hunter movie and someone decided to let him. The difference is that Far From Heaven, whether you knew Mr. Haynes was slavishly copying Mr. Sirk or not, worked on its own because the story worked and the performers took it seriously and played the characters as real characters. This does not happen in Down with Love. The movie is so full of its own cleverness it never has a chance. It winks at the audience, the characters and everything else in between. Miss Zellwegger, who I like, does not play a character, she plays Doris Day playing a character and it’s annoying. MacGregor has none of the charm of Mr. Hudson, but David Hyde Pierce does fine in the Tony Randall role. Tony Randall does fine in the Edward Andrews role. Instead of being totally true to the genre, they load on the off-stage double entendre jokes that turn out to be something else when revealed on camera (after the fourth time I wanted to scream “knock it off already”). The style of the film is very accurate from the titles to the split screen. But again, they suddenly use the split screen to do a series of sex jokes that would be right at home in Austin Powers. And then there is the music. Now, I like Mr. Marc Shaiman and his music here is accurate and excellent. The problem, as usual with today’s films, is that it never ever stops – it just keeps going and just when you think it’s going to finally, mercifully stop, it starts again. The running time is somewhere between 95 and 100 minutes (sources vary) and I clocked less than five minutes in the entire film that remain unscored. A scene will have a musical button, a line or two of the next scene will start in blessed silence and then the music will come back in and stay in forever. And it’s not just me – someone coming out of the screening said, “Geez, after twenty minutes I had a headache from the music – after forty minutes I wanted to strangle the composer”. It may not be Mr. Shaiman’s fault – it may well be what the producer and director dictated but its just awful and this trend needs to be stopped immediately. In any case, it’s one thing to make an affectionate homage to a beloved genre, it’s another thing to do it in a smirking winking way. That is not to say that there aren’t amusing things along the way, there are, but by the end the running time seems more like two hours than 95 minutes (I thought the film was over at the eighty minute mark, which I thought was the two hour mark, and yet it went on for another interminable twenty minutes). But see it for yourselves and post your opinions here. I’m sure the soundtrack album is nice, though and probably a lot shorter than the music in the film.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Isn’t it Sunday, a day of short notes? Quick, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below whilst I try not to think of Joe’s Special.

Oops (spoo spelled backwards), I’m thinking of Joe’s Special and getting nauseous all over again. Joe’s Special is special all right – if you want to get nauseous and feel queasy or if you like ten pounds of spinach in your dinner. Blechhh I say to the fershluganah Joe’s Special and the Daily Grill.
Don’t forget, tonight is our Unseemly Live Chat and we want to see as many Hainsies/Kimlets there as possible. We want to have a lively and sparkling chat with lots of dish but no Joe’s Special. There will be many shocking revelations in tonight’s chat so be there or be round at six o’clock Pacific Mean Daylight Savings Time.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must bring pages of the new book to my friend Margaret, I must buy shipping supplies to ship things, I must eat foodstuffs if and when I get over my nauseous feeling from remembering Joe’s Special. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Sunday, free-for-all day, the day in which you get to discuss any topics your collective hearts desire. So post away, post often, and I will check back and take part in your various and sundried discussions, and then I will see you all for our Unseemly Live Chat.

Replies: 37 Unseemly Comments

That is too bad about DOWN WITH LOVE. I had seen the previews and made a mental note to not miss it...but maybe I would be better off missing it! The look of the film appealed to me, but from what you have said about it I might not care for it too much.
Guess I will just have to go see DADDY DAY-CARE instead! LOL!
Posted by MBarnum @ 05/25/2003 09:45 AM PST

Sunday's Trading Spaces report:
Did anybody else see last night's new Trading Spaces episode? It had Laurie and Vern (my two personal favorites). Vern redid a kitchen, which turned out beautifully. He painted the walls cream lemon, put hard wood floors, gave them a new wood island, curtains, a bench. Very nice.
Laurie redid a living room and did an extensive fire place. She painted the walls what she called 'maple sugar' and it looked quite good.
I was very impressed with both rooms.
Btw, apparently tomorrow there will be a Trading Spaces marathon with episodes (repeats) from noon till 11pm (and maybe longer). The interesting thing is from 8pm-11pm there will be 3 episodes where they show the designers' comments (hildy, doug and kia). It looks like they are gonna add lots of stuff to episodes we've already seen (showing us what they were really thinking). That looks good and I will definitely tape it!
I'm not sure if I will make the chat. I've been very sick this week, and probably won't be up to it.
jennifer
Posted by Jennifer @ 05/25/2003 10:02 AM PST

DOWN WITH LOVE differs from FAR FROM HEAVEN as the former is PAROFY, not an HOMMAGE.
Maybe DOWN WITH LOVE smirks and leers, but never nearly as much as its source material - which contrary to the Rock and Doris references - is actually the very smug, very smarmy SEX AND THE SINGLE GIRL. Hell, DOWN WITH LOVE is practically a remake of Richard Quine's winking comedy! The plotlines are remarkably the same (magazine editor attempts to prove that best selling female author is not all she is cracked up to be), with sly tributes on the side to the three Doris Day/Rock Hudson comedies.
Don't like to disagree with our host, but, I found that DOWN WITH LOVE lingers longer in the mind than FAR FROM HEAVEN; but I will agree that a previous knowledge of the films being parodied is a definite must where DOWN WITH LOVE is concerned.
I thought that Ms. Zellwegger did a wonderful job at channelling both Natalie Wood and Doris Day to create her "Barbara;" while I would have rather seen someone much older playing MacGregor's part: Sean Connery would have given the character the grounding which Ewan MacGregor couldn't bring to the role.
Am I the only one who thought that Tony R. looked far, far older than his 70+ years? Maybe, he's CLOSER TO HEAVEN. . .
Posted by td @ 05/25/2003 10:10 AM PST

ooops, didn't spell check, and it should be PARODY. . .
Posted by td @ 05/25/2003 10:12 AM PST

A Trading Spaces Marathon!?!?! Can someone tape it for me?? I'll gladly pay for the tape and shipping and anything else related to the recording of such matters. Oh, what joy that would bring me!
By the way, Jennifer...Doug and Hildy were the celebrities on "Pyramid" on Friday. I thought that was funny.
Now I'm off to watch movies at a friend's apartment with people from work. It should be fun.
Hasta la bye-bye!
Posted by Jason @ 05/25/2003 12:11 PM PST

Yikes! Only 4 posts. BK will be doing some serious bitch-slapping if traffic doesn't pick up
I saw "A Mighty Wind" last night. It was an enjoybable movie but not as raucous as "Waiting for Guffman" or "Best of Show."
It was a parody of folk singing groups in the 60's who plan to perform one more time at Town Hall. There were some very funny moments throughout the film and a few very touching ones, especially betweeen Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara.
I had a difficult time feeling anything for Eugene Levy's character. The character suffered from mental illness and a lot of his characterization was not amusing. It was almost uncomfortable to watch. Perhaps it was intended that way. He did an excellent job with the role.
All of Christopher Guest's "regulars" were back and in fine form. It is well worth seeing but doesn't quite live up to its predecessors.
Posted by Dennis Clancy @ 05/25/2003 12:22 PM PST

Don't not see Down with Love on my account - others have enjoyed it, including td. I understand that it's parodistic, but I didn't find it very funny which is the key ingredient if you're parodying something. I found it simply wanted to imitate exactly what it was meant to be parodying. Furthermore, it is just about impossible to parody a comedy - how can you?
Now, let's get some postin' goin' on here, you people.
Posted by bk @ 05/25/2003 12:57 PM PST

Nice warm day today.
Yes, I agree with td, that from the previews DWL seemed to be taking on SEX AND THE SINGLE GIRL rather than PILLOW TALK - and I am sorry Mr BK didn't enjoy it. I will probably see it nonetheless, because there may be a moment or two I will like.
Hmmmmm....nobody is funnier than Doris Day when she is mad. Debbie Reynolds comes VERY close but then she gets a bit shrill.
My favorite Doris moments are:
When she finds the music in PILLOW TALK and realizes that Rex Stetson is indeed Brad Allen.
When she starts getting the calls in MIDNIGHT LACE.
When she is in the poultry truck with John Astin in THE THRILL OF IT ALL.
When she lands the plane in JULIE.
Oh heck - I just like all her movies, except CAPRICE.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 05/25/2003 01:14 PM PST

Bad news from "down under".
We are to get our own version of "Idol". This probably means we will get re-runs (a Peanuts reference) of every show from other countries as well. There was a programme last night on the "world Idol phenomena".Did it arrive in the USA from Japan? Seems like a relook at "Pop Stars" and similar programmes that have clogged our TVs in the last 5 years. What the world needs is a new "Spice Boy". NOT.
I loathe "reality", programmes and most "lifestyle" programmes as well. We get too many gardening, cooking, "house and person make overs" and travel programmes IMHO. Only thing worse is the plethora of Springer like shows. Thank goodness we have music instead.
Not elaborate lives but vicarious lives it seems.
Posted by Tom Guest @ 05/25/2003 03:01 PM PST

Oh, it's very difficult to disagree with Mr. K. for once, after all, this is the man who led me to the Cliff Richards' films and to the gloriousity of KIKI, LAPUTA and SPIRITED AWAY.
As to how do you parody a comedy? I think that MAD magazine has been doing that for quite some time, often brilliantly. How can anyone forget any of their sometimes brilliant parodies?
Posted by td @ 05/25/2003 03:23 PM PST

Jennifer---
We happened upon a new show last night that is just for you. It's like a "Talk Soup" of Reality Television called "Reality Wrapup". It's on Saturday nights on VH1 at 11:30 Eastern. They show clips from all the past week's reality shows and then make (well deserved) jokes about them. I saw about a minute of the Idol finale - enough to have finally heard Clay and Rueben sing and realize that they are not for me (perhaps they have good voices but they are both so over-produced that it hides whatever talent they may have). Based on the audience, it seems that show is pitched to fans of 'N Synch and similar groups. They showed a clip of a girl choosing a man in a green mask over a man in a silver mask (neither of who was Michael Crawford); several over-made up girls getting a bikini wax; a young black pre-teen girl being kissed by one of the Judds (the Mother - I can't remember who is who); someone trying to cook fish-wrapped in twigs; and other shows. It's the perfect reality show for people who either hate reality shows and love seeing them made fun of (like me) or people who love them and want to see the week's "highlights" again.
BK (You may want to pass this on to Mark) - why do I get pop-up ads while I am in HHW despite the fact that I have a program to stop pop-ups which works on every other site I visit?
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 05/25/2003 03:45 PM PST

Ummmm... Does anybody here know anything about birds? Especially cute little baby ones? Like, for instance, how to raise one if your neighbor's cat is playing with him and she brings him to you to raise him?
Posted by Sandra @ 05/25/2003 03:49 PM PST

I know it's unfair to judge a film from trailers and film clips, but I have to say that watching trailers and film clips of DOWN WITH LOVE on TV have not made me want to see it. I didn't think either Renee or Ewen had the naturalness to do justice to these characters. Doris and Rock EFFORTLESSLY floated through those movies; the clips I've seen suggest the two stars working HARD to be light and airy, and they just don't cut it.
As far as I'm concerned, Doris Day is probably the most undervalued talent in the history of 20th century movies.
Posted by Matt H. @ 05/25/2003 03:50 PM PST

Of course I love MAD parodies - but most of the great ones are not parodying comedies, they are pardoying things like Dragnet, and Superman, and Star Wars. My point is that it's difficult to parody something in a funny way that is already funny to begin with. I hope I'm being clear because I think you're taking it that I don't understand that parody is funny - I do.
Now, where in tarnation IS everyone? What is this, a holiday weekend? Get your butt cheeks in here and post or you will all be forced to eat Joe's Special and eat it ad nauseum with an emphasis on the latter. Chat in two hours and the turnout better be better than the turnout for today's notes.
Posted by bk @ 05/25/2003 03:58 PM PST

William, I live in Canada and DON'T GET VH1. You're right though, that program sounds exactly for me! :)
As for the Trading Spaces marathon, they are not new episodes. If they were, I would love it. I don't usually watch TS episodes after I've already seen them.
As for reality tv, most are finished for the summer. But one of my favorites is just starting again this week, Amazing Race. Pairs team up and travel all across the world to try to win a million dollars. The pairs are either friends, or related ... and you not only get to see the games, but you get to see lots of different countries.
I gotta go eat something, since i have not eaten all day :(
Posted by Jennifer @ 05/25/2003 04:02 PM PST

I remember the MAD parody called VALLEY OF THE DOLLARS especially and one on the tv series HONEY WEST - though I forget what it was titled in MAD. The episode was called "Thirty Minutes to Kill" and it turned out that's what ABC had when they ok'd the production of the series.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 05/25/2003 04:08 PM PST

Jennifer - I liked both rooms last night as well, although I usually don't like Laurie.
Her room was okay...I still don't like her - she's lazy and tries to fend off criticisms of her own ideas by criticizing them first.
Posted by Jrand52 @ 05/25/2003 04:10 PM PST

Isn't it sad that this is just the kind of weekend to send our wonderful May stats plummeting into the toilet? C'mon, people, now, smile on each other - post for God's sake. Are we Hainsies/Kimlets or are we mice? Chat is in one hour and if the room isn't full of wonderful folks I am personally going to visit each and every errant and truant person and bitch-slap them from here to eternity and back to Bataan.
Posted by bk @ 05/25/2003 05:07 PM PST

You know, maybe since it's a holiday weekend and everyone is apparently gone, we should just cancel the chat tonight. What say?
Posted by bk @ 05/25/2003 05:43 PM PST

No!
Posted by Sandra @ 05/25/2003 05:45 PM PST

Jennifer---
Do you get NBC shows in Canada? They have several new reality shows starting this week.
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 05/25/2003 05:59 PM PST

Okay, I've opened chat - be there or be round.
Posted by bk @ 05/25/2003 06:02 PM PST

Sandra, twice we raised baby robins. Do you know what kind of bird it it?
Jays and robins are meat eaters. I seem to recall giving our robins cat food. Following are a couple of links you might find helpful: http://www.nwrawildlife.org/documents/jacobs_birds.pdf, http://www.wildliferescue.ca/FAQ.htm. It is possible you have a wildlife sanctuary near you. Good luck.
Posted by Sandra @ 05/25/2003 07:08 PM PST

I would have posted earlier, but I was out and about and walking a lot today.
The chat tonight was sparkling and delightful. If you missed it you missed out. Anyway, I'm doing my HHW duty and posting...just because.
Posted by George @ 05/25/2003 07:56 PM PST

My favorite MAD parody of all time: EAST SIDE STORY.
I also loved HACK HACK SWEET HAS BEEN, a somewhat mean spirited jab at HUSH HUSH SWEET CHARLOTTE and other macabre outings from the mature stars of the mid 1960s.
Posted by Matt H. @ 05/25/2003 08:24 PM PST

I've been out all day today -- being busy and productive. Sorry I couldn't join the chat. Maybe next week.
Posted by Laura @ 05/25/2003 09:45 PM PST

Good evening.
Sorry to be truant and errant and errant and truant so far today. I had a matinee of 1776 in D.C., and then I headed back down I-95 to Richmond for the "weekend". It's my roommate's birthday, and once I got in, I spent some time getting the apartment prepped - and hiding the valuables. The party is still going on as I type this, and will most likely go on for at least a few more hours(!). We'll see... It's a great bunch of people, but I just needed to take a respite from all the activity for a few moments. -I'm also very tired from the week, and, as is want to happen, I got into "host" mode tonight - picking up empty plates and glasses, refilling wine glasses, etc. - which made me even more tired.
*However, I did escape earlier to get some dinner - I was literally dizzy and about to faint. -I realized that the last time I had ate was a protein shake at intermission... And since it was now eight hours later... So I went down to the corner, and got a nice beef tenderloin salad, and even splurged (!) on dessert - a slice of chocolate chambord cake - with stewed cherries on the side! -The kitchen messed up our dinner order - first it was "late", and then my friend's burger was overcooked to the point of being dry and charred. So, the burger and dessert was on the house! And now I'm back here at the apartment, in my room, while the party goes on outside...
Oh, and once I got back to the party, a friend had made an "eggnog cake" which is basically layers of angel food cake with an eggnog cream filling and almonds. YUM!!!
-Yeah, so I splurged again.
So that's why I missed the chat... I truly hope it was sparkling, and that it got the taste of Joe's Special out of BK's mouth.
Maybe I'll post more later, late night...
Until then...
-I hope someone has some sun this weekend.
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 05/25/2003 09:47 PM PST

Is the chat still going on? I was there at the beginning but needed to go eat. I have now rested, taken Mazal for her walk and am ready to chat. I'll go see.
Posted by Kerry @ 05/25/2003 09:59 PM PST

DR Jose -- Oh you poor little flower...if we could send you some of our sunshine, we gladly would. We are already having 106 degree days here with blistering sunshine.
Posted by MusicGuy @ 05/25/2003 09:59 PM PST

Jose,
We have plenty of sun here in Phoenix. Join us. And bring some cake.
Posted by Kerry @ 05/25/2003 09:59 PM PST

Well sir, you should have been there, that's all I can say, you should have been there (a Jason Robards reference). It was a sparkling and lively chat as usual tonight...I got to join in for most of the first part, then threw together a little dinner for DR Kerry and I. We watched the fairly new release (VHS) of "Analyze That" and we both enjoyed it as a nice light diversion.
We have "Prizzi's Honor" and "Swimfan" both rented for the next few days also. I love some of the character actors in Prizzi's, and I'm sure Swimfan is a dumb movie, but it has some pretty people cast in it. Go figure!
Posted by MusicGuy @ 05/25/2003 10:05 PM PST

DR Jose -- If you are ever in Phoenix, I'll make you a deal. You make a couple of desserts for Kerry and I, and I'll make you my chicken-fried steak with mashed potatoes and cream gravy. It ain't bad, no sirree!
Posted by MusicGuy @ 05/25/2003 10:08 PM PST

Dear esteemed, robust, guapo, and overly-spinached BK,
I don't know about other people, but DR Laura and I were not able to post during the day today because she was here at our house helping me put together a mailing of tickets to a charity fundraiser that Kerry and I produce yearly. She was very nice to help me, and it made it go along better than doing it alone. We even had your "Peter Pan" as part of our motivation music.
Our fundraiser is for a charity that we founded called Hopeful Heart, Inc. It provides direct financial assistance to persons in the arts who are facing critical or terminal illness. If anyone wants to take a look at its site, just look at www.hopefulheart.com .
So, after one deserved bitch-slap, may I beg a special pardon? Consider it a mitzvah. And have a bite of cake for me.
Posted by MusicGuy @ 05/25/2003 10:15 PM PST

Well, the rain is now POURING down - complete with thunder and lightning. And boy is the rainfall LOUD. No pitter-patter here of the rain drops... More like a flam followed by a series of para-diddles.
DRs MusicGuy and Kerry - I would be more than happy to swap desserts for main courses.
On a related note: Someone once made me chicken-fried steak but with a tomato gravy. Quite the delicious variation! -And the acid of the tomatoes helped to balance out the richness of everything else.
-But when I get to Phoenix, I want your original version!
Posted by Jose C. Simbulan @ 05/25/2003 11:27 PM PST

Note to Dear Reader Jose: MusicGuy, Kerry, and I all hope you appreciate that rain!! We'd love some!
Posted by Laura @ 05/25/2003 11:43 PM PST

William wrote:
Jennifer---
Do you get NBC shows in Canada?
Yes, we get many US stations (all the major ones for sure). Just not the uncommon ones like VH1. We also don't get HBO.
You might be surprised to know that we watch almost all US tv. And even though we don't get HBO, our paytv movie network carries a lot of their stuff. And our Bravo channel carries stuff like Sex & the City (thank goodness for that).
They have several new reality shows starting this week.
What are they? The only new shows i've seen for this week are Amazing Race (CBS-Thurs) and something called Fame.
Posted by Jennifer @ 05/26/2003 07:26 AM PST

Jenniffer---
The Martha Stewart movie was full of ads for new NBC reality shows. There's the NBC version of "Joe Millionaire" called "For Love or Money" (starts a week from tonight), the NBC version of "American Idol" called "Fame", and something called "Dog Eat Dog" which is supposedly in its second season. And Fox has a pre-pubescient version of "American Idol" called "Junior Idol".
Posted by William E. Lurie @ 05/26/2003 08:27 AM PST

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