There is a brand spanking new website, dear readers, and you really must visit, even though there is nothing up but a press release – it’s called meltzandernest.com. We’ll be adding interesting things to the site as the days go by – rare photos provided by the families of Meltz and Ernest (there’s one up now as a matter of fact), sheet music covers, and details about casting as they become available.

The other night I finally caught up with the Showtime film of Mr. Neil Simon’s Laughter on the 23rd Floor. I’d seen the show on Broadway, and while I felt it was not up to Mr. Simon’s best, I enjoyed it and laughed quite a bit. Well, the film is pretty much a total disaster, in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo). In expanding and opening up the play he’s turned it into a maudlin mush and I almost turned it off several times. The cast, which includes original members Nathan Lane and Mark Linn Baker are not as sharply honed as the other original members and the direction by Richard Benjamin is slack and lifeless (he, of course, has already visited this same exact territory with much better effect in My Favorite Year). There are new characters, new subplots but it just lays there like so much fish. Occasionally, when we get an actual scene from the play, it’s funny. Victor Garber is in it, too, and I must say I find him just about the unfunniest person who ever lived, and yet he keeps appearing in everything, always in comic roles, like Mayor Shinn or Daddy Warbucks or Applegate, where he sucks the comic life out of them. I understand he’s good on his dramatic TV series, but please, is there a law that says he has to be in every adaptation of a play or musical?

Yesterday I received a copy of the new biography of Mr. Ron Howard, written by an old schoolmate of mine, Beverly Gray (she wrote a very good bio of Roger Corman). There are three count them three pages devoted to Mr. Howard’s appearance in The First Nudie Musical, with lots of quotes from my very own self. I shall be reading it over the weekend.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because, after all, it is the last of February, a short month.

- Friday, February 28, 2003 @ 08:42 AM PST

Thursday, February 27, 2003

Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley. In my dream, I’d gone to Taco Bell and gotten four count them four regular crunchy tacos. When I got them home to eat I discovered, to my dismay that they’d left out the cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. There was only the meet (someone pointed out that I made this interesting typo - meet for meat - I wonder what it means, meat/meet-wise?) sitting in a lump within the shell. First I called them to tell them I was bringing them back, but the woman said I had to take a phone survey first, and then switched me to an automated survey. I hung up, and drove over to the Taco Bell place. I gave them back their incomplete tacos and the woman asked me if I was sure I hadn’t inadvertently removed the cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. I said to her, “And did what with them?” After much arguing they gave me the new complete tacos. Then I woke up.

Wasn’t that a lovely dream? So filled with portent and meaning, even though I haven’t a clue as to what the portent and meaning was/is. As I mentioned the other day, I received Miss Melissa Errico’s CD. I have now listened to it a few times and here is my full report as promised. First, let’s just say that it’s a wonderfully produced (by Arif Mardin) CD, the sound is clean and clear and Miss Errico’s voice comes through beautifully on every track. If theater people are expecting an album filled with Miss Errico’s favorite theater tunes they will not be happy and will probably stay away from the CD. That would be a shame however, and their loss. There is only one count them one popular song on the album, the exquisite Rodgers and Hart gem, He Was Too Good To Me. All the rest of the songs fall into a sort of pop/folk vein and, in one way or another, they are all ballads. Now, the thing is, I haven’t liked any of these CDs by theater people who fancy themselves rock stars, because I think they are not to the manner born – I find that they are rock poseurs and I only hear the effort. Miss Errico’s album is not exactly rock, but it’s definitely in a pop mode. But she is to the manner born, there is nothing “poseur” about it – she fits into these songs like a glove, doesn’t overact them, doesn’t underact them (so that they are a bland pudding), she just does them. For me, it’s a bit like it was hearing Maria Muldaur and Ricky Lee Jones for the first time (or Joni Mitchell), only better sung. It’s not a show-off album, it’s just Melissa Errico doing songs she believes in and doing them lovingly and well. I especially like her lower and mid-range, which is warm and smooth, and the way she caresses words is everything I love in singing. The album, entitled Blue Like That is a mood piece, and it was perfect listening as I drove around in the rain the other day. Her musicians are all top-notch New York players. My favorite songs on the album were the aforementioned He Was Too Good To Me, Love Junkyard, And So it Goes and Randy Newman’s When He Loved Me. I commend Miss Errico for doing the album she wanted to do, and I commend Angel/Manhattan for letting her do it and do it so well. I recommend this without reservation, and I think if theater lovers come to this with an open mind that they will really enjoy it.

What am I, Ken Mandelbaum all of a sudden? Don’t I have excellent questions to answer? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button to find out if I answered them, shall we?

- Thursday, February 27, 2003 @ 09:22 AM PST

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Last night I dreamed I was in Manderley. Last night I had the craziest dream. And I was prepared to tell you all about it only it has gone completely out of my head. I hate when that happens, because I do remember that it was a supremely strange dream. Ah, well, if it comes back to me I shall post about it.

Two very exciting motion pictures came out on DVD and I’m happy to say they are both lovely transfers. They are big films, dear readers, big roadshow films and I, for one, like big roadshow films. The first is from producer Samuel Bronston (King of Big Films) and is entitled King of Kings. I have always thought it one of the best of the spectacles, very literate and very well directed by Nicholas Ray. Jeffrey Hunter plays Jesus Christ, Rip Torn plays Judas, Ron Randell (who I would later work with when he was an understudy in a show I did at the Taper), Viveca Lindfors, Robert Ryan and every human being living in Spain also appear. The score by Mr. Miklos Rozsa is magnificent and, as I said, the transfer is very nice. The other film is Mr. Otto Preminger’s The Cardinal. Now, let me say here and now and also now and here that I like Mr. Preminger’s films, even the bad ones. The Cardinal is not great but it has many fine moments and some excellent performances, especially by John Huston. The film is lovely to look at and features a very moving score by Jerome Moross. Warners, rather surprisingly, has gone all out for this release and included a second DVD which has a two-hour documentary on Mr. Preminger, with lots of interviews with the likes of George C. Scott, James Stewart, Deborah Kerr, Frank Sinatra, etc. It was made in 1991, really before these types of documentaries had been done a lot, and apparently the producers have never heard of pull-ups or cutaways to shorten and make succinct interviews which are rambling and endless. However, there are wonderful clips shown, and it really made me want to see Tell Me You Love Me, Junie Moon, one of the few Preminger films I haven’t seen. It’s nice that Warners did this right (especially after the shoddy treatment afforded Mr. Preminger’s Exodus) – funnily, while the documentary does touch on most of Mr. Preminger’s films there are certain ones missing in action, such as Porgy and Bess and Skidoo. The best thing – The Cardinal cost me all of sixteen bucks and King of Kings fourteen bucks. Can’t have a better bargain than that.

My goodness, I am supposed to be doing the Hustle and yet on and on I go. We really must click on the Unseemly Button below, even though we must be doing the Hustle as we do so.

- Wednesday, February 26, 2003 @ 09:08 AM PST

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Yesterday, I received a lovely package in the mail – the new Melissa Errico CD and I shall be listening to it today and shall have a full report for you tomorrow. I also received a PAL DVD of Mr. Fellini’s La Dolce Vita from the United Kingdom. I couldn’t wait to watch it because I love the film quite a bit. I’d gotten a weird Brazilian all-region DVD of it a few weeks ago, but it was the wrong aspect ratio – 1:85 instead of 2:35 and believe me this film needs the full scope treatment, as Mr. Fellini’s compositions are marvelous. I knew this UK DVD was widescreen but not enhanced but still I was excited to watch it. Imagine my surprise when I saw that it was also in the wrong ratio, in fact it looks exactly the same as the Brazilian DVD. Where is Criterion when we need them?
In fact, La Dolce Vita has never been on video in its proper ratio (the laserdisc was wrong, too) except for an Italian laserdisc I owned that had no English subtitles.

Tonight I shall be supping with our very own Tammy Minoff at a supping place to be determined (TBD, in Internet lingo. Have I mentioned how lively and sparkling our chat was. And I don’t want to make other chat rooms envious, but don’t we have the best emoticons ever? I feel secure that soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet. Soon we will be the most popular site east of the moon, and way out west; south of Pago Pago and north by northwest; from the west coast all the way to Krakyourtoes, east of Java. From the valleys to the mountains we are the grooviest, the ginchiest, the coolest, the most rad, trad, fab, gear website in cyberspace and environs.

Our next Unseemly Interview will be with our very own Nick Redman. It will be very different than the ones we have had, but I think you will find it very interesting indeed. Mr. Redman is the foremost producer and restoration expert of classic soundtrack music and he also does documentaries for DVD (including Nudie Musical), and has been nominated for an actual Academy Award. He will tell the stories, he will name the names, it will be candid and lively and sparkling and you will learn things you never knew before.

Well, dear readers, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below which, of course, is located south of the border.

- Tuesday, February 25, 2003 @ 08:49 AM PST

Monday, February 24, 2003

If you missed any of the goings on around these parts over the weekend, then you simply must catch up (or, at the very least, catch down). We had lots of excellent postings and some very interesting revelations in these here notes. Perhaps I should put a whole book together of all the revelations I have revealed – I could call it the Book of Revelations. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

I’ve been listening to quite a few CDs recently, including Monica Mancini’s new CD on the Concord label. It’s an entire CD of movie songs – such as Cinema Paradiso, Over the Rainbow, and lots of others. If memory serves, they are all ballads. I say “if memory serves” because I can’t currently locate the CD. I thought it was in my car but I cannot, for the life of me or anyone else, find it. Perhaps it is lodged somewhere. It’s a very well done CD, well produced, excellent sound, full orchestra with top Hollywood players. Some of the arrangements are okay, some are better than okay. I’d never heard the lyric to the Cinema Paradiso film, because I believe the lyric was written specifically for this album. It isn’t very good, unfortunately, not worthy of the beautiful melody. Miss Mancini also does one of my favorite of her father’s tunes, and probably one of his least known – the absolutely stunning and haunting them from Soldier In the Rain. I’ve loved this theme forever, and I’ve always wished someone would set a beautiful “rainy” lyric to it. Well, that is what Miss Mancini had done and she went to the Bergmans to do it. Unfortunately, they made it literal – it’s literally about a soldier in the rain – I mean, come on, how many people are going to sing a song about a fershluganah soldier in the fershluganah rain? Miss Mancini has one of those smoky throaty voices which jazz artists seem to possess, and she does very well. It’s a nice moody album and if I ever find it I’ll probably give it another listen or two.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before that unseemly pop-up thing arrives to annoy me.

- Monday, February 24, 2003 @ 09:07 AM PST

Sunday, February 23, 2003

Last night I had quite a feast of movie watching. First, I watched a bit of the Japanese anime entitled Spirited Away, but I decided to stop because the English dubbing is quite awful – I will wait until the DVD which will hopefully have the original Japanese track included. Then I watched a documentary entitled Bowling for Columbine. I don’t know why, really, but I was dreading watching it and, in fact, have turned down the opportunity to see it several times. I like Michael Moore, although sometimes I think he’s a bit disingenuous. Well, it’s a wonderful film, and its rather astonishing two-hour length really does fly by. I am glad a film finally has the nerve to come out and say what I’ve been feeling and saying quite vocally, especially in the last few weeks – we are a nation being taught to live in fear by the media. When perfectly sane people are going out and hording water and food and buying duct tape you know there is something wrong. When cities have cops with assault weapons in the streets, when people are afraid to get on the subway because of unspecified threats (first announced by the government and then pounced on and played for high drama by the media), well, where does it stop? In any case, kudos to Mr. Moore and his crew for his wise film.

I then watched a motion picture entitled The Hours, another film I was dreading. I thought it was going to be one of those dreary Brit things that go on and on, those films no one remembers five years after they come out or, if they do remember them and see them again, can no longer remember what it was about them that they liked. Well, I enjoyed The Hours. I didn’t love it, but I liked it quite a bit. It told its story in an interesting way, was competently directed, well-written, and really well performed by its stellar cast. Both Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore have given two count them two excellent performances this year. And I must tell you that for the first fifteen minutes of the film I didn’t know it was Nicole Kidman – I actually think she’s cuter with the fake nose. She is an actress I don’t always like, but here her acting slip never shows and she’s very good indeed. The score by Philip Glass is fine, but what you’d expect from his palette of musical colors. Funnily, I kept watching that kid who played Julianne Moore’s son and thinking, “Why is he acting like that – what a strange bird” – then, of course, we find out and that took me totally by surprise, I must say. All in all, a fine evening of film.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Quick, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below, shall we, before I review my toenails.

- Sunday, February 23, 2003 @ 09:16 AM PST

Saturday, February 22, 2003

Apparently, without so much as a by-you-leave (or is it bye-your-leave? Or is it buy-your-leave? Or is it bi-your-leave?), dear reader Matthew went and had himself a birthday. Well, even though he tried to sneak it through with a throwaway comment, we still wish him a haineshisway.com special birthday wish. True, he did not leave us enough warning to don our pointy party hats, our colored tights and pantaloons, did not leave us enough time to prepare our heaping platters of cheese slices and ham chunks (the soul food of haineshisway.com), but we still can dance the Hora and the Mashed Potato and by gum and by golly we shall do so posthaste.

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled Adaptation. Now, I liked Being John Malkovich as much as the next person, but by the end of it I was weary from its cleverness. As much as I enjoyed some of Adaptation, by its final third (I refuse to use the screenplay jargon mumbo-jumbo of “third act”) I was weary from its cleverness. In fact, I’d say the conceit of the last third, clever as its trying to be, is too clever for its own good. The performances, however, are excellent right down the line. Nicholas Cage is very good in two count them two roles (or two sides of the same person), Meryl Streep has fun, and Chris Carter is very good. However, neither Mr. Cage or Mr. Carter would be my first choices for the Oscar. For actor, my choice is still with Adrien Brody who, unfortunately, is the longest shot of them all. And, for supporting actor, I still go with Christopher Walken for Catch Me If You Can. Mr. Carter is excellent in the film, but I’m sort of baffled by the wild acclaim for this performance.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’m concerned that the single whammy of the Evil Eye will soon turn into a double whammy of the Evil Eye and that would be more than I could bear on such a beautiful Saturday. So, without so much as a by/bye/bi-your-leave, let us click away.

- Saturday, February 22, 2003 @ 09:12 AM PST

Friday, February 21, 2003

I watched some more of Mr. Trevor Nunn’s Oklahoma! last night, on DVD, and it’s just awful. As I said yesterday and will reiterate now, I’m sure this production was visually lovely on stage, but the way it’s shot is so wrong it’s almost unwatchable. I couldn’t put my finger on it yesterday, but the guy who’s playing Ali Hakim, who I would like to brain, sounds like he’s doing Jon Lovitz doing a spoof of Ali Hakim doing Oklahoma! The only thing that’s keeping me going is Miss Susan Stroman’s dances, which despite the wrong camera direction are still fun to see.

Tonight is the second of my full shows on Penn and Teller’s Bullshit. It’s called Sex, Sex, Sex, and I warn you now there is nudity aplenty. I had a good deal of fun putting the show together, especially figuring out what types of music would go with the different bits. Also, later today our very own Unseemly Interview with Mr. Brent Barrett will be up and I’m sure you’ll enjoy it very much. He’s very charming, funny and candid about many things.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so that we can make a short hop to the next section where you will find fame and fortune and love. What am I, a fortune cookie all of a sudden?

- Friday, February 21, 2003 @ 08:31 AM PST

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Last night I watched the first forty-five minutes of Mr. Trevor Nunn’s production of Oklahoma! It’s on a PAL DVD. I’m sure it’s a lovely production but you sure wouldn’t know it from this DVD. Why is it so hard for the people who do these to know how to do them correctly? If you’re shooting a stage production there will be a certain amount of artifice. Sorry, you cannot get away from it much as you might like. But they’ve made the silly and ridiculous decision to shoot everything within the proscenium. The immediate problem with this is that you never, not once, get the geography of the set, from a front and center perspective. Okay, that’s a bad thing, but rather than have the courage of their convictions, at the end of every scene they cut to a camera which is at the rear of the stage looking out at the audience. So, not only do we not get geography, we don’t even get to see the set changes. We do get to see the audience, however. We have lots of shots of the audience before the show starts, during scene changes (fully lit, by the way – BTW, in Internet lingo), clapping wildly at the end of numbers. But once a scene begins we are within that proscenium two inches from the actors and the audience is simply gone. No laughs, no sound from them whatsoever. Terrible. It looks like Stroman’s dances are fun, but it’s hard to tell because you never seen them from the front other than a couple of times, and then the front view is never wide enough because we’re within the proscenium. Terrible. I mean, they're shooting a stage show - by doing it the way they're doing it they're almost trying to hide that fact, but then they suddenly don't hide it. It's schizo and it's a load of hooey. Hugh Jackman is a manly Curley, the Laurie is non-descript and ordinary as is Ado Annie, I wanted to kill the actor playing Ali Hakim (that’s how annoying he was), Aunt Eller was good, but this production seems, at least at the forty-five minute mark, to have none of the magic of Mr. Nunn’s Carousel. Then again, if Carousel had been filmed like this it probably wouldn’t have any magic either. Someday they’ll get it right – maybe our very own Brent Barrett’s Kiss Me Kate will be better.

Speaking of our very own Brent Barrett, his marvelous and sparkling Unseemly Interview will be up tomorrow. You simply must check it out because Brent is charming, funny and candid, not necessarily in that order.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I do believe I have some excellent questions to answer, don’t I?

- Thursday, February 20, 2003 @ 08:53 AM PST

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Last night I watched two count them two excellent motion pictures. One, I hadn’t seen since it came out, and one is a new film. The older film is entitled The War Game, a documentary from Peter Watkins that is sadly as devastating and timely today as it was back in 1965. It is only 47 minutes long but it is as harrowing and powerful as any feature-length film. Basically, it’s about what would happen if a nuclear bomb, a weapon of mass destruction, was dropped on a small English town. So, while it is done as a documentary, the action is all “staged” but staged so brilliantly and realistically that you will actually believe you’re watching a real documentary. Unfortunately, it’s only available on a PAL DVD at this time, but hopefully a smart company like Criterion will bring it out here, perhaps coupled with one or more of Mr. Watkins’ other films. Then I watched Mr. Steven Spielberg’s Catch Me If You Can, which I found totally delightful in just about every way. The fact that this film is only up for two count them two Academy Awards shows just how bankrupt that esteemed organization has become. I guess Dreamworks didn’t send out enough goodies to the voters. It would be lovely to see Mr. Walken win the award, and Mr. Williams’ score is my favorite this year next to Far From Heaven. At times the film reminded me of one I liked when I was a wee sprig of a twig of a tad of a lad of a youth – The Great Imposter. In any case, I really liked it a lot, although I wish Mr. Spielberg would go back to one of his other cameraman – this current guy loves all that diffusion and smoke and shafts of light and I’m rather bored by it.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Oh, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below, shall we?

- Wednesday, February 19, 2003 @ 09:19 AM PST

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled Ed Wood. I’d seen it when it came out in the motion picture theaters and I’d mildly enjoyed it. I liked it better the second time – it’s very sweet and the performances are quite good. Mr. Martin Landau truly deserved his Oscar for his portrayal of Bela Lugosi. For some strange reason, this is only available as a PAL region 2 DVD, but it’s a great transfer and it’s loaded with extras. I was especially taken with the production design’s period detail, even though I don’t believe Plan Nine from Outer Space could possibly have played at the Pantages Theater.

I’ve also been listening to two count them two CDs I made of classic overtures. That’s eighty minutes of overtures per CD. May I just say I love overtures and I don’t know why there is such an aversion to them today (I guess most revivals keep them, but what is the last new musical that had a full overture?). I mentioned this the other night in our chat – while Gypsy remains one of the greatest if not the greatest of all overtures, I must say the one I have played over and over since making these CDs is the one from Bob Merrill’s Take Me Along. It’s just wonderful and I’d forgotten how much I like that score. Other favorites – Flower Drum Song, Li’l Abner, Minnie’s Boys, Annie, Wildcat (it’s interesting that sometimes flops have great overtures), Whoop-Up, Stop the World, I Want to Get Off, and on and on.

Well, I feel it is time for all of us to click on the Unseemly Button below because I am having trouble coming up with anything else to write about in this here section of these here notes.

- Tuesday, February 18, 2003 @ 09:01 AM PST

Monday, February 17, 2003

Last night I finished watching Mr. Robert Siodmak’s The Killers and I must say it’s rather a splendid film. It was Burt Lancaster’s starring debut and he’s terrific, and it’s also an early film for Miss Ava Gardner, and in my opinion she’s never been better than in this film. There is a realness and simplicity to her performance that I’ve never seen in subsequent performances, where she really “became” Ava Gardner. The supporting cast is superb, every single player, and I can never say enough about Edmond O’Brien. The transfer is lush black-and-white, which really shows off the photography beautifully. Then I watched Mr. Don Siegel’s The Killers, which I’m not nearly so fond of. Then I watched the first two-thirds of Mr. Fritz Lang’s Metropolis. If you’ve only seen this film in fifth generation dupes of fifth generation dupes you are in for a bit of a shock. The film has been painstakingly restored from elements uncovered all around the world. There is a nice documentary included on the restoration – every frame of the film was restored digitally by hand and the results are not only amazing they are astonishing. It’s like ten pounds of accumulated dirt and grime have been wiped away and the image is breathtaking. The film doesn’t jump about in the gate, there are no lines or streaks, the contrast is unbelievable and watching it you simply can’t believe it’s over seventy years old. The film itself is a phantasmagoria of incredible imagery (ripped off many times for other less-interesting films) and is a must-see. This version has the original orchestral score written for the film’s premiere, wonderfully recorded and in 5.1 stereo sound. It’s also been restored to its proper length – where footage is still missing, they’ve put in title cards to explain what is missing. Get it, watch it, and be as amazed and astonished as I was. Perhaps I should have these notes restored. Can you imagine? Years of grime and dirt wiped away to reveal the sparkling sheen underneath? Yes, let's restore these here notes immediately.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Isn’t today a holiday? Shouldn’t we all be clicking on the Unseemly Button below? We should, we shall, and we will, not necessarily in that order.

- Monday, February 17, 2003 @ 08:53 AM PST

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Last night I watched a very loud and frantic motion picture entitled The Bank Shot. It stars George C. Scott as a bank robber. It’s most interesting because it was directed by Mr. Gower Champion, and he directs everything as if he were staging it, if you get my meaning. For example, there’s a lovely bit shot at the Van Nuys Drive-In where all the actors are in silhouette against the movie screen. But most of the time he has everyone running around crazily talking as if they were playing to the balcony of the St. James. Especially amusing is the one-scene performance of Mr. Harvey Evans. Mr. Evans played Barnaby in the national tour of Hello, Dolly! and if you’ve ever wondered how he was here is your chance to see how he was because even though he is playing the owner of a trailer park he plays it as if the owner were Barnaby Tucker. The biggest problem with the DVD, however, is that it is pan-and-scan of a scope film. I’m sorry, but there is just no excuse for this from a major company (MGM/UA) – it’s a budget-line DVD, but I’d rather pay five more dollars and have it in its proper ratio. It’s one thing to pan-and-scan or open matte a 1:85 film, it’s another to do it to a scope film, where you are literally subverting the director’s work by lopping off nearly half the film image. The other interesting thing (at least to me) is the fact that you can shoot a film in Los Angeles and never show one thing of interest (the entire film seems to have been shot in a three mile radius between Van Nuys and Tarzana).

I then began watching a new Criterion DVD, a wonderful film noir by Robert Siodmak entitled The Killers, from the story by Ernest Hemingway. It’s a great film, and the DVD also comes with Mr. Don Siegel’s 1964 remake, starring Lee Marvin, Clu Gulager and Mr. Ronald Reagan (whose last film it was). Both films look great. The remake is full frame because it was meant to be the very first made-for-television movie – however, it was deemed to violent and it was released to theaters instead.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I feel, for example, that we need to do something new and exciting.

- Sunday, February 16, 2003 @ 09:15 AM PST

Saturday, February 15, 2003

Last night I went with Jerry Wechter and his new girlfriend and his new girlfriend’s sister to a Russian restaurant called Premiere, which is located not in Russia but about three blocks from my very own house. Who knew? Jerry’s new girlfriend is Roumanian (she’s been here about ten years and speaks quite good English), hence Jerry’s new girlfriend’s sister is Roumanian (she’s been here two years and speaks English not as well as her sister). Jerry thought it would be fun to go to this place and I was game since I never go anywhere. The restaurant was huge, lots of tables together, and a little stage for the entertainment. When you are seated there is already a bountiful Russian feast on the table, every kind of appetizer you can imagine. Lox, and blinis, and caviar, and various and sundried salads and things I couldn’t identify. Some of it was quite tasty – the other stuff might have been quite tasty too, but I didn’t like the look of it and therefore I wouldn’t taste it. Jerry seemed genuinely smitten with Magdalena, his new Roumanian girlfriend and she seemed quite smitten with him. Elena, her sister, laughed quite a bit at me although I don’t think she understood much of what I was saying. We ate and ate and ate because every fifteen minutes for the next four hours they kept bringing new food to the table. Then there was the entertainment – a Russian band, dancers and whatnot. Then the Russian emcee went into the audience and got some foolish diners to make fools of themselves – naturally the first two people he came to were Jerry and I. We rose to the occasion, of course, and were the most foolish of all the fools. Then we danced. Yes, Virginia, I, BK, danced. I had no choice because Elena wished to dance and I didn’t want to be a party-pooper. Now, I do not dance, let us just state that fact right here and now and also right now and here. I just sort of flail about in a happenstance way. Occasionally, I throw in some steps from Pippin and A Chorus Line and that seems to confound everyone. It was very tiring, this dancing was and wouldn’t you know we danced until the cows came home, and those fershluganah cows were out late, let me tell you that. It was like a real old-fashioned nightclub – they had a photo lady who took pictures (I drew the line right there) and the service was quite nice. The music was very loud and I still can’t hear. In any case, it was fun in a Russian sort of way and it was truly a Roumanian Adventure.

What am I, Lowell Thomas all of a sudden? All that Russian food and atmosphere put me in mind of a Meltz and Ernest classic – one of their attempts to write a title song for a movie. Naturally, the movie producers were to stupid to see how great a title song it was and they didn’t use it. It was for David Lean’s magnificent film, Dr. Zhivago. I don’t have the music in front of me, but I do remember the opening.

DR. ZHIVAGO Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest

He was Dr. Zhivago!
He was Russian.
He was rushin’ here and rushin’ there
And rushin’ everywhere.

He had a wife and a girlfriend
He was busy.
All his patients kept saying
Where on earth is he?
Did he go to Chicago?
Where is Dr. Zhivago?

Where he lived it was snowing
And the cold wind was blowing
Still he dressed in high fashion
And he loved with a passion
And his patients were patient
For their Dr. Zhivago
And their Dr. Zhivago
Was a helluva guy.

There’s more, of course, but that gives you an idea at least. I think those producers were idiots, frankly.

Well, my other eye is now open, so why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below to continue our Roumanian Adventure.

- Saturday, February 15, 2003 @ 10:00 AM PST

Friday, February 14, 2003

Well, that was a fine opening paragraph, wasn’t it? I feel it really got right to the long and the short of it, don’t you? Last night I had a much-needed massage and then I watched a motion picture entitles See the Sea (Regarde la mer), by the fellow who directed 8 Women. It’s quite different, obviously low-budget, only fifty-two minutes long, and quite interesting. It’s one of those films that gets under your skin (no mean feat), and is quite creepy and just the right length. I’m interested to see his other films, too.

I’d like to remind everyone that the rescheduled Barnes and Noble signing at the Grove for Benjamin Kritzer is this coming Thursday at seven. I do hope that if you’re in the area you will stop by and see me, and also spread the word to all your friends and neighbors. It would be grand to have a full house, as it were. Also, our Unseemly Live Chat is this Sunday, and, of course, Donald will have a brand spanking new radio show up on Sunday as well.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button (no mean feat) so I can keep my promise of short notes.

- Friday, February 14, 2003 @ 08:51 AM PST

Thursday, February 13, 2003

I’ve been on the phone for the last half-hour with an early-morning call with one of our Nudie Musical director candidates, and we’ve discussed the script and I’ve heard his/her ideas. Later I’ll talk to the other candidate and discuss same, and then I just have to make the decision and be done with it. They’re both really talented, so it’s not easy.

Last night I watched Mr. Nicholas Roeg’s film of The Man Who Fell to Earth, a strange movie which has lost none of its strangeness in the ensuing years since its first release. My goodness, that was a long sentence. I didn’t love it back then (although it had been cut for its American release) and I don’t love it now. But it’s very interestingly done and David Bowie, no actor he, is surprisingly effective as the man who fell. Candy Clark is bold and wonderful, and so are Rip Torn and Buck Henry. Interestingly, everyone but Bowie ages during the film, and when you see Rip Torn at the end he looks almost exactly as he does now – so his makeup was top-notch, let me tell you. There are lots of extras (a whole second disc’s worth) and the film is worth a look if you haven’t seen it. It’s rather surprisingly randy, extremely randy so if you are easily shocked this might not be for you. Almost all of the explicit randiness was cut for its original release, so it’s nice to have this restored version.

I then watched an hour of a new DVD of Benny Hill moments. I never saw his show much when it was on, but I must say I laughed out loud many times as I watched, and a couple of the bits are way ahead of their time and hilarious (he does a thing on pan & scan of widescreen movies that should be a primer for why letterboxing is necessary). I am fond of low humor every now and then, and Mr. Hill is excellent at it.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t I have excellent questions to answer? I do, I do – oh, a Schmidt and Jones reference.

- Thursday, February 13, 2003 @ 09:10 AM PST

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Last night I finished watching the film entitled 8 Women, which wins the Hainsies/Kimlets award for strangest film of the year (actually last year – and actually released in France the year before). It is totally weird, but I rather liked it a lot and will watch it again. It’s as if Agatha Christie met Jacques Demy and off they went to Douglas Sirk and Ross Hunter’s house. In fact, the entire film takes place in a house (it’s based on a play). The cast is amazing, with Catherine Deneuve, Danielle Darrieux, Fanny Ardent, Isabelle Hupert and four other terrific actresses. It’s a murder mystery/musical/soap opera/comedy. The musical numbers sort of just pop in every now and then and are all French pop songs from the sixties and seventies. It’s all done in high style, the film looks incredible with lush Technicolor photography, beautiful costumes and lovely settings. It’s oddly touching, very funny at times, and I really liked the songs. It’s off-the-wall to be certain, but in a good way.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? The rain is coming down even harder now. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? I think we should all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can see if it’s raining on the other side of these here notes.

- Wednesday, February 12, 2003 @ 09:01 AM PST

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

In case you missed my post yesterday, the weekend was the biggest we’ve ever had, traffic-wise, almost double our usual. Don’t forget, Donald has a brand spanking new radio show up so give it a listen, and I hope to have Brent Barrett’s Unseemly Interview up later this week – if not, the following week for sure.

Last night I did the panel for the Disney/ASCAP workshop, which I’ve done for the last eight or so years. I always enjoy doing them, although it is slightly unnerving to sit and critique the hard work of others. On the panel with me was Mr. Peter Fleischer, who used to run the Disney animation division, and Mr. Paris Barclay, an esteemed TV writer/director, and also the author of the new musical, Letters from ‘Nam. Stephen Schwartz, the usual moderator, is off working on Wicked, so we had the talented Craig Carnelia in his place. The musical we saw was from the novel (and film) Now, Voyager. The authors had done the “short form” version two weeks prior, gotten notes, and had been working steadily since. What we saw was the first act. The panel all felt that the authors needed to focus their story, clarify what the show was about. The opening number, a nice number, led us in the wrong direction, but was, in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo) fixable with a different point of view and different lyrics. But the show never really told us enough about our heroine (Charlotte Vale), hence we didn’t care enough at any point. Craig made an interesting point that they need to make the show their own, not just present us with all these hoary things from the film. As someone said, in the context of when the movie was made, the cigarette business was romantic and naughty, but today it does not have the same meaning – so, they either have to set us up for the period better, or they have to find other things. Also, as the act went on, the music suddenly got pop-flavored without point, which we all felt was a mistake. But the authors are talented and hopefully they will keep working on the show. I saw many friends there – in the cast was the marvelous Marcia Mitzman-Gaven, who was in excellent voice and quite pregnant. The male lead was played by Mr. David Naughton, who appeared in our Tourette’s Benefit last year. In the audience I saw our very own Adryan Russ, my pal Doug Haverty (who did many of the Varese CD covers for me), director Paul Lazarus (he did You Never Know, whose CD I produced), and several others. It was very nice to see Craig Carnelia again, and we both reminisced about the Lost in Boston session we did together. At the end of the evening this young man came up to me and said he’d missed our bios at the beginning, but that he thought he recognized me and my name. I told him I was a record producer and that I’m also a writer and director. He looked at me and then said, “The First Nudie Musical?” I said yes, and he was so sweet about the film and he told me he’d written a musical called Bestiality because the film had been an influence. All in all, it was a fine evening, and Michael Kerker of ASCAP should once again be given kudos for the program. I also told Michael that we’d be interviewing him for our upcoming film.

Speaking of the upcoming film, I spoke to our producers yesterday, and it was decided to push the film back by four weeks – done for a variety and also a Hollywood reporter of reasons. Interestingly, this makes our new start date May 5th. What is interesting and serendipitous about that date is that Nudie Musical and The Creature Wasn’t Nice (aka Naked Space) both started shooting on May 5th.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I’m sure when we do so we shall discover yet more sentences on the other side.

- Tuesday, February 11, 2003 @ 08:54 AM PST

Monday, February 10, 2003

Today I am having another movie meeting, then tonight I do the ASCAP/Disney workshop, which I’ll have a full report on tomorrow. Now, because of the workshop, I won’t be around very much for the live chat, but I trust if we have any uncouth interlopers that you know what to do.

I must keep these here notes short today, there’s just too much to do and my brain is not functioning properly. It is very difficult to write notes when your brain is not functioning properly or when it has a zillion other things floating around that need attention. For example, just this very minute I sat and stared at the screen while I thought of four other things. Five minutes went by and then I came out of my reverie. So, you see the problee. Has anyone noticed that I just typed “problee” instead of “problem”? That is the whole problem in a nutshell. When you have a problem in a nutshell you do use a nutcracker to get the problem out or do you just leave it there? What the hell am I talking about?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because otherwise more problees might arise.

- Monday, February 10, 2003 @ 08:30 AM PST

Sunday, February 9, 2003

Yesterday, I took a floppy disc that contained my book with all its corrections to Kinko’s to have a few advance copies printed. I picked it up only to find they’d used some font I’d never heard of and using said font caused the book to have an additional thirty pages, not to mention throwing spacing off, leaving a ton of widows and orphans everywhere. Well, I said, “Unacceptable.” First, they tried to tell me the disc was at fault. I said, “Impossible.” All I’d done was save my Word document to the disc – the font, the one I always use for everything I do in Word, was Courier New, the normal typewriter font. Then they tried to tell me that they didn’t have Courier New on their computer – they only had Courier. I said, “Impossible.” Every computer has Courier New, and not only that, Kinko’s had printed many documents from floppy discs I’d brought in using the same font. He asked me to leave it, and two hours later he called me and told me everything was fine and that they were reprinting the order, needless to say on their dime. I took one copy of the bad font so I could go through it at home. I read the first forty pages and do you know what – I found several more errors, including one whopper that nobody had caught. I can see that today will be spent with me going over every page to make sure it’s as correct as possible. When I get the galleys in four to six weeks, then my three proofers can once again go over it with a fine-tooth comb.

Yesterday, I got a PAL DVD of a film I remember liking very much (from a book I remember liking very much) entitled The Anderson Tapes, with Mr. Sean Connery and Dyan Cannon, directed by Mr. Sidney Lumet. I’ve watched the first half, and boy is it bad. Very dated indeed, but also sloppy and flabby. It does “introduce” a very good actor though, so we must give the proper kudos to Mr. Lumet for having the good taste to have given the fellow his film debut – Mr. Christopher Walken. Tonight I’ll be watching a French movie I’ve heard a bit about, called 8 Women, starring Miss Catherine Deneuve and seven other terrific French actresses.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because it’s Sunday and Sunday is a day for short notes, so that I can relax and proof all the live-long day.

- Sunday, February 9, 2003 @ 08:41 AM PST

Saturday, February 8, 2003

Last night I finished watching An Affair to Remember. What a lovely motion picture entertainment it is. Very funny, touching and beautifully done. The new DVD has a beautiful transfer (a bit soft at times, but otherwise top-notch), and some extras. I watched the AMC Backstory extra, but I just abhor those things – they have no style, they’re all surface and I can’t stand the voice that narrates them. Other than that, I suppose it was okay. I then watched a motion picture I’d never seen, Pennies from Heaven, starring Mr. Bing Crosby. It’s a peculiar film, a musical (or a film with lots of songs) which opens with a death-row execution, but it’s quite enjoyable. Mr. Bing Crosby croons his way through five or six songs, and Madge Evans is beautiful as a social worker. Louis Armstrong is wonderful in one of his earliest appearances, but for me the revelation of the film was the eleven-year-old girl who played Patsy Smith, Edith Fellows. The film was made at a time when most child stars were trying to be Shirley Temple, but Miss Fellows is herself – real, funny, affecting and natural. In fact, I’d say it’s one of the best performances by a child actress from that era that I’ve seen. I’d never even heard of her before, so I looked her up on the imdb and astonishingly she’s still working - she did a film two years ago, at the ripe old age of seventy-eight. The title song is, of course, a classic, but there’s another song, the title of which I can’t remember (something about following you or wherever you are) that’s just as good.

Tonight I shall be supping with Miss Cissy Wechter, and I think I’ll bookmark this here site and maybe then she’ll pay us a visit. The cleaning lady will be here very soon, so I say we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can finish these here notes before getting the evil eye.

- Saturday, February 8, 2003 @ 08:31 AM PST

Friday, February 7, 2003

Yesterday, we had a very long meeting about our upcoming film – lots of details discussed and we start in earnest on the fifteenth. Since a press release will be going out next week, I may as well give those of you dear readers who don’t know the scoop. The new film is about those two marvelous but virtually unknown Tin Pan Alley tunesmiths, Meltz and Ernest. It is entitled The Importance of Being Meltz and Ernest, and it will feature many of the Broadway singers I’ve worked with over the years, plus interviews with a host of celebrity stars, as well as legendary composer/lyricists who will also talk about the team. The film will feature many of the Meltz and Ernest’s fabulous songs. Ever since I discovered them (that wonderful day when I found the sheet music to I’m a Blue, Blue Jew in a garage sale) I have been determined to bring their work to the public and finally I am able to. I will have more details in the coming week, and you will hear all scoops here first, dear readers. I am directing the film, and our producer is my friend, Nick Redman, the Academy Award-nominated producer of the brilliant documentary on Sam Peckinpah. Our musical director is none other than our very own Todd Ellison, and our choreographer is Jen Cody. Both Todd and Jen also appear in the film, as do I. We are very excited about this film, and we feel that this will finally give Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest the respect and fame that so eluded them in life. We have, for your information (FYI, in Internet lingo), discovered archival footage of Meltz and Ernest being interviewed on a local cable access show, we’ve uncovered rare videos of their songs being performed, the widow Meltz has provided us with home movies of the boys at work and play, and their children, Hinky, Jr. and Ellie Ernest will also lend their memories. Stay tuned for more details.

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled Road to Perdition. I suppose that ultimately I enjoyed it on some level, because I like Tom Hanks and Paul Newman. But it was all so heavy-handed and portentous and took forever to get going – I mean, it was almost forty minutes until I actually knew what the story was going to be. It’s beautifully shot by Conrad Hall, so it’s always nice to look at in a Frank Darabont sort of way, if you get my meaning. About two-thirds of the way through I realized that the music had almost never stopped, it was literally almost wall-to-wall score, and not a very good one at that. I can imagine what the spotting session was like. There was Sam Mendes, the director, and Thomas Newman, the composer – the titles begin and Sam say, let’s not have any music during the titles, just the sound of ocean waves. Tom nods his head. The titles end and Sam say, okay maybe some music could start here. Two hours later he says, okay let’s stop the music as soon as the end credits are over. Thanks for coming, Tom. I mean, honestly, more is not always better. Plus the music is like one long droning pad, except for when it’s doing its predictable pseudo-Irish meanderings. They really mis-sold this film, I think. I had no idea what it was about from the ads – in fact, I think I thought it was based on a comic book (it’s based on a graphic novel by Max Alan Collins).

I then watched the first third of the new DVD of Leo McCarey’s An Affair To Remember, which I’ll finish tonight. Now, don’t think me insane, but aside from seeing the film as a sprig of a twig of a lad of a youth (and I remembered very little of it), I have only seen snippets since. Well, it is such a charmer, and Grant and Kerr have such charisma and warmth and star power, and I can’t wait to finish it and give you my full report.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t we have an Unseemly Button to click? We do and we shall.

- Friday, February 7, 2003 @ 08:08 AM PST

Thursday, February 6, 2003

Last night, prior to and after my meeting, I watched two count them two DVDs – Send Me No Flowers with our very own Doris Day, and The Countess from Hong Kong, the final film of Mr. Charles Chaplin. I’ll start with the latter. When I saw the film on its release, I was actually a fan of it. I knew it was old-fashioned and corny, but despite it’s failings as a film, I just liked it and saw it a few times. Unfortunately, it really is quite awful. Oh, it has occasional moments where it comes to life, but Brando is really not suited to this sort of thing. Miss Sophia Loren, on the other hand, does quite well. And if you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. Sydney Chaplin, the star of the stage versions of Bells are Ringing and Funny Girl, well, here’s your chance. Every single shot in the film could be trimmed by a few frames and that would help the pace immeasurably. Still, it was fun to see it again.

Send Me No Flowers is a lovely comedy, with Miss Day, Rock Hudson and Tony Randall, and, of course, Edward Andrews, who I believe appears in every comedy made in the 1960s. The DVD looks gorgeous, as does Miss Day. In a small role is Mr. David Willock, one of my favorite character actors, and the father of my friend Margaret Willock Jones, who is the person who keeps me on track when I am writing those novels. There is a little dance sequence in the film which is choreographed by Mr. David Winters, who I would later work with on The Donny and Marie Show and in his film, Racquet. And the perky title song is by none other than Bacharach and David.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have excellent questions to answer? I say we all click on the Unseemly Button below whilst eating some curds and whey.

- Thursday, February 6, 2003 @ 08:58 AM PST

Wednesday, February 5, 2003

Last night I watched two count them two actual motion pictures. First I watched Auto Focus, the story of actor Bob Crane. I had a lot of interest to see the film but as usual with films like this, it was a big disappointment. I have never been a fan of Mr. Paul Schrader as a director and this film does nothing to change my opinion. Greg Kinnear is fine as Bob Crane, but it’s just a bunch of scenes strung together – we never really learn anything other than surface details, therefore we can never really feel anything or know anything. It just goes along (mercifully, it isn’t overlong), and then the ending arrives (which, of course, we already know), and then it’s over. One device the screenwriter uses is having Mr. Kinnear narrate the film (the same device as Sunset Blvd. if you get my meaning) – but unlike Sunset Blvd. here it serves no purpose at all. It’s just a device and nothing more.

Then I watched Unfaithful, starring Mr. Richard Gere and Diane Lane. My goodness, Miss Diane Lane has grown up since A Little Romance, hasn’t she? In any case, Unfaithful is a real Adrian Lyne film – it reeks of Adrian Lyne, and I will admit it had a certain charm for me because of it. I mean, one can always count on Mr. Lyne to deliver a film in which people go at sex as if they were pit bulls, in every position and location, sweat pouring from them as they steamily go about their randy business. Unfaithful is a remake of Mr. Claude Chabrol’s La Femme Infidele (or is it just “inspired by”) – it does hold your interest and Miss Lane is very good in her randy performance. It’s unintentionally amusing when at one point Mr. Gere says, “I have to go to Chicago” and he gives Miss Lane a snow globe that plays My Kind of Town (Chicago is).

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Quick, Watson, the Unseemly Button.

- Wednesday, February 5, 2003 @ 08:27 AM PST

Tuesday, February 4, 2003

Last night, I watched the motion picture entitled The Pianist, a film of Mr. Roman Polanski, who, in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo), has made some of the finest motion pictures ever. They include, Rosemary’s Baby, Chinatown and Repulsion. After Mr. Polanski’s ‘troubles’ and exile, he has continued to make motion pictures but I haven’t really loved any of them. I liked Frantic all right, and I thought The Ninth Gate had problems but at least directorially was a return to form. Well, The Pianist is no mere return to form – like Dolly, Mr. Polanski is back where he belongs. It’s a wonderfully directed movie – whether one responds or not is another story, but Mr. Polanski’s direction is the best of the year (out of the few movies I’ve seen). These films about Nazi horror are never easy to watch, and frankly I was told this was so brutal that it was almost unwatchable. So, I was prepared to turn it off if it got to be too much. But I must say, that while some of it isn’t easy to watch, Mr. Polanski does not go over the top. I found Schindler’s List almost impossible to watch, for example. That does not mean there aren’t harrowing images in the film, there are, make no mistake about it. There are also images in the film as fine as any Mr. Polanski has given us (one of them will go down as one of the greats, I think – where the hero of the film climbs over a wall, the camera rising as he does so to reveal a long street of total bombed destruction). Unfortunately for The Pianist, the distributor is Focus Films rather than Miramax. So, I don’t know what kind of chance the film has. The Oscars, sadly, have become about which distributor can spend the most money getting the most goodies into the hands of Academy members. It’s totally shameless and should be stopped, but unfortunately, it won’t be. Therefore, it is difficult to sometimes combat the relentless machine known as Miramax – however, if there is any justice, Mr. Polanski will be nominated for an Academy Award (he has received a DGA nomination) – he should win it, too, although I doubt he will. The other certain nomination should go to the film’s leading man, Adrien Brody, an actor I’ve never seen before. It’s a great performance, which I’m sure will somehow be overlooked – certainly he should be nominated – and he, like Mr. Polanski, should win as well. Not everyone will like this film, but I give it my strongest recommendation.

I then began watching an older film called Once Upon a Time – I’m sorry, it’s actually billed as Alexander Hall’s Once Upon a Time. Now, I don’t mind Alfred Hitchcock or John Ford or Howard Hawks having that sort of credit, but Alexander Hall? Never heard of him. The film stars Cary Grant and Janet Blair and is about a down-on-his-luck theatrical producer who discovers a dancing caterpillar. Yes, Virginia, a dancing caterpillar. This film would fall under the heading ‘whimsical’ and I found its first thirty minutes totally insufferable. I’ve never seen Cary Grant be anything less than wonderful, but he’s really bad in this. It’s not his fault really, and maybe it gets better, but I had to shut it off for the time being because I was about to hurl a plate at my television.

I then began to watch a motion picture entitled About Schmidt. I do hope it gets better, because I found its opening twenty minutes annoying. I love Jack Nicholson as much as the next fellow, and I’ve heard about how restrained he is in this film, so maybe I’ll start responding to something at some point. Certainly I haven’t thus far, especially the non-pace of director Alexander Payne.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I talk about another movie.

- Tuesday, February 4, 2003 @ 09:16 AM PST

Monday, February 3, 2003

Well, that was certainly a long paragraph. But I had to mention it because I cannot keep such things from the true and loyal Hainsies/Kimlets (and half-Kimlets).

I have made a difficult decision regarding Molly the Dog. She is very sweet and a ton of fun and we had a great time, but I am not going to keep her. I realized that I am going to be gone quite a bit this year, what with the film and Nudie and the responsibility, it became apparent, was going to be a bit too much to handle. I have told Jerry Wechter that I am available for Molly-sitting duties whenever I’m around – if he needs a break for a week or a weekend I will take her because Molly is a dolly. She’s unsinkable, too.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can find out more things.

- Monday, February 3, 2003 @ 09:35 AM PST

Sunday, February 2, 2003

When I got home, I ate some foodstuffs and then Miss Susan Gordon and I spent the rest of the evening going over the book changes, to see which we were going to use and which we weren’t – I dutifully entered the chosen changes. I will now run all of said chosen changes by my friend Margaret, and then I shall adjust what needs adjusting and by Tuesday the whole thing will be on its way to the publisher. Then, when I get the galley, we do it all over again.

Well, stop the presses, hold the phone, halt the train, step on the brakes, freeze, don’t touch that dial – we have another birthday to celebrate after the two we celebrated yesterday. Yes, we must once again don, or perhaps even jerry our pointy party hats and colored tights and pantaloons, we must break out the cheese slices and ham chunks, we must dance the Hora until the cows come home, because today is dear reader Ben’s birthday. So, on the count of three, let’s give Ben a big birthday cheer: One, two, three – A BIG BIRTHDAY CHEER FOR BEN!

Don’t forget, tonight is our Unseemly Live Chat and I’m predicting it will be a doozy, oh, yes, I predict it will be a doozy. While we are waiting for the doozy why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can see what exciting news I have to tell you.

- Sunday, February 2, 2003 @ 09:02 AM PST

Saturday, February 1, 2003

One nice thing about a dog is that you walk a lot. Molly loves walks and I don’t think she was getting many in her other situation – we took four count them four walks yesterday. I did discover later last night that she has an occasional gas problem and let me tell you her gas problem is potent, oh, yes, her gas problem is potent and I may have to purchase a gas mask.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can see what’s happening on the other side. I feel that there might be something happening on the other side, I feel it strongly, I see dead people and by gum and by gooly I feel there is something happening on the other side of these here notes. Now, wait just a darn minute – hold the clicking. Has anyone noticed that I inadvertently typed “gooly” rather than “golly”? You see what a mere lip of a finger will do? Has anyone noticed that I just typed “lip” instead of “slip”? Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. That’s what I’m dealing with on every page of my book. I mean, what is a mere lip of a finger? Fingers can’t have lips but they can have slips and the world goes round and round and round – oh, a Kander and Ebb reference. We’d better click right this very minute before I go on for another twenty minutes.

- Saturday, February 1, 2003 @ 08:43 AM PST