Yesterday, I attended the little paperback show and saw lots of people I know and had fun perusing, although I made no purchases. The neatest thing that happened happened when I first arrived. I was looking around, going up and down the aisles of dealers. Suddenly this fellow was staring at me, then he started to smile, then he came directly up to me and said, quite loudly, “I know who you are.” I said, “You do?” and he told me he loved my movies, and that he’d just finished listening to all three count them three commentary tracks on Nudie Musical. He went on and on about it and it made me feel quite good. He then introduced himself – Max Allen Collins, the author of the graphic novel, Road to Perdition, as well as many other things, including several films. Isn’t that a lovely story? It actually made my day.

Well, on this last day of March it is time to put on our pointy party hats, time to don our colored tights and pantaloons, time to break out the cheese slices and ham chunks, time to dance the Hora or even the Wah-Watusi. And why is it time to do these things? Well, I’ll tell you why, because why should I withhold such things from you? We have a birthday to celebrate, that’s why. Our very own Ann turns twenty-two on this very day, the last of March. So, let us all party until the cows come home and wish her a very special haineshisway.com birthday greeting. On the count of three: One, two, three – A VERY SPECIAL BIRTHDAY GREETING, ANN!

Say, I have an idea. Why don’t we click on the Unseemly Button below so we can begin the festivities? Isn’t that a sparkling idea?

- Monday, March 31, 2003 @ 08:59 AM PST

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Yesterday, I watched the whole of Fahrenheit 451, the film by Francois Truffaut. It really is a wonderful transfer, the color is excellent and the film is still really good. This film was hated by almost everyone on its initial release. I was in Chicago when it opened and hadn’t read any reviews and knew very little about it other than it was based on a book by Bradbury and was directed by Truffaut, who I liked. I went to the first early morning screening at a huge theater in downtown Chicago. Well, from the opening chords of music I was hooked (and by then I could immediately recognize that said music was by Bernard Herrmann) and I loved every minute of the film, so much so that I sat through it a second time, and then went back and saw it a third time at the evening show. I have loved it all these years, and now, like Marnie, people have finally come around to it. I also watched West Side Story – I’d already watched the supplements, which are fine but not brilliant (the book that’s included is lovely, though). Sadly, MGM/UA has used the exact same transfer they used for the original DVD release in 1998. Now, there was nothing wrong with that release – it was enhanced for widescreen TVs and looked fine. However, there have been quite a few advances in transfer technology since then, and they should have done a new transfer, even if they used the same source, it would have looked even better. I don’t really understand this kind of laziness, especially with a $40 list price. And I think it, like the 1998 disc, contains a strange color shift in the Overture that I’d swear was not in the original – I saw this film over twenty times in its initial engagement and my memory (which may be faulty) is that during the Dance at the Gym music in the Overture, the screen color was red, and then went back to blue. Here it’s almost a light orange, then it goes green for about three seconds, then blue. It just seems different to what I remember, and although I’d question my memory now, I rarely question it for things in the past. If you don’t have the original DVD, the set is well worth it. If you do, it depends on how much you want the book and the supplements.

Tonight is our Unseemly Live Chat and I do hope you all can make it. And we are going to have a special celebrity chat with our very own Alison Fraser on Wednesday at six o’clock Pacific Mean Time, so mark your calendars. Tonight’s chat will also begin at six o’clock Pacific Mean Time.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I really must hurry off to the little paperback show.

- Sunday, March 30, 2003 @ 08:31 AM PST

Saturday, March 29, 2003

So far I’ve watched all of The Andromeda Strain which, like Fahrenheit 451, was previously available on DVD. However, this is an enhanced for widescreen transfer and looks great. There’s also a “making of” documentary included, with new interviews with Michael Chrichton and Robert Wise. The Andromeda Strain, which seemed very futuristic when it was released, seems very prescient when watched now, and while the computer stuff is obviously dated, its ideas, sadly, are not dated at all. I then checked out Fahrenheit 451, again enhanced, and again looking swell. I watched the “making of” (both of these “making of” documentaries were directed by my least favorite person doing these – Laurent Bouzereau). It features the Truffaut biographer Annette Insdorf (also on Day for Night) who is so pedantic and phony-baloney, and pretentious, with that arch “professor” way of speaking, that I wanted to throw a chair through my widescreen TV, the editor of the film (who’s great), and Mr. Ray Bradbury. There’s also a piece about Bernard Herrmann with Herrmann biographer Steven Smith, and, according to the box, a feature-length commentary by Julie Christie. Why she doesn’t appear in the documentary is an enigma. And the commentary is not only by her, it includes the editor, the producer of the film, Annette Insdorf and heaven knows who else. And it’s cobbled together and every time someone speaks a voice announces who it is – every single time. It’s so annoying I wanted to throw a chair through my widescreen television. While it’s fun to hear Ms. Christie, I’m afraid she just rambles on rather incoherently. And where, may I ask, in the documentary or the commentary, is the film’s set and costume consultant, Mr. Tony Walton? These idiots didn’t even make an attempt to involve him? They could have called me and I would have put them in touch – but it’s not like he’s not living in the United States of America. But, the important thing here is the transfer, which is terrific, and the price (I paid $11.50 for both Andromeda Strain and Fahrenheit).
I shall report on the others tomorrow, especially the West Side Story DVD, which I’m in the midst of watching (I’ve already gone through its supplements).

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? These notes are so very dry today, don’t you think? I think these notes are very dry, and I think we need to hose these notes, I think we need to give these notes some oomph. Perhaps if we all click on the Unseemly Button below we’ll find some oomph waiting for us.

- Saturday, March 29, 2003 @ 09:04 AM PST

Friday, March 28, 2003

Last night I watched the first two thirds of a motion picture entitled Man’s Favorite Sport, starring Mr. Rock Hudson and Miss Paula Prentiss, directed by Mr. Howard Hawks. This DVD was supposed to be out ages ago, but has never shown up anywhere that I know of. I found it last night in a “used” bin. In any case, it’s a lovely transfer, and the film is not without its charms, especially the kookie Miss Prentiss’ performance. It’s Mr. Hawks revisiting his Bringing up Baby mode, but at a pace so leisurely that at times it’s numbing. The film runs just a little over two hours, which is at least twenty minutes too long. Still, there are many humorous Hawksian scenes, and it’s got a bouncy Mancini score, too.

Has anyone noticed that the wind is wayward and gone? Isn’t it time to click on the Unseemly Button before the winds come back and cause us to walk in slow motion again?

- Friday, March 28, 2003 @ 07:56 AM PST

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Have I mentioned that I am sorely sore from having jogged two count them two miles, which, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), I sorely needed to do. It is very windy here. The winds are gusting and blowing, not necessarily in that order.

I had to deliver something yesterday and when I saw the person to whom I had to deliver it we, of course, hugged, since it had been a while since I’d seen her. When I got back to my car and closed the door I was greeted by the most wonderful aroma of that person’s perfume and I smelled it as I drove around doing other things. I finally had to call her and find out the name of said perfume, as it was making me dizzy and causing me to drool (both in good ways) – she told me it was called Ralph Lauren’s Romance. I don’t like the smell of many perfumes, but boy do I like the smell of Ralph Lauren’s Romance. Of course, not all perfumes smell the same on all people, so there’s always that. That there’s always. Always there’s that.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t I have excellent questions to answer whilst being sorely sore and remembering the smell of Ralph Lauren’s Romance? I do, and I shall, not necessarily in that order.

- Thursday, March 27, 2003 @ 08:31 AM PST

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Last night I watched three episodes (coming soon to DVD – I got an advance screener) of a marvelous BBC documentary entitled Cinema Europe: The Other Hollywood. It’s a look at film’s beginnings in countries such as Denmark, Sweden, Germany, France, Italy and England. It’s actually quite moving and some of the images one sees is fairly astonishing. For anyone who simply believes that film is an “American” art form, these documentaries (six episodes in all, I think) help set the record straight. While America certainly led the way early on, these other countries were turning out astonishing work from the beginning. It’s wonderfully put together, narrated by Kenneth Branagh and beautifully scored by Carl Davis and others.

I’ve been reading my friend Beverly Gray’s new biography of Mr. Ron Howard and am enjoying it very much. I’m two-thirds through and it’s lively reading, filled with good stories and quotes. Mr. Howard wanted no involvement with the book, but Ms. Gray does a clever job using previously published material, interviews with people who know him (including yours truly for a bit about Nudie Musical), and it’s not done in a crass or crude way – Ms. Gray obviously has an affection for him that comes shining through. She only gets one thing truly horribly wrong, and that’s calling The Music Man film an M-G-M production (it’s Warner Bros.). If you like Mr. Howard I think you’ll enjoy the book.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because time is a fleeting mistress who waits for no man, woman, or tuna.

- Wednesday, March 26, 2003 @ 08:42 AM PST

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

While I was at the store, I decided to take a chance (having some credit to use up) and purchase my very first Bollywood DVD. My only brush with Bollywood was when I saw the DVD of Ghost World, which opens with the lead character dancing in her room whilst watching a quite strange Bollywood musical number. That DVD included that number in its entirety as a supplement. So, I went to this store’s Bollywood section, but there were hundreds of DVDs to choose from and I had no clue which might be fun and which might not. So, clever lad that I am, I went and found the Ghost World DVD and there on the back was the name of the film that the musical number was from – something called Gumnaam. I went back to the Bollywood section and lo and behold and also behold and lo there was Gumnaam. So, I used my credit up and bought it.

Now, I must tell you dear readers, that I have never in all my years taken LSD. But, after watching Gumnaam I feel that I now know what it is to take a “trip”. I guess Gumnaam is standard issue fare for Bollywood – in other words, they take a genre, pad it out to unbelievably long length and insert musical numbers every twenty minutes. Gumnaam was made in 1965 and it is derivative of tons of American movies. First there’s the plot – which is basically stolen from Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None (aka Ten Little Indians). The wacky musical number used in Ghost World is the first number in the film (it follows a murder). Then, a bunch of people get stranded on an island and one by one they die. There are musical numbers galore before and after each grisly death. The colors look like a surreal nightmare – vivid, garish, rather as if Douglas Sirk and Vincente Minnelli had taken an acid trip together. I assume they’ve learned how to do better sound since 1965, because the soundtrack mix is quite strange, although that only adds to the surreal quality. There’s a nice beach party number, one of the characters where’s something very similar to Ann-Margret’s Got a Lot of Livin’ to Do number, the “comic relief” thinks he’s playing in a 4,000 seat theater, and the main song which recurs throughout the film – a song described in one online review as “really beautiful” – really is beautiful, just as it was when Mr. Henry Mancini wrote it and called it Charade. It is literally, note for note (well, in the second line there’s a three-note difference, and there’s no bridge, but everything else is note for note the same) Charade, and it made me laugh out loud every time they played it (and they play it a lot). There’s another song that has the first refrain of Autumn Leaves. The film runs a whopping 146 minutes, with at least twenty of those minutes being shots of people walking around. But, the whole thing is totally mesmerizing and one simply can’t take one’s eyes off it. Gumnaam is available on DVD at several online stores (do a Google “Web” search on the title and you’ll find it) and it has made me want to see some others – I’m hoping there’s some kind of guide to help me choose.

My goodness, what a long paragraph. But that’s what happens when you’re going Bollywood. Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I start singing Charade with Indian lyrics.

- Tuesday, March 25, 2003 @ 08:35 AM PST

Monday, March 24, 2003

I’m going to keep today’s notes short because I’ve got a lot to do today and I must get cracking. Besides, if you missed the weekend notes, you’ve got a lot of reading to catch up on.

I’m going to order my digital cable this week – does anyone have any thoughts between the DishNetwork and DirectTV? I can’t imagine there’s much difference, although with DishNetwork they come out for free, the equipment ends up being free (they credit you for your first bill) – I’m just not sure about the channels and the perks.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get cracking.

- Monday, March 24, 2003 @ 07:52 AM PST

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Last night I watched a brand spanking new DVD, one of those Broadway Theater Archive things that they are putting out with some regularity. I must say, I never thought the one I watched last night would ever make it to DVD but it has. It’s called Forget-Me-Not Lane and it’s by Peter Nichols (Joe Egg). It stars Joseph Mahar, Tom Hulce (in his first starring role – he was understudying Peter Firth in Equus at the time), Geraldine Fitzgerald, Donald Moffat, Joyce Ebert and my very own self. I’d done the play here at the Taper (with John McMartin, Bud Cort, Beulah Garrick and Charlotte Moore), and when it came time to tape it, they only brought three of us from LA – Donald, me and Betsy Slade. We did the play in 1973 and, as I recall, this was taped (in Connecticut) in the first part of 1974. How weird it was to see it – I rarely like watching myself in anything, especially something this old. I must say, I look impossibly young in it, and I thought my English accent was very good, and I really liked my costumes (by Joseph Aulisi). The play, which, at the time, I thought brilliant, really isn’t, but it’s a lovely memory play. I remember the hardest thing for me was not adapting the performance for the camera (I’d done quite a bit of television by then), but the lack of laughter. My part got lots of laughs in the theater, and it was unnerving not to hear them. The funniest thing is that I’m on the cover of the DVD. Who would have thought?

Well, dear readers, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because we must start our Oscar bash preparations, mustn’t we? We must and we shall, not necessarily in that order.

- Sunday, March 23, 2003 @ 08:33 AM PST

Saturday, March 22, 2003

When did it change, dear readers? When did the news media become what it is today? It wasn’t always like that, it wasn’t always a “show”, complete with dramatic title cards and musical score. It wasn’t filled with overacting anchors and the breathless pacing of an MTV video. It skeeves me, frankly, and I will not view it anymore. That was a little Saturday Morning Rant, brought to you by haineshisway.com Cheese Slices and Ham Chunks.

I spent a good deal of time on the phone yesterday with Dell, trying to fix that little freeze problem I’ve mentioned before. The one where my computer simply freezes and everything begins to fragment and the only way out is to use the power button to shut down. This makes me very nervous, but the man we spoke to yesterday assured me by doing what we did (updating BIOS and the video driver) that it would never happen again. We shall see what we shall see. Was that another Saturday Morning Rant? I know not.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before the cleaning lady and her Evil Eye arrive, because frankly if she gives me the Evil Eye it will skeeve me.

- Saturday, March 22, 2003 @ 07:56 AM PST

Friday, March 21, 2003

What am I, a voting member of an online DVD Academy all of a sudden? I also watched The Magnificent Seven (I’ve had the DVD since it came out and finally got to it) and what a terrific movie it is. It’s rather leisurely paced by today’s standards, which I found refreshing. The cast is, of course, top-notch all the way, and Elmer Bernstein’s score is a lesson in how to write music for a film.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I must pull myself together and head off to two count them two morning meetings.

- Friday, March 21, 2003 @ 08:21 AM PST

Thursday, March 20, 2003

In the meantime, there are many other things occupying my time right now, so that is good. One of the things that is occupying my time right now is producing a new CD. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I, BK, am producing a new CD. I’m producing it for our very own Richard Valley, who happens to run the best genre magazine around – Scarlet Street. We’ve actually been talking about this album since way back in the Varese Sarabande days and now by gum and by golly we are going to do it. What the album is I cannot say, oh, no, I cannot say at this time. At another time I will say what this album is, oh, yes, at another time I will tell all. I can tell you that it will feature many of my regular singers and that it will be a good deal of fun. My friend Grant Geissman is doing the musical directing and arrangements (he’s done arrangements for several of my albums) and we are hoping to be in the studio within the next eight weeks, both here and in New York. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t I have some excellent questions to answer? I do, I do – oh, a Schmidt and Jones reference.

- Thursday, March 20, 2003 @ 09:00 AM PST

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled Fear Strikes Out starring Mr. Anthony Perkins as baseball star Jim Piersall. It’s a gorgeous black-and-white transfer, and I like the film very much. It’s directed by Robert Mulligan (produced by Alan Pakula), also stars Karl Malden and has a score by Elmer Bernstein. Watching Mr. Perkins battle mental illness was a lesson in great screen acting. Some of it is almost a dress rehearsal for Psycho, which he would film two years later. Mr. Perkins is so disarming, so fresh, so subtle and real, and Mr. Malden matches him every step of the way.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button because frankly or even louisly, I am feeling gregarious this fine day.

- Wednesday, March 19, 2003 @ 08:17 AM PST

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

The second of my blurbs is from Mr. Gary Owens (if you missed the first, do check yesterday’s notes). Here it is:

“Gott in Himmel it’s Bruce Kimmel! Everything Bruce writes is a fun adventure in nostalgia. I can identify with every chapter in Bruce’s new book, Kritzerland. I love it! How about Benjamin Kritzer’s thoughtful chapter on Pig Latin Explained? When Benjamin entered Louis Pasteur Jr. High, I remembered Louis’ last words – ‘Does this milk taste funny to you?’ Enjoy!”

I’m hoping to have Mr. Rupert Holmes’ blurb shortly and then I will be fully blurbed, as the pundits say. Do the pundits say that? Would somebody please call the pundits and check?

Over the weekend I watched the new special edition DVD of Winter Kills, a supremely strange late 70s film written and directed by William Richert (from the novel by Richard Condon). I’ve always been fond of this film and this presentation is wonderful. Lots of extras, including a retrospective documentary, and a commentary track from Mr. Richert, whose first non-documentary film this was. How he was able to get this cast and crew, and how the film was shut down no less than three times is a terrific story. The film itself hold up very well indeed, and the cast is great – it includes Jeff Bridges, Anthony Perkins, John Huston, Elizabeth Taylor, and Richard Boone. Mr. Richert has hilarious stories about all of them. Take a chance on this one if you haven’t seen it.

I also watched The Awful Truth of Mr. Leo McCarey, starring Mr. Cary Grant and Miss Irene Dunne. I’d never seen it, and I’m sure I would have liked it more if I’d seen it with an audience, but it’s one of those screwball comedies that’s a little too screwy for me. I enjoyed it, and I did laugh a few times, and the players are, as you’d expect, excellent, but it’s no Trouble in Paradise, or so say the pundits. Who are these pundits anyway and why are they saying these things?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before the pundits say we should.

- Tuesday, March 18, 2003 @ 08:14 AM PST

Monday, March 17, 2003

I got my first two blurbs for Kritzerland. I thought it would be clever and perhaps even a first for me to go back to the original blurbers and have them blurb this book, too. Unfortunately, that plan has proven difficult, as Ira Levin is in the middle of his own book and won’t read any other fiction until he’s through (I’m the same way). Rupert Holmes has been very busy with a multitude of projects, but I know he’s going to attempt to read it this week (the deadline for me getting the blurbs to them is coming up shortly). So, if we have his, then what I’ll do is use Ira’s from the first book (describing the first book) and then do the new ones (describing Kritzerland). In any case, here’s Dick Lochte’s blurb (he’s written six superb mysteries under his own name, and co-authored several mysteries with the likes of Christopher Darden):

“Readers familiar with Bruce Kimmel’s debut novel, Benjamin Kritzer, will need no prompting from me or anybody else to take a trip inside its sequel, Kritzerland. They’ve already discovered that Kimmel, relying on storytelling skill, wit, and memory, has tapped into something quite wonderful with his continuing portrait of a boy coming of age in late 1950s Los Angeles. What those unfamiliar with the author’s shrewdly observed, wistful tales should know is that the outspoken and idiosyncratic Benjamin, putting the pangs of adolescence on hold by losing himself to the magic of the silver screen, deserves a place on the classics shelf alongside his spiritual older bothers, the protagonists of J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye and Walker Percy’s The Moviegoer.”

Isn’t that a perfectly lovely blurb? Tomorrow I’ll give you Mr. Gary Owens’ blurb. Over the weekend I watched quite a few DVDs. Here are my thoughts on a few of them.

I got an advance of A Chorus Line. I haven’t seen it since the day it was released. I hated it then and I hate it more now. What a botch from start to finish. Everything that worked about the stage version has been tampered with and changed for the worse. The energy is simply sucked out of the piece by director Richard Attenborough. Why they would hire the director of Gandhi to direct a film of a Broadway musical is an enigma wrapped inside a conundrum. That single decision is deadly for the film, but the work of scripter Arnold Schulman, is dreadful. The film’s biggest downfall is the decision to keep Cassie separate from the other auditioners (until the tap routine). This is an idea that Michael Bennett toyed with and discarded immediately because Cassie, for the emotion of the story, must be with everyone from the beginning. Michael Douglas is a terrible choice for Zach because he’s just surly and mean, and you never ever get the sense that he’s a dancer/choreographer. Some of the kids are good, but it doesn’t matter because they are dancing the hideous choreography of Mr. Jeffrey Hornady, who was, at the time, the flavor of the month because of Flashdance. The movie has been thoroughly eighties-ized, with synth drums and that awful Flashdance/Giorgio Moroder style. Mr. Hornady does occasionally throw in a Bennett step, though, so that’s always nice. And the normally brilliant Ralph Burns does terrible work here – it is the most unexciting orchestration you can imagine, and the mix of the film is shockingly bad. It is fun to imagine what a director today would do with it – simply pander to the MTV crowd with overcutting and jumpy cameras and it would be equally awful. I do hope someone gets another crack at this someday, because it really would make a marvelous film. I did like Miss Nicole Fosse (who looks like her dad) and Pam Klinger (as Maggie). A big haineshisway.com blechhh to this film. There is a little newly-made featurette with Marvin Hamlisch in which the people who made it get one hilarious fact so wrong that one can only sit and shake their head in disbelief that someone got paid to make the featurette. Hamlisch mentions the two new songs he and Kleban wrote for the film, and then they cut to those numbers, which should be Surprise (an awful song) and the new Cassie song, Let Me Dance for You (although it’s so similar to The Music and the Mirror, why did they bother). But instead of Cassie’s song, they cut to Who Am I Anyway as the “new” song. First of all, it’s not even a song, second of all it’s not new. Another blechhhh.

Then I watched the remake of Charade, The Trouble With Charlie. It is becoming increasingly clear that Jonathan Demme lucked out with Silence of the Lambs, which is the exception rather than the rule in his career. This film is so annoying on every single level that one simply can’t believe it. Charade is a light comedy thriller, well thought out, well paced and a star vehicle for Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant. Who do we get? Thandie Newton (who?) and Mark Wahlberg. I mean, honestly. All I can think of is that every other actor in town turned it down. And with good reason. It’s another botch job from start to finish. Charade remains entertaining and watchable because of its stars, and its devilishly clever plotting by Peter Stone. This has the same plot, but everything is hammered over the head, the soundtrack is non-stop “hip” rock songs, and what little score there is by Rachel Portman is so wrong it’s just scary. The leads are so non-charismatic that one simply doesn’t care whether they perish or succeed. Jonathan Demme, who is older than I, spends the entirety of the film trying to be hipper than hip, with skewed angles, sped-up film, all that crap they do today that’s supposed to be clever. This film, which is already unwatchable, will end up being one where you say, “Look what they were doing back then”, a cultural relic of bad artistic choices – pandering to today’s audience visually, rather than telling a good story. Well, it didn’t work here, and no one went to see this thing. The DVD does include Charade, in a lovely enhanced transfer, so unfortunately it’s a must-have.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I’ll talk about the others that I watched tomorrow. Meanwhile, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below and see what’s happening on the other side of the mountain.

- Monday, March 17, 2003 @ 08:23 AM PST

Sunday, March 16, 2003

In any case, it is a time for celebration on this fine Sunday of our 500th notes. We must all put on our pointy party hats, our colored tights and pantaloons, and we must have heaps and scads and also scads and heaps of cheese slices and ham chunks, and we must dance the Hora and also the Pony and we must sing the Shoop Shoop song. In short, we must party until the cows come home. I have had an excellent time doing these daily ramblings, but what really makes our little corner of the world so unique you dear readers, both old and new. There is simply no place on all the Internet like this place. While others have civil wars we are, for the most part, civil. Well, there’s no reason to go on about it, but let me just say that we will continue to be here, we will continue to have Unseemly Interviews with Interesting and Diverse People, we will continue having the best Broadway radio show on all the Internet, thanks to our very own Mr. Donald Feltham, and we will continue having the best posts made anywhere on all the Internet. In short, soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet, and there is not a damn thing others can do about it but sit back and watch.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, whilst we change into our party attire.

- Sunday, March 16, 2003 @ 09:39 AM PST

Saturday, March 15, 2003

Last night I watched a creepy motion picture entitled Dead Calm, with Mr. Sam Neill and a very young Nicole Kidman, along with Mr. Billy Zane. It’s a crisp little thriller directed by Philip Noyce. I didn’t love it, but it moved right along and the actors were very good. I don’t care for Billy Zane at all, but I suppose if he must appear in a film then playing a psycho is at least believable.

Have I mentioned that it is pouring rain outside. Yes, Virginia, here’s that rainy day I told you about, I can hear the rhythm of the rain, and when I am outside raindrops are falling on my head and that always makes me giggle and then I hear laughter in the rain. Did you know that rainy days and Mondays always get me down? But then Tuesday comes and I’m right as the rain. Of course, the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain, which is why I prefer a rainy night in Georgia. Well, if I get too wet then I’ll come in from the rain and think about the rain, the park, and other things. For now, I just listen to the rain on the roof and ponder the old adage that it never rains in Southern California. Have I got rain on the brain, or what?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I start singin’ in the rain.

- Saturday, March 15, 2003 @ 08:06 AM PST

Friday, March 14, 2003

It was a somewhat frustrating day yesterday and when I am frustrated I tend to eat scads of food, which makes me less frustrated. However, yesterday I did not eat scads of food, which, of course, made me more frustrated. I was one frustrated BK yesterday but I finally calmed my frustrations by telling myself the story of The Randy Vicar and the Toothbrush. Oh, my, that was a good story.

Now wait just a darned minute – wasn’t that a divertissement? I do believe that was a divertissement and I said I would not waste your time with divertissements and yet there, in plain sight, was a divertissement. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Someone bitch-slap me from here to eternity.

I did manage to have one interesting little meeting yesterday at which many interesting things were discussed, none of which I can pass on just yet so why am I even writing about it, that’s the question we’re all asking.

Our fabulous Nick Redman interview is causing some controversy in the film music newsgroups, but that was expected. Actually, most people have enjoyed it, but there are a couple of troublemakers out there who, believe it or not, are trying to stir up trouble. You’d think people would have better things to do but apparently you’d think wrong.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I feel a divertissement coming on and we can’t have that, now can we?

- Friday, March 14, 2003 @ 08:40 AM PST

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Yesterday just flew by and before I knew it it was today. I had meetings, I had lunch, I had phone calls, I had e-mails, I had a plethora of stuff and before I knew it it was evening. What does that mean, “before I knew it”? I’ve always known “it”, ever since I was a wee sprig of a twig of a tad of a lad of a youth. “It” sure has been busy – first “it” was today, then “it” was evening. “It” is like a chameleon in that regard. What the hell am I talking about? Perhaps I should delete this whole thing and start over again. Perhaps not.

Last evening I did finally get around to listening to the new CD release of the old Shelly Manne/Andre Previn jazz version of Li’l Abner. It’s a lot of fun, not as good as some of their others, but some really swingin’ versions of certain songs, and a couple of lovely ballads.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because don’t I have excellent questions to answer?

- Thursday, March 13, 2003 @ 08:50 AM PST

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I must keep these here notes short because I must run off to a morning meeting and then a lunch. But, tomorrow’s notes will be long because today is Ask BK Day.

Last night I watched Chicago, the movie, again, and I felt exactly the same as I did when I watched it the first time. It is very enjoyable, but relentless, and I wished it would have stopped to breathe every now and then. Funnily, the one number that drove me crazy was Nowadays, which is not cut frenetically like the rest of the film. It starts out with a beautiful circling dolly shot with no cuts. Then, thinking that the audience would tire of such a shot (they wouldn’t – see Crazy World in the film of Victor/Victoria, a very similar shot), the editor begins cutting for no reason to a variety of similar but different shots and angles. The cuts are meaningless within the number, they do nothing but call attention to themselves. Edits should be invisible or there should be a point to them (whether one likes the fast cutting in the numbers or not, there is a style and point to them – in this number there isn’t). I still liked Renee Zellwegger very much, liked Catherine Zeta-Jones, liked Richard Gere a bit less (he has never been one of my faves) but liked John C. Reilly a bit more the second time around – oh, a Cahn and Van Heusen reference. As to Queen Latifah, I guess I just don’t “get” her, because I didn’t find her performance interesting at all (although she does sing her song well). And I do hope the DVD has one angle versions of the numbers as a special feature because it would be nice to see the dances in full – I’ve always been a big fan of Rob as a choreographer (especially Kiss of the Spider Woman).

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I mustn’t be late to my morning meeting or people will look at me askance and we can’t have that now, can we?

- Wednesday, March 12, 2003 @ 08:48 AM PST

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

If you haven’t seen it yet, do check out our faaaabulous Unseemly Interview with our very own Nick Redman. It’s quite refreshing and Mr. Redman tells all. Yesterday, I happen to run into our very own Michelle Nicastro at Gelson’s market. She looked lovely as ever and we had a very nice chat, and she’s going to be our very next Unseemly Interview.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because frankly there’s just been too too much excitement in this section.

- Tuesday, March 11, 2003 @ 08:16 AM PST

Monday, March 10, 2003

I have, of late, been going through my old Column A’s, doing research for the third Benjamin Kritzer book (as I did for the first two) and I’ve decided to occasionally reprint some of the things I find amusing. For example, here’s one now. I, at one time, did a whole series of song parodies about my visits to the gym, all set to show scores. Here’s one that I called A Gym Line. And it goes something like this (to the opening of A Chorus Line):

God, I need a workout,
I need a workout
My muscles sag, I’m undefined!
God, I need a workout,
I need a workout,
At least an hour-and-a-half!
Look at all the flab there
At all the flab there
I don’t look good in bathing suits
I need some work done on my glutes
My tummy needs a little…

I need to exercise
Please God, to exercise,
And not eat meat, just fruits!

It continued (to the tune of At the Ballet):

But
Everything is beautiful
On the treadmill.
Set your speed
And you can go for miles…
Yes, everything is beautiful
On the treadmill…
Hey…
And ended with (to the tune of What I Did for Love):

Kiss your fat goodbye
For you are buff and toned now
Feel those buns, they’re hard as steel…
And my calves are strong
What I did for fat
What I did for fat…

Gone, all my fat is gone,
As I’m jogging on
That’s what I’ll remember…

You have abs so hard
To show off and admire
You can wear your Speedos now
Won’t forget
Can’t regret
What I did for fat
What I did for fat
What I did for fat!

Well, I hadn’t seen that in quite some time. I also did one called The Gym and I, and also one to Into the Gym. Perhaps I’ll print those later this week. But for now, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below whilst sipping on our various and sundried morning beverages (or afternoon beverages for those in different time zones).

- Monday, March 10, 2003 @ 09:38 AM PST

Sunday, March 9, 2003

Well, that was a very emphatic paragraph, wasn’t it? It’s simply that the price of gas lately came upon me unawares like a large boulder dropping on me from out of the sky. I haven’t had a large boulder drop on me from out of the sky in a ‘coon’s age, but this was similar to that. Actually, how similar is “this” to “that”. They don’t look all that similar to me lately.

We had a surprisingly busy Saturday here at haineshisway.com, with many interesting and lively posts. Today, Donald will be introducing a brand spanking new radio show, and tomorrow we will have our brand spanking new Unseemly Interview with our very own Mr. Nick Redman, and let me tell you it is a great one, filled with shocking revelations and amazing stories of everything from the Oscars to restoring the soundtrack to The Sound of Music and other Fox musicals. It is a must-read and therefore you simply must read it.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button and see if the price of gas lately has gone up again whilst we are doing so?

- Sunday, March 9, 2003 @ 08:57 AM PST

Saturday, March 8, 2003

Wasn’t that a crisp and lean first paragraph? No extra meat on that paragraph, that is for certain. Last night I watched two count them two motion picture entertainments. I managed to get two DVD screeners of two films I hadn’t seen yet, one of which I didn’t even know existed. The latter was David Cronenberg’s new film, Spider. I am a fan of Mr. Cronenberg who makes interesting films that are unique to him. I think he’s made some fairly unwatchable films recently (Naked Lunch, Crash), although I did enjoy eXistenZe, which is very Cronenbergian. My favorite Cronenberg film is his most atypical, The Dead Zone. I also love The Fly, The Brood, Dead Ringers, and Scanners. Spider, thankfully does not fall into the Cronenberg gross-out category. It is very weird, but it’s all in service of its story, about a mentally ill man (wonderfully played by Ralph Fiennes), staying in a half-way house. As the film unfolds, he remembers what got him there – in those memory scenes he’s always present watching the action, sometimes in places where his character, as a child, would not have been. Therefore, it’s all very ambiguous and the film’s scenes are open to several interpretations, although I think mine are pretty valid. The supporting cast includes Lynn Redgrave, the marvelous John Neville (for you musical thater buffs, he was Humbert Humbert in the musical of Lolita), and the boy who plays Fiennes as a lad. Also, Miranda Richardson, excellent in three roles, almost walks away with the film. It’s directed beautifully, very slowly paced but mesmerizing, and its score by Howard Shore is really terrific.

The second DVD I watched was Mr. P.T. Anderson’s Punch Drunk Love. I like Mr. P.T. Anderson, he’s very ambitious and interesting, but I feel he’s usually all over the map in his films and they end up wearing me out. Punch Drunk Love is short, that’s the first good news. It’s also totally loopy and goofy, too, and I was kind of charmed by it. Adam Sandler, who I didn’t like on SNL, and whose other films I have not seen, is very strange and good here, as is Emily Watson. There are a few hilarious moments, some strange unexplainable moments, and Sandler’s character is actually quite complex. Excellent score by Jon Brion.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Shouldn’t these notes be short? I mean, that first paragraph was so crisp and lean and then it all seemed to go to hell. Well, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can speed through the rest of them in crisp and lean style.

- Saturday, March 8, 2003 @ 08:34 AM PST

Friday, March 7, 2003

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could occasionally clean our headcaches and reinstall the software in our brains? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could occasionally push control/alt/delete and get rid of all our problems. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could shut down and reboot? That’s the way I’m feeling today, probably caused by my headcache.

Last night, prior to my headcache, I watched a motion picture entitled Spirited Away, an anime from the director of Princess Mononoke. I’d started watching a screener tape a few weeks ago but stopped in five minutes because I couldn’t stand the English dubbing. Then, a dear reader told me that a copy of the original version on PAL DVD was just coming up for auction on eBay. I went right there, there was a Buy It Now price of fourteen bucks, I had money in my paypal account, so I Bought it Now. That same DVD sells for thirty-six bucks here in Los Angeles, California. Well, thank goodness I did not just give up on the movie after watching the bit I did – it’s a wonderful animated film, and the original Japanese voices are perfect. The animation and backgrounds are simply breathtaking and it is a visual stunner. It has a good story, good characters and a fantastic score by Joe Hisaishi. Subtitled, of course, and this DVD comes with a whole second disc where you can flip back and forth between the finished film and the work-in-progress. The only slight downside is the film’s length, which is 125 minutes, which does seem a bit long for this sort of thing. In any case, it is captivating and it does what American animated films don’t seem to do these days – tells it’s story well, and without pounding you over the head with everything.

Perhaps if I downloaded some of what’s in my head, my headcache would get better. In the meantime, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below.

- Friday, March 7, 2003 @ 08:46 AM PST

Thursday, March 6, 2003

Yesterday, I attended a play reading of a musical which was done in the 70s and which was not successful. It has been revamped with a mostly-new book by its original author. The show as called Act II and is based on The Act by George Furth and Kander and Ebb. Most of the songs are still there, although The Money Tree isn’t. I saw The Act here in Los Angeles, at the Music Center. It starred, Miss Liza Minelli, and was directed by Mr. Martin Scorsese. At some point, Mr. Scorsese realized he was in over his head, and Mr. Gower Champion took over the show (sans credit, if I remember correctly). I thought then that it was a pretty interesting concept for a musical, but it just didn’t work. In this new version, the heroine seems to be a bit older, but the idea is basically the same: She’s doing her first “Act” and it’s very autobiographical. Then, the action goes back and forth between the actual act and her memories. It’s still an interesting concept and it still doesn’t quite work yet. I’m sure they’ll be fine-tuning and smoothing and it’s way too early to “review” it. The performers were an interesting bunch – Miss Gloria Loring, who I’ve always enjoyed, played the leading lady, Peter Strauss played her husband, and singing backup was our very own wonderful Tammi Tappan. Tammi came up to me in the lobby before the show and said “hi” and I must tell you I didn’t even know who she was. She’s always had really short hair, like Peter Pan, ever since I’ve known her. Well it’s grown out and straight and she looks amazing but totally different. The show was directed and choreographed by Walter Painter, who’s done many variety shows on television. Considering he probably had three days to put this thing up, he did a very good job. I saw lots of people I knew, including director John Bowab, who told me all about the upcoming workshop of The Night of the Hunter in New York. They’ve assembled a rather amazing cast (including several but not all people from the album) and I’m very excited that I will most likely be there to see it.

Well, dear readers, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because don’t I have excellent questions to answer and don’t you have a website of me to go visit?

- Thursday, March 6, 2003 @ 09:03 AM PST

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

Last night I watched the brand new DVD of Journey to the Center of the Earth, starring Mr. James Mason and Mr. Pat Boone. I loved this movie when I was a wee sprig of a twig of a lad of a youth, and it still holds a special place in my heart despite it being a bit ponderous for my tastes these days. It takes almost fifty minutes to start the Journey, which is part of the problem (the film runs 129 minutes – long, for this sort of fare), but once said Journey starts it’s a good deal of fun. Arlene Dahl is there to liven things up, and Mason, as always, is great, as is Gertrude the Duck and the villainous Thayer David. The scope enhanced transfer is luscious, but unfortunately I cannot say the same about the sound, which seems muffled and distorted and strange. Very few extras, but transfer-wise, it’s the berries. Also picked up The Day the Earth Stood Still and checked out a bit of it and it looks splendidly splendid and also sounds splendidly splendid. I think just about all the extras from the marvelous laserdisc version are here and it’s a very nice disc and can be had for around fifteen bucks.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have to prepare for a radio interview? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can prepare to be lively and sparkling, not necessarily in that order.

- Wednesday, March 5, 2003 @ 09:22 AM PST

Tuesday, March 4, 2003

But why dwell on yesterday when we have today? One could also say why dwell on today when we have tomorrow? Tomorrow is always a day away, you know. I learned that from Martin Charnin. Before Martin Charnin told me that, I had no idea of such things. I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about because loud mowing is going on and I cannot think I tell you, I cannot think. I believe that not only is mowing going on, I believe they have the dreaded leaf blower activated. So, there is mowing and blowing going on (not necessarily in that order) and frankly it is blowing my already-blown mind.

Whenever I have such a day as yesterday, it puts me in mind of that wonderful Meltz and Ernest song about perseverance and maintaining a positive attitude. Here is its opening:

When life throws you a curve
And you don’t get things you deserve
Do you sit and mope and whine
No sir!
If you bellow and curse
Well, then, things will only get worse
And the sun will never shine.
When things start to get rickety
Don’t get cross and persnickety
Smile! And lickety-split you’ll be fine.

Isn’t that a fine way to look at things? That just perks me right up even though there is mowing and blowing going on. In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I am having a Vanilla Diet Coke this morning. I have not had such a thing before, but dear reader Jose mentioned it to me and I bought one. It’s very nice, but will not be replacing my normal Diet Coke.

Well, dear readers, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button and let’s not be cross and persnickety whilst doing so.

- Tuesday, March 4, 2003 @ 08:43 AM PST

Monday, March 3, 2003

If you missed any of the merriment and mirth and laughter and legs from having been errant and truant, do use the Unseemly Archive Button and catch up, because many fun and interesting things happened here at haineshisway.com. Also, check out Donald’s brand spanking new radio show and Brent Barrett’s Unseemly Interview if you haven’t already.

I was movied out, so last night I did what I like to do when I’m movied out, I took out some of my Ed Sullivan DVDs and watched musical numbers. I watched the two Gwen Verdon numbers from Sweet Charity (taped during the Broadway run), I’m a Brass Band and If They Could See Me Now. She’s so wonderful in these, but you can see instantly why she never would have worked on film. What dancing, though, and what a star she was. There were also two other numbers with Gwen, both not from shows but both choreographed by Bob Fosse (or Bob Foss, as Sullivan pronounces it) and both precursors to dances he would perfect in Pippin. One of them, a trio with Miss Verdon and two female dancers is virtually the template for the trio dance in Pippin. I wish Ed were still around on Sunday nights – we could use him.

Yesterday I began writing Kritzer Three. I hadn’t intended to, but it just happened. But it’s probably good to get a head start on it. I was going to get a foot start on it and then an arm start on it, but instead I got a head start on it and I shall continue writing today wheat I began yesterday. Has anyone noticed that I just typed “wheat” instead of “what”? The extra “e” just snuck in there, the little dickens, and suddenly my “what” became my “wheat”. “Wheat” is much healthier than “what” however, so I guess it’s all right. Of course, if the “e” had come after the “a” rather than before it, we’d have had “whaet” which of course is the Scottish and Latin (depending on the day) for wheat. Of course, if I’d accidentally left off the “w” rather than adding the “e” then we would have had “hat”. Does anyone still type a “hat”? If I’d left off the “w” and still added the “e” we would have had “heat”. The possibilities are endless and so is this paragraph. What the hell am I talking about?

Oh, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I add more letters to more words?

- Monday, March 3, 2003 @ 08:27 AM PST

Sunday, March 2, 2003

I am, as you can see, up and about now and the sun can creep all it likes but it will not be falling on my face because my face is no longer in harm’s way, a film by Otto Preminger. Speaking of a film by, last night I watched a film by Roman Polanski, entitled Cul de Sac. It is very much from his early period, it is totally surreal and weird and it is not one of my favorite Polanski films. I believe it was made just after Repulsion (which I think is great) and just prior to Rosemary’s Baby (which I think is a masterpiece). It does have its pleasures though, chief amongst them the gorgeous Francoise Dorleac.

Tonight, of course, is our Unseemly Live Chat and what a sparkling and lively affair it shall be. We shall discuss whatever we wish to and we will be amusing and pithy and witty and we shall drink champagne and serve hors d’ouerves and be dressed in evening attire. We shall have all bathed and anointed ourselves with balms and gileads, we shall smell of perfume and cologne and the air will be pungent with smell of us and the sound of our music. My goodness, that was rather florid, wasn’t it? I wonder if people in Florida are more florid than anywhere else. I wonder while I wander and I wander while I wonder and I ponder while I pander and I pander while I ponder. Sometimes I ponder while I wonder and I wander while I pander, but then there are those times while I pander while I wonder and I wander while I ponder. What the hell am I talking about? Who am I, Panama and Frank all of a sudden? In any case, our chat begins at six o’clock sharp Pacific Mean Time.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I wander and wonder and ponder and pander, not necessarily in that order.

- Sunday, March 2, 2003 @ 08:49 AM PST

Saturday, March 1, 2003

Well, dear readers, I could not wait. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I could not wait until today to own the brand spanking new DVD of Sweet Charity. No, I was impatient little me and I got in my automobile and drove quite a distance in rush hour traffic so that I could own the brand spanking new DVD of Sweet Charity. And when I got home, I watched the brand spanking new DVD of Sweet Charity and here is my full and unvarnished report. The packaging: Eh. We don’t even get the original poster art on the cover. I was disappointed to see absolutely no mention of any extras of any kind on the back of the package, although I was excited to see that it was enhanced widescreen. The disc and the film: Great. Excellent. Beautiful to look at. It’s a great transfer, stunning really. I think they’re using the same Dolby surround mix they did for the laserdisc, and I’m not that fond of it, but it does sound fine for the most part (the volume on the overture is low, so don’t crank it because once it hits the main titles it’s three or four decibels louder). Now, I’ll talk about the film itself in a moment, but I must tell you that there are indeed a handful of special features on the DVD and why they wouldn’t list these on the back of the packaging is an enigma. They’ve included the alternate “happy” ending (which really is awful), a featurette called From Stage to Screen, which stars and is narrated by Bob Fosse, and is very interesting despite its being a puff-piece. Also, a featurette on Edith Head and her costumes for the film, which I’ve never seen before. And the theatrical trailer. Best of all, the disc cost me eleven dollars and twenty-eight cents.

May I just say how fond of this film I am? May I just say that? It’s not perfect, no, but at times it’s dazzling and the performances are just wonderful, including Charity herself, Shirley MacLaine, who is perfection in the role. Mr. Fosse is clearly feeling his way as a filmmaker – he’s too precious at times (all that foreground stuff), too in love with his zoom lens at times, but he’s trying things out that will come to fruition in Cabaret. In other words, he’s taking the medium seriously, not always succeeding but always trying. The numbers are really shot well, especially Big Spender and Rich Man’s Frug. Speaking of the latter, Suzanne Charney is unbelievable – I’ve seen many people do that dance and they all do the steps and do it fine, but Miss Charney is something wholly other. Her arms and body do thing I’ve never seen before. Also, there is real thought behind the way the numbers are filmed. In other words, he has designed them for the camera. This is quite different than the way the numbers in Chicago were filmed (let’s not start a debate – I like Chicago just fine) – in Chicago they simply set up five or six cameras, filmed it from every angle they could (like a TV special) and then made the number in the editing room, with the editing doing the dancing rather than the dancers doing the dancing (I’m sure the dancers were doing the dancing but we never see enough of it know). In Sweet Charity, we always see the dancing no matter where Mr. Fosse decides to cut or how many times he decides to cut. That is because he and his cameraman, the great Robert Surtees, designed the numbers for the camera. He talks about this extensively in the featurette – no matter how many dissolves or cuts there are you never lose sight of the geography or the dancers themselves and the shape of the dance they are doing. Anyway, I love this film, can you tell? Rhythm of Life is so surrealistic and wacky, you just can’t take your eyes off it or Sammy Davis, Jr. And I’m a Brass Band is really fun and for those who are keen of eye, see if you can spot Mr. Michael Bennett as one of the dancers, and doing those brilliant Fosse steps better than anyone. The “hippie” ending is very dated (and one of the hippies is a goofy Bud Cort) but watch Miss Shirley MacLaine’s face during that scene, watch her eyes – it is screen acting of the highest order. The film is totally complete at 153 minutes and includes the mini-overture (which has no ending – it leads directly into the main titles), the intermission music, all the photo montages (which were the first things to be cut after the roadshow), and all of every number. When Universal released it wide, it was, if memory serves, cut down to about 130 minutes, and then was cut down to just under two hours for the airline version. It is the latter that seemed to be in circulation for year. Missing were the photo montages, most of I Love to Cry at Weddings, all of It’s a Nice Face, all of the telephone call in Where am I Going, and a ton of other little nips and tucks (including one section of Rich Man’s Frug cut in its entirety). It’s great to have Charity back where she belongs – full length and looking great. I can’t recommend this enough.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Let’s just click on the Unseemly Button below because we are marching to the tune of a different drummer who has lox rather than the old drummer who has a pox.

- Saturday, March 1, 2003 @ 09:35 AM PST