Last night I watched a marvelous motion picture on DVD, one that I’ve never seemed to catch up with – Little Big Man. It’s as terrific as I’ve always heard and is as fresh today as it must have been back then, perhaps even fresher. The script by Calder Willingham is brilliant and the performances are great, straight down the line. The transfer is magnificent and yes, Virginia, it’s a must-have in every way, shape and form, not necessarily in that order.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve been feeling as if these here notes have been unwieldy the last few days. Unwieldy is what these here notes have been – too much information in the first half, too little in the second half, and that yields unwieldiness. Don’t we feel that “yield” and “unwieldy” are Jerry Lewis words? Quick, Watson, let’s put on our best Jerry voices and say “yield” and “unwieldy” on the count of three: One, two, three – yield and unwieldy. There, now we can click on the Unseemly Button, having done Jerry proud.

- Wednesday, April 30, 2003 @ 08:15 AM PST

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Last night I watched two count them two motion pictures on DVD (trying to not lag behind in my DVD watching – one must never lag behind, to lag behind is for fools and simpletons). First I watched a motion picture entitled Rio Lobo, the final film of director Howard Hawks. He made three very similar films – Rio Bravo, El Dorado, and Rio Lobo. The latter is generally considered one of his weakest and therefore I have avoided it all these years. But, somehow time must have been kind to Rio Lobo, or I just like watching the Duke, John Wayne, but I enjoyed it very much. The photography is lovely (William Clothier, I think), the music is excellent (by Jerry Goldsmith) and the Duke is great. Unfortunately, like Big Jake, the film is marred by an incredibly weak supporting cast. I did like spunky Jennifer O’Neill and Jim Davis is always fun to watch, but the rest of the people are just not so great. Interestingly, the film features studio head Sherry Lansing in one of her handful of acting roles. It is instantly clear that acting was not going to be her “thing”, and it’s painful to watch her at times. The lead villain (the reliable Victor French) is so lightweight and underdeveloped that it’s almost perfunctory. But still, the script has some lively and sparkling moments and the whole thing somehow just moves along.

Then I watched one of my all-time favorite motion pictures, The White Sheik, the first solo directorial effort of Mr. Federico Fellini. I can’t say enough about this film and I never tire of watching it. It’s funny, it’s rueful, it’s a wonderful treatise on the difference between living in a dream world and the real world, and everything about the film just works. Briefly, it’s about a newly-married couple who come to Rome from a small town, to meet the groom’s family and to visit the Pope. The wife is a constant and loyal fan of the fumetti, which is a serialized comic strip, but done with photographs instead of drawings. She’s totally enamored of The White Sheik, and has written him fan letters and has received a reply that if she were ever in Rome to come visit him. She sneaks out while her husband is napping, since the address the Sheik has provided is only ten minutes from their hotel. She ends up meeting the lady who supervises the fumetti, then ends up being carted off to the location where they are shooting. She meets The White Sheik and I won’t spoil any more by revealing what happens. The leading performances of Alberto Sordi, Leopoldo Treiste and Brunella Bovo are perfect. Giulietta Masina makes a brief appearance as a prostitute named Cabiria, a character she’d go on to play again in Nights of Cabiria which, of course, became the Broadway musical Sweet Charity. The transfer, I’m afraid to say, is not up to Criterion’s usual standards. I’ve owned this film on 16mm, both dubbed and subtitled, I’ve owned every incarnation of it on tape and I’ve seen it in the theaters. A lot of it looks okay, a bit dark, and a bit contrasty, but acceptable. However, the shot that appears behind the main titles is so dark that you can’t even tell what it is, and for some reason they’ve removed two title cards which should appear at the 38 minute mark – at the very end of the sequence where they are photographing The White Sheik’s latest adventures a title card appears “End of Part One” and then it dissolves to the next scene and there is a title card which reads “Beginning of Part Two” (in Italian, of course). Here, there is an abrupt cut, no dissolve, and in deleting the title cards they delete most of one shot of Brunella Bovo’s priceless expression. Why is this I wonder? I took out a tape I have (off a pristine 35mm print) and checked – the two title cards are there along with the expression on Miss Bovo’s face. Also, the background plate for the titles is bright and clear as can be. I also had problems with the rather literal translation of the subtitles. Literal is not always best – an example: When the husband meets with his family he passes out what the subtitles describe as “sugared almonds”, which is the literal translation of what is said. What “sugared almonds” are in Italy is “wedding candy” which is what it says in the older subtitled version – a much better and clearer but not literal translation. Also, they frequently put two characters’ dialogue onscreen at the same time, which gets very confusing, timing-wise. But don’t let this dissuade you from buying the DVD – even with these flaws, the film is a must-have, a masterpiece, and one-of-a-kind.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Now we are lagging behind, and we mustn’t lag behind because to lag behind is for fools and simpletons. Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below before we lag behind even further.

- Tuesday, April 29, 2003 @ 08:40 AM PST

Monday, April 28, 2003

Yesterday, I picked up some new DVDs that were waiting for me, and I watched a couple of them already. First I watched Mr. Cary Grant, Mr. Jim Hutton, and Miss Samantha Eggar in Walk, Don’t Run, a remake of The More the Merrier. It was made just prior to the swingin’ part of the swingin’ sixties, and is very sweet and very old fashioned. It’s not great, it’s sometimes forced, but I found it sweet and enjoyable, and you simply can’t beat that kind of star power. Grant, as always (in his final film role) is charming and handsome, Hutton was a great light comedian who is and was very underappreciated, and Eggar is thoroughly adorable and enchanting (and where is she today?). The transfer is delectable (some of it was shot on location in Tokyo during the ’64 Olympics), and the score by Quincy Jones (in his Mancini mode) is terrific. Then I watched Big Jake, with Mr. John Wayne and the ever and always lovely Maureen O’Hara. I always forget how much I enjoy Big Jake – it’s not ever thought of in the same league as the Duke’s greatest, yet it has a really good script by the Finks (who would write Dirty Harry right afterwards), a great score by Elmer Bernstein, competent direction by veteran George Sherman and beautiful photography (can’t remember who at the moment). In fact, the only thing that mars the film really are the totally amateurish performances of Duke’s son Patrick and Robert Mitchum’s son, Chris. But, to make up for them you have Richard Boone, John Doucette, Harry Carey, Jr., Hank Worden, and Jim Davis. There is a hilarious running gag that was lifted verbatim by John Carpenter for Escape from New York, and which has also been ripped off by others. The transfer is mostly breathtaking.

Finally, I watched The Swimmer, starring Mr. Burt Lancaster. I know it’s become hip to like this film, but ever since I saw it on television in the mid-seventies I have championed it. There’s just something about it – it’s totally a one-off unique film – there’s really never been another like it. It’s got a weird dreamlike quality to it, and part of that is due to the interference by the studio to Frank Perry’s work on the film. For example, in the long sequence with Janet Landgard (and where is she today?) there are close-ups of her throughout the scene which have nothing to do with the scene being shown and which were obviously all shot at one time. That and other editorial weirdnesses (all to shorten the film, I believe) end up giving the film a hallucinogenic quality. The scene with Janice Rule towards the end of the film is excellent but again, totally unlike anything else in the film because it looks and sounds totally different. That’s because it was shot by a different director (Sydney Pollack) and different cameraman – because Miss Rule replaced the original actress in the scene, Barbara Loden. But somehow, it’s all of a piece, and very evocative of Mr. John Cheever’s original story. Lancaster is great, as is the entire and large supporting cast (very strange casting choices throughout, including Marge Champion and Joan Rivers). The ending is devastating even though you know it’s coming. The transfer is excellent and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Quick, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below before I write about more DVDs.

- Monday, April 28, 2003 @ 09:02 AM PST

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Before we go any further, let us don our pointy party hats, our colored tights and pantaloons, and let us partake of cheese slices and ham chunks, and let us dance the Hora or even the polka in honor of dear reader William F. Orr’s beloved Joe. I believe his birthday was yesterday and we all hope it was faboo.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got more to say over on the other side.

- Sunday, April 27, 2003 @ 12:13 AM PST

Saturday, April 26, 2003

I have awakened a bit late, however, and must hurry and get downstairs. Prior to the show yesterday I had breakfast with my pal William Stout, a fantastic fantasy artist (known for his dinosaur paintings) who I’ve known for over twenty-five years. Sitting near us was John Saxon, who looked amazing (I know I posted this yesterday but I’m just repeating it here in case anyone missed it). If anyone misbehaves, Billy Mumy is here to put them in the cornfield.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I simply must jump in the shower (no mean feat) and then hie myself to the room.

- Saturday, April 26, 2003 @ 07:03 AM PST

Friday, April 25, 2003

Because I was given some rather incorrect information about the Chiller show, today I’ll be sitting in my room, hopefully getting some writing done, but not doing the show. Originally I’d been told the show was all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday, which is why I decided to come home early Sunday morning, figuring two full days was fine. Well, unfortunately, today’s show doesn’t start until five o’clock. I would have booked this trip differently had I but known that, but I assumed (never assume) that the person who gave me the information knew from whence they spoke. I would have made arrangements to either stay in Manhattan last night so I could see the reading of The Night of the Hunter this morning, or something, but alas, here I will sit waiting until five o’clock.

The room is very nice here at the Sheraton Hotel, and I have quite a spectacular view of the Manhattan skyline from my window. However, it took me forever to fall asleep because the room creaks. It just shudders from time to time, which I find annoying but what can you do about a shuddering room except grin and bear it?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I want to take a walk and let the Maid Service do their thing.

- Friday, April 25, 2003 @ 07:13 AM PST

Thursday, April 24, 2003

I will, of course, be bringing you a blow by blow description of the entire trip, live from my hotel room and handy-dandy laptop computer. You mustn’t miss a single exciting second of the goings on at the Chiller convention. I do hope some of you will be able to stop by and say hello to me and to Susan Gordon. My extra supply of Naked Space DVDs didn’t arrive, so I only have a handful of those, which is too bad. When I purchased them I told the person there’s no reason for me to get these if they’re going to arrive late, and they assured me they would be here on time. I shall have to bitch-slap the idiot upon my return.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must be ready when the car arrives.

- Thursday, April 24, 2003 @ 04:15 AM PST

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Yes, Virginia, I’m afraid I’m going to have to give these here notes short shrift, whatever the hell that is. What is shrift and can you also give long shrift? I think shrift sounds like a Jerry Lewis word – so, let’s all put on our best Jerry voices and say “shrift”. On the count of three: One, two, three – “shrift”. Wasn’t that fun? A chorus of Jerrys saying “shrift”. In any case, I’m afraid I’m going to have to give these here notes short shrift and that’s all there is to it. These here notes will only have partial shrift today and frankly or even petely they will have partial shrift tomorrow because of my leaving so early in the morning. What the hell am I talking about?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’m afraid the shrift is getting too long around these here parts.

- Wednesday, April 23, 2003 @ 08:39 AM PST

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

But enough about that – we’ve got bigger what is it, fish to fry. We’ve got to put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, we’ve got to make with the heaping platters of cheese slices and ham chunks, we’ve got to dance the Hora or even the rhumba because we’ve got a birthday to celebrate. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, we’ve got a birthday to celebrate and said birthday belongs to dear reader Sandra. Yes, Virginia, it’s not career day for Sandra, it’s birth day for Sandra and it’s time for us Hainsies/Kimlets to shout it to the highest hill and wish Sandra the happiest of birthdays. So, on the count of three: One, two, three – Now we shout it to the highest hill, Happy Birthday Sandra! We’ll be partying all the livelong day and night and everyone simply must take part in the merriment and mirth and laughter and legs, unless, of course, you are seeing Urban Cowboy.

It has been noted in these here notes that Miss Bernadette Peters has been struggling with Gypsy, voice-wise, and she has indeed missed last night’s performance. All these preview travails are interesting to me. Because my guess is that the show will open and get good reviews and that Miss Peters will fare very well with the critics. I could be wrong, but the cynic in me thinks I will be right.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we’ve got to get this celebration going.

- Tuesday, April 22, 2003 @ 08:07 AM PST

Monday, April 21, 2003

It was a little lonesome here at haineshisway.com this weekend but I suppose that happens every now and then. Still, we had fun, and if you missed either notes or posts then you simply must use the Unseemly Archive Button to catch up. Once you’ve caught up perhaps you can also catch down, for what is up without down and vice versa.

Last night I watched the gloriously divoon trashy potboiler known as The Carpetbaggers, written by the wonderful John Michael Hayes (Rear Window, etc.) from the novel by Harold Robbins. These kinds of films are quite fun and they most certainly don’t make them these days. George Peppard in his finest film role, Elizabeth Ashley as his long-suffering wife (in real life, too), the great Carroll Baker as Rina (I do believe the carnality of her performance helped smash the Code), and a terrific group of supporting players. However, for me the film belongs to Alan Ladd as Nevada Smith and Bob Cummings as The Agent. He is so smarmy and slimey and funny and he really just surprised the hell out of me. The other star of the film is composer Elmer Bernstein who keeps the whole two-and-a-half hour affair moving along so that you’re never ever bored. I’m now watching Nevada Smith, a sort of prequel made a year later, with Steve McQueen, and it’s very enjoyable as well.

Don’t forget, tonight is our Unseemly Live Chat and it’s going to start one hour earlier than usual, at five o’clock Pacific Mean Daylight Savings Time. We do hope that all you Hainsies/Kimlets will be able to join us for the merriment and mirth and laughter and legs.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got a full day ahead and must get crackin’.

- Monday, April 21, 2003 @ 08:46 AM PST

Sunday, April 20, 2003

My goodness, these notes are already ripe with metaphor, aren’t they? They are positively ripe with metaphor – they are the good, the bad and the ugly of notes. They are a fistful of notes, but for a few notes more we might be able to stop by high noon. By the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), the merry searchers have returned and are searching merrily. Frankly, I’d like to put them on the 3:10 to Yuma to visit the man from Laramie. Or maybe we could send them to Rio Bravo or, at the very least, to red river. Yes, once upon a time in the west there were merry searchers, and these searchers were professionals and they were quite the wild bunch if you ask me. They’d ride the high country looking for any and everything, searching and searching, yet when you ask these merry searchers to identify themselves they merely reply, “My name is nobody” as if that were an answer. But, as sure as the turnin’ of the snow, they’ll be back like always. It is in their nature and no matter how hard we may try we may not change people’s natures, so we must bite the bullet while they search merrily away. What the hell am I talking about?

Last night I went to a friend’s screening room – he’d acquired a print of Panic Room and since I’d never seen it I went. Mr. George Chakiris was there, too, as he is sometimes and I found out that his non-participation in the West Side Story DVD and press junket was a giant comedy of errors due to the ineptitude of MGM/UA. How sad, really. Panic Room was a decent if contrived little thriller, a bit too long for its own good, and sometimes done in by the ridiculous attention-getting shots where the camera would zoom in and out and around impossible things, all with the aid of CGI, and all just show-off moves that had nothing whatsoever to do with telling a story. The thing is, I think somewhere lurking in David Fincher is a good director, but he just can’t seem to stop with these show-off flourishes which is a shame because the rest of the film is directed quite efficiently and mounts a good deal of tension. Of course, he can’t overcome the script’s contrivances, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before the unseemly metaphors come back and I start drawlin’ like a dude again.

- Sunday, April 20, 2003 @ 08:40 AM PST

Saturday, April 19, 2003

Last night I continued my anime journey with Mr. Miyazaki’s Porco Rosso (The Crimson Pig) which I really enjoyed. Again, it’s subtle, it’s touching, and it’s fun, and again features a great score by Joe Hisaishi. I then watched one of Miyazaki’s first films, The Castle of Cagliostro which, while not nearly as polished as his later films, is still a good deal of fun. It’s a caper comedy, much like a live action Philippe de Broca film from the 60s, and it has a sweet Saturday morning cartoon show feel about it. I’ve been online reading about Mr. Miyazaki and Mr. Hisaishi. Remember when I said that Disney had scored all the places that Miyazaki and Hisaishi had left gloriously silent in Kiki’s Delivery Service? Well, I read an interview with Hisaishi where Disney made him come in and add music to Castle in the Sky (at least they didn’t have another composer do it, ala Kiki’s). Their reasoning? They don’t think audiences can sit still without constant music in animated films. They don’t allow more than a minute or two of silence at any time. They feel that every emotion and action must be underscored to be understood by us, the stupid public. Needless to say, you know what this member of the stupid public thinks – this member of the stupid public thinks that the stupid ones are not the public but the studio that treats the public as if they were stupid. But, it’s the way American studios think now – every minute must have music telling you how to feel. This will remain until someone makes a hit film where there is no music – the critics will point it out, the stupid public won’t care one way or another and then the studios will scratch their collective heads and say, “Oh, well, let’s make some films without music.”

I know I’m going on and on about these anime films of Hayao Miyazaki, but they’re simply the best things I’ve seen in ages. Today I shall be picking up some Tuesday releases, such as the divoon The Carpetbaggers and Nevada Smith.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I’m running out of time before the Evil Eye arrives.

- Saturday, April 19, 2003 @ 08:25 AM PST

Friday, April 18, 2003

Last night I watched two count them two motion pictures on DVD – I got a boxed set of Studio Ghibli animes, so I could see what else I’ve been missing. I thought they were all films of Hayao Miyazaki, but only half of the eleven movies contained are by him. So, I watched Mr. Miyazaki’s My Neighbor Totoro, which, while not as wonderful as Kiki’s Delivery Service, was delightful. Then I watched a movie that dear reader Craig had recommended, Grave of the Fireflies, which is not by Mr. Miyazaki. Well, it turned out to be a rather devastating portrait of World War II in Japan and its effect on two children. It’s very somber, but by the end if you have a dry eye you are a better man than I, Gunga Din.

Have I mentioned that the constant sawing is driving me crazy? Day in, day out, the constant saw buzzes incessantly with the sound of sawing. I go to the hills for the sound of sawing, so I don’t need the sound of sawing in my very own neighborhood. I might just throw a radish at these people if they don’t stop soon. The joke is, of course, that the people who own the house are staying elsewhere until the sawing is finished. It’s only us in the neighborhood that have to suffer. Now, if I were the person doing the work I would not allow the workers to start before nine, but that’s just me.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because the constant saw is making it impossible for me to think clearly, and besides, don’t I have excellent questions to answer?

- Friday, April 18, 2003 @ 08:38 AM PST

Thursday, April 17, 2003

I just got a call from dear reader Laura to join our Los Angeles visitors at Du-par’s at the Farmer’s Market. I was actually looking forward to doing that, but they are going right now and I got up a bit late and must write these here notes so I had to sadly say that I couldn’t join them.

Last night I attended a delightful and irreverent seder at the home of birthday boy Nick Redman. A lovely time was had by all and then we watched something called American Idol. Mr. Redman and his daughter Rebecca are hooked on the show, as are most Americans. I wanted to immediately vote everyone off the show, no one more so than the host.

I also got a PAL Region 2 DVD of Mr. Bob Fosse’s All That Jazz which I watched when I got home. I haven’t seen it in over fifteen years and it’s actually gotten better. There are still some annoying things in it but it is so Fosse and so fascinating and so beautifully directed that one forgives it its minor faults. The opening is still brilliant as is the Everything Old is New Again number. I’ll say it again – this is a man who knew how to compose a number for the camera. He did not set up eight cameras and then “assemble” it like a TV special. There is a commentary track from Roy Scheider and he mentions that after the two days of shooting the opening of the film, the director Alan Heim cut it together and Fosse was so delighted that he never changed it. There are also five brief clips of Fosse directing the opening, which are great to have. This DVD will be coming out here in August and it sounds like it will be the same as this. I think the transfer, which is enhanced for widescreen TVs, could be a bit better, but maybe the US version will be.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can learn the secrets of the other half of these here notes.

- Thursday, April 17, 2003 @ 09:18 AM PST

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

This evening is the first evening of Passover, for our Jewish dear readers. I will be going to our very own Nick Redman’s house for the seder. However, prior to that we must all put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons. We must prepare our heaping platters of cheese slices and ham chunks. We must all dance the Hora or perhaps the Wa-Wa-Watusi, because today we are celebratin’ a birthday. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, today we are celebratin’ a birthday and said birthday belongs to dear reader UK Allan. Oh, what fun we shall have all the livelong day. I am feeling so festive already that I am currently dancing the Wa-Wa-Watusi even as I type these here notes. Perhaps I shall even dance the Wa-Wa-Watusi this evening at the seder and confound everyone. In any case, on the count of three let us shout to the highest hill our haineshisway.com birthday greeting to UK Allan: One, two three – Our haineshiway.com birthday greeting to UK Allan! All of us here hope your day is perfectly marvelous and madcap and filled with merriment and mirth and laughter and legs.

Well, since we’re all feeling so perfectly marvelous why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below and see if we still feel perfectly marvelous in the next section?

- Wednesday, April 16, 2003 @ 09:09 AM PST

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture entertainment entitled Kiki’s Delivery Service and I must tell you, dear readers, that after watching it, it instantly entered my pantheon of great animated features. There are several reasons for this which I shall now enumerate, oh, yes, which I shall now enumerate which is a fancy-shmancy way of saying here are the reasons I loved it. It’s from the brilliant director of Spirited Away, Hayao Miyazaki – I said the other day after watching Castle in the Sky that this guy is the real deal, but that was a mere trifle compared to Kiki’s. It isn’t that Kiki’s Delivery Service has better action, more spectacular animation or better villains. It’s that Kiki’s basically dares to have none of those things (save for the brilliant animation) – it’s a simple, straightforward, charming and moving tale of a thirteen year old witch’s coming of age. Every time she’d go on a new delivery or meet a new person I’d think, “Oh, boy, here’s the villain, now they’re going to kidnap her, or her cat, or she’ll get in trouble or get locked away and have to escape – some phony-baloney plot “device” which would hold our attention in that standard issue Disney sort of way that I am so weary of. But, guess what? They all turn out to be nice, caring people and there are no villains anywhere in sight for the entire film. We just watch and fall in love with Kiki as she learns to live in a new town. There’s no grandstanding, just honest emotion and charm. And, it works. The Japanese don’t do the kind of intricate facial detail on their characters that the Americans do, yet somehow there are so many emotions that cross the faces of these characters that it’s simply astonishing. Miyazaki’s backgrounds, however, are another matter entirely – they are beyond beautiful – they are magical and impossibly beautiful and one wants to go and live in the world he’s created so lovingly and well. I just can’t say enough about this movie – I don’t want to oversell it, but it’s just the best thing I’ve seen in ages. Now for the caveat – you must watch it in Japanese with English subtitles. Yes, Virginia, of course there’s the Disney dubbed version on the DVD, too, but you must not watch it first. You must go nowhere near it, you must avoid it like the plague. When I finished watching the movie, I went online and read some reader reviews at amazon (based on the VHS tape) and some reviews at the imdb. And everyone who’d reviewed the dubbed version said the same sort of thing – “Cute movie” “I loved the wise-cracking cat” etc. Well, what wise-cracking cat, if you get my drift? The cat in Miyazaki’s version is not a wise-cracking cat although it is thoroughly lovable. So, I scanned through the dubbed version and it’s appalling what Disney did to “Americanize” the film. They’ve made it crass and typically Disney – Phil Hartman is the voice of the cat and they’ve written him all manner of unfunny quips which have no correlation to the original at all. The actors are all fine – it’s the adaptation and how they’re directed that’s at fault. When Disney suddenly went the celebrity route in casting their animated features I felt the features became more about the voice talent than the movies themselves. It happened with Robin Williams and Aladdin – prior to that, with The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast and certainly all their classics, they just had good actors doing the voices, no stars – I mean no huge movie stars. Other studios may have had stars, but never, at least as far as I can remember, did Disney resort to that. In any cast, the voices are all colorless and flat. On top of that, Disney felt that the audience wouldn’t sit still for the beautiful occasional silences that Miyazaki had in this film. There are many scenes of Kiki walking or thinking and the only accompaniment to them are the sounds of the city or utter silence and they work so beautifully because the film isn’t overscored like every other animated film from the US. Instead of learning from this what does Disney do – they hire another composer, Paul Chihara (who should know better) and they have him “adapt” composer Joe Hisaishi’s music (as well as write some of his own) and he scores literally every one of those silent scenes. It hurts the film and makes it trivial. Hisaishi’s score is brilliant just the way it is. In fact, watching the American version directly afterwards (leave some time so you don’t lose the magic immediately) is a lesson in how to take a masterpiece and make it fairly ordinary. It still works in its way, but it is “cute” rather than the original, which is much, much more than “cute”. What the DVD box doesn’t tell you is that the American version is shorter, too – as far as I can tell, one whole little sequence is gone from the film – no, it’s not that important, it just adds to the characters and texture. Also, every time it goes to a scene where they’ve Americanized the onscreen text (window signs, etc.) the picture suddenly looks like a tenth generation dupe. Also, they’ve inserted the obligatory pop song in the middle of the film, and repeat it over the end credits (there are a couple of songs in the film, but they’re very much of a piece with the score). Thank goodness Disney included the Japanese track – it’s the only way to watch the film. Go get this thing, that’s all I can say.

Well, that was a long treatise, wasn’t it? I think we’d all better just click on the Unseemly Button below otherwise I won’t have anything whatsoever to write about in the next section.

- Tuesday, April 15, 2003 @ 08:57 AM PST

Monday, April 14, 2003

Yesterday I met dear reader Ann and we had a lovely early supper at the California Pizza Kitchen, prior to her seeing Stritch. She was/is a delightful person and a fine time was had by all. Next we shall be meeting dear reader Kerry and Laura on Tuesday. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

If you missed the weekend notes you have a lot to catch up on – I was particularly verbose on Saturday, less verbose on Sunday. Today I shall be medium verbose. Did you know that my neighbor’s orange tree finally went and pushed the fence that separates our houses against mine? I know this because I heard a giant crash this morning and the crash was the result of the neighbor’s orange tree finally pushing the fence into my house with quite a loud bang. It woke me up, frankly, and it woke me up, williamly. I shall have to have a chat with said neighbor about what to do.

I shall soon be wending my way to the East Coast, specifically New Jersey to do the Chiller Convention and I do hope that some of you who are in the area can come say hello. Dear reader Susan Gordon will be there, too, and it should be a fine and fancy affair. I’ll have more details soon.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button before the neighbor’s orange tree causes more havoc.

- Monday, April 14, 2003 @ 08:42 AM PST

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Last night I went to a screening of a motion picture entertainment entitled Phone Booth. It was a watchable film, I suppose, with many stupid elements. Colin Ferrell, an actor I do not care for, was okay here, I guess, but there’s something about him, even after his “redemption” that I find unappealing. It is sad to see a director in his sixties (Joel Schumacher) trying to be “hip” and “with it” style-wise, doing all those unnecessary and vapid style things like step printing to speed up certain shots (a la The Matrix) in a totally meaningless way. It’s mercifully short (87 minutes which includes five minutes of credits) and, as I said, certainly watchable. I always enjoy Forrest Whitaker, and the “caller”, who is basically just a voice until the very end of the film, was very good, too. I then came home and watched Laputa – Castle in the Sky, an anime from the maker of Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke. This guy, Hayao Mayazaki, is the real deal. Laputa was made in 1986, and while it’s not quite as assured as Spirited Away, it’s imagery is wonderful and vivid and unique and its story (I guess Disney kind of ripped it off for Treasure Planet) is interesting and even emotional at times. Thankfully, this new Disney DVD has the original Japanese track (I find that as well-done as the English versions are, they just cheapen the films somehow), and the beautiful score is Mayazaki regular, Joe Hisaishi, who is becoming one of my favorites of the current crop of film composers. I also picked up Spirited Away and Kiki’s Delivery Service. They’re all two DVD sets and have tons of extras. I also got the new Harry Potter movie which I’ll watch tomorrow night.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because there might just be some interesting tidbits, or, at the very least, some interesting bittids awaiting. Only time will tell, damn its eyes.

- Sunday, April 13, 2003 @ 09:13 AM PST

Saturday, April 12, 2003

Last night I watched a wonderful documentary entitled Lost in La Mancha about the unmaking of Terry Gilliam’s film of Don Quixote. It’s terrifically done and heartbreaking for anyone who’s ever put their heart, soul and life into something only to have it taken away from them by forces beyond their control (I’m sure we all know at least one person like that). It was a ten year odyssey for Mr. Gilliam and his film – first it was fully-funded and at the last minute a third of the funding went away. Then it was funded entirely without US involvement, but funded for eight million dollars less. Still, they all forged on. We watch preproduction as there are portents of things that could go wrong, and we see the tightrope they’re all walking as shooting approaches. I won’t say more, other than to say what can go wrong does go wrong, one thing after another. Gilliam gave the filmmakers unlimited access to himself and the production and the result is one of the best movies about moviemaking ever made. It’s only available on a Region 2 DVD, although I’m certain it will be coming out here soon and when it does I certainly recommend it as essential viewing for anyone who loves dreamers and the movies.

It is very exciting, dear readers – we have three count them three Hainsies/Kimlets coming to town in the next few weeks. Dear readers Ann, Laura and Kerry. I hope to be meeting all of them. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button whilst we wait and wait and wait for our rain-filled weekend.

- Saturday, April 12, 2003 @ 09:09 AM PST

Friday, April 11, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled La Dolce Vita. I have purchased two count them two DVDs of this film in the past and both were mis-framed at the wrong ratio (which should be the full Cinemascope ratio) and both were terrible transfers taken from the old mis-framed laserdisc. In other words, this marvelous film has never had a proper widescreen homevideo release. Well, if you have an all-region player and you love this film, your prayers have been answer because from out of Italy comes a new two-DVD set, with a transfer that is so stunning I drooled the entire time I watched it (close to three hours of drool, for those who wish to know such things). Suffice it to say, the film is terrific, with unforgettable images, and is still potent today. It’s portrayal of the paparazzi is, sadly, still dead on. In fact, the name “paparazzi” was invented in this film – it’s the name of one of the characters (Paparazzo). Marcello Mastroianni is great, as is the rest of the extremely large cast. And the blonde waitress he meets at a restaurant is so angelically beautiful it’s heartbreaking (it’s a short scene but she’s unforgettable), and the film’s final image is a close-up of her face that is incredibly haunting. It’s long, but it’s worth it.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can hurry and then scurry.

- Friday, April 11, 2003 @ 08:34 AM PST

Thursday, April 10, 2003

After dinner, we wandered over to the theater and ran into the fellow who used to do all my CD covers (and who still does covers for “the label”) and he told me a most amusing story as to why The Sherman Brothers Album had been delayed. I shan’t repeat it here other than to say someone was not using all cylinders in their cabeza. Then we milled around with the crowd in front of the theater and I saw many people I know and adore, such as Bruce Vilanch, David Zippel (who, of course, worked with Tammy on The Goodbye Girl), our very own Norm Lewis, Ken Page, and the delightful clothing designer Pete Menefee (he did the costumes for the play I did at the Taper) and Tom Hatten. When we entered the theater a very nice fellow came up to me and asked if I was Bruce Kimmel and it turned out he was currently reading Benjamin Kritzer and he was/is also a budding Hainsie/Kimlet who occasionally reads these here notes. I told him he simply must post and hopefully he will, but it was very nice of him to stop and say hello.

Unfortunately, I had left my glasses in a coat which was in my house so I had to watch the show out-of-focus. However, even without my glasses I did notice Mr. Rip Taylor in the audience. In any case, the show then began and the audience went crazy from Miss Stritch’s first entrance and never stopped going crazy until the end of the show three hours later. Miss Stritch is electrifying and she takes hold of that stage and never lets it go. She is hilarious, touching, forthright and wonderful. It’s a very well put together show, simply done with her only prop being a chair, which she uses as if it were her co-star. If one had even the slightest nitpick it would be that it did seem to go on a bit long at close to two hours and forty minutes. I was thrilled she told a story about doing the play Time of the Barracudas at the Huntington Hartford, which I saw. When I went to her place to rehearse with her for the recording of Drat! The Cat! I brought up the play, and she said she hadn’t thought of it in years, and then she regaled Todd Ellison and I with many of the tales she told in her show. I can’t recommend this highly enough, so if you find yourself in Los Angeles, California during the run, make sure you see it. Bravo to all concerned.

What am I, Ken Mandelbaum all of a sudden? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because you won’t believe it but I’ve gone and answered all your excellent questions.

- Thursday, April 10, 2003 @ 08:12 AM PST

Wednesday, April 9, 2003

Last night I watched two count them two motion pictures on DVD – both PAL Region 2 – the first was Ernst Lubitsch’s strange and marvelous To Be or Not to Be which I’ve only seen snippets of heretofore. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, heretofore I’ve only seen snippets, but now theretofore I’ve seen the whole damn thing. What kind of word is "heretofore" anyway? That is three count them three words in one. In any case, To Be or Not to Be is what would be called a “serious comedy” about the Nazis in Poland. It stars Mr. Jack Benny and Miss Carol Lombard and a great cast of supporting players, including an impossibly young Robert Stack. It is both hilarious and tense, and the plot machinations are rather on the brilliant side. Benny is hilarious as the vain actor, Joseph Tura, and Lombard sparkles as his wife. There is a running line of dialogue that becomes so funny after awhile that I was howling with laughter (“So, they call me concentration camp Ehrhardt?”).

The other film was a French film called Jeux Interdits (Forbidden Games), a harrowing film about the war, but also a wonderfully moving film about two young children, which I hadn't seen heretofore or theretofore. The little girl (Brigitte Fossey), who was all of seven at the time, gives one of the most extraordinarily naturalistic and beautiful child performances ever committed to film. On the DVD there is an interview with her, conducted two years ago, and I must tell you she looks amazing and is instantly recognizable. They have her filmography, too, and she has never stopped working over the years, and has appeared in what looks like over thirty films.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can tell you what I’m doing this very evening.

- Wednesday, April 9, 2003 @ 08:42 AM PST

Tuesday, April 8, 2003

I don’t really have any stories for today, although I suppose I could relate the tale of The Randy Vicar and the Bowling Ball. It’s quite a randy tale but perhaps I’ll save it for a rainy day. I will tell you that I went to ship something at the post office yesterday, and the line was almost a block long. The Studio City post office is notorious for this, but it is worse than ever and I believe that fifty percent of the long lines there can be directly attributed to eBay and amateur sellers. And do you know what I say, dear readers? I say, damn them, damn them all to hell.

Urban Cowboy continues to limp along with papered houses and many posts on other boards, either from shills or people who say things like, “I know it’s not very good, but the cast is up there giving it’s all and I love it” as if that reason alone was cause for a Broadway show to run. If that were a cause for a Broadway show to run very few shows would ever close because most casts give it their all. Again, I don’t think they were ever going to close after the first week – I believe the high drama of the last minute reprieve was a carefully orchestrated bit of hucksterism and ballyhoo to get a ton of press. When David Merrick did this sort of thing it seemed like fun and it was done with some chutzpah, but then again David Merrick knew when to close a show or keep it open. David Merrick was a responsible producer who did not want to incur further losses for his investors or himself on the off-chance a show might run for a few months to save his ego. Not all shows deserve to run, not all shows are hits. But it’s a different world today, isn’t it, producer-wise. It’s all about “saving face” and ego, no matter what the losses are.

My goodness, I went off on a tear there, didn’t I? Oh, well, thank heaven we don’t have those sorts of posts here at haineshisway.com. We have posts about excellent things like food, and theater, and merriment and mirth and laughter and legs. We’re the most civilized place and soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet, although apparently not in April.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I go on another tear.

- Tuesday, April 8, 2003 @ 08:50 AM PST

Monday, April 7, 2003

And so, I must be succinct and swift. My prose must be terse and tight. For example: Last night I watched a motion picture entitled Cartouche, starring Mr. Jean Paul Belmondo and the beautiful Miss Claudia Cardinale. I liked it a lot. The End.

Wasn’t that succinct and swift and terse and tight? I would have lots more to say about the gorgeous transfer or the wonderful direction of Phillipe de Broca, or the beautiful score by Georges Delerue, but you see now I’ve gone and done it and I can’t say any of those things because I’m up against the clock.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I mustn’t tarry or dally or even dally or tarry. Why do you suppose someone came up with an abbreviation for “must not” in which you save exactly one letter and one space? Oh, well, click away, dear readers.

- Monday, April 7, 2003 @ 09:16 AM PST

Sunday, April 6, 2003

Yesterday I attended the Ray Courts Memorabilia Show and what fun it was. I saw many friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in over twenty years. My first stop was at Betty Garrett’s table, and we chatted for a bit and she was as delightful as always. Then, next to her, I said hello to my old friend Candy Clark. At one time in the early seventies, Candy and most of the cast of American Grafitti, and myself, were all represented by the same manager, Pat McQueeney. Years later, Ms. McQueeney decided to limit herself to just one client from that film and sadly we all had to find different management – that client, of course, was/is Harrison Ford. Next to Candy was Mackenzie Phillips, who I hadn’t seen since heaven-knows-when. She had too many people around her, so I decided to come back. I cruised around the room and saw Dennis Weaver, Warren Berlinger, Jay North, and various and sundried others. And then, I saw this humungous line and I walked over to see which big star they’d nabbed (this was next to the humungous line for Dennis Weaver). Well, it was Miss Hayley Mills and her sister Miss Juliet Mills. Hayley looked terrific, but there was simply no way to get to her and say hello. Also there was Miss Janet Leigh. I ran into my old friend Mr. John Volstadt, who used to play one of the Darrels on Bob Newhart. I first met John in the early seventies when he was working at Aron’s Records. A year later he was understudying me in Forget-Me-Not Lane at the Mark Taper Forum, and then he got the Newhart show. We spoke for quite some time and caught up, and I met his delightful eleven-year-old son, Christian – we hit it off right away, and when I told him I was going to say hello to Mackenzie he asked if he could tag along because he loves her from the Disney show, Something Weird. So, we went over to Mackenzie, who finally had no people around her. I looked at her and she looked at me and I said, “Do you remember me, yes or no?” And she said, “I remember the face” and then I told her who I was and she leaped up and we had a nice big hug and we laughed and recalled some fond memories of some wacky times the two of us had when she was a mere sixteen and I was a mere. Get your minds out of the gutter, dear readers, it was platonic and it was a lot of fun. I introduced her to Christian and she was very sweet to him. I also saw many dealer friends and looked at their wares. One dealer had an original large French poster for The Red Balloon, a short film I adore – a very rare poster as posters were rarely done for short films. He also had a small French poster for my new favorite Le Samourai, so we may be doing a little trading today. In any case, I had a swell time.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can tell you what I did last night.

- Sunday, April 6, 2003 @ 09:35 AM PST

Saturday, April 5, 2003

Last night I attended a middle school production of Cinderella, featuring Greer Geissman as Joy, one of the evil stepsisters. It was delightful and so was she. The little girl who played Cinderella was very sweet and so was her Prince. I guess they now license the version with Falling in Love with Love and Boys and Girls Like You and Me, because they were both there, sticking out like a sore thumb. But, a good time was had by all and then I came home and ate some chopped liver whilst thinking about a fedora.

Well, why don’t we all click on the fershluganah Unseemly Button below before you-know-who gets here and gives me ye olde Evil Eye.

- Saturday, April 5, 2003 @ 08:13 AM PST

Friday, April 4, 2003

I heard voices. So, I looked outside and there were two dog walkers who’d stopped in front of my house to converse and have a lively conversation while their dogs shat on my lawn. Yes, Virginia, their dogs shat on my lawn while their masters conversed. Luckily, both masters had little baggies with them and they cleaned up the mess. I believe these two people (or at least the male half of these two people) were playing the mating game, that’s what I believe. They were playing the mating game right in front of my house whilst their dogs shat on my lawn. I find that last sentence oddly poetic and strangely touching, don’t you, dear readers?

My, the ice cream discussion was lively and sparkling, wasn’t it? I was drooling all the livelong day and night. But I was a good boy and didn’t fall off the ice cream wagon that I am currently on. There were several times during the late afternoon and early evening when I wanted to fall off the ice cream wagon, when I almost got in my automobile and drove to Ben & Jerry’s, but I was strong, I tell you, I was strong and I did not waver one or even two iotas. I stood firm, hallelujah, and I sat tight, praise be, and I didn’t succumb to my wanton ice cream desires, oh, brothers and sisters. What am I, Kathryn Kuhlman all of a sudden? And now, Dino at the piano (all you Kathryn Kuhlman lovers will understand that last bit).

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before any more people stop in front of my home to converse and play the mating game whilst their dogs shat on my lawn.

- Friday, April 4, 2003 @ 08:16 AM PST

Thursday, April 3, 2003

We are getting into the casting of the new CD, and I shall have some announcements for you by mid-next week. Mr. Grant Geissman and I have begun work on the arrangements and we’re having quite a bit of fun.

Later this month I shall be winging my way to New Jersey to attend the Chiller convention and I hope that anyone who’s in the area will come visit. And then in June I’ll be doing the Ray Courts Hollywood Memorabilia show again, if all goes according to plan. Also, we’ll have Kritzerland up for preorder in about four or five weeks. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

How informative these here notes are today. I am learning so much valuable information, aren’t you, dear readers? These here notes are like a newsletter today. These here notes are straightforward and hard-hitting with none of the usual blather. Well, I’m sorry, but we’ll have to change that because a day without blather is like a day without hitting someone in the head with a sausage.

There, I feel better now. I finished watching Lost Highway and I’m afraid that I found it a bit trying and not nearly as interesting as Mulholland Drive. I’m sure there’s a key to it all but I found I didn’t care enough to try to find it, whereas in Mulholland Drive I did care, I really thought the characters and their various and ever-changing dilemmas were compelling. No, with Lost Highway I did not care one or even two whits and I wanted to hit Mr. David Lynch in the head with a sausage.

I still haven’t made a decision on a digital cable company – I really must do that soon. I feel we need more fershluganah blather, don’t you? Perhaps I’ll tell the story of The Randy Vicar and the Pudding Cup. Oh, that is a randy story indeed.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because perhaps blather awaits us on the other side?

- Thursday, April 3, 2003 @ 08:01 AM PST

Wednesday, April 2, 2003

My other lovely announcement is that the American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood is doing a series of screenings in late May – the musicals of the 70ss and 80s, and they will be showing The First Nudie Musical on their big screen. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Mark Haggard (the co-director) and I will be speaking afterwards. So, mark your calendars and be there or be round. We have a prime spot, too – Friday, May 28th at 7:30. I hope and trust that some of you Hainsies/Kimlets can be there for this exciting event.

Well, why don’t we all click on the fershluganah Unseemly Button below so I can tell you about the motion picture I watched last evening?

- Wednesday, April 2, 2003 @ 07:50 AM PST

Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Last night I was in a neo-realist mood, so I watched a Vittorio De Sica film entitled Shoeshine. It was quite neo-realistic and it satisfied my neo-realist mood quite well. It was very sad and very well done, but I didn’t like it as much as Mr. De Sica’s neo-realist The Bicycle Thief. I then was in a neo-crime thriller mode, so I watched Mr. Sergio Sollima’s film entitled Revolver, starring Mr. Oliver Reed and Mr. Fabio Testi. It was a strange neo-crime thriller from 1975, but the strangest thing of all was that Mr. Oliver Reed was dubbed by another actor – the film was entirely dubbed into English, and yet another actor, an American, dubbed Mr. Oliver Reed. What were the producers thinking? Did they think the American public didn’t know what Oliver Reed sounded like? It was very distracting in a neo-crime thriller sort of way. The film does sport a rather interesting score by Mr. Ennio Morricone.

I want to pull a merry prank on someone. I can think of quite a few candidates who would be worthy of a merry prank, oh, yes, I can think of quite a few candidates. I wish to hit someone in the head with a sausage, and yes, I can think of quite a few candidates for that, too. Whilst pulling the merry pranks and hitting with the sausage I would like to play the pan flute whilst skipping merrily about like a whirling dervish. Yes, I want people to look at me and say, “Why, there goes a whirling dervish and that whirling dervish is pulling merry pranks and hitting people in the head with a sausage whilst playing the pan flute.” Oh, how I love April Fool’s Day. Well, why don’t we all click on the foolish Unseemly Button below so we can do more of these foolish things which, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo) remind me of you.

- Tuesday, April 1, 2003 @ 08:15 AM PST